I dont even know where to begin. There is alot to digest in the comments on my other blog. I decided to start a new blog with the subtitle Forgiveness so that I could track my SLOW VERY SLOW but permanent assent into forgiveness.
I realize I havent forgiven her and just because I dont want to puke when I see her doesnt mean diddly squat. I could take the “high road” here and seem like a super christian and say I’m going to run right out and fix all this right away, but I’m not a super christian and I’m not going to run right out and grab her and hug and kiss her. The Lord is dealing with me and I know He wants me to do more than lip service. To “fake” my way through this or to get temporary relief would cheapen and minimize the bigger thing that is going on here. I dont want temporary relief! I want TRUE relief and to be able to TRULY forgive. I honestly believe my true forgiveness is the key to my husband and my marriage being repaired.
I do have questions.. lots of questions.. how have I sinned? What have I done? And how have I sinned against HER???? I wasnt the one that defiled my marriage vows or ruined a friendship. I wasnt the one that knowingly went after another womans husband. I thought for sure I was justified in my feelings.
Now that the questions are out there in the open, I realize that what has happened to me in NO WAY compares to what happened to Jesus in his 31 years of life. And arent we supposed to mirror our life after Him???
So I know that I need to truly forgive her. I will start to pray for true forgiveness and for the Lord’s guidance in how to approach the situation be it through mail, phone or in person. This is not going to be an easy journey I’m about to take. This is probably going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life.
Oh my sweet sweet Jesus, As I come before You I love you and need you more today than ever. I ask that You take over on this journey and help me to truly forgive her. I ask that you allow her to have an open mind and realize this is not a joke or a ploy to hurt her, but when the time is right in what ever way you want that the apology and forgiveness done, that it be met with open ears and heart.
Most of all Lord, I ask that you not let my hurt and pain go unnoticed, that you use it to Your benefit for someone else. I ask that You please allow this blog to be read by someone who is going through the same situation no matter on what side, be it the husband, wife or the other person. I ask that you touch them and that what comes out of this will allow YOU to be glorified because Lord I COULD NOT and CANNOT do this without You.. I love you Father and worship you. In Your name, Amen.