Love, Sex and Relationships

Love, sex and relationships! We all want to be loved, appreciated and
have pleasure and fulfilment in our lives. God gave us all the capacity
to love and be loved, to have special friendships with others. He also
gave us a sexual nature, and sexual desires. This was not just so that
we would keep the human race going, but also because God wanted us to enjoy
oneness with a life partner. This unity is actually a very powerful symbol
of the way God wants it to be between us and Jesus Christ. That is what
the Bible teaches!

Sex is a gift from God. It is not evil. But it is a powerful gift, and
it can be abused or perverted.

Sex is like fire. In your fireplace it can keep your house warm. But
if fire gets out of control it can burn your house down. It can even kill
you. Sex is like that. Lots of people have now died of sexually transmitted
diseases. Modern man may mock, but the best way to avoid diseases like
AIDS, syphillus and others is to limit your sex life to just one lifelong
partner who has not gotten infected with these diseases through promiscuity.
And until you find that person, abstinence won’t kill you. In fact, it
will release a lot of creative energy which you can apply to achieving
in many areas of life.

It seems a shame that people suffer so much and some die because of
bad decisions with regard to their sex lives.

Here’s a little illustrated comic on that theme. Its called That
Crazy Guy!

My wife Marilena has written something as advice to girls who would
like to find the right partner! As soon as it is ready we will upload it
to the site. Write her if you would like to talk about it.

 

If you are married you can find good books in most Christian bookshops
about how to enjoy your marriage relationship more and how to enrich it.

If you are single, wanting to be married, remember this: it is better
to be that way than to be married, wanting to be single!

Until you get married, learn to make friends, get to know people of
both sexes – but be strong enough to keep sexual activity right out of
your relationships until you have found your marriage partner, and the
date is set! Even then, keep your clothes on with each other if you want
to fully enjoy your marriage later.

Abstinence is not necessarily easy psychologically, but it does have
its rewards. If you concentrate on being the kind of person worth being
married to, then God will eventually bring you the right partner. I waited
until I was 28 before I got married, and God has given me a wonderful wife.
The years before that I was able to direct my energy into serving God,
which was itself very fulfilling.

To be honest with you though, the power of the Holy Spirit available
to a Christian is more powerful than sex. I know this from experience.
Some may never believe or understand that – but it doesn’t change the facts.
I mean, the Holy Spirit IS God. He is more powerful than anything He created,
including sex. God told us to be filled with the Holy Spirit. The lack
of this sometimes leads people to search  for fulfilment in sexual
activity outside of God’s guidelines. This kind of search will prove 

to be frustrating and ultimately destructive. I want to write now a little
on

Sexual Sin

Homosexuality

Fornication is when two unmarried people
have a sexual relationship. Pre-marital sex is a form of fornication.
The Bible says that fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Yet there
is hope for those who turn from their sin.

Fornication is a rip-off for several reasons

If the relationship breaks up (and it usually does) someone is going
to be badly hurt.

Later, when you marry your life partner, you will have flashbacks to
the old relationship/s which will rob you of some of the joy of marriage,
leaving you unsatisfied.

You can get sexually transmitted diseases through fornication. You might
even die.

There will be a stronger barrier between you and God which you will
find it difficult to overcome. A lot of people who claim to have “intellectual
problems” with the gospel actually have a problem with sexual immorality.

Adultery

Adultery mean having a sexual relationship with somebody you are not
married to, when either that person, you yourself or both of you are are
married to someone else. Adultery is tirelessly promoted in the world’s
media. It is glamorised and exalted and lifted up. It is made to look so
exciting, adventurous and fulfilling. What they generally don’t show you
is the heartache it causes. In real life, practising adultery will bring
a curse on you and generally it will cost you financially. You may have
to suffer struggles with a guilty conscience for a long time afterwards,
if you commit adultery. God said, “You shall not commit adultery” because
He made us, loves us and knows what is best for us. Rebelling against God
always costs dearly – but in this matter this price is very high.

Why is God Against Adultery?

To commit adultery is not a smart move, no matter how bad the marriage
is that you profane through the adulterous relationship. Here are some
reasons why God is against adultery:

1. It hurts the one who was betrayed by adultery.

If you love someone and trust them, and then find out that they have
been sexually unfaithful to you, it is emotionally devastating to say the
least. God wants to protect people from this – therefore he forbids adultery.

2. To allow it would make every marriage insecure

Women in general pay the greater price in a relationship. Women are
usually emotionally more sensitive than men and often have a greater need
for love and security. To the extent that adultery and divorce are accepted
in society – to that extent women will be exploited and robbed of the security
and true love they need. Men also suffer when marriages break down. If
faithfulness in marriage was not important, then no marriage would be safe.
There are always going to be times when the thought comes that things could
be better with someone else. If there was no safeguard against this, families
would break down, and so would the moral fabric of society. Perhaps you
yourself have already been a victim of some of this.

3. It hurts the children

Children love to see that their parents love each other. They are hurt
when they can’t see that – when they hear them fighting or saying bad things
to each other. When marriages break up through adultery the children are
emotionally scarred, and may be left without one of their parents

4. It is expensive

The people who really make money out of adultery are divorce lawyers.
The divorce courts eat up the financial resources of those whose marriages
fail due to adultery. Often houses must be sold below the market price
to make quick settlements. This is one of the least of the reasons why
adultery is bad but it does count for something. After all, we spend a
lot of our time earning money. Why throw it away?

It seems to just be the way it is that whoever you sleep with gets your
money. Prostitutes know that. A whole industry has grown up around that
fact.

5. It Means Breaking Important Promises

How can a person commit adultery without also being a liar and a covenant
breaker?  Can we trust such people who betray the ones that are closest
to them?

6. It Gives the Devil an Opportunity to Steal from Us

You may not believe that the devil exists, but I’m telling you, you
will see the results of his influence if you commit adultery. He then has
a legal right to put a curse on you. Evil spirits will steal your peace,
joy – possibly even your health and life.

What Can Be Done for Those Already Burned by the Fire of Sexual Sin?

The good news of Jesus Christ means that anyone caught in sexual sin
can experience forgiveness and restoration. It may or may not be possible
for relationships to be restored the way God meant them to be, but two
relationships can be restored: (1) Your relationship with God, and (2)
Your relationship with yourself.

Jesus, because He paid for the guilt of your sin, can offer you forgiveness
if you turn from it. He gives you the power to turn from it if you want
to know the new life he can give you. Jesus is real and has forgiven hundreds
of thousands of adulterers down through the ages. To receive his forgiveness,
you yourself must also forgive. Unless you forgive others who have hurt
you, God will not forgive you. Therefore please forgive others, and ask
God for forgiveness.

A Prayer for Forgiveness

Homosexuality

I have no doubt that many talented, cultured people have become homosexuals
at some stage in their lives. Homosexuals are valuable people too! But
none of this make homosexuality right.

No matter what people say, the God of the Bible is against homosexual
behavior. Homosexuals may shake their fist at God and try to convince everyone,
including themselves, that they were born that way, but it is a lie. It
may be a politically correct lie, but it is still a lie.

People are recruited into the homosexual movement. They are not born
that way. Often boys who did not grow up with a father are vulnerable to
seeking male love through homosexuality.

There is the interesting account of an intelligent young man who turned
from homosexuality to Christ in the book, Miracles
Still Happen
found on this site. Please check it out.

Here is a comic (Doom
Town)
  which contains a compassionate plea to homosexuals
to turn before it is too late.

I am familiar with so-called Biblical defenses of homosexuality and
I think they hold no water. A Christian homosexual is a contradiction in
terms! Practising homosexuals can become Christians, and it can even happen
the other way, but no one is both.

A Brief Summary against so-called Biblical Arguments Permitting Homosexuality

The sin of Sodom was not just selfishness, pride, inhospitality
or lack of compassion – though all these sins were certainly present (Ezekiel
16:49). The sin of Sodom was homosexuality.

“as Sodom and Gomorrah, and the cities around them in a similar manner
to these, having given themselves over to sexual immorality and gone
after strange flesh
, are set forth as an example, suffering the vengeance
of eternal fire.” (Jude 7).

The men of Sodom wanted to know the angels sexually. Lot tried
to appease them by offering his own virgin daughters, who had never known

a man (Genesis 19:8). The meaning of “know” here in this passage
is obviously sexual.

Homosexuality is condemned not only in the law of Moses, but also in
the New Testament. The fact that it is called an “abomination” in in the
Old Testament should give us a clue as to how God feels about it. Paul
wrote these words, inspired by the Holy Spirit.

“For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even
the women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature.
Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned
in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful,
and receiving in themselves the penalty of the error which was due.”
(Romans 1:26-27)

Paul says nothing here about homosexuality being wrong because of its
association with temple idolatry, and everything about its being shameful,
vile and against nature. Just as adultery is wrong with or
without temple idolatry, so is homosexuality.

Homosexuality is against essential nature, not merely against “sociological
nature”. We were not designed to have sex with the same sex. Isn’t that
obvious?

When 1 Corinthians 6:19 speaks of “homosexual offenders” (NIV) it means
the offense of homosexuality. It is not talking about homosexuals who happened
to be offensive in some unspecified way, but about people whose offense
was homosexual practices. The book of Jude and 2 Peter are very clear.

There is no one so blind as those who don’t want to see. God is not
asking your permission to tell you what is right or wrong. He is not going
to have a vote about it. One day you will die. Will you be ready to face
the One who gave you a way out of the very things that were destroying
you? Its not too late to turn to God.

It is clear that homosexuals, who have gained a major influence in today’s
secular media, are on a militant campaign to change the way society sees
their behaviour. Most homosexuals are open mockers of God and Christian values.
But God will not allow Himself to be mocked forever. A loving Savior will one
day become a severe judge – not just against homosexuals, but against every
other kind of unrepentant sinner – be they “Christian” or not.

What do YOU think?

comments

About Michael Fackerell

The Christian faith is about Jesus. He came to save the lost. About Jesus Christ, Bible teaching, Testimonies, Salvation, Prayer, Faith, Networking.

Comments

  1. Hi, I need help on my relationship bad.  Sometimes I feel as if I am doomed no matter what step I take.   I am 20 years old and have been with my boyfriend since I was 15.  When I met him, I believed in Jesus but moderate.  Now that I have come to college, I not only believe in Jesus, but I seek to follow Him and have grown to want to please Him, but it’s my boyfriend who is in the way.  He’s not a bad guy.  He has gone from being atheist to believing in Christ since we’ve been together.  But, he just doesn’t believe in Jesus the way I am.  I know some may say he only believes in Christ to please me maybe, and at first yes, but now, he genuinely believes in Christ, I know he does.  But, that doesn’t stop him from wanting to commit sexual sin and he constantly pressures me to give it to him.  At the start of the relationship, yes, we had been having sex.  And, when I don’t want to hear an arguement happen, I decide to give it to him sometimes. 

    But, the problem also is that the worst is coming out of me.  At first the arguments were moderate, but now, they are out of control.  We don’t like being with each other and never talk because we just don’t want to argue.  We argue mostly about sex and waiting for marriage, but also on just silly childish issues.  Trust is a big issue also in our relationship because of things said and things did from the both of our pasts.  I have seen myself gone from being a young lady who was at first shy to say what was actually on my mind, to this defenseful person who not only shouts at him in public, but also put my hands on him too.  He has been treating me better since we first met, because at the start he was very rough and controlling and mean.  He treats me better but still not the proper way with respect.  We both have issues and I feel so guilty for trying to control his life in revenge on how he had tried to control mine in the past.  

    With all of that said, we have both broken up with each other over like 30 times.  In the beginning, we would not stop talking to each other until we got all our problems solved, and then we would go back to loving each other.  But, now the first thing we think of when we get into an arguement is breaking up.  I don’t want to waste my time  breaking up.  We go to separate colleges and I don’t want to waste my college years in sadness and heartbreak all of the time.  I want to have faith that if God dont want me in this relationship He  will take it away from me.  but I realize it is also my choice to make to leave my boyfriend.  Everytime I leave him definitely, he always persuade me to come back to him, and this is just not the life I want.  I think of 1 Corintheans and think about the greatest thing is hope, faith, with the strongest being love.  I want to believe that, and hold true to it, but it is getting harder.  I do love my boyfriend and wish things would just work out, but they just never, and I don’t see them ever working out.  In a way, I feel married to him because we’ve already had sex and we’ve been there for each other also.  But, we are not married in the sight of God.  He is like my only family since I am also ward of the state with college as my only home and place to stay and maybe that is why I feel so much like I have to be with him to have somewhere to live when summer comes, but I know that is wrong.  I should trust God.

     

    I really need help because this relationship is controlling my life.  I seek Jesus but then the worst comes out of me, even thinking of cheating on him.  Is there any possible way of us being able to be together.  I just wish the spark we had together and connection that we had was still there that we had for like 4 years of our relationship.  It is as if our love for each other is going down and there is nothing that brings us together to restore it. 

    • Dear Missy,
      I believe you see things as they really are…

      It may be best to break off the relationship now,or just take time away from it.If he loves you,taking a break won’t hurt.During this time,apart from the mind
      clouding involvement,re-evaluate this relationship.Ask yourself if your boyfriend is saying ‘I want what is best for you’? or “I want what is best for me” ?If the answer is the latter,I’m afraid you never had “real love” in the first place.
      Sex before marriage skips the true “courtship” stage.That irreplaceable time of building the true foundations of love,without having a false sense of intimacy,or unity that would hinder your ability to take a realistic inventory of a potential spouse.Not to mention the priceless investment of yourself that sex demands,that was never meant to be a loan!
      The bottom line is,as I think you have discovered; Mutual sacrifice intensifies love,refusing to sacrifice(as is the case with your B.F.) snuffs it out!
      God challenges us to deny ourselves for the sake of love,rather that seeking superficial gratification.It is in denying ourselves,that we are taught to love.Being faithful to God carries with it promises of enduring joy!!! A true man would work to carry you into God’s arms,not into bondage to sin.
      Dear One,you will never regret following the Lord,can you say the same about your boyfriend ??
      Sincerely, Haiwatha

  2. Recently I met a man and we started dating. I am 50 he was 38. I have not dated in over 20 years. I was a single mother and I had been molested growing up. My children’s father was a very kind man, but we broke up because I wanted something more. I didn’t know what it was at the time but I always wanted to be married and he was still trying to be out in the streets.

    So I raised my kids, went to school and worked. During that time I asked God to come into my life, but at time there was not real world teaching about what to do, how to study, or how to have healthy relationships. I lived a long time with the fear and eventually would not date at all. Then I lived in fear about having sex outside of marriage so I just did not date at all eventually.

    I am a very shy person and when I met this man recently I had a lot of blinders on, I didn’t understand about how people date now and I had not teaching on how Christians should handle dating.

    So after about 4 months I started sleeping with him. Most times when I went home I cried a lot and tried to rationalize that he was the one and that it would be okay but it got worse I could not be comfortable at his house and in the back of my mind I knew this was not right and not going to work.

    One night he told me that it was over without any really good reason why. I realized he was just playing a game and that the time expiration was out. It has been really hard and has shattered what confidence I did have.

    He has called a few times and I have called him but I just deleted the number and asked God to help me because I do want to be in a loving relationship but I feel like my time is over, and I have absolutely no ideal at how to get out and meet men.

    I am lonely but don’t get me wrong I am so glad for God’s forgiveness and I am learning more everyday and feeling free everyday. But I had not one to talk to honestly about this and no one to tell me how to deal with my feelings and I wish I did so I could have walked away for I got into trouble.

    I saw your website and I have read through a lot of it, no one really deals with Sex, and Love and relationships honestly and a lot of us women and men too are falling to it and having a hard time getting back up.

    For a while I could not work or eat or sleep I cried all the time. Then I started seeing a Psychologist, and dealing with me and I started really seeking God, and his word. I am feeling calmer now and some days it still stings but I ask Jesus to get me through it. I feel like God has given me another chance in all areas of my life because it has been a real struggle and I have been through some hard life issues.

    God brought me through being homeless with my first daughter.
    God brought me through having a brain tumor and heart issues.
    God brought me through having no job and blessing me with my school paid for.
    God has supplied every need
    God has protected my children and helped me through every hard decision concerning them.
    God has been faithful to me in every way.

    I want to trust him in this area too.

    But sometimes in the back of my head I am wondering am I doing better? I still want a mate in my life? I always did but sometimes it seemed like I did all the wrong things and my time has passed and I feel so sad.

    • Anurekha says:

      Dear Sister, I’m very young in comparison to your age but life had taught me one thing again and again that Jesus Christ is our True Love and our Husband too. Seek the Lord’s will, may be He had planned for you something else. God knows what is best for you. Yes, you might be longing for a mate who would love and care for you, would be faithful to you and your companion in all situations of life. But, remember that Jesus Christ is our First Love and if you truly keep Him in that place; He will be enough for you and you will not need anything else.

      God had blessed you in many other ways. Praise Him for that.

      It is never that unmarried single people live a sad and lonely life neither it is a guarantee that married couples live happy life. But, there is one guarantee that if you trust in God completely and surrender to Him than you will have a spiritually happy life (there might be tough times but faith like Job will never let you fail).

      Your past is past, but your present and future is in God’s hand. Lay down your burdens at the feet of our Lord, and let His peace and joy fill your life.

      God is our Father and He listens with a loving heart to all our sincere prayers and He does the things that would make us happy in long term and not short lived.

      I pray that God will open your eyes so that you would see His plans concerning your life. Allow God work in your life.

      This life is short but do you wonder what would we do in eternity, when we are in God’s Kingdom? We will be praising Him day and night and that would never be enough in comparison to the Glory of Our God. So let’s use even a smaller part of our life in doing the same thing as rehearsal. 🙂

  3. morningside33 says:

    Hie all

    I am 27 years old in a relationship with a 43year old Muslim who converted to Islam a 7 years ago because of the dishonesty he witnessed in his congregation. I have known this man for 6years now and the beginning of our relationship was filled with Lust and Fornication and I was at the forefront of this because i have never felt real love, My father was an alcoholic and my mother chose to be with a man who did not want to accept her children from another man so she left, I was raised by aunties and my grandparents, my issues are humungous by my main question is regarding relationship with this man, He still acknowlegdes Jesus christ and we have prayed together and have never argued about the differences except for when he tried to get me to marry him in a traditional Islam way I refused and he accepte because he was born christian, Among other things I have never felt happier He says i taught him how to love as he was just a cheat before and he has seen countless women before he finally settled down with me ant 1year ago we now live together and plan to marry, He has been to my church even though he does not comment he knows so much about the bible more than he does the Quran I am convinced he is just confused, but nevertheless will i be sinning to marry this man, even though we agreeable on the basis of christianity. Am i fooling myself? I dont want to lose him and he has overcome amazing abstacles in the last few years and proved that he needs guidance and patience and he can be an amazing man he has never lived with a woman and left his flat after 16years to live with me and changed his view on commitmment when I told him what i stand for that marriage is important to me and why. And I dont doubt that he loves me any advice.??

    • Well Morningside ,

      I have a suggestion ,……

      If you can start seeing him or talking to him on alternate days ,
      (take a day’s gap between each interaction) ,…..and then increase the
      time period ,…..after a while you can keep yourself away from him
      for longer lengths of time ,….and then gradually forget him.

      If he is willing to convert back to Christianity ,……then that perhaps
      is the best solution ,……
      Take him to a few Evangelical prayer meetings to get this started ,……
      The power of the Holy Ghost can descend and make him a New Creation.
      No jokes , …..I am dead serious.

      Well ,..Islam in theory appears to be perfect.
      Cassius Clay became Mohammed Ali ,…and converted to Islam.
      Ask your boyfriend to get in touch with Mohammed Ali or his immediate
      family and find out if it was worth it , ……

      If your boyfriend continues being a muslim ,…quite soon he might
      want a few more wives ,…..as Islam permits that.
      Would you be okay with that ?

      Cheers

      Vikki

    • sandrine says:

      To be honest with you,I know you yourself have the answer to this,you’re just ignoring God’s word and trying to justify this because you’re in love.I understand and know its hard,but you believe in two very different religions.living with him before you’re married and sleeping with him is out of God’s law.return to God.If i were you i’d move out and stop sleeping with him and repent for my signs,as you’re doing it intentionally as you mentioned that you know that it is wrong.sometimes we know things are wrong but we just justify them and forcefully want to make them right.the basis of marriage is for you to have the same believes so this is going to be the hardest relationship you ever have to maintain as you both believe in different Gods.

      hope you make the right desion and see the light.

  4. Hello I am 24yrs old and I was in a relationship with my Ex for close to 6yrs. We have been friends since we were 9yrs old and began to become best friends over the years. We also grew up in the same church and under the same teaching and leadership. Currently we have been broken up for about a year now. It all started when I left to go to the Military and returned home because of an injury and when I returned my Ex told me that he felt like God was telling him that he needed his full attention and that we could no longer date. During that time my Ex also acknowledged his calling to the ministry. I completely understood although I didn’t want to accept it. I knew that this was also for me and that God needed my attention as well and I needed to completely dedicate my life to God. I felt that I would accept this change and let God lead me and I also felt that if I was obedient that God would restore our relationship. Just recently my Ex told me that was has been seeing someone for about 2mo. I was devastated when he told me and I felt that he wasn’t being honest with me. My Ex told me that he has been completely honest with me and he is being lead by God and he feels that God is giving him the liberty to date someone else. This may be true but I don’t know where to go from here. My Ex and I have been friends for years and have a close bond like family. I feel that I need to completely let him go and break all contact to get over him but I am afraid to loose our friendship. I don’t know how to be friends with someone that I am still in love with. I don’t want to make him out to be the bad person in the relationship but I’m hurt and shutting him completely off is the only way I know how to get over him. Also we still attend the same church and I still have to see him. Should I continue to be friends and display an Agape love and continue to speak and communicate with him or should I distant myself?

    • Timothy Luke says:

      Sister that is a heavy burden to bear! We will be in prayer. When it comes to romantic involvements, there is too much that gets in the way. It is best to separate like you are seeing and let the time pass and the feelings fade. The friendship cannot be what it was, given he is pursuing that level of relationship elsewhere. From his new girl friend’s perspective, you need to honor her and keep your distance. You have lost your friend as you knew him, now it is a matter of walking in Christian love from a distance. Pour out your heart and emotions to God and ask Him to tell you how to direct your thoughts and feelings. He will lead you on from here and you will find that perhaps an even greater blessing awaits you than the one you would have chosen for yourself….

      God bless you and keep you. You are not alone.

      Tim

  5. Where are all the clinics to sever the right hands of adulterers, and take out their right eyes? After all, it is a commandment (unlike homosexuality) that we not commit adultery, and the Bible says quite clearly that a man who looks at a woman with lust in his heart (maybe thinking “nice legs” or “nice breasts” when looking at a woman) commits adultery. The penalty for adultery (again, explicitely written in the Bible) is for the sinner to lose their right hand, and right eye.

    Lots of examples of hohmosexuals being persecuted by heterosexual men, but when it comes to penalties for their own actions? Hypocrites! How un-Christian of you. Cowards, inflicting pain on others but not prepared to inflict it on yourselves.

    You can probably guess, I’m homosexual, always have been right from my first moments of consciousness. I’ve never felt anything but love from the Lord my God, and I (and I feel, He) doesn’t care who thinks I might be lying. Remember, you’re not God, you don’t know what is in my spirit and my soul. Stop being arrogant.

    So, look forward to hearing about the establishment of amputation and blinding clinics for adulterers. Can you keep me informed on your actions in this regard?

    Many thanks

    Rob

    • Timothy Luke says:

      Hi Rob,

      It is so easy to run on with the “hypocrites” speech. You are absolutely correct in saying adultery is a sin and it is as much a sin as homosexuality. You are correct again in saying it is a sin of the heart and lust is evil. You are correct yet again to point out the severity of that sin. I believe you miss the point when it comes to figurative and literal. We can remove body parts, but since it is a sin of the heart, the imagination can always wander. So, what clinic should I go to to pluck that out?

      Now that you so clearly see that adultery is a heinous sin, and that adulterers are hypocrites because they do not cease from adultery. Let me clearly add this. Homosexuality is adultery!! So, answer me this. Are you prepared to stop committing adultery? Are you prepared to forgive those who sin against you, or homosexuals?

      If you are not prepared to be Christian, and you rail against Christians for not ‘being Christian’, does that not make you the biggest hypocrite of all? How many other adulterers have “never felt anything but love” from God? There are bunches. We do not walk by our “feelings” because our feelings are often wrong. Evil spirits give good feelings all the time to people who are in error. It is the devil’s way of greasing the skids to hell. One can look at the spirit of divination in the church today that gives goose bumps and warm fuzzies and good times while turning people to seek after signs and wonders, rather than the Lord their God.

      Thank you for pointing out this hypocrisy. In doing so, you are correct. Frankly, in saying the Lord loves you you are correct as well – but He will judge the actions and hearts of all men and if we do not judge ourselves, we shall be judged. Lets take the log out of our own eyes before we pull the speck out of others. It will be a kinder gentler place, don’t you think?

      You have vented, but have you repented? Unless you do, there is a strict warning:

      1Corinthians 6:9 “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.”

      Satan is an equal opportunity destroyer. Do not let him destroy you Rob because of the sins of those around you that you are hurt by. None of us wins by pointing the finger outwardly. It is only when we look at our own sin that we can be set free. Michael has done well to speak the truth. It is done in love, not pride or malice. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the matter.

      Tim

  6. Katrina Joy says:

    I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. We lived together for two of them, have 2 dogs and were planning on spending the rest of our lives together. I recently rededicated my life to Christ and felt that I shouldn’t be dating him since he is an atheist and has no desire to even check out church. We still go to movies and on dates, but that’s it. He felt like I was leading him on so I decided that we shouldn’t “date” anymore. I love him so much, but my walk with God is more important. I know that God says that a man who is a non-believer can stay with his wife who is a believer, I just don’t understand how that would be any different for us. My mom says that my wanting him to come to church with me is my way of justifying the fact that I still want to date him, abstinence or not. I would love someone else’s Godly advice on the subject.

    • Timothy Luke says:

      Hi Katrina,

      This is a BIG issue isn’t it? You are absolutely correct in realizing your walk with the Lord is more important. It is EVERYTHING as so many who have given up so much can attest. Jesus calls us to be fully in love with God and each other. God is the source of true and lasting love. You could go on your desire to live with your boyfriend forever, but if you read some recent posts by people who do not love God, you will see the recipe for disaster.

      I am sure in the back of your boyfriend’s mind is the thought that this is a passing phase for you. He surely would like it to be. You have every reason to see that his conscience will naturally seek to dissuade you from your love of Jesus Christ. You will either end up meeting his expectation and leaving Jesus and eternal life, or he will tire of the friction between you and having no moral compass, justify leaving you (with children perhaps) at a later date. There is always the slim hope of his coming to Christ, but he will not have reason to if you stay with him while he does not know Christ. Even at that, there is a strong warning that a person may “accept” Jesus to gain the love of a boyfriend or girlfriend, without really doing so from the heart. The end of this is the same. He will leave you or make you wish you were gone.

      Since you were not married, you are even freer to leave without the divorce issue. However, in Christ, you will need to seek a man after God’s own heart who will provide for you and your children, protect and be the priest of the family. This is a wonderful situation, when you find a like minded Christian who knows how to lead and provide for his family in love. On your part, you will need to be renewed and become the kind of wonderful woman that God has ordained you to be. You will find much fulfillment in being a Godly wife and mother. This cannot happen with an atheist who will accuse you of controlling your children’s minds simply because you choose to expose them to the limitless love of God.

      It is different for you in that first of all, you are not married. Not in God’s eyes. You both never commited and laid it all down for each other. Marriage is a whole different critter than living together – which, come to think of it, is why neither of you chose marriage, am I right? 🙂

      The scripture about a believer and unbeliever remaining married is given to those who are married before they came to know the Lord. You have come to know the Lord prior to marriage, so the scriptural instruction in that case is, “Be not unequally yoked with unbelievers.”

      This is a hard step, but it will be a lot easier than what will happen on its own if these warnings are ignored.

  7. I am 21 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 11 months. I have many questions of faith since I came to college (at age 19). I had never done more than kiss till I got to college and I was sexually assaulted, but I accepted it as a testament to my strength and will to overcome. Since then though I have not been the same and have taken part in pre-marital sex with my boyfriend and I have gotten illness after illness since then. I love him and we are planning on getting married July 2011 but I think God wants me to leave him. I keep getting sick, I have been to the hospital 6 times this year so far- since I have been with this man I have thrown up on 4 separate occasions for no reason and have contracted an incurable virus which seeks to destroy my sanity. I am losing reason to live because now all I see in my future is more pain and hospital trips. Is God punishing me for becoming who I am (who he made me) or for my choice to be with this boy, or am I just experiencing these things for some other reason?

    • Jennifer_Grace says:

      Hi Anya,
      Stories like your’s are not so uncommon. Many girls, after being assaulted, have a very different way of dealing with life than they did before. Actions after a great stress like that are often seeking to deal with the pain that it has caused you. I’m so sorry that happened to you and I would strongly encourage you to find someone you are close to to talk your feelings out with.
      About your boyfriend. Regardless of if and when you may be getting married and regardless of your illness and what the cause may be, God gave us the gift of sex (and it is a gift!) only in the context of marriage. God knew the repercussions sex outside of marriage would have. All that being said. There ARE consequences for sin. Absolutely. We will be held 100% accountable for everything we do (If you are saved by the grace of God in Jesus’s sacrifice, then we will not have to pay eternally, but we are still held accountable). But just because there are consequences does not necessarily mean that God is “punishing” you with this illness. I’m sorry that your illness is incurable. And maybe/maybe not did God allow you to contract it as punishment, but either way God promises to use the bad things in our life for GOOD. I pray that your illness might be a constant reminder of the sanctity of marriage. I also pray that you may find peace. If you trust in Jesus to forgive your sins, and turn from the things he says are wrong, you don’t have to feel guilty about the past.
      You said you have many questions about faith. Feel free to post them, maybe someone has some advice.
      God bless,
      Jennifer

    • Hey dear

      Am so sorry to read your story but that is life.Indeed God makes us go through certain situations to learn from them.I am equally in the same boots as you but am believing God for a miracle in my Life.My God did not form me with that incurable virus and hennce everything that he has not planted shall be uprooted in our lives…Matthew 15:13. God has blessed me with this Good loving and God fearing man and am asking God to heal me so that this incurable virus does not come in between us.I pray to God each and every minute to come through for me. The bible in 1 chronicles 16: 8 “reads oh give thanks to the lord call upon his name,make known his deeds among the people” and in mark 11:24 “Therefore I say to you whatever things you ask when pray believe that you have received them and you have them” So am believing God for my healing and marriage in 2011. So have faith and Believe in him.

      • Christ has paid for your disease=dis-ease! Psalms 103 v. 2-3= Praise the Lord O’ my soul, and forget not all his benefits 3. Who forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases! The key word in this passage is all. Also see Jeremiah 32:27=(Paraphrased) I am the Lord, God of all flesh is there anything to hard for me? Well I believe you know the answer “Of course not”… Jesus actually paid for our healing before he paid for our sins but many don’t know this and it saddens me. To believe in God for healing seems crazy b/c we often look at science. I will say though in honor of God that we must turn to him and away from all the doctors reports that are of evil report. Not that they aren’t true-but God has called you healed by Jesus stripes in several verses of scripture so the reports are of evil report b/c it’s contrary to what God has said. Of course, this is in reliance with your faith and the faith walk can’t be taught but accepted by the heart. I’ve battled with what the doctor’s say is an incurable disease, but, I refuse to allow sicknesses of any kind to dominate and predict my outcome God says in Deuteronomy 28 that sickness and disease of all kinds are apart of the curse of the law. Though healing may seem impossible even unrealistic at times I’m reminded of Jesus’ words in Matthew 19 “For with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

        A few other healing scriptures you may reference and confess are: Isaiah 53 v. 4-5, Joel 3 v. 21, Ezekiel 16 v. 6, Mark 11 v. 23, Proverbs 18 v. 21, John 15 v.7, Mark 5 v. 29, Matthew 8 v. 1, Job 22 v. 28, Proverbs 12 v. 18, Proverbs 30 v. 5, Matthew 8 v. 17, I Peter 2 v. 24, Acts 10 v. 38, Hebrews 13 v. 8 and Exodus 23 v. 25… I’m usually apologetic for given many scriptures but let this be of witness to you that God wants you well!!!!!!!! And he wants you well now!!!!!!!!!

        God bless you

  8. gale storey says:

    I am 66 years old and divorced twice. I have been single for 3 years and have recently started dating a very kind, considerate, and trustworthy man. Intimacy has been involved and it is beginning to bother me because I know from the Bible that it is not right. But also at our age we are not hurting anyone and we love each other. We also do not plan on marrying because of our financial affairs and the problems that would be involved with our heirs in the case of death. I am not seeking permission only some reasoning why it is wrong under the circumstances. I cannot continue to ask God to forgive me of my sins and then keep sinning. In some ways I do not consider this a sin, only a way of expressing our love.

    • Timothy Luke says:

      Hi Gale, People who are 30 years younger than you make the same arguments, with the exception of heirs. Here are some reasons why it is wrong.

      1) God says so and God knows what He is talking about. God is the one who knit you in the womb. He is the one with a hope and a future for you. He is the one with an eternal inheritance for those who love Him and keep His commandment. This first reason is the only reason you need to obey Him, but here are others in the hopes you will find the strength you need to resist the devil on this one.

      2) The argument, “it is not hurting anyone” is false. You have children and grandchildren who are old enough to see what is going on. You are setting an example and if “even grandma can do it, certainly I can.” If your presupposition is true that it is not hurting you, it certainly is false for those who will take silent note of your example. The devil will use it to grease their paths to destruction.

      3) How do you “recently” start dating someone and get to this point so quickly? How quickly will you tire of him, or he of you? When will you find another compassionate man and decide to ‘express your love’ with him? How many others has he ‘expressed his love’ for? You both are engaging in behavior that encourages sexually transmitted diseases.

      4) Like it or not, there are psychological ties and bonding that occur. God intended these for the commitment of marriage. Your love for each other is not greater than your concerns for finances and inheritances, so why should it be greater than God’s simple command? There are ways to set your wills to handle inheritance issues, are there not? Yes it may be complicated, but having sex with someone is complicated isn’t it? And that is why you are here, because the fact is you ARE hurting someone. Yourself.

      Gale, these words may appear harsh, but I am simply seeking to answer your question, “why is it wrong?” It is hard to answer that question without appearing harsh. The devil will perhaps say God’s way is heartless. But, we all have a choice – Do I believe God even when human reason fails me, or do I let the devil tell me what an out of touch God I serve, and then follow the slippery slope to hell?

      There are more reasons, or better ones out there for your situation so I will leave room for other responses….

      Matthew 7:13-14 “Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.”

      Strait, is not easy sister, but it is THE way. Your deeds are impacting not only your eternal inheritance, but that of your children and grandchildren. You need to heed the Lord, and I hope these reasons will give you the courage and strength to do that. There are a thousand other ways to express your love for each other, and they are Godly ones, too!

      I’ll leave you with the words of our loving Savior, “Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more…. I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life. John 8:10-12.

      Blessings and Peace,
      Timothy

  9. I’m 26 and been married for seven years. throughout those years my husband has been cheating on me. I know god is against divorce, but i simply cant live like this anymore. My intuition is telling me that there is someone else out there for me. Would god punish me if i divorced in search of true love?

    • kimkrys1 says:

      Hi Keri,

      I wanted to email you because I, too, have been divorced once and then remarried. I want to ask you to think about one thing. When you married your husband, were you seeking God’s will for your life? Were you saved and seeking Him?

      I didnt TRULY seek God in my first marriage. I was 30 and thought that if I didnt marry him I would be alone for the rest of my life. I wasnt saved either so that is two strikes automatically against me. The Lord even tried to show me I was doing the wrong thing by allowing things to happen that would have normally caught my attention.

      To make a very long story short, he told me to leave. I was in another state and had no family around me and felt that I shouldn’t stay and fight. My father in law was demon possessed and was the reason he asked me to leave.

      Keri, my husband asked me to leave I begged him to let me stay but my stuff was on the porch.. I was dealing with demons and evil spirits on a daily basis. I think it was the Lord’s will to take me out of that situation but he knew I wouldnt leave because I believed divorce was wrong… so he allowed my husband to throw me out.. I had been saved while married to my first husband and was youth leader in a local church. My father in law became very mean and evil not soon after I asked the Lord to come into my life. The Lord knew the bigger picture and who knows if I had stayed with him what would have happened to me.

      I have remarried but sought the Lord this time and was 100% sure it was the Lord’s will for us to marry.

      I may be out of line here, but my grandma used to say what is wrong for one person may not be wrong for another. She was convicted if she wore pants… I wore pants and I didnt feel convicted, am I wrong? I cant wear alot of jewelry does that mean wearing jewelry is wrong?

      I dont know if there is a clear cut answer or not.. for me it wasnt.. I would seek the Lord and see what He wants for your life…if you seek Him, He will show you..

      If you ever want to talk just message me sister!

      Love in Christ!

      Kim

    • Catherine Watson says:

      Well one of my good friends was in the same situation as you, she was in the early years of her marriage when she found out her husband was cheating on her, she had started coming to church and I do think she trusted in the Lord at that point but she divorced her husband (although God hates divorce there are situations whre divorce is allowed: unfaithful partners, abuse – the extreme situations where divorce should be a last resort) but my friend ended up – within the space of a few months – finding a lovely christian man in the coongregation and they just belong together and got on so well. They are now married for about 5 years and have two beautiful children and a very happy life togethetr, serving the Lord. Although the Lord worked in her life to provide a husband and a way out of her previous relationship there is no gurantee it will be exactly the same for you. My friend prayed a lot to God which is what you should do now, for the Lord always answers prayer. It is wrong that your husband is cheating on you, and if he is a christian he should know that is against Gods teachings. Divorce should always be a last resort as it does break a vow you and your husband made. But talk with your husband, pray with him and try and sort it out if that doesn’t work and he continues to cheat then divorce might be an option. We all make mistakes and if your husband is sorry. For cheating on you then forgive hm. For how can we refuse to forgive someone and yet search for forgiveness from our Lord.
      Always remember that the Lord will guide and bless you if you walk with him, and remember proberbs 3: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, for He shall direct your path”

      I will pray for you and hope the Lord will guide you.
      Feel free to email me if you need some christian help or encouragement.
      God bless,

      Catherine

  10. KingsKid07 says:

    My life’s story has been one of rebellion. I have looked for love in all the wrong places.

    I left home at 16, was pregnant at 17. I named my baby girl, Charity Dawn (in her little life, God’s LOVE dawned on me). She was born with a serious congenital heart defect. I didn’t know that the word charity in the old english, meant LOVE (1 Cor. 13:13), but I started to attend church during her first year of life. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour and was baptized at the age of 18,(October 1976) and my precious daughter died after her second open heart surgery on November 13, 1976 just prior to my 19th birthday (she was not quite 17 months old).

    To make the story short…..I entered into a path of rebellion against God, I was angry, I (in my ignorant state of comprehension) felt abandoned.

    I thought I was okay, I functioned somewhat normally, I worked, married, had two beautiful children, started and operated my own business, only to begin to crash after a 14 year marriage failed.

    Since the end of my marriage, I entered into many sexual failed relationships.

    My second marriage was full of miracles, revelations and a very Holy experience, I share it in my other testimonies here in other areas of this site.

    I have been dropped to my knees many times, broken hearted and cried out to God, but still making my own decisions and not completely surrendering to God. The final blow and surrender has happened this April 2007.

    The story of my life is an “unfolding” and even though I have made poor choices, I have sinned over and over again, God has never abandoned me, he has continued to work in my heart and my whole life finally crashed this year (I can relate to being broken).

    I’m not saying that my sin is justified, but I see how God has used the direct consequences from those sins/choices to draw me closer to him. Looking back I can see how God used all situations, the things that the enemy of our souls, used to lie/destroy/attack/condemn/steal from me, how God used these very same things to draw me closer to Him.

    No matter how broken my heart has been, no matter how badly I have believed others have betrayed me, used me, dishonored me, ect….I learned that ultimately….I did those very things to GOD! It was I who had broken God’s heart, betrayed HIM, rejected HIM. It was I who put the “love of men” before the “love of God”, so now in that realization, I have confessed my sins, repented and am looking to God and trusting HIM for all the answers. Also, it has helped me to forgive those who have done these things to me, because it was I who ultimately did this to God and because He forgives me, who am I to withhold forgiveness?

    I am not looking for love in all the wrong places anymore, GOD IS LOVE….I look to Him for this now. Common-law relationships is a LIE from our enemy – I have learned this lesson and surrendered this area.

    It’s amazing how God has shown his love, answered prayers and is revealing himself. His call to me is that he desires me intimately and NO ONE can love me the way HE does!

    I have given him every area of my life, I am His work in progress. My spiritual walk is not about perfection, it’s about progress! All fall short of God’s glorious standard! (Romans 3:23)

    I AM A NEW CREATION IN CHRIST and not living as I used to, not making choices I used to, not deciding how I would live as I used to! I know I will make mistakes along the way, and I know God will continue to love, forgive, instruct and discipline me. Humility is a powerful key to surrendering everything to our Most High God.

    God bless you and keep you! Sincerely, in Christ, Debra

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