I had shared my testimony in my earlier blogs, well there is lot more I want to share. Overcoming Idolism had been a slow yet fruitful process in my life and it is due to this experience that I feel much closer to Our Saviour Jesus Christ, knowing Him entirely spiritually. After receiving the Gift of Holy Spirit as well a kind of special anointing. I faced life in all together a different way. It was on 06th of Aug 2006 from were the struggles begun. On that faithful evening while I was filled with Spirit I felt a word of Christ inside me which said, “Two days from now and I will deliver you”. I was just born in Spirit so I didn’t knew what it meant. I was hopefully waiting for a great deliverance after two days. However, as I have mentioned in my earlier blogs that my mom took away my bible on 08 of Aug 2008, and it was on that day when I was told to go for a fasting. Anyhow, I was wondering that God told me of deliverance and everything was in contrast to that. I was left to struggle. In my childhood I learnt one every important lesson which is, what ever be the circumstances I will always have faith in God and believe what ever He says to me as well do anything to obey Him. I know my master’s voice but to confirm my thoughts I pray to Lord that whenever He speaks, He should confirm it through the words of Bible. I don’t want to be lost.
After I was completely cut off from the outside world, my parents made sure that I pray to Hindu gods. They said, they had no problem if I believe in Christ but they don’t want the extremes in me. As a Hindu ritual, we need to worship, both in the morning and in the evening. That’s a daily routine without fail. While performing these rituals, my mom would force me to do the same and let me eat the offering made to gods. First few days I was not doing that, I was praying to God for what should I do. Then inside me came a word, “I will sanctify every where you pray and what ever you eat”. And honestly until today God never made me feel convicted for that. Because when I was made to do these things I had no options with me, I was young, I was girl, I was introvert. I said to Lord “I give myself unto you, what you will say I will do, like a water lily knows to grow in both fresh and dirty water and yet always remain pure so I will Lord” I firmly say ‘It is not we who believes but it is our heart that believes” When ever I was made to bow down before Hindu gods and eat these things, I would close my eyes and pray “ Lord I see you in my mind, in my heart and in my soul. I see not what stands in front of me but I see you Lord, so I bow down to you, accept my prayers Lord, you know I worship you only and to you alone I submit”. The Hindu offerings which I had to eat was like poison for me but I used to pray “Lord, I will eat it because I see it as a blessing from you and not with the thought of what they had presented to me, you know my heart Lord its only for you and nothing in the world can ever separate me from you. Everything may fall, but my faith will remain”. I knew Lord was with me.
I always missed my Bible, when it was taken away from me. Ask me and I will tell you how it feels when you desire to read the words of God and you don’t have any. I never felt I was doing anything wrong when I faced the struggle in with I had to fight with Hindu traditions. I was pure in my heart. Now I want to tell you, what was that which made me feel guilty and convicted, but thankfully, God delivered me from that. In midst of all iniquities and weakness of flesh I always knew and prayed that one day Lord will come to deliver me. The joys of this world are like sorrows to me, but if I have to go through much pain to serve Him, I will rejoice. Each day I woke up with a thought of deliverance that will finally bring me back to Him. When my parents planned to send me to New Delhi, it was a completely strange land, as I had never stayed in a city. I was used to hills and climate of northern eastern India. I never wanted to live in a hot, self centered and busy lifestyle as in New Delhi. It was Lord’s plan too; He wanted to purify me in like a silversmith. One day before coming to Delhi, I told my mom that I need to go for shopping. Gratefully she allowed me for that. I don’t know what came in my mind that I purchased a picture of Jesus Christ. I thought if I do not have a Bible, yet I could rely on it when I feel down. With much care, I had hidden it among books so that my mom could not find it. As the story goes after few days of my arrival in Delhi, I had to go back to Guwahati Assam for entrepreneurship training. During my stay there, my friend took me to a missionary who again gave me a Bible and some other books. I had done fasting there. God blessed me in lot of ways. However, He wanted me to grow spiritually in wilderness. He wanted to put an end to my weaknesses. As stated in my earlier blog, my dad again took away my Bible; with it he even took the picture of Christ. I cried bitterly that day, however today I rejoice that it was one of the God’s plan. He was testing my faith as well preparing me for ahead. Turning the child in me to a spiritually mature person. All this happened during Sept and Oct 2006. I returned to Delhi again, struggling for my survival, growing in Christ spiritually, enduring to my faith. In November 2006, one of my friend in Delhi gave me a Bible again. I still wonder how I had lost it. Like a shock, it went missing. Those days I was thinking why God is doing this to me, but now I realise I was actually trying to idolize these things forgetting that God is spiritual, so is His wisdom. I’m truly telling you most of the time knowingly or unknowingly we even idolize Bible. We have conflict saying which is the true version of Bible or even we paint the picture of Christ in different ways, eventually idolizing them too. It a drastic mistake, we cannot give a shape to God; it is like making an idol of Him.
From Aug 2006 to July 2008, it is two years. Now I know that Lord had finally delivered me because in God’s word two days is equal to 2 years. I’m blessed for He remembered the devotion of my youth, my love as a bride how I followed Him in the wilderness, in a land not sown. So after going through a trail of two years, in which God taught me many things. I finally see His glory filling me. I’m still struggling but I’ve passed a major test. It was only during the last week of July 2008, God made me realize that I had idolized Him in the passed. He gave me time to become mature before revealing this sin to me. Lord I repent for it. It is His grace for He has finally shown me His real entity in spiritual world; I had tried to put that experience in my blog ‘The Master of my Soul’. There is lot more which I cannot express in words, I glad I know Him and found myself too.
I never heard a person speaking or praying in tongues until 27th July 2008 when a friend of mine was praying for me and He uttered something while praying (a sentence only), which I could not understand. I asked him that whether he knows what he spoke or he learned it somewhere. He said, he had heard and even spoke in tongues. It was later that night that I had the dream of which I had already stated. Lord said, “I’ll put my words in your mouth”. It came as a surprise for me when on next dawn 0f 29th July 2008 that I found myself covered in two beam of light and speaking in a language I didn’t knew. I called my friend to enquire what had happened to me. He said, “If it gives peace in your heart than it is from God.” I felt it was really making me feel so good and happy, full of peace in my heart. Praise God, for the first time that evening I prayed in tongues. I was overwhelmed. Everyday, I ask God to renew me in spirit so that my love for Him will be forever young. There are many other things, which I would love to share in coming blogs. Growing in Christ is a steady process; He leads us step by step. We backslide and are being tempted every time we think of coming closer to Christ. During this time it is every important that we hold on to our Faith, Believe and Obey Him. He is always merciful to take us back in His loving arms. It is His grace on us. Growing in Christ requires many sacrifices, which we need to give. We need to forget our old self so that He can come and dwell in us. We have to be humble in heart with a servant like heart to serve Him and His creation. Pride is something that separates us from His everlasting love.