In a seemingly hopeless situation, please help

This is very hard for me to write as it forces me to bare my soul. At a young age 13-14 I first experimented with drugs starting with pot and progressing to lsd, presciption pills, speed only a few years ago i ended my use of ecstasy. At the same time i started drugs i started to listening to very heavy metal (satanic) such as Deicide, Morbid Angel etc etc. I have always been an introvert and an intelligent student uptil drugs and seemingly mental illness which is somewhat important i describing what comes next. At the age of 15 after the commencement of my lsd phase i believe i sold my soul. I drew a pentagram with my own blood and said my wish: Psychic powers so that a girl i loved dearly would know how much i loved her. I feel it necessary to add i never asked to influence her love just that she knew, because i was so intrevented and unable to tell her myself as i was constantly stoned at school and very shy of her i did not have the courage.

I completely forgot about that wish very soon after as if i recall correctly i was probably stoned at the time, and evil was not new to me by that stage, drawing pentagrams on walls, writing evil lyrics on desks etc.

At the age of 16-17 I was diagnosed with schizophrenia (a self diagnosis I might add which a doctor confirmed) My life was complete hell thereafter as thats the time i believe my wish came true. This girl left the school not too long after (half way through grade 11) If by some way she did know i believe she would have completely hated me by now and needed to save herself which i completely understand.

I appear to be running out of space or something as the page keeps jumping up and down i will continue with a new post straight after this one.

What do YOU think?

comments

Comments

  1. Thankyou so much for your courage and your friendship for sharing your story with me David. As u know i have been through similar experiences as u have and knowing what u have been through has given me so much strength and understanding of life I feel so blessed to b a part of your spiritual journey, god bless dave, xxKaz

  2. I have starting reading genisis, and even after only 7-9 pages (I am sorry i have forgotten) I am starting to get it, to be honest I was a little dubious with some aspects whilst reading, my own will doing that? maybe but im not sure. Especially after more thought today about what i read everything is starting to make sense even after the little I have read I am starting to accept every word it took a bit of more indepth thought myself as I am a self confessed so learner in some things, things are starting to all fall into place and i can understand some fundamental rules and how they impact on my own life. I am sure im gaining more of god’s and jesus’s god graces with every acceptance of every passage that i read and to be honest i basically think the meaning of life can not be found through science and other things anymore but contained in the bible. Even things that seemed a bit odd to me with more thinking on the topic seemed right. For example alot of early man lived upto or more than 900 years but god was not happy with man at this stage and only saved noah, his wife, noah’s children and his childrens wifes. Could it not be that we live shorter lives now because the longer we live the more likely it is that we get corrupted by our own sins and believe less with that amount of time to live? I don’t know but that is how i am interrepting it for myself, do not totally accept my interreption as I may be wrong, think on it yourselves. God bless all, I am seeing the light more and more and know i have even done error’s on this site which I myself do not approve of, I should keep posts about myself to my own unless it will directly help that person. Please forgive me i do not want to make anyone elses situation seem less grave by adding my situation to it, this is a learning process for me and i am happy that i can come to these conclusion’s as we are all battling for our souls. Praise all the brother and sisters on this site as we are all following the correct path

    • alethesia dipsos says:

      Your post has made me glad! Thank you for sharing what God is revealing to you through His word! To God be the glory!!! How encouraging!

      • newlight says:

        Thank you very much Neil for your words of encouragement I appreciate them greatly. I think I am really starting to learn the way I should live my life now and I am very gratefull for that fact. My next resolution is trying to find a church that is suitable to me and I believe the pentecostal/methodist path is the one i should follow. I am exited about my upcoming baptism and can’t wait to be accepted by fellow christian’s into their church

        • alethesia dipsos says:

          I continue to make mention of you in my prayers, which ever church you decide to fellowship with, I have faith that you will continue to grow in knowledge and wisdom and that God will make clear to you His will. This is what I pray for you! (Which is also my prayer for me!)
          God bless you and please continue to share your triumphs (in the Lord), your struggles, your heart with us. I for one am constantly inspired, awed and humbled by such accounts as yours. You have a transparent heart, you have shown that to us all. That takes courage and faith – I am blessed to witness them!
          If ever I may pray or be of service in any way, please let me know!

          “He must become greater, I must become less”
          John 3:30

          • newlight says:

            I had a massively good experience today my friend, I was thinking over my choices of faith and alot of things in general today, Asking for forgiveness of sins that i only just remembered and I know I got redeemed for as I have an almost electostatic feeling when my prayers have been answered with forgiveness. I ask jesus to rid any demon from me bar the 3 i willingly took on myself (one from my pact, one from my room and one from afriends house) I said to him those i will have to work for and show you my dedication. Afterwards the energies flowing through my body in waves were enormous and undinable I had never felt this good before, I was way better than any filthy drug I had taken or emotion I have ever had, this went on for a few minutes then i thanked jesus for his help. I am pretty sure I got what i asked for so all but my three willing demons I think are now gone from my life, praise jesus his love for me and us all is outstanding and is willing to help any that come his way, repent and mean it. Acceptance of him and god are the best is this best thing i have ever done. Anyways friend I am about to get a train to see my partner again who I am missing dearly and can’t wait to give her a hug. God bless you all

          • You are seeing how good God can be. God wants you to enjoy Him every day. Put a high value on His presence and you will do great!

          • God is love, I’m so glad to hear the love He’s shown you!

            Keep following Jesus

  3. newlight says:

    Last night I was struggling with my own forgiveness which is not a good thing i know, even though i still must fight to carry on knowing that jesus has already forgiven me now I let myself succum to my own struggles. I could not think of anything else for several hours last night apart from me selling me soul, I now recall the almost exact location in my room where it happened, and the thing is, that is right near the location where the physical activity in my room was the greatest, I begged jesus’s and god’s forgiveness because almost against my will I started remembering the words I mutered after my wish, that i got of a dark metal CD they are basically speaking a language unbeknown to me probably not even a human language and I started to remember the exact phrasing even thoughi have not heard that CD in over 10 years. With each word that bluttered out of my head which i was trying to force myself to stop my depreration, fear of what i had done and depair grew and grew, it took my a fair while after that to realise that i must pray for the strength to forgive myself as i was spiraling into a very bad emotional state and my own person demon’s loved that I also started to recall myself trying to commit suicide one night by cutting my wrist, when i did that i picked up the razor blade and don’t even remember myself doing that massive cut on my wrist which i still bare the scare from til todayalmost 15 years later. I cut and burnt myself in many other ways aswell which i also still bare those scare and i can;t bare to look at them, but jesus and the holy spirit did give the power to stop thinking negatively and to forgive myself once again and pray that it will continue. Do not worry my fellow brothers and sister i am back on track again my will and trust in jesus is strong and i pray for no more despare from my past life. God bless you all

  4. alethesia dipsos says:

    Newlight, my brother in Christ and co-heir of things to come,
    I am pained, seeing your pain. When one member suffers, we all suffer.
    Your situation is beyond my wisdom or knowledge but I DO know a couple things:
    “Greater is He who is in you, than he who is in the world”
    1 John 4:4

    You are sent to war with an inferior General in command. Indeed, you are sent into a battle that has ALREADY been won. You have God on your side, that is an awesomely encouraging fact – I think.

    Also, here is another truth of which I am certain:
    “Submit yourselves then to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you”
    James 4:7

    It IS possible to overcome, but not on our strength, it seems you know all this. From what you report, you are casting away the sins you know you need to repent of, and the habits therein. I commend you! Continue, my brother, to seek God and pray for wisdom and strength. I too shall pray for you!
    Taking advantage of the present which God has blessed us with, I will pray now for you:
    Abba Father,
    I humbly ask forgiveness for all of my sins – my sin of pride, idolatry, hate, selfishness, greed and many more Lord. Please wash me white as snow and hear my prayer! My brother, Newlight, is under attack. You know better than I Lord, what his needs are and what evils pursue him. I pray Lord that as he seeks you, he finds you. I pray you send your angels to protect him and to guard his heart. Please surround him with your love and bring peace to his spirit. Please give him wisdom in dealing with such powerful forces and guide him through the light which comes from only YOU. Thank you for your love and forgiveness and grace Lord. Not our will but yours be done.
    Amen

    I will continue to pray brother, please keep us all posted as I for one am concerned for you and take to heart your struggles which now become mine. God bless you.
    Neil

    • newlight says:

      Thank you so much for your prayer Neil, as i read it i got the feeling I get when i pray myself as confrimation from jesus and god that they hear it, it is like a static feeling all over and a slight cool feeling and i got that just from reading what you said. I will keep you all posted and am so thank full for all the support people have given, I do not want to give the demon’s any satisfaction anymore, I think god has given me a tool to recongise i am talking to demon now, ever since i accepted jesus when talking to a demon even a demon claiming to be jesus I feel like i am going temporarily insane, this never happened before hand, To be quite honest I am beginning to doubt if i was ever even schizophrenic as the anti psycotic drugs sometimes made me feel worse. May the love of jesus wash over all especially those effected by my taint. I have forgiven all that have wronged me in the past which i know now is a crucial step and I have been serverly wronged by many people especailly one that almost drove me to suicide and restarting drug abuse infact a very dangerous drug butane but i forgive her now (a real person, not just a voice in my head).

    • alethesia dipsos says:

      My statement,
      “You are sent to war with an inferior General in command. Indeed, you are sent into a battle that has ALREADY been won. ”
      Was SUPPOSED to read, “You are NOT sent to war…”
      I apologize for the error. All my entries are conducted via blackberry and often difficult to proof read EVERYTHING correctly. Nevertheless, my apologies!
      Neil

  5. newlight says:

    I had a visit today from a very good and noble man willing to help me, infact it was Michael the founder of this site, a miriacle that i came to this exact sight and that another blessed person Andrew indirectly lead me to contact Michael, Jesus and god really love me know i am sure of it and used his faithfull followers as guides to my own salvation, praise be to jesus, god and the holy ghost! Any and all that sent me private messages or public messages i thank you from the bottom of my heart as I can actively work at gaining my own redemption and salvation now and i don’t think i could have done it without any of you. I would also like to thank anyone that may have offered a prayer in my name from all over the world and i hope to see you all in heaven one day to be able to thank you personally. I don’t deny this path is going a be a massive change for me and i may struggle a little on the way, but as long as I remain faithfull and repent all sins I think jesus and god will forgive and welcome me with open arms when my time has come. I cannot wait to start this first ever positive chapter in my uptil now evil life. I actually had further confirmation of my demonic influence over the phone before michael arrived i voice i did not hear in my head but over the phone, it was electrical sounding in nature, my hand felt as heavy as lead and i could barely hold the mobile/cell phone to my head, but i prevailed told him my address which i was previously very scared to do and had my first face to face chat, praise be to god i do not feel as oppressed any more I know know i can do this!

    • alethesia dipsos says:

      Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you!
      1 Peter 1:3-4

      I quoted this passage because of the joy it reflects and how similar that joy rings in my heart!
      Thank you for the post! God bless you and Michael, God bless you as well!!! Thank you for allowing God to use you, praise be to Him!
      I am happy and my spirit is lifted by this testimony. The love of God truly dwells within the hearts of those on this site and I am encouraged!

      • Thank you for showing God’s love to David, he needs encouragement and you’ve given him many inspiring Scriptures. Again, thank you. God loves it when people show His love to people who need it.

  6. Dear newlight,

    While I am under demonic oppression myself and make no claim to be able to help you, I have prayed for you and I was really sad to hear your story, since you’ve suffered a lot.

    Since I’ve had experiences with demons, I can tell you have problems with them. They usually enter through openings, and such openings are sins. Try to confess your sins, ask God for forgiveness, deliverance and help, and try not to commit sins. I know it’s hard with demons around, but God is much stronger.

    Also, you NEED to get born again. Jesus loves you, but you must accept Him. He died for all your sins and rose again so that He could justify you (make you righteous, which means, right with God) (Romans 4:25). Read more about this here http://www.christian-faith.com/forjesus/the-good-news#intro , and pray the prayer and mean it. If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart God raised him from the dead, you shall be saved (Romans 10:14) and whoever calls upon the name of the LORD shall be saved (Romans 10:13). If you pray that prayer with faith, believing God exists and is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him (Hebrews 11:6) you will be saved (born again). And righteousness is a gift from God that comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all sinned and fall short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:22, 23). Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved (Acts16:31)!

    Also, check out the teaching on this site about spiritual warfare. It’s very useful. And, no, don’t call a catholic priest/exorcist because they have sin and catholicism is wrong because they worship statues and images. Delieverance from demons is possible, but you need to trust God. That’s what faith is – trusting God, who justifies the ungodly (sinners) and this faith is counted as righteousness (Romans 4:5).

    Don’t trust demons.

    Andrew

    • newlight says:

      I thank you so much Andrew for your concern your reply almost brought me to tears, I have given up or massively reduced all excessess in my life expect smoking cigarettes which i am struggling with on a daily basis. It is still a sin as my christian friend told as i am basically commiting slow suicide. As soon as I do one sin they all spiral out of control, so basically when i light the next cigarette i have i’ve doomed myself to slowly repeatively sin. I have broken all but one of the 10 commandments being : tho shalt not kill, if i committed that last one which i was very close to doing before my change to god and accepting that jesus is his soon, by now i would have committed that aswell, my change was less than 2 months ago. My rages and hatred was out of control and praying to god or jesus is the only way i can stop them. My life is in complete ruin, the only reason i have not commited suicide (I still bear a scare on my wrist fromn the age of 17) is that i did not want to give satan the satisfaction because i know that’s what he want. For you help Andrew you are a true christian and i hope god and jesus smile apon you and judge you kindly when your time to go to heaven comes.
      Best wishes for your own predicament David
      Edit: I read the link you post which in all reality was a very hard task my head was pounding with every word, my concentration span was shot, when that didnt work for them my eyeshit became blurry, until i reached half way down to: “What jesus did for us on the cross” and it all suddenly became alot more easy to read a miricle? I believe I have multiple demons, I saw a family who are friends of both my partner and myself who have little children the youngest being under 2 by the mother own admission and my own true belief their house has evil surronding due to their stepdaughter, i prayed to god to remove it and said if he wouldn’t as a last resort I would take them unto myself. That night i felt like i had to be commited to an insane asylum, it was alot more powerful than i realised it was trying to convince me it was another god of another religion and it wanted to help, with every mental word i spoke to it i felt more and more insane as it was gaining more and more power over me I have many stories but some are left out of here. At heart i am a kind person who made a foolish choice

      • newlight says:

        I only regained my sanity from that demon when i rejected its influence, it tryed again with the same rusult of temporary insanity but i was alot more cautious and its time span was alot shorter. I feel like my room in particular is tainted from which i am writing right now, i am feeling very weird again this very second it doesn’t like me publishing this. This is the same room where i sold my soul. Without even knowing my story my friends hit the nail on the head when they refered to my room as the “dungeon”

        • David, I hope you prayed the prayer at the end of the link which I posted. Demons don’t want you to be saved or delivered, that is why they try to keep you from reading the Gospel or anything that would help you. Pray to Jesus He stops them from doing that, and know that really believing you have the things you pray for at the moment you ask for them, you shall receive!

          And all things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive. (Matthew 21:22)

          Don’t trust demons, nor give them an opening. Pray to God that He helps you stop sinning. Trust God who justifies the ungodly (Romans 4:5). This is His promise.

          Read the spiritual warfare teachings here on this site too, and renounce all satanism and burn all satanic contracts/items once you have prayed for protection and feel safe.

          • newlight says:

            I feel the ball is in motion right now Andrew and it was you (God Bless you) and this site that shall hopefully lead me to my salvation. I noticed all my spelling errors writen everywhere and that is not usual of me, my mind feels clouded with every key stroke. I have contact Michael who seems to run this forum and he lives in the same city as myself which is a miracle I feel like everything is falling in place with me. I do not know if I am losing my mind more but, I have had a female voice in my head claiming to be the holy spirit trying to help me and a voice of jesus yesterday and he weeped for me as he spoke. I feel like everything is becoming a little too much and am not sure if i can trust any voice in my head at the moment, please realise I have heard nothing but destructive voices in my head in the past and do not mean any disrespect but im not sure if I can trust them. I have mocked satan and his demons many a time of late and know i have infuriated him as basically for a while i lost all fear. In all honesty i was more fearfull of god and jesus as I have blasphemed all of the holy trinity in the past especially in my hardcore heavy/death metal days. Bless everyone here on this site and If anyone wants to pray for me i would be grateful, my name is David S. I feel ashamed if any have guessed who i am, more for my family and partner than for myself. You acted as a messanger for god tonight Andrew and obviously god loves you, I am writing this at almost 5 am as sleep during the night especially is not easy for me anymore.

          • David, in the Scriptures I’ve not seen God with a female voice, but He reveals Himself as Father, and also Son, and I know God speaks with a male voice, but it’s not like an average man since Scripture talks about it. While God can speak to you, be also careful though as many demons masquerade to be God. He loves you, and ask God not to let you blaspheme Him. He will hear your prayer, because if we pray according to His will, He hears us, and blasphemy’s not His will. Ask for forgiveness if you haven’t, and I’ll pray for you aswell. I’ve prayed for you, and will pray more. God wants to deliver people from demons, He delivered many people in the Bible from them, and He does not change, so trust God for your deliverance. Pray for protection and trust him for protection. The LORD is our Rock and Refuge. Trust God who justifies the ungodly, and you shall be righteous (Romans 4:25). God is slow to anger, and abounding in love. The fear of the LORD in the Bible is shuning evil. God is moving in your life, and God is Good. Praise Him, for all blessings come from him!

          • newlight says:

            I think I have found a weapon against them, another voice that appeared to me pretending to be kind until i purposely said to then when i grew suspecious of it “God bless you “the name the demon pretended to be” and it almost imediately swore at me and blew its own cover. Until the last year I had almost been voice free for along time and could only make out mumbles. I currently free very tired, I have deprived myself and the demon’s of nicotine the last few hours, as I have told some other my head feels like a snow globe slowly been shaken up and done, I must leave this room right now, thank you again Andrew I can’t express my gratitude enough to you and everyone else that is trying to help me god bless.

          • newlight says:

            Everytime I tried to change a negative attitude by myself in the past I would abandon the path at or before the 13th day. Since my last change to accepting jesus on the 13th day it was also a full moon and a friday night, which is when satanic powers are at their greatest, apparently that was a day 19th february i think that the moon was very close to earth. I felt like insanity was at its fullest that night and struggled to hold onto my faith and thank the holy trinity this was the first time i had success in changing my lifestyle

  7. newlight says:

    One more ting i must add, i feel different thani tink normal people do when they pray to jesus or god, I have almost an electrostatic feeling all over, the 1st time i asked for my soul back trembling as i did, I felt the happiest that i can ever remember afterwards i feel a little cool/cold aswell is ny of that normal>?

  8. newlight says:

    I now believe i am affected by demonic influence and have no idea what to do even though i regularly pray now and repent my excessive rages continue after not long after. I need help, baptism, exocism from a priest ect and and very willing to change my ways even if after my contact i cannot see heaven if that is the case i accept that. I want to improve my life and that those all around me especially those effected by my taint. I pray i might see heaven but no there is a chance i won’t but will defy satan at every turn anyways. I live in Australia, queensland infact and will only give my person information in a private message as i do not want to shame my family with my dispicable acts. Is there anyone that can help me?

  9. newlight says:

    I have noticed as has she things not right about our room which we refer to as the dungeon, which thank god she no longer lives in although we are still in a loving relationship which i am desperate to keep and improve myself. Things that have happened in our room: particuarly our bathroom things falling off the shelf in our bathroom at the dead of night, the light flickers in there even when the bulb is changed etc etc. Last year was when we first noticed the physical signs (although she knows nothing of my past, this is the most indepth i have ever gone infact with anybody and i have only told very little to 2 individuals which i trust as much as a person like me can). After without even meaning to around the times of the physical signs we got into an arguement, I forget the context but it came to this conclusion i said without spite and thought that basically i never trusted her our whole relationship, which absolutely broke her and led her to do something i think she regrets but i forgive her since i was basically being cruel to her and this wasn’t the 1st time. After alot of torment over the thing i know she did my smoking pot drug habit came back full time as did my hatred of my own existance all my excessed basically i was a hellard some of my own thought which i think in words not pictures sometimes sounded demonic even against my own will. I tried san pedro cactus about 2 months ago, it was like god and jesus were trying to reach me through my own fault- drugs where i made a resolution through my own analysis to accept god and jesus into my life, this was the first real prayer i have ever had and to be honest it felt great it had much more effect on me than my anto psychotic drugs or any treatment to deal with my voices. Next page

  10. newlight says:

    It took me a while to realise and even remember what i did before becoming schizophrenic (selling my soul) the voices were constant many of the girl i loved (jennifer), but alot more of another girl who i did not love but was starting to become sexually attracted to a few months after jennifer left my school (Sandra). Every voice was either evil straight away but the worst were the ones that were kind just to tear me to shreds later. The Sandra voices commited suicide in my head over 12 times and it was destroying my mind with each time i believed that this might be a real occurance and not just my supposed schizophrenia. I believed that my neighbours were hearing everything in my head in true schizophrenic fashion but was having a hard time dismissing it especially when after a while i remembered my wish.

    I am almost 32 within 8 days infact i will be, my life has been a constant struggle where nothing has seemed to go right, I would loss jobs due to freek injuries or for example food poisoning that would last for a month (vomiting every day) My luck has gotten even worse when i found the 1st person in my life that actually loves me back, as i think satan hates the fact i found love I have been in this relationship almost 4 years and both of our luck has been tragic. We both cannot hold down jobs we have had many arguements and i found I have had the ability volunteerily somes and not others in the midst of arguements to verbally destroy her and reduce her to tears which i am ashamed off. Next post

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