As I read over all of the different prayer request, I think to myself, I’m truly blessed and have no right asking others to pray for me, when there are so many others who need the Lord moreso than I do. Then I look @ my trial. I am a 34 year old divorced mother of three.A year and a half ago my husband ran off with a womamn and her daughter to another state.Because I began my walk with the Lord when I was a teenager,I thought it was only right to try to reconcile with my husband.After I flew to that state to bring him back to us, he left the next day to go back to her.A few months later he led me to believe he wanted to reconcile, so I borrowed$ from a friend to send for him, only for him to leave two days later to go back to her again.Please keep in mind that he was the bread winner and when he left us the first time, he left us without food, eventually they cut off electricity and water(I remeber taking my children to a neighbors house to shower and I went without a shower for almost a week because of Pride). Evicted from our home, me and my children moved from hotel to hotel. Eventually the lord blessed us to find an apartment.He returned back to our home town with his girlfriend and moved two blocks away from us.A month later, he told me it was over and he was filing for a divorce, he was in love with her.I was lost!I went to my inlaws for comfort, omly for them to betray me by accepting this woman in their home for dinner, while we were still married.Everyday I was reminded of the hurt when I would take my children to school and we would watch as their father would act like “Daddy” to her child by taking her to school everyday and of course stories I’d hear about all the new things he purchased for the child, while the children we had together lacked and did not even have a christmas. I was humble and begged and pleaded with my ex to please give his children a Christmas,because we had nothing, we lost everything with the exception of some of our clothing.I was yelled at by his girlfriend,cursed at by him.Made to feel even worse than I did before I called him. Needless to say, After being use to having Christmas, the children were humbled-There was not a christmas for them. The part that makes me angry is he purchased a new car. I still give God the Glory through all of that.I prayed and was blessed to get a job 3 months ago as a receptionist,doesn’t pay alot,but I can pay my rent and buy some food-That’s a Blessing to me!!!
Almost 1 and half years later, after constantly praying for restoration of my marriage, I felt as if the Lord was telling me to move on, he had somthing better for me.I ran into a friend I had known for many years. Divorced and still hurting, I began seeing this man,who helped me through the tough times, he bonded with my children,he was a decent person.i began to notice that I was still holding onto bagage from a failed marriage, I did alot of yelling and cryung(I directed it to the wrong man). And lost him.So, as I was falling in love with this man who eventually walked away from me as well. I am left with even more pain.I know I probably owe him a sincere appology,but, he refuses to talk to me.I keep running people away and I don’t mean too.My heart has been broken twice in less than 2 years.I pray constantly and ask the Lord to forgive me for bringing this bagage into somthing I felt was a blessing. I feel as if I am right back where I started,but even more grief stricken. Why do I keep running people out of my life. I know noone has to deal with my mess,but will someone ever stay?Am I worthy enough for someone to love me enough to understand that the pain me and my children have been through was traumatic?