How GOD transformed and washed me



am a 24 year old woman from the Philippines. This is my testimony
on how the Lord our God designed my life and changed me 180 degrees.


was born and raised Catholic. My parents were not married for my
father had a family when they decided to be together. I had
everything when I was
a child, whatever I wanted, I usually got. I was an active child of
the community, from the school to the church .Local people knew me
for my grandmother
had a small piggery business back then. Everyone was so friendly to
my family but things changed. My
mother had a disease that no one could cure. My father sent her to
the best doctors in the province, he even brought her to the
different hospitals
in the city but to no avail. After a few months, she died. My
youngest brother was not even a year older at that time. My father’s
world was ruined.
He thought he was the one who will be gone first for he had different
illnesses ( asthma,ulcer, hypertension). He was already taking a lot
of pills since
I was young so everyone was so good to him. After the death of my
mother, my father’s business was closed due to bankruptcy. He then
had another business,
this time, with his friend. But as he became so busy with what he
was doing, my two younger brothers and I were neglected. My
grandmothers looked
for us alternately. My father would just come weekly, then it became
twice a month, month turned to months. I know how much he loved for
he was doing everything for us. He brought
us to the city where he was based and hired a nanny to take care of
us. My maternal grandmother was so mad at him for getting us from
her so she never
stopped bothering him just to get us. Finally they had an agreement
that they will take care of us alternately. Our studies suffered. I
started losing focus in academics. When
I was in sixth grade, my father decided to let us stay with his
mother. We were loved by our paternal grandmother and became her
strength. However,
I started becoming a stubborn child. Whenever my father send me
money, I would treat my friends in school. It was not a problem to my grandmother
for she never cared about our allowance. But she got mad when I
started spending the money intended for my tution fee to buy things
that I didn’t
need. I started going home late and spent my time with the “wrong
people”. A few months later, my father visited us. I never thought
that was the last
time I would see him. For he died the day after. My
siblings, my grandmother and I were so shocked!



     By the way, it was
also the time I met my older brothers . At first, they were so mad at
my dad
for he abandoned them for us. After the burial, my relatives had an
agreement that my siblings and I would be with our grandmother(mom’s
side). My world became dark for I was a daddy’s girl. My dark world
just started, some of my aunts told me that I was the cause of my
father’s death. They were blaming me for what happened. How would you
expect an 11-year old girl to react? I carried that bitterness in my
heart since then.
Everything was ruined! I started skipping schools, my grades got low
and I lost my so -called friends. My younger brother was doing a
great job, he was
still performing well in school. My grandmother decided to transfer
me to another school. At that time, one of my aunts promised that
she would take care
of me for her daughter was with her ex-husband. Everything
was okay at the start. I became an obedient child again. This time, I
had another problem again. The school’s administrator found out that my
birth certificate was not authenticated! So I started using my mom’s surname. My
classmates would tease me that I’m a daughter of sinners! I became so
aloof to them.

what happened before, I befriended the wrong human beings. Because I
wanted to be “in”, I started going home late, drinking different
kinds of alcohol
and smoking. I thought they cared for me,I thought I could rely on
them, for my aunt was not always at home
because of her job. We were like strangers for when she goes out,
I’m on the bed or vice versa. I felt like an automaton for my
relatives enrolled me iin
the major I never liked. They would often tell me the things I did
wrong and not the ones I made right. They wanted me to be lady
-like. I felt like I
was in a cage. They would often compare me to my cousins who were
already becoming successful in their chosen careers. Whenever I
attend family reunions,
they would often talked about my parents and would say maybe my
parents were cursed for what they did and of course the extension was
us. I
became worse. I stopped attending family gatherings, would locked up
myself in my room even without eating and I loved listening to loser songs.
I started saying curses, demonic words whever I got mad. I would
crashed anything that my hands could get for that was my way of
releasing my anger.
I also realized that the friends I had when I was so generous left
me. I thought God never really cared for me so I began saying bad
things about HIM.
I was blinded by my hatred for the world, that I can’t appreciate any
blessings from HIM . I promised myself that I will never have friends
anymore. I became
dependent on alcohol when I had problems for I was thinking nobody
would listen to me. Then I changed myself. I would pretend that I am
would pretend that I ‘m not having any problems so that people would
not think bad about me. But deep inside, I was badly bleeding. The
only witness I had
was my diary. Countless of nights, I would cry silently in my room,
asking why the world was so cruel. I stopped calling GOD for I
thought he wanted me
to be in hell. I became a loner, going to different places alone and
go home again. I wanted to commit suicide to end my sufferings. But
that never happened
for I was afraid of blood, blades and couldn’t take pills, it was
just so hard for me.When
I had a boyfriend, things became so beautiful. I really saw and
experienced the feeling of being loved. He was full of dreams and a responsible
man, not to mention good looking. I often asked him why me of all
people and his answer was constant; “Because  my heart belongs to
you”. My
aunt didn’t like him for me for she wanted someone else. I went with
him for I really loved him and I surrendered everything to him. I was
in heaven while
in that relationship until it ended without a formal break-up. My
life was back to normal, a life that was so boring. My aunt
introduced me to her friend that’s a part of a church. I became a
part of that congregation.
I was expecting a miracle but I was still doing my old habits. Then
I had a Muslim friend and she would tell me about the “Quran”. I listened
to her but it was hard to understand.


ran away from home for I wanted to escape everything! I wanted to
show them that I am not just a parasite. I wanted to let them know
that I could
also stand on my own even without their help, though, I haven’t even
learned how to wash my clothes properly. I was just carrying the
grudge in my heart.I
was so scared but my pride was bigger than my fear. I never thought
that this will be the start of accepting GOD in my life. I met good.Samaritans
who treated me as a part of their family. They fed and loved me even
though they didn’t know what kind of person I am. They helped me
until I
landed a job and that is the company I am working for.


began talking to the ONE I was cursing, the HOLY ONE I was blaming
for the mishaps in my life. I just thanked HIM and I didn’t know


I was new in the company I met some Christians and attended some
services. But these people also left me when I stopped attending the church
due to some reasons. Again, I heard a small voice within me stop
trusting anybody for no one is good.I
became a “people person”. I would often smile to everyone but the
truth was, there were only few people I wanted to share the story of
my life with for
I was scared they would abandon me as well.


I met a friend who’s a part of a nearby church. It has been months
since we have been eating lunch together that I learned that she’s a Christian.
She asked me to visit their church but I refused. She did not get
tired listening to my boring stories. But whenever she sent a text
message asking if
I like to would visit the church, I made a lot of excuses. My reason
was I’m a sensitive person and would never want to be left alone
again. But
GOD used this woman to let me know how much HE loves me. We went out
with her sister, the original plan was just to see a movie, but it
turned out
to be one of the most important days of my life. I never intended to
go with them in the church after the movie date but I had no choice.
It was a prayer and worship night! I felt something different. When
I entered the church, I felt cold shivers (I’m sure it was not the
airconditioner). As
I was listening to the pastor, my heart was so focused! It felt like
he was just talking to me and no one else. I started crying and
accepted JESUS as my GOD
and savior. I began whispering words of thanks to HIM. I didn’t know
why the impact of the message was so great! I felt lighter! It was
such an

feeling, it has no name! I asked myself why
did I cry when I never did when I listened to the previous preachings
I heard. Since
then, I began attending the church, even  when I’m alone, became so interested in reading
the Bible though there are still scriptures that are difficult to understand.
I saw myself slowly changing. I started sending people sweet text
messages even though I seldom get replies. I would often go to the
looked for inspirational and motivational books. I changed the music
in my mp3 player from emo and negative songs to gospel and positive
ones. My desktop
wallpaper from “emo” quotes to Godly. It was so hard for me to
fight the demons inside of me. It was hard to let go of the negative
feelings but


has been helping me in every battle there is. My dreams changed!
Before that, what I wanted was to be successful in business. But
now, I can’t answer what
my plans are anymore for my will is under GOD’s will. If I only knew
then what I know now, I would never suffer form the bondage of
darkness and sorrows.
These days, GOD continues to reveal how powerful, majestic, and
loving HE is. I was so ashamed of myself for the sinful things I
did. I felt so dirty
in front of the HOLY ONE. I keep on asking GOD why does HE love me
so much. I was not worthy of HIS love, I was not a good person. I must
be stoned to death for cursing HIM but GOD is so great, HE showers
me with love instead!!! Now,
I realize that GOD let those things happened, for me to know the
difference between the life with HIM and the life that is just based
on the standards
of the world. HE let my life to be in the cage of foolishness and
sufferings for HE’s teaching me how to understand and help the people
who arestill
lost to be with HIM. GOD chose me to be hurt endlessly for HE wants
me to love unconditionally. Isn’t GOD so amazing? Most of the time,
cannot understand the LORD because we do not have a mind like HIM.
HE is so vast, HIS love for us cannot be measured. I
have learned that GOD never left me! I was so blind, I didn’t see the
angels HE sent to guide and help me. I didn’t realize that HE has
been doing
miracles in my life since I was a fetus in my mother’s womb! People
may call me insane but I don’t care. I am so in love with HIM! I
feel so happy even
when I’m alone. GOD said “I will quiet you with love”, and this
is so true for whenever I feel tired, weary , and anxious, with just
the mention of HIS powerful
name, I feel so calm. My
prayer is that may GOD continue to guide me, comfort me and hug me.
I am just a newborn baby in this wonderful world, the enemies are everywhere
but through HIS grace, love and mercy, may he give me the best armor
. May HE be with me 24/7 for every second is a battle. My past still
haunts me,
I am still fighting for this ghost to be gone, I know this is not
easy but GOD promised to never leave HIS people nor abandon them. Now,
that I am in the right path, may I not lose focus on the the CHRIST
who died for me. May HE continue to give me GODLY conviction. May theLORD
pump my faith in HIM. May HE forever make me in love with HIM!




GOD, thank you for being so majestic, gigantic, for being the
greatest transformer, the best purifier, the greatest healer, for
being the miracle worker and most of all, thank you for being our
FATHER. LORD GOD, YOU saw me even when I was hiding in the darkest
area of this earth. YOU heard my sobbed even in YOUR FIRMAMENT.
YAHWEH, you washed me, dressed me in gold and purified me. YOU
transformed me from being a nobody to GODLY. YOU kissed me even I
was so stinky and dirty. YOU never stopped calling my name when I was
running from YOU. You invited me to YOUR palace when I was just
asking for a small place to fit in. YOU called me YOUR daughter
even when the world was cursing my name. Thank you LORD GOD for
extending yourself from the highest place in the sky, to the core of
the earth, to the wide universe. Thank you for seeing my worth when
nobody did. JESUS, I invite you to be the king of my heart forever! I
surrender my life to YOU, O GOD. May YOU use me in every possible
way. YOU know my heart and mind LORD GOD, so I will never be afraid
for I know YOU are the mighty fortress and YOU will never abandon me.
I put my trust in YOU LORD, In JESUS NAME, Amen.


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