I can tell you about growing up in a home with an alcoholic father, and a mother who was dominating and controlling. Or I can tell you what life was at sixteen pregnant, and having to get married and how that relationship was abusive, how I became restless and ran away from my husband and mother, that’s when my life became full of friends I didn’t need, people you would call “the losers of the world”. I can give you the details of being a drug user and going on a trip which almost cost me my life, or I can also tell you what life was like in an unstable relationship with a man for 18 years. I can share with you the pain of feeling lost, scared and unwanted.
But I’d rather tell you about how those experiences have made me a stronger person; I want to tell you about the person I have become. What changed my life wasn’t something out of the ordinary, but it was unexpected.
One night while I was living in my mothers house after being thrown out of several apartments, because of Anthony’s drug and alcohol addiction. I was feeling suicidal, words can not describe what I was feeling, at this point of my life, I trusted no one, I went to the bedroom and for the first time, I got on my knees and started to talk to god, not knowing if he really existed or if he would listen to a person like me, I cried for a solution, I cried for a way out of this life I was living. I didn’t want to feel like this anymore, I cried for HELP!!! After that I started to visit a Pentecostal church for over 3 years, I was being transformed to a religious person through appearances, I was again pleasing others not myself, I was still feeling empty inside and was still driven by Anthony’s control. It seemed that everyone that was in my life controlled by every being, in order for me to be loved and be accepted I was someone other than myself, and that feeling of emptiness tormented me day by day, year by year. Through all this I prayed, and prayed and finally the “BREAKTHROUGH” of my life, I found Jesus. I finally let him take control of my life, I trusted him through faith and he gave me a whole new light to my life.
As a single mother, raising two boys, I face new challenges every day. “”I’d be lying if I said it’s always easy,”” The hardest part is when the bills come. But knowing that God has always got me through gives me a sense of contentment and confidence for the future. “”The kids and my grandson are my pride and joy. When I see them laughing and enjoying themselves, it makes me very happy.”” I am still struggling to establish a good relationship with my mother. Yet I know everything would work out.
I began a new adventure. I started attending church with new vision and reading my Bible. It wasn’t about duty or obligation. I prayed and asked God to take control of my life. It was a time of choosing to commit my life to God. I discovered God loves me for who I am and not what I achieve. This changed my self-worth dramatically because I now live for God and not myself I learned that this peace came from my relationship with a Heavenly Father who did not hurt or hit, a God who knew everything about me –every wound I had ever suffered, every secret and joy. I have NEVER felt so in control, since He has been in the driver’s seat. I finally found true shelter, I am created in His image, perfect in His eyes. He is the father and mother that I come home to. He listens to me, He laughs with me, He sheds tears with me, and He holds me and comforts me when no one else can, for once I love myself and I can truly love others, because I know what love is. Jesus showed me, and He has never stopped showing me.
Looking back at the person I was, and seeing how God has changed my life over the last 8 years, I am thankful. It’s hard to believe that I was ever that lost and confused young woman, looking for acceptance in all the wrong places and with no drive or motivation! My heart was full of love–it always has been–but I was never able to share it until I gave all of my hardships to God.
I am learning to see people as God sees them, love them and to forgive. Now I am able to rebuild some of the broken relationships in my life. The one that I longed for most was the relationship with my daughter Christina, and God has restored that. I will always cherish her as one of the most precious gifts that God has given me. I respect her strength and character, and I can now appreciate the woman she has become.
Where I am today is not where I was yesterday and I may be somewhere completely different by tomorrow. Where will the day take me? What should I bring along? As I go on this journey I’m learning about myself. Learning involves asking questions and I know I have a lot of those. I laugh, I hurt, I make mistakes, I dream. I have a mind that explores my world. I have a spirit that longs to be known. I am whole person, more than the eye can see. I am a woman on a journey. The verse I would use to describe my life now is, “”Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come”” (II Corinthians 5:17).
Perhaps right now you’re experiencing fears and frustrations in your life. Maybe you’re worried about your job, relationships, finances or children. You are not alone. Most everyone has similar problems. And trusting in God—being or not being a Christian–doesn’t exempt you. You’ll not suddenly live a problem-free life. Tough times happen to all people. But Jesus gives strength and peace in each difficulty. He says, “”I am leaving you with a gift–peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn’t like the peace the world gives. So don’t be troubled or afraid”” (John 14:27). Jesus also says in the Bible, “”Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest”” (Matthew 11:28).
He is waiting for you to let him in your life. You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. This prayer expresses the desire of my heart and He came into my life like he promised:
Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of woman you want me to be.
Thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you (Hebrews 13:5) and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest
With Jesus in your live “ IT’S NEVER TO LATE”
Only through his Grace and Love was I able to write this testimony. If you feel that this has touched your heart and know of someone else that is in the need to find inner peace, please forward
God Bless You