I’m DONE!!

I’m not going to let my past hinder me from the greatness I know that for me, God has PREDESTINED ! God is stronger than any pain I have felt, any situation I’ve been through. Greater than any loss I’ve had to face. I was DUMB enough to let the devil fool me for waaaay too long! I already knew how GREAT and MIGHTY and POWERFUL GOD IS!! My weaknesses (fear, doubt, lack of trust, anger, resentment, pain, etc..) allowed that tired old clown to come in and water the seeds I already planted myself. I’ve been burned so bad by love, by my mother and its been horrible to my self esteem. At times I’ve felt I’ve had no self esteem at all. But I’M DONE! I am everything that God says I am. Unforgiveness is a powerful thing. I did not know how much baggage I had until God showed me. I always felt like there was something wrong with me. If my mother tore down everything single part of me how can I find good in anyone else? I felt that if the previous guys that I dated treated me soooo horribly and had to find satisfaction elsewhere, there must be no kind of good in me .I’ve tried self- help, guides to “inner happiness”..etc, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against any of that. I know that I cannot “help” myself. I tried it on my own. I CANNOT DO IT MYSELF!!! I completely single handedly destroyed an opportunity to build something with the most amazing man of God I have ever met. There was sooo much good in him. I feel like I missed my blessing because I doubted me. I doubted him. But most of all I doubted God!! I disobeyed him by acting out against what I knew he had told me to do or not to do. I have never been filled with soo much regret and sadness., BUT I’M DONE reflecting on the past!!! It’s just what it says.. THE PAST!! I’TS DONE! IT’S OVER!!! They cannot hurt me anymore. I’ve been a victim too long, just didn’t know I was a victim to my own captivity! I’ve held myself down too long holding on to the pain. I’M DONE. FORGIVE AND LET GO!!! BE DONE!!! God if this is the man that you have destined to be in my life, I pray that you fix what I’ve STUPIDLY torn apart because of my insecure heart. God most of all, I ask you to put it on his heart and mind to forgive me for pushing it way beyond repair. I leave everything in your hands (like I should have done in the first place) Forgive me God for being inpatient and intervening instead of waiting on you! I’m sorry. Thank you for every experience I’ve been through. It’s growth and I thank You for making me stronger. Keep me close to you God. Show me Your Will and Your ways. Help me to grow and be more like You!! I want to be with You FOREVER!! When it’s all over I want to be able to hear You say “Well done my good and faithful servant”!!!! I love you. 🙂

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