The Beginning Part 2- Forgiveness

I dont even know where to begin. There is alot to digest in the comments on my other blog. I decided to start a new blog with the subtitle Forgiveness so that I could track my SLOW VERY SLOW but permanent assent into forgiveness.

I realize I havent forgiven her and just because I dont want to puke when I see her doesnt mean diddly squat. I could take the “high road” here and seem like a super christian and say I’m going to run right out and fix all this right away, but I’m not a super christian and I’m not going to run right out and grab her and hug and kiss her. The Lord is dealing with me and I know He wants me to do more than lip service. To “fake” my way through this or to get temporary relief would cheapen and minimize the bigger thing that is going on here. I dont want temporary relief! I want TRUE relief and to be able to TRULY forgive. I honestly believe my true forgiveness is the key to my husband and my marriage being repaired.

I do have questions.. lots of questions.. how have I sinned? What have I done? And how have I sinned against HER???? I wasnt the one that defiled my marriage vows or ruined a friendship. I wasnt the one that knowingly went after another womans husband. I thought for sure I was justified in my feelings.

Now that the questions are out there in the open, I realize that what has happened to me in NO WAY compares to what happened to Jesus in his 31 years of life. And arent we supposed to mirror our life after Him???

So I know that I need to truly forgive her. I will start to pray for true forgiveness and for the Lord’s guidance in how to approach the situation be it through mail, phone or in person. This is not going to be an easy journey I’m about to take. This is probably going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life.

Prayer:

Oh my sweet sweet Jesus, As I come before You I love you and need you more today than ever. I ask that You take over on this journey and help me to truly forgive her. I ask that you allow her to have an open mind and realize this is not a joke or a ploy to hurt her, but when the time is right in what ever way you want that the apology and forgiveness done, that it be met with open ears and heart.

Most of all Lord, I ask that you not let my hurt and pain go unnoticed, that you use it to Your benefit for someone else. I ask that You please allow this blog to be read by someone who is going through the same situation no matter on what side, be it the husband, wife or the other person. I ask that you touch them and that what comes out of this will allow YOU to be glorified because Lord I COULD NOT and CANNOT do this without You.. I love you Father and worship you. In Your name, Amen.

What do YOU think?

comments

Comments

  1. Timothy Luke says:

    Hi Kim,

    The sin issue is in how you handled it AFTER the sin on their part. I’ll elaborate.

    There are two times when the Lord spoke to my wife where she heard Him plain as day speak to her. One time was when He said “Rise and walk” and she was released from a life sentence of solitary confinement with a spirit of infirmity as her prison keeper. The first time happened a year before that….

    My wife was a victim of a father who exposed her to pornography and molested her repeatedly. The last time in her adolescence he was extremely violent to her and she escaped to the police station. This set her up for her later illness stemming from a broken heart.

    The first time the Lord spoke to my wife was a year earlier. We were convicted that we needed the prayer of faith to heal the sick. We knew our own pastor was intimidated by the illness and didn’t know how to handle it. So, we called a pastor in our tiny town who pastored two churches (because they both wanted him!) They were a combined Baptist and Pentecostal congregation.

    Pastor Cornelius came over to our house in the middle of nowhere and, bless his heart, said “now lets see if we can get you a miracle!” and off he went praying and anointing with oil. We had never met him before, and I think my wife must have picked his name out of a phone book!

    An hour or so after he left, the Lord spoke to my wife and she began to tremble. “I have forgiven them,” (“and you need to” – I believe was unspoken, but certainly understood in the spirit.). Darcy also knew who the “them” was. It was her father, and also her mother, who had not shielded her from the abuse by staying in the home after she knew of the molestations. My wife knew also what to do in the spirit. And so that day she picked up the phone and repented, not saying they were right or wrong, but simply acknowledging her sin. She apologized for how she had broken off relationship and the spirit she had done so in. That was it. Simple, but difficult.

    Upon doing so a tangible cloud of anger lifted from her. Our traditional understanding did not allow for us to recognize what this was, but she was delivered of a spirit of bitterness and all the anger and resentment and stuff she had tried so tirelessly to not vent or give place to as a Christian. Now it was simply GONE! Outta mind, outta sight, just vanished! The burden was lifted and nowhere to be found.

    When I say repent to “her”, I am saying to repent for how you handled the aftermath of their sin. I am not saying you are responsible for their sin, just your response to it which was less than the best.

    Amen to your prayer sister. Michael and I prayed for you today and we will continue to do so. Have you considered joining the Viral Prayer Network? http://www.christian-faith.com/forjesus/viral-prayer-network

    I am proud of you! You are gonna make it sister! This is simple – but it is NOT easy. Focus on the simplicity and ignore the difficulty as much as lies within you…

    Be filled with peace and abiding joy!

    Tim

    • kimkrys1 says:

      I was reading the viral prayer blog. I dont have internet at home only at work. I wouldnt mind doing this after work but I dont know what skype is? I dont think I can use it at work? I’m not sure I’ll have to find out! But yes I would love to be part of something like that.

      I have read you and your wife’s personal story and can see how the Lord has worked through you. Hearing about your wifes own trials I can see how my own seem so trivial. She went through so much and was still able to forgive! I only pray that I can become as strong as she is.

      Thank you and Michael so much for praying for me. Last night we took the boys to see a children’s movie and we had a really good night and for the first time in a LONG TIME I am eager to see him this afternoon! We didnt argue or fuss or anything yesterday and I actually laughed and smiled!! The spirits are out of my house and I feel freer today than I have in a while! PRAISE THE LORD! I just need to continue my forgiveness journey.

      Thank you so much for praying for me.. and for your guidance and help!

      • Timothy Luke says:

        http://skype.com/ is the URL link to get Skype. It is a FREE download to your computer and you will need a headset with mic. I think you can get one for $20 or less that will work fine. If your PC has a sound card with speaker capability, you should be fine – I hope I am right on that.

        You are as strong as my wife was before she made the decision to obey and forgive. With men nothing is possible. With God ALL things are possible. Look at the banner at the top of the Christian-Faith page….. Its your turn to walk on water sister, that is why the Lord has been preparing your heart for this hour. He will put the words in your mouth or on your pen. (hint: the words begin with “I am sorry for… and end with can you forgive me?”) Trust Him. The fact that you still know that I am on your side and not on your case up to this point is an act of God. He will see you through!

        I am THRILLED with your ongoing testimony and freedom! Congratulations on the heart transplant!

        Tim

      • MelodyCat says:

        Kim

        Praise God indeed. Glad to hear you had a good time together as a family.

        Dear Heavenly Father, praying that you will lead Kim’s hudband into desiring to become a godly man who submits himself to the headship of Christ. Praying you will raise him up with all the abilities he needs to be a godly father and husband, the spiritual head of this family. Praying Lord for Kim, may you heal her heart and teach her Lord how great was your forgivness, may she come to know how you forgave mankind in a deep way so that it may enable her to forgive those who have hurt her and release all the bitterness and anger she feels at the moment. Praying you will grow Kim up in your Word and enable her to submit to her husbands headship and help her to be a godly wife and mother. Lord bless this marriage and enable them to be parents who are able to teach their children your ways so they too might come to know Jesus as Lord and Saviour. I ask for all of this in Jesus Name Amen.

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