Hello from Mississippi

I was raised in church my whole life. I could get out of going to school before I got out of going to church! I knew all the songs and the top 10 during song service I didnt even need a song book to sing! I won all the bible drill games and was the first to testify about how good the Lord was during testimony service. I realized when I hit 24 that it was all lip service. I didnt REALLY know the Lord even though I was a christian, I limited him. At 24 a lot of firsts happened in my life which resulted in me backsliding. Ever since that time in my life I have struggled with who God REALLY is. Is he sitting in heaven waiting for me to mess up so he can spat my hand or spank me? Is He waiting for me to do something wrong so he can condemn me? I have heard of Him being a loving God, but sometimes its hard to see that part of Him if you are only taught the “what not to do’s”. I know He loves me and I know he wants whats best for me, but I want to meet the Lord that is the Loving Lord. I want to learn about His loving side. I want to see Him as my true Father not as just a drill sargeant. I suppose I associate my own father with the Lord being my father and I tell you he was tough!! He loved me, but I saw only the tough side unless I was in real trouble then he would still be tough but give me advice. I am confused to say the least and alot of circumstances have made it harder. So I’m here and I know the Lord sent me here yesterday and I am so thankful! I look forward to talking with all of you and sharing with you!

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