Which Way Lord? – Chapter 3 – Dr Chandrakumar
God’s Will In Marriage
“Brother, how can I find God’s will in choosing my wife/my husband?” is a very pertinent question. Today, there are thousands of broken marriages, as much importance has not been given to this question.
Once when I was ministering to young people in Singapore, a young girl came and asked me, “Brother, I have already fallen in love with a young boy, now how can I find God’s will?” My immediate answer was, “You have fallen? Get up! Why did you fall?” In Christian marriage there is no such thing as “falling in love.” It has only the concept of “entering into a love relationship” in marriage to a man or a woman chosen by God. The Bible only says, “Husbands love your wives…” (Eph. 5:25), and not “Boys love your girlfriends” or vice versa.
It is true that love is needed even to choose the life partner. But what kind of a love should it be? It should be a pure, mature love from God for our future marriage partner and it should be out of respect for the partner’s devotion and commitment to Christ. This love should not be mixed with emotions of the flesh. It is a two-way process and both partners should experience this kind of love and be equally guided by the Lord towards each other.
We must be extremely careful in choosing our life partner. If we carefully follow some of the principles of finding God’s will, with much fasting and prayer, in an unreserved, unconditional openness, then the Lord will definitely give us the right partner and his best choice. These principles are given in my book: “Which way Lord?”
As I was a gifted young man, more parents were after me than eligible women. But I was extremely strict and careful in this area of my life. Though I was broad minded and lived in a cosmopolitan, sophisticated society, I always endeavoured to maintain a distance from young women. I talked with them freely but kept myself far away from any emotional involvement with anyone. But I had already started praying that the Lord would show me the right person, at the right time, preferably through some other mature believers in Christ. According to Jeremiah 29:11, I believed that God had a plan and purpose in my life, to give me a hope and future and that he had already chosen the best person for me. Hence my prayer was, “Lord show me that person.”
At last, the day arrived when the Lord revealed my life partner to me in a prayer conference. A mature, senior sister in the Lord (Mrs. Christine Jeyachandran) who had been very much concerned and praying for me, approached me and said that the Lord was showing her a girl in that conference who would be the right person for me. Then I started praying about it and that evening the Lord gave me an opportunity to listen to this girl’s testimony. It was almost the same testimony as mine. She had the same kind of vision and commitment, burden for lost souls, and had already been involved in ministry among students and children, just like myself. I also shared my testimony with her.
That night, I spent a long time on my knees, asking the Lord to clearly show me whether she was his best choice for me. With great openness, I asked the Lord to either say “Yes” or “No”, as He already knew the answer. In the quietness of that night, I could hear a still clear voice saying, “Yes”
to me and at the same time I felt an inner peace which I believe is the peace of God that passeth all understanding (Phil. 4:7), which in turn gives an assurance of God’s will.
Then I asked the Lord to further confirm this through supporting verses in the Bible. Then immediately the Lord showed me Psalms 84:11 which says, “… No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.” And the next passage was Psalms 128:3,4 which says, “Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house, your children like olive plants around your table. Behold, for thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.”
The next morning, sister Christine came and told me that the Lord made it clear to her that night that this girl was the person of His choice for me. The same afternoon, the Lord gave me an opportunity to sit and share some of these things with the girl. I told her to start praying about it and keep it confidential till the Lord made it clear to her. I believe that finding God’s will in marriage requires two-way communication. If the Lord can speak to the man, why not to the woman? So I asked her to take her own time and wait upon the Lord to know his will and then feel free to let me know what guidance she had received from him. She took about nine months to let me know about this, but I felt more like nine years had passed by.
I had decided not to keep in touch with her during this period. Though I had many opportunities to visit her place I never did so, since I felt that there should not be any emotional involvement when such decisions are taken. Then, after much prayer and waiting upon the Lord, when she too felt the Lord clearly guiding her towards me, she spoke to her parents and to one of her senior counselors and prayed with them. Then with the permission of her parents she told me how the Lord had been guiding her through certain circumstances and through the Word of God.
Upon hearing from her, I did not straight away write to her or go over to her house. I immediately wrote to my parents about the proposal and shared the matter with my senior counselors. However spiritual we may be and even know God’s will we cannot neglect our parents. Parents are our God-appointed guardians. Even though some of our parents may not be believers, they have to be respected and honoured (Eph. 6:1-3). We have to consult them and inform them the Lord’s guidance. The final decision is that of the individual as God guides, as the above verse says we must obey them in the Lord (Eph. 6:1). That is what I did.
Though initially there was some resistance from my parents, they agreed after much prayer and by the grace of God. Then I asked them to formally write a letter to the woman’s parents seeking their willingness in giving their daughter in marriage to me. They did so and everything was arranged between our families. I am not saying that everyone should follow the same pattern and method of approach, but the basic principles are important.