The Beginning

My marriage is better. I dont check up on him like I used too. I dont think he is seeing anyone else anymore. The thought crosses my mind, but I quickly rebuke it because he is bearing actual fruit showing that he has changed.

I do still have to work 2 doors down from her though and there are times it turns my stomach to see her vehicle right there in the parking lot. She has to visit our office once a month to do business but so far she has kept her distance from me. From what I understand she sneaks in and out. The sick feeling isnt as bad as it used to be in the beginning but sometimes when I dont watch it, it still comes.

The selfish side of me is coming out though and I am having a hard time controlling that. I feel that I should have alone time with my husband in other parts of the day besides at night in bed. I feel that he should make time for me.

I feel myself being jealous of the kids. I do so much for them and do it with joy but I catch myself thinking, I do all this for my family why cant someone do SOMETHING for me? When is the last time my hair was cut? When is the last time my husband and I went on a “date”? When is the last time it was just us? YES YES YES I know I chose this I knew he had kids before I married him and I have NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS begrudged my new role as mom. I just think that I’m being overlooked sometimes.

The depressed feeling is not as heavy when I go to the house. That is a good thing!

I hope this blog will help me work out my problems and let me see for myself my gradual rise to victory. I want complete victory over these areas in my life and I want to be a strong christian. I want this more than anything at all.

What do YOU think?

comments

Comments

  1. Timothy Luke says:

    Hi Kim, glad you posted sister. I hope you find this place to be as the fields of Boaz were to Ruth – a place of restoration and a place where you may glean what you need for you and your house.

    I’d like to walk through some of this if I may. I am excited about your testimony in progress! You have described part of the battle you face, and some of the frustration and pondering. There is an exhortation I once read to “Begin with the End in Mind”.

    Can you share with me what that “victory” will look like? I’ll share some of my thoughts on it.

    1) When you see ‘her’, you will be free from resentment, anger, humiliation, fear, and whatever other negative emotions you may have.

    I wish you didn’t have to sort through this kind of thing, but here we are! Have you forgiven her from your heart? Do you know how to forgive her? Forgiveness is a choice. If we wait until we feel like forgiving, we will not come to that place. Each day make the choice before the Lord to forgive her. Verbally express this to the Lord.

    To help in this I’d like to mention that our view point, or perspective, affects our attitudes and emotions. Do you recall the woman caught in adultery? Of course you do sister, and you also recall our Lord’s response: “Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more.”

    I never thought of it from your perspective until now. Whose family did she mess with? What wife did she steal from? Yet, Jesus forgave her immediately. Does this woman feel unclean? The devil used her as much as he did your husband. They got carried away, and one would think she has a mess on her side of the aisle to clean up as well. I am writing to another sister who gave in to adultery years ago and it still haunts her marriage. Is it possible this woman is bound by shame, fear and guilt? (funny how the devil works, you have been bound by the same things, so you should be able to identify. YES, it was her sin and her poor choice – but to not forgive would be your poor choice… and it would bind YOU to torment as per Matthew 18:34-35.

    The way out of all the emotional baggage is through forgiveness – even, or I should say especially, on this level. Jesus was in the height of pain and humiliation when he declared “forgive them, for they know not what they do.” He is your brother and you are His sister. I have every confidence in you to rise up in the Spirit of God and let the family trait of forgiveness rule in your life.

    Can you ask the Lord to give you strength to communicate to her that it is forgiven? This may be the open door she needs to bring her to the Lord, or bring her back to the Lord if she is backslidden. How can others comprehend the fullness of the love we have received of our Lord if we withhold it?

    Kim, you can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens you. Ask, Seek, and Knock and the Lord will lead you every step of the way. I have a lot of respect for you and I know you will do what is right. Let me know how you have received this. I suspect it may have stirred a hornets nest, but fine, lets get the hornets out of your life – you have been stung enough already.

    I’d be happy to walk you through this as much as you would like.

    Blessings and Peace,
    Tim

    • kimkrys1 says:

      Tim, as I write this, the sick feeling I talk about is not as bad. My victory will look like this: when I see her I will feel nothing just like looking at a stranger.

      I will say that I kind of have a jump start on forgiving her. I have asked the Lord to help me with this and even sent her a text telling her that I forgive her but that I still dont want any contact from her. Oddly enough, I SORT OF understand why it happened. See I brought her in to our lives. I wasnt TOLD she was his first love, but never the less she was there. She had found that her husband was cheating on her and she needed someone to talk too. I shared Christ with her and shared my own personal story of my first marriage ending badly and my first husband making me leave. I told her she could make it through this.

      When I started having doubts about her true friendship, I asked my husband not to find himself in a situation he couldnt get out of. He said we have only text a few times. I asked him not to do that and of course he thought I was trying to tell him what to do and what not to do, but I wasnt, I knew what was going to happen. And it did…

      Have I truly forgiven her? I really dont know. I know I have to ask God everyday to help me and I have to rebuke the thoughts that run through my mind at times. It is getting easier for me and for my husband.

      One thing that I have learned. Just because I was the victim, my husband was forgiven. I cant live in the past I have to move on because it was MY decision to stay and make the marriage work and it was MY decision to forgive. We will NEVER make it if I stand at point B and not try to move to point C while he is at point F and moving victoriously to point G.

      Confession is good for the soul. When I was 24 and when I went “buck wild” as people around here say I too was “the other woman”. It never broke up a home and as far as I know the wife never found out, but never the less, I was her. I think that is why the Lord allowed this to happen because as demented as this sounds I can POSSIBLY understand why it happened. I never made friends with the wife or went to their home or anything but that doesnt make it any better. If I can be forgiven of that, anyone can. As I have said before the Lord sees sin as sin as sin… no big ones no little ones. We are the ones that make the differences and we are the ones that cant let go after God does.

      If this or me or something I say can help ANYONE.. it wasnt in vain. If ANYONE, Bro. Tim, and I mean ANYONE out there that you know of needs help or someone to talk to PLEASE send them my way!

      • Timothy Luke says:

        Hi Kim,

        Sorry it has taken a while to get back to you. A question comes to mind as I read how you would define victory. Would we want Christ to forgive us with the added words, “but I don’t want any contact from you”? I think the target is set a little low. I think the reason for setting it low is because your expectations of just how much God can heal this breach may have been low. You don’t have to try to be best friends, but maybe she needed a chance to repent and express her regrets and was denied it? I don’t know the answer to that, but I think we should consider what forgiveness looks like to us on the receiving end and try to extend that from the giving end. You may find a freedom there you thought was impossible.

        I will add more later.

        Blessings!

        Tim

        • kimkrys1 says:

          Tim,

          WOW… that is all I can say… wow… NO God would not put limitations on His forgiveness to us… Could I face her how would I face her? And not just me, but would she even face me? I NEVER cursed her when I made my husband call her so that I could confront her. I only wanted her to know that we were working it out, but I did without “making any bones about it” or without hesitation tell her to think of me as dead do not try to contact me OR my husband again. Would she even listen to me?

          And HOW can I even THINK about looking at this woman??? I’m not stupid and I know that it takes two to tango, and my husband has not been deemed blameless, but SHE under the guise of being my friend called him and asked him to come over because she was “upset about her husband cheating on her” and so they could “talk”. WOW… I live in a town that I didnt grow up in and have only lived here a little over a year and she was my first “friend” so it hurt even more because I was very lonely. That is what I told her… you were my friend. That’s all I could say.

          Maybe I havent truly forgiven her. I cant bring myself to pray for her. I’m sorry I’m only human and I cant do that right now.. I dont want to throw up when I see her vehicle now and I dont have any feelings rise within me when I know she is around (have I mentioned we work two doors down? We are in the SAME parking lot)? And that says ALOT because I was plotting to slash her tires and tell her husband about not only her and my husband but the other married men she has been with (that she told me in the utmost confidence) AND put her vehicle for sale in a local trading paper for a ridiculously low price. (Now that is a pretty cool joke on a friend, but I knew I would only be doing it for revenge). All the schemes to destroy her and to make her life a living hell have vanished. I dont want to do any of that stuff anymore.

          I see her as a sad person (which she is) and a person that needs God, but I dont know if I can be the one to lead her to Him.. but if I dont who will? OH TIM!!! This is so HARD!!! I can see that I have SO MANY LESSONS to truly learn!! The first one being forgiveness…. TRUE forgiveness…. I dont know if I will survive this journey.. I thought all this was almost behind me but I see its not… once more its Just the beginning of a personal journey to learn true forgiveness..

          • lookinforacity says:

            KIM

            This is a principal I learned a long time ago.
            Your praying for someone that has wronged you, no matter what the wrong which may have been, is not dependant on how you feel about the situation, or the person involved. It is something to be done out of obediance.
            It is all about how GOD feels, not you, He said to pray, He said to forgive.
            Why would God require this of us, knowing we are emotional creatures, controlled by our feelings, passions?
            What I have come to understand is this, there is what is called the many fold purpose of God.
            In this case, a two fold purpose, for our praying in a forgiveness type of situation
            Please forgive the length of this, I did not intend to write a book.
            ___________________________________________________________________
            Point
            # 1.) We were given the power to forgive sins, in the Lords prayer.

            Matt. 6:12,14,15
            12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
            14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
            15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

            Luke 11:4
            4 And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.

            Then again, Jesus Himself gave this power of forgiveness to us, by the indwelling of the Holy Ghost.

            Matt. 18:18
            18 Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

            John 20:21-23
            21 Then said Jesus to them again, Peace be unto you: as my Father hath sent me, even so send I you.
            22 And when he had said this, he breathed on them, and saith unto them, Receive ye the Holy Ghost:
            23 Whose soever sins ye remit, they are remitted unto them; and whose soever sins ye retain, they are retained.

            Matt. 18:23-35
            23 Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. 24 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.
            25 But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.
            26 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
            27 Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.
            28 But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.
            29 And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.
            30 And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.
            31 So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.
            32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:
            33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?
            34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. 35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

            From these chapters, you can see, “we” have the power to forgive or not. But the teaching is to always forgive.

            Mat 18:21,22
            21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
            22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

            ———————————————————————————————————————

            Forgiveness is not an act of the intellect, it is a condition of the heart.
            Have you ever said to yourself, I wish I could be more like Jesus, well this is your chance.
            Pick up your cross and follow Him, the cross is a sign of death, that is what we must do, die to our will, by doing the will of God.
            When Jesus was in the garden, He prayed.

            Mat 26:39
            39 And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.

            This prayer tells us, in His flesh, He did not want to go through with the crucifixion, He knew what he would be feeling physically, He also knew HE had not done anything to deserve so heinous, and painful a death.

            We were the ones that had sinned, we were deserving of death, but submitting Himself to the will of the Father, He died for us.
            This is the point where you can be like Jesus.

            The sin that required forgiveness, “we” committed against God.
            Jesus does not ask us to do something, that He did not do Himself. He has felt the same as you do.
            God Himself came to earth, as the Son of God, in order to grant forgiveness of sins, to the sinner.

            Rom. 8:3
            3 For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh:

            Pray your own Gethsemane prayer, letting God know exactly how hurt, angry, and desirous for vengeance you feel, for the wrong that has been done to you, the same as God has felt when we have sinned against Him. But in the end, do the same as Jesus did, submit to the will of God, it is for your benefit that you do so.

            When we declare, we have put on Christ, we need to be fully aware of all that declaration entails.

            Rom. 8:29
            29 For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.

            Rom. 12:2
            2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

            It says “you have been predestined” that means “you will be conformed”.
            That means suffering and pain, that you may be perfected.
            There are two people having wronged you. But God is dealing with “you”, not them, God is trying to teach “you” the full meaning of forgiveness, God is taking “you” to a higher plain of understanding.
            Only by forgiveness, can the healing of your marriage come.
            Call it a test if you will, but if you fail by holding on to the pain, hurt, anger, and feelings of vengeance, you will have to take the test over again.
            Look at it as though Jesus came to earth to die only for “your” sins, because if “you” were the only one,
            He would have done the same. We know that Jesus died for the sins of the whole world, but we have to be conscious of “our” part in His death. Each one of us in turn will have to come to the realization that “we” crucified the Lord Jesus.

            Luke 15:4-7
            4 What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it?
            5 And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing.
            6 And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost.
            7 I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.

            ———————————————————————————————————————-
            Point
            2) When we decide “not” to forgive, this then is what happens to “US”.

            Matt.6:12,14,15
            12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
            14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
            15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

            Matt.5:22-26
            22 But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.
            23 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;
            24 Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.
            25 Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison.
            26 Verily I say unto thee, Thou shalt by no means come out thence, till thou hast paid the uttermost farthing.

            This whole thing means, when we (Retain) some ones sins, instead of (Forgiving) them, “we” will be bringing them to God, on the day of judgement as their (Accuser).
            Because they have unforgiven sins against them, you then would be responsible for their ending up in the lake of fire, for all eternity.
            You then, would have unforgiven sins against you also, as per. (Matt. 6:12,14,15).
            But during your remaining life here on earth, seeing that you have not been reconciled, by the act of forgiveness, the Adversary (SATAN) will deliver you to the judge, because you have determined not to forgive, “YOU” have therefore become the judge. Thereby sentencing yourself.

            Matt.7:1-3
            1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
            2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
            3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

            Your judgement has been, (PRISON ) your sentence meant for another has turned unto you. This therefore denies you access to God, carried out to the last. When you are also cast into the lake of fire.
            You will only feel what you feel now, as long as you want to feel it, your the one that has put yourself into prison

            Pharaoh determined the sentence, what he meant for evil turned unto him, and all of Egypt.

            Exodus 10:28,29
            28 And Pharaoh said unto him, Get thee from me, take heed to thyself, see my face no more; for in that day thou seest my face thou shalt die.
            29 And Moses said, Thou hast spoken well, I will see thy face again no more.

            Exodus 11:4,5
            4 And Moses said, Thus saith the LORD, About midnight will I go out into the midst of Egypt:
            5 And all the firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sitteth upon his throne, even unto the firstborn of the maidservant that is behind the mill; and all the firstborn of beasts.

            Egypt is A “Type” of our life in the Flesh (sin), through the forgiveness of Jesus we have become Freed from the FLESH, our Egypt. We have left the realm of the flesh, and entered into the realm Of the kingdom of God, we are now alive to the Spirit.

            Rom. 6:4-12
            4 Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.
            5 For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection:
            6 Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin.
            7 For he that is dead is freed from sin.
            8 Now if we be dead with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him:
            9 Knowing that Christ being raised from the dead dieth no more; death hath no more dominion over him.
            10 For in that he died, he died unto sin once: but in that he liveth, he liveth unto God.
            11 Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.
            12 Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof.
            13 Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God.

            Rom 8:4,5
            4 That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
            5 For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.

            Sin would be “not” forgiving, for forgiveness “is” the will of God.
            Remember that forgiving is forgetting, when you forgive God CAN then help you forget.

            JIM

          • MelodyCat says:

            Kim

            If you hold bitterness against anyone the answer is YES you haven’t fully forgiven them. You can’t relate to her even in a work situation you are still angry and any kind of thoughts of making her pay for what she has done to you and your marriage YEP you still have a way to go before you can say I have truly forgiven this woman.

            Lookinforacity has in a post below covered this in more depth that forgiveness is an act of the Will and doesn’t come from the Emotions. You can while you still have these emotions about her make a decision to forgive. It doesn’t have to be a fancy prayer or even one of emotional desire to see good in her life. I would pray something like this:-

            Lord I forgive this woman for having an affair with my husband. Amen

            The emotions will take time to be healed. In time you may be able to even speak to this woman and tell her you have forgiven her. However, you start by obeying God and releasing this woman from her sin agianst you by Praying with the will of your mind and the words of your mouth.

            You have already made a decision to do this for your husband. So you can do it. You have some emotional ties to your husband that makes it easier to make a decision to release him from the hurt he caused you and to forgive. Even though you have decided to forgive your husband you are fully aware that it will take time to be healed from this hurt and forgive him with your emotions as well.

            I wouldn’t even think about approaching her in anyway until you are able to pray for her good and don’t feel any kind of animosity against her.

            Praying for the Lord to enable you to obey His Word and to be healed of the emotional hurt from all this in Jesus Name. amen.

          • kimkrys1 says:

            Thank you Melody Cat for responding. this is going to be a long hard road for me and I know it. I have seen that I havent truly forgiven her and I need too.. I am dealing with the whole I have sinned thing right now…always thought I was the blameless one.. thank you for keeping in touch and walking this journey with me. Hopefully one day I’ll come out of it and feel like I have truly forgiven.

            As you can see I am having a problem with the idea of asking her to forgive me too. A work in progress!!

            Thanks Sis

          • Timothy Luke says:

            Hey Kim,

            I want to look at the phrase, “forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us,” and see how it would look if Jesus answered that part of the Lord’s prayer in your life.

            “Kim, I forgive you all of your sins, but I don’t want to see you again….” Nope, that doesn’t work.

            “Kim, I forgive you all of your sins, and I know I have because I have zero feelings for you…” Nope, that doesn’t work either.

            So, simply put, there has to be a better way. Do you see the gap between what God would have you do by way of forgiveness toward her, and what you have settled for in your heart until now? The gap between God’s will and yours is called “S-I-N” (thought I’d spell it slowly so it wouldn’t hit you upside the head too quickly!)

            The gaping hole between how God tells us to handle a situation and how we actually handled it is sin as well. How do we get rid of sin? First we confess it as sin. To confess is to verbally acknowledge with our lips what our situation is as God sees it. It is to align our mouth with God’s mouth and call what He sees as sin, sin. David did this when he said, “I have sinned against thee.”

            If we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and cleanse us of all unrighteousness. Meditate on God’s forgiveness, then meditate on the ‘forgiveness’ you gave to your friend. Meditate on how hurt you would be if Jesus pulled that one on you and said, “welcome to my Father’s kingdom, now I don’t wish to see you ever again and I will call it a good day if I can just not want to throw up when I see you….”

            I think you are well on your way there, and it should provoke first a fear in you that you have just set yourself up for such a reception should Jesus forgive you in the manner in which you forgave. I tell you what my sister. Please take a moment and read Ezekiel chapter 16. Ask God to give you the same heart for your blessed husband and for this fallen woman. Now, comes the hardest part of all – but the one that will unlock the mystery of truly forgiving her….

            Before I tell it to you I will put you in mind of Jesus’ words that the gates of hell would not stand against the church. He wasn’t saying Hell would come after you and yet would not prevail. Jesus was saying you would be kicking in the gates of hell and the doors would not keep you from total victory but would come crashing open as you raid the devil’s kingdom and “take back what he stole from you, take back what he stole from you.” He stole your peace sister. He stole your security. Its time to take it back!!

            Now, for the hardest part you will ever be glad you did. Having seen and confessed your sin of unforgiveness more fully to God, it is time to acknowledge your sin and that you have sinned, to your fallen sister in this world. It is time to repent for sinning against her, and it is time to ask her to forgive you for how poorly you handled the situation.

            Let me be clear. By my standards, you have done pretty well in this circumstance to not do any of the evil things that you were tempted to do. But my standards are not the gold standard. God’s are, and falling short of them is sin, and sin brings forth death… so, you need to 1) repent for your sin, confessing your fault to her that you may be healed, and 2) ask forgiveness of her, (example: “I shouldn’t have totally cut you out of my heart. Will you forgive me for not handling this very well?”) that she may be healed.

            When you have done those two things, you will behold the salvation of the Lord in this circumstance and I believe your heart will find the freedom you have been seeking…. How she responds to this is her call. Just be sure that you stand by your words and mean them from this day forward and love her in your heart like you want Jesus to love you after you did the same thing. The Lord will lead you from there in how to be a blessing to her.

            You cannot give permission for her to text or speak with your husband, nor can you deny it. That is your husband’s boundary to set, and you deal with that end of it through him, not her. I don’t think she wants to go there again from the body language you described earlier and the simple fact your husband has been faithful to set the boundary and has been proving himself to you. After you have repented to her, ask the Lord if He would have you repent to your husband for how you have handled this.

            That’s a lot right there sister, and you won’t find that recipe for success in many places, but I believe it is the mind of Christ in the matter. Let’s pray….

            “Father in heaven, hallowed is your name. Thank you that you have forgiven us so thoroughly and cast our sin as far as the east is from the west. Thank you that you live in us and through us so that we may forgive those who sin against us just as thoroughly. Forgive me my trespasses even as I forgive those who trespass against me, and help me forgive those that trespass against me, as I desire to be forgiven. I repent for not forgiving (add her name here) from my heart. Please deliver me from the unforgiveness, resentment, retaliation, anger, hatred, and the violence and murder that wants to rule in my heart. I release these to you. I repent for fearing this ‘other woman’ and I release her and her sin to you. I want you to protect my home from her Lord, and I ask you to do so and thank you for doing so. For yours is the Kingdom and the power and the glory forever, in Jesus’ name, amen.”

          • kimkrys1 says:

            Tim, I have started a new blog entitled The Beginning Part 2 – Forgiveness. I can tell that forgiveness is just ONE area that the Lord will eventually deal with me about. I would love for you to read that blog because it has questions that I would like to see your answers too.

            Can you please help me with Ezekiel 16? That chapter sounds really harsh. I mean he took this woman in and basically gave her everything she wanted and she turned her back on him. I can see so many parallels but what do you mean for me to ask the Lord to give me the same heart for my husband and this woman? The woman in the chapter is being chastised pretty badly. Can you help me to understand? I

            To avoid confusion you can answer this in either blog the forgiveness part or this one I check them all..

            Tim, this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and I promise you I can be sort of rebellious at times… how will I ever do this???? It hurts me to think that I have sinned… but to face her???? WOW>>> dont think if I can.. the Lord will have to go before me, definitely.

          • Timothy Luke says:

            Hey Kim, I guess I was so focused on the outcome of Ezekiel 16 that I forgot that I had to work my way past some things too.

            If you lived in a 3rd world country and had lived on $80 per year all your life, and someone gave you $6,000, how would that make you feel?

            I think I would feel elated! $6,000 would be a HUGE amount of cash!

            Now, Lets say you were Bill Gates’ daughter and had lived the life of a billionaire. What would you think if I gave you $6,000? The response would be quite different. Maybe you’d blow it on travel, or the down payment on a new car.

            The difference is found in perspective. You and I are given 70-80 years to live life. We may fall short, or we may have a brief extension, but compared to the 6,000 years of man’s sojourn on this planet it is nothing and the years of the history of man seem endless.

            Now, God’s perspective is that of a billionaire. He has lived forever (billions of years) and will live more billions of years. One day we will be heirs of the promises if we faint not. When that day comes, we too will be ‘billionaires’ timewise. Our 6,000 years of living on a cursed planet will seem like nothing in eternity.

            What is the point? Perspective.

            The punishments of God upon Israel are severe, but extremely limited. He knew before he lead Israel into the promised land they would rebel, and he prophesied it in Deuteronomy 32. Yet, in His love for them and His desire to inhabit eternity with them, rather than without, He knew He would have to deal with them and let them choose rebellion that they like the prodigal, might “get it out of their system” and bear fruit of repentance for eternity.

            ETERNITY. That is the reward. Once the punishment is over, the heart of Israel will be healed and they will have eternal life with King David ruling over them (Jeremiah 30:10) and the apostles ruling each a tribe, (Matthew 19:28) Overall, Israel comes out of this blessed beyond measure and the power of sin broken over it as a people. I was seeking to draw your attention to the mercies of God. Without him, Israel would simply die in their sin even without Him bringing punishment upon them. God gets their attention and brings them to a place where He can lavish His love on them forever.

            To answer more specifically your request about how this relates to you…. It is not your place or mine to chastise. It is our place to forgive. Before, during and after the apostacy and harlotry of Israel, God foreknew their sin and chose to commit Himself to them for ETERNITY. That is like a forever word sister. You and I marry our spouses until death do us part. God loves Israel so much, He says, “you are going to leave me and humiliate me and drag my name in the dirt with all your lovers, but I choose to love you through all of that. I will be angry when you provoke me for years on end, but I will chasten you, or let your “friends” show their true colors and they will seek to destroy you. Fear not, I will redeem you from captivity and crown you with everlasting life and you will be mine forever. Not only that, but I will remove your shame FOREVER, and you will remember your sin NO MORE.

            Do you know what kind of love would do this??? Only God.

            He is willing to take repeated, habitual harlotry, and in His purity and Holiness, He loves this people so much, He will humble Himself to cleanse her and take her to Himself for eternity. If you will know the love of God to this degree, you will follow His lead and say “it is finished, former things are passed away, behold all things are new.” But . . .

            You have some hurdles. I realize that. You were humiliated. It was not a foe who harmed you, it was a friend in need. Psalm 55:12-14 “For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it: neither was it he that hated me that did magnify himself against me; then I would have hid myself from him: But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance. We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company.”

            This is what I believe is tormenting you. You have a spirit of Betrayal sister, and it needs to be cast out. The unforgiveness in your heart is the legal right it has to torment you. The bitterness and pain of the betrayal caused you to cut her off with a forgiveness that falls short of the Lord’s, to whom you belong. Now, if God (who is perfect) can marry a whore and forgive her, you (who are not perfect) can forgive a woman and your man for falling once.

            The devil used them to wound not only you, but themselves. They need forgiveness and to the degree your forgiveness did not match up with God’s forgiveness to you, that is the degree of your sin and the magnitude of the opening the devil has used to enter your life and make it a living hell. The unforgiveness is holding on to your unrepented sin toward your sister.

            I believe when you repent with a few words, to your sister, the Lord will lead you from there for the rest. I believe the unforgiveness will successfully be dealt with and that the betrayal and humiliation and utter defilement of this situation, with its stigma, will also go and ‘be remembered no more.”

            That is my faith for you dear sister. You are more than welcome to tag up with it!

            Blessings and peace to you. Keep asking your questions. Thank you for your transparency.

            Tim

          • kimkrys1 says:

            I think I understand. After all that the Israelites did he still forgave them. I re read Ezekiel and realized that the “woman” was the Isrealites.. I get confused on things like that sometimes. As you said the Lord gave her everything and she couldnt handle so to speak the fortune and fame. I can personally understand that! Once more I’m reminded that if God can forgive I should be able too.

            I want to say that since talking with you and preparing to ask for forgiveness not only forgiving, things at the house have been better. He and I dont argue and actually talk to each other. We laugh at things now and make jokes now instead of the heavy silence that I’m so used too. I dont think about the past anymore like I used too and I dont question him anymore.

            I know that prayers are going up for me and they are being answered. I dont feel depressed in my house anymore. I owe it to myself and most of all God to finish this and go on with my life. I really believe that I will do better with a letter to her. In that letter I will let her know that if she needs to talk I’m available and will listen. I realize that she is a soul that needs Christ above all else. How ironic it would be for me to be the one to lead her to Christ? WOW still alot to swallow..

            I will probably start working on a note to her today. I know its going to have to be God’s wording..not mine..

            Thanks for your prayers!

          • Timothy Luke says:

            Your walk into victory is encouraging Kim! It sounds like you are doing a great job of letting the Lord lead you in this. I can see you have the greater vision and the Lord is speaking to your heart…. because he loves you!

            I look forward to hearing how the letter goes when you get to that point. I am excited for you and Greg!

          • kimkrys1 says:

            The victory over this has been a long time coming! I can see things getting better at home every day! I even made a joke to him this morning! And I am NOT a morning person!

            I am actually almost excited to send this letter just to see what God does with it! I am scared too, but I know for a FACT God will take care of it! If I just follow his lead and timing.

            Please Tim, if you EVER run into anyone who is going through what I am going through send them my way that I may try to help them?

            I want to Praise the Lord now for complete victory over this! And for the Lord using you.

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