i have been a christian all my life, i have naturally fell in and out.. of… whatever you want to call it.i have been struggling really really hard lately with holding a ‘proper’ christian life. i dont know what it is.. let me explain, maybe i would find out by just talking about it..

i was born in a Palestine, came to Australia 10 years ago,just before the war. my parents have just found a new Arabic Christian tv channel.. mind you its nothing to do with Christians or the faith.. noo its about Muslims and how their religion is badd and how their religion says nothing right. i come home from work and alll i hear is Muslims this and Muslims that. how Muslims changed to Christians and everyone one should do the same.. it makes me little sick. and i have told my parents how they shouldn’t be watching these things its totally not right, its just wrong. i told them about how i felt so they are starting to change to something more about christian and the faith. but i know they want to see the other stuff. and i tell them that people who look down on other people no matter what religion/sex/race and continues this habit let alone make a tv show about it.. is purely wrong.
i would never again look at a certain group and look down on them. at one stage i was joining them, but then i realized how wrong it felt, just not me.

i am happy for people who find a better faith, but for example my friend who is a Buddhist, and this other friend who’s ex-Buddhist who found Christ who she doesn’t exactly speak to.. not because he was ex-Buddhist now Christian. anyways. he invited her to come and ‘hang out at Church’ she told me that she doesn’t want to go and i was so shocked and little upset. what kind of example is that?.. come and hang out at church.. soo wrong.. so corny.. she knew it wasn’t just ‘hanging out’ he wanted her to become a Christian. i insisted that she doesn’t go. i practically ordered her not to. because i strongly believe that one of the lowest acts is trying to change anyone religion no matter what religion it is. RELIGION MUST COME NATURALLY.

i am a sinner we all are, i have done something i shouldn’t be proud of but i am happy that they happened. i am not a virgin, smoke, have a tattoo, have a body piercing, bisexual, been to temple and enjoyed it (i am a fascinated person, always like something new, love to see other cultures and fascinated at other religions but would NEVER worship another God).

yet im not happy that i swear, look down to some people, talk about myself too much, not love the people i am supposed to love, not pray, dont pray before i start i meal. im pretty sure muchh more sinning.

i was molested and i trusted to my cousin who is a very strong christian about what happened, she didnt verbally say anything that was hurtful. but her body language, facial expressions was not good. i was judged. i went threw a stage that everything went really bad.and i needed comfort so badly. i found comfort with God but i didnt find comfort with someone that i thought i trusted. my sister and i went to Church Camp with the same cousin it was wonderful. i met some new people, they were very nice, i had made a close friend at the time that i felt i could tell her everything.. get it off my chest.. move on. she did the same thing and judged again and i totally backed off because i felt that i was ‘all the way down there’ and they are ‘all the way up there’ and so holey and so wonderful and i have become nothing. of course when you feel that, oh you dont know at the time and what i went threw. you just naturally back off.

world youth day..the Pope came to Sydney and he also said sorry to the victims who were molested my priests and then committed suicide. i dont know, but i think those ‘priests’ have mouths and they could of said it..
its like.. i make a mistake at work and its clearly my fault and my boss says sorry, yes, weak. those children trusted them and the ‘priests’ still took advantage of them, over and over and over again. do they have a mind.
how could someone do that, i could never understand.
the people that i know who have a stronger faith then me are turning me off, yet i try to tell myself that no one is perfect and no one will ever come close to it and dont have to comfort in people. i am much over it all.
i love Jesus Christ but his people who were supposed to help me and physical be there didnt do it so well.from the people i know face to face who are christian that i have tried to know and open up to.. failed.

i am a good person at heart, i used to be the therapist for all my friends at school, i am empathetic, i am a calm person, old spirit old at heart (from music, movies, cars, houses, people, fashion,lifestyle 00’s- 70’s everything)love nature, i enjoy a small glass of wine, yet never been drunk, i can control myself, i know the difference between good and bad, right and wrong.

please read this blog carefully do not judge me because i have a tattoo, body piercing and bisexual.

i have learned while writing this blog is people are just a little stupid, strange, totally not perfect.
i wrote this blog to make a discussion, turned out to be a lesson to me. and to others i hope
thank you for reading and i would love to know what you think.

God Bless
thank you

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