I got saved tonight!

 Tonight, I have just made the greatest decision of my life.

I have been a christian most of my life. I have gone to church and done everything that I was supposed to do. Recently, my life has been falling apart. When my father died in 2007, I lost a lot of my faith. There was even one time when I became agnostic. I thought God didn’t care and I went about life in my own way. But, because I never drannk or partied, I thought I was a good kid. I know a lot of my friends who were still in the church and they were all getting pregnant/wasted/high, so I deduced that there was no real differnece if I went to church or not. I felt no real change, and was fully aware that church, or at least the church I went to, was full of ceremony. I didn’t feel close to God. People weren’t friendly. I did not feel welcomed there and would honestly feel relief when I didn’t go.

So I stopped going. I never fully abandoned the teaching of the church, because I believed they were good morally. Though I held some antagonism to the church, but when I looked at the world (no matter how I reasoned with myself) could never fully agree with what they were doing.

I thought I was being more open-minded by being accepting of other religions and life-styles, but really I was just coddling sin, and secondly I just wanted people to like me. It felt wrong.I didn’t think that way at all, not matter how much I tried to convince myself I did. I told myself that line of thinking was just the result of my supposedly ‘bigoted’ upbringing. This was good! I was being tolerant!

The devil is a liar.

Eventually, I started compromising myself in ways I could have never believed. Though I thank God that through it all I was able to maintain my sexual purity, though I had lost it mentally by chasing the pursuits of sexual gratification.

I pursued my own version of spirituality which was really idolatry. Me tryring to convince myself that I knew what was right in my life. I prayed to God sometimes (when I got in a jam) but honestly believed that there was a he either didn’t care about me, didn’t exist, or was evil.

I have tried everything. Self-help books to battle the on-going depression I had.Read articles and magazines on life hoping that it would tell me about life. I wanted to know what was wrong with me. It was like the only thing I could feel was sexual. I wanted to be gratified and I relied on that a lot to get me through the day.

That was all I felt, that or depression.

Something dramatic changed.

First I felt guilty about my behavior. I knew that I wasn’t supposed to be doing the things that I was doing.I felt disgusted with myself. I mean, I literally lived day to day for that stuff. So I stopped my viewing behaviors. It was tough at first, I slipped up here and there and I asked God to forgive me. (I started praying again). But eventually I stopped.

I had joined a community whose views I was starting to get disgusted with. I mean, it was literally anything goes for them. They were afraid to say something is wrong. The whole ‘whatever works for them’ view wasn’t cutting it for me. If something someone is doing harms themselves or others, it should be questioned. But I was right along with them in agreement, and I knew that I didn’t believe any of that stuff. I never could. It made me uncomfortable.But I was afraid, so I always took the middle ground, because I wanted people to like me. That came to an end. I have broken ties with the community, because honestly it wasn’t healthy for m;e. Celebrity obsessed, sex-crazed, apathetic are words I would use in description of that group. They had no passion for life, though there were some there who claimed to believe in God.

Not to say I was more morally right than them. I was desparately wicked. Even with all the changes I made I stills struggled in my mind. My thought were racing. Conflicting opinions here and there. I now know why God said that a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. I was searching for God. I was reading my bible, praying and struggling daily with my sinful thoughts. I mean, EVERY moment was a challenge. I thought I was losing my mind. I planned to see a therapist.

Then I remembered a link that my sister gave me to this sermon on this website called audioverse. The sermon was a series called I love me, I love me not. I listened to it, and it spoke truth to me. But amazingly I felt worse and more hopeless afterward. I knew I had past hurts in my life, but I didn’t know how I could heal from them. I sank into a deep depression, where it was literally hard for me to get out of bed every morning. I began questioning myself on everything, even my sexuality and I had NO peace. The sermon was a good one, but it did not point me to what I really needed (or I missed it). It talked about getting our self-worth from God and His word, and claiming His promises. So I read my Bible feverishly and prayed, hoping God would heal me and deliver me from the confusing fog that overtook me.

I was losing my mind. Every affliction you could have, I thought I had. Something had to be wrong with me, why wasn’t this working? I was doing the right things weren’t I? I cried out to God in fear and frustration. I couldn’t keep living like this. I was suicidal.

God was revealing to me things in my life that I hated. Sins I was ashamed of. Even as I cursed Him in frustration He stayed with me, encouraging me to continue reading my Bible and praying.

But, it wasn’t until I read a testimony on another website, that I finally got it.

It was about a man who was going through the same things I was. He was searching for God and doing all the right ‘things’. He went to church, he learned the doctrines, everything, but he still struggled with sin constantly, and so he asked of the Lord.d Lord, why can’t I oversome this. God revealed to him that he hadn’t surrendered his life to Christ. I stopped reading right there.

In all I was doing, I hadn’t asked Christ into my life! I can’t believe I did all that and Jesus was missing! I had missed that all important first step. I thought I was following him all along, but I had to be sure. I wanted to make it official that it wasn’t about me anymore, it was about him. I wanted to place Jesus in the center of my life. So I sat in my bed, my bible in my hand, and my head bowed, and I asked Jesus to be Lord of my life.

Such amazing peace washed over me, and for the first time in days, my mind is CLEAR! God is amazing! I want to build a relationship with him. I called my mother wanting to tell her, but she didn’t pick up. I texted my sister and best friend, but none of them answered. Ha! The devil tried to discourage me, but I knew the angels were rejoicing in heaven. I feel for the first time as though I found home. As I emailed my online mentor with the news(she is a christian helping me through my issues) I read it back and felt joy I never felt before. I knew the Holy Spirit wrote that meassage because it didn’t even sound like me!

I had tears in my eyes as I went back to my room, because I really feel loved and accepted by God. The promises in the Bible are mine now. The problem before was that I was claiming the promises, bt it didn’t have force behind them, I couldn’t really believe it, because I hadn’t surrendered my life to Christ. Now, the promises come alive to me. I know every word of God is true, and I know that He loves me.

It is so real. Part of me can’t believe it. And I am just tearing up because God is so good. Jesus died and took away my sins, I knew it all the time, but I never believed it in my heart. I believe it now. I am a part of the family of God! A real family, not the sham that I have now.

Please continue to pray for me. I just have to tell everybody. Thank-you and God bless!

 

 

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Comments

  1. fmj2010 says:

    I praise God that He loves us so much that He sent His son Jesus to die for our sins. I am so glad that you gave your life to the Lord and I rejoice with you. I can truly relate to everything you had to say because I’ve been there myself, but thank God for his mercy and his grace upon us. I would encourage you to find a good bible teaching church where you can grow in the Lord Jesus and where you can fellowship with other Chrristians. And may the Lord continue to strengthen and guide you all the days of your life. Your sister in Christ!

  2. MWalker says:

    u know some of these toughts come @ the most inapportune times. like when im talking to a coworker and im thinking lustful thoughts about them. these thoughts i become ashamed @ and i know its wrong. i honestly dont want to be involved with women, i dont think its right and per the bible it is not. i pray about it all the time. i just want to be delivered from this sin. i dont want to be like this. i love God and my children I want a husband someday. I want to make it to Heaven but how can I when this sin is before me? i havent been involved with woman in years and come to find out i really didnt like it to begin with. I cant discuss this with other ppl for fear they may judge me. I know this is something the devil wants and since i have been saved i seem to be on his radar. since i will not oblige and give in to temptation, he is filling my head with wrong thoughts and making me question my salvation, sometimes i wonder if i should just give up. not that i would go back to that lifestyle but give up because of this sexuak sin. its clearnly an abomination, i dont want to spend eternity in hell. this is not me, its not my life.

    • faithishearing says:

      You are right. It is not you.
      It is the same with me. I want a great husband one day, and I know that it is a desire that God has put in my heart. New Christians who decide to turn from a life of sin are always on the devil’s radar. Just remember, God has given you new thoughts and new desires, and that the thoughts that you are still having is not yours. This is important. Whenever a thought does arise, you have to deal with it immediately, or the devil will use it to mock you and taunt you. Pray quickly and redirect your thoughts. It is good to keep in mind some scripture. If you can, flip the script. Pray for that person. Second, don’t be afraid that because you are being tempted that means you will sin(or are sinning) even Jesus was tempted. God is able to keep us from falling.
      Jude 1:24
      To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy–
      Remember Jesus Christ has already saved you. Before the world began, He knew you and knew your name. He knew every sin that you would commit, and He died on the cross because He knew you were worth it. If dying on the cross weren’t enough to cover your sins, He would have done more.
      Hebrews 9:14
      how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without blemish to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?
      and…
      Hebrews 10:10
      By this will we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.
      1 John 3:20
      whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
      Know that God knows the real you, the you that wants to serve and obey Him. There is unconditional love, joy, peace, and acceptance in Jesus Christ. He will never give up on you, and He will never ignore an honest plea for help. God’s grace not only saves us from sin, but gives us supernatural power to avoid sin and say NO to temptation.
      Also know that it is not the will of the God for you to be constantly plagued by thoughts and uncertainty of your salvation. This is a demonic attack. I recognize that immediately when you said that you doubt your salvation and sometimes you want to give up, but not because you want to go back into the lifestyle, but because you are growing weary from the constant attacks on your conscience. There is only one force that seeks to separate us from God. Jesus died so that we can be reconciled from God.
      Really pray to God for your deliverance. Seek a trusted friend or pastor, if you don’t have one, pray to God that He will show you someone who can lift you up in prayer. If anything, know that you can always talk to me and ask me questions, and I would appreciate it if you pray for me as well. I’m still trying to find a church home, but I am being faithful to God and going where He leads.
      I Thessalonians 5:22-24
      Abstain from every form of evil. Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it.

      You have a bright future ahead of you. God promised that. Jeremiah 29:11 and Psalms 27:13-14. That future is yours, claim it, resist the devil, and submit to God. No one can take that future away from you. Heaven is yours. Jesus is yours. Peace belongs to you. Unconditional love from the Father God is yours.
      It will get better, I promise. God cannot lie.
      Peace and Blessings to you,

    • Matt1078 says:

      MWalker

      Everyone who is saved, is on the radar of Satan. He gets no greater pleasure than getting us to believe we aren’t really saved, or that we are in a battle with him.
      Rather than us understanding, the greater majority of the things we have done, or continue doing, come from within ourselves.
      By our focusing on the role Satan may be playing in our lives, we then feel defeated, which keeps us from actually dealing with the problem at hand.
      Do not be deceived, when we give in to our sin nature, this is not an attack from Satan which comes from the outside. He is not forcing us to do these things, they are already in our flesh, ie, the sinful nature of man.
      When we do those things in our flesh, we again become the servant (slave) of sin, allowing sin to reign in our life, even though we are being ruled by sin, sin is not imputed to us, because we have been born again, set free from sin, and become alive to the spirit, but our flesh is still subject to the elements of the world in which we live, until the day we die.

      Rom 5:13
      (For until the law sin was in the world: but sin is not imputed when there is no law.

      Rom 7:4
      Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God.

      Gal 2:19
      For I through the law am dead to the law, that I might live unto God.

      Jas 1:14
      But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of “HIS OWN LUST”, and enticed.

      Rom 6:16
      Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?

      Gal 4:9
      But now, after that ye have known God, or rather are known of God, how turn ye again to the weak and beggarly elements, whereunto ye desire again to be in bondage?

      Matt

  3. faithishearing says:

    All the praise goes to God.
    I found what has helped me the most is admitting my weakness to God.
    Proverbs 28:13
    He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
    I thought that since I was still a virgin and had remained pure (physically, at least) that I didn’t have a real problem with lust. The devil is a liar! But I found out that I would never be free of guilt until I admitted to God and myself, that I couldn’t help myself. The bible tells us that even thinking impurely is the same as actually committing the sin.
    Matthew 5:28
    But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
    I confessed everything I had done wrong. I thought I could save myself by my own strength, but I couldn’t. I asked God for forgiveness for committing the sin, and also for relying on my own strength to save myself. I realize God cannot help a person unless they are willing to humble themselves and admit that they are weak.
    My mind cleared instantly. The condemnation isn’t there anymore. Thank God for His mercies!

  4. MWalker says:

    this is very encouraging. Cnograts to you. I pray that you continue on the right path. Many blessings to you.

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