I need a lot of prayer and guidance…

Please read this in the Spirit since I can’t really explain everything.

My fiancee and I took a “break” from Christ for about 8 months, in the meantime engaging in a whole bunch of sin and ruining a lot of things throughout our lives. I’m done with it, cause I just can’t handle being away from Christ anymore, especially since its been killing me almost from the start. However, she doesn’t want to come back just yet. Needless to say, we’re still stuck in sexual immorality and we can’t get out.

Long story short, I’m worried for her and for our relationship and I’m confused about what to do. I’ve been in prayer for a couple months about what to do and whether to end the relationship and all that stuff, but I’m getting a weird answer. First of all, both from Scripture and from other Christians I’m told that since we’ve become sexually involved with each other, we should marry (and sooner than we have planned). When I begin to seek further about marrying an unbeliever or joining myself in a relationship of unrighteousness, the answers I get have to do with walking by faith and not by sight and being patient. Basically, I’m kinda left thinking that I need to trust God to bring her about and be patient in the meantime, and I’m still confused as to where the whole marrying her sooner comes in, since she’s not following Christ.

I think its mostly because I’m very unstable and weak from all this, but I want to run this by you guys and see if this is truly from the Spirit or if its something else like me cherry-picking or something like that. Not only that, but if this isn’t sound advice, then along what lines should I start searching and praying?

Thanks guys…I can’t wait until the Spirit regains control of all this, it hurts to see what we’ve done :'(…

What do YOU think?



  1. faithishearing says:

    Great question! 🙂
    I think that your priority right now should be a right relationship with Christ. Repent of your sins. You point out your sin of sexual immorality, but what is more obvious is the one of idolatry. You traded your relationship with Christ for your relationship with this girl. Your actions said to God that what you wanted was more important than Him. Ultimately, this is the root of every sin, putting our needs and wants over God. Get back to making God your first love.
    My opinion:
    If your fiancée was a hindrance to this before, it is understandable why you should at least take a break for a while and regain focus. If she is the one God wants for you, He will bring her back. It will be a time of growth for both of you, but you cannot do this together, for obvious reasons.
    There is an interesting quote from a pastor this past week that spoke at a youth convention.
    “If your relationship with God is not where it should be, your influence in the life of another will be destructive.”
    I find this true in a lot of cases. Not only in those where we are in a relationship with another person, but also to the people who are watching us. You see it all the time, fallen pastors, televangelist, how many of their actions have fanned the flames of skepticism? People get lost because they see Christians involved in sin and feel that maybe Jesus can’t help them in their own sin. This has helped me more than ever to seek God for the sins in my life, because I do not want to be a stumbling block to anyone.
    Since you are thinking of marrying her, one of things you hope for in her life, and work toward is her spiritual growth. Ephesians 5 talks about the husband spiritually building up the wife, he is to be a spiritual leader.
    I will be frank with you.
    You said here, “I’m still confused as to where the whole marrying her sooner comes in, since she’s not following Christ.”
    Have you thought about your own influence over her?
    What you say and what she sees in you can be two different things. You say you want to be getting close to God, and back to doing what you know to be what is right. However, if you are still sleeping with her, she may interpret this as you not really being serious. That maybe you are just feeling guilty right now, and you’ll get over it, or that it is just a ‘phase’. She may say this or she may not, but even subconsciously, she can be interpreting your actions that way. Your mouth says you want to follow God, but your action says something else. It may be that she isn’t following Christ, but, more importantly, she doesn’t see YOU doing it. As such, your example is not really a good motivator to incite change in her own life.
    If you decide to go back to God and do His will, do not wait for her to agree with you. Even if that means ending things. Since the Bible teaches that a man is the spiritually leader of the home, it is important first that you have a foundation in Christ. This (your example) will be for her benefit (whether you marry her or not) and your own.
    Matthew 6:33
    But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

  2. bornagainbytheblood says:

    The first order of business is for you to come out of all sin. You cannot partake of even a little sin and belong to Jesus; the two are completely incompatible. Once you do that, and have surrendered all to the Lord Jesus, then you can begin to address matters pertaining to a mate. One thing is for sure, however: a born again child of God has no business dating, much less marrying, someone who is not committed to Christ.

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