From Despair to Blessing

Is God detectable? I know He is.

When I first asked the Lord to come into my life I had a double blessing. My
life, up to the age of thirty, had been a real disaster. I was an alcoholic
and had been one from an early age. Because of my situation in my early
childhood years, I had no idea what love or affection was; this gave me a
very low self esteem, and a very anti-social attitude towards life and
people.

My life had been a series of troubles. I had been in jail several times, and
also in mental hospital several times. I hated life and all those who were
involved in living it. I was married for the second time and heading for
another disaster, and I was powerless to change my life in any way. I would
lose my temper when drunk and smash not only my loved ones, but would also
smash up the house and contents. I suppose the crunch came when I was carted
off to a Doctor and it was a toss up whether he would put me back into the
mental hospital or try a new drug, which he said, I would have to take for
the rest of my life. He opted for the drug, and suddenly, after being on it
for a short while, my perspective seemed to change, just a small bit for the
better. Because the drug slowed me down, and gave me a better feeling about
myself, I had time to evaluate my life and see where I was at and where I
was going.

I had always had an envy for the people who I saw going off to church. I was
envious of their faith, and their seeming relationship with God; I was even
envious of their uneventful lives in comparison to my own turbulent one. It
was peace that I missed in my life, and because of my psychological makeup
was never going to obtain any. My life, at this time, was a mess, I could
not survive day by day without alcohol, and so was usually in a drunken
state daily. This caused, naturally, bad swings of moods, from elation, to
deep depression, and the peace that Christians appeared to me to have,
really brought a longing to my heart, but I couldn’t find the way, because
my sin, to me, was to great. It wasn’t just my sins that appeared too great,
but the things I felt I would have to give up if I decided to change and go
to church. These things, like alcohol, were the very things that I depended
on to survive, and so, even though I hated the way I was, giving up these
things looked even worse than changing, and so were suicidal to me.

The peace of God is a very unusual condition; it is not like the peace of
man which is like a wind, one minute it is there and the next it is gone; it
is dependant upon the emotional state of the person, while the peace which
comes from God is dependant upon the Holy Spirit being a part of your
existence; so if the Spirit guides your life then peace is always the
outcome and it cannot be taken away by outside emotions of any other kind.
Jesus said my peace I leave with you, my peace I give you, not as the world
giveth, give I to you.(John 14:27)

So even though we will have troubles and tribulations from the world of man,
that the peace of the spirit will contain us, and the joy of Jesus shall
sustain us; (John 16:20) that the peace of God is unfathomable in its
content, but powerful in its application; its application comes from Jesus
Christ, “Y’shua Sa Ha Shalom,” the Prince of peace. Peace comes from knowing
we are reconciled to God because we have been granted righteousness as the
evidence of our faith, and joy follows because of our changed relationship
with the King of Kings’ and the Lord of Lords’. (Romans 14:17) Having the
knowledge that all the promises of God belong to us through our faith in the
faith of Jesus, that he has been resurrected and is now seated at the right
hand of the Father. For the peace of God that passeth all understanding will
keep our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7)

I had always worked, even though with difficulty at times, and suddenly I
found myself, after starting on the prescribed pills, talking to God as I
drove to work. I even at times pulled over to the side of the road and
talked to God and it gave me satisfaction. He wasn’t as yet answering me, or
at least not saying anything that I could hear, but I had a deep desire and
longing to know if He really existed or not, and I felt a kind of peace, a
feeling of well being; it was a strange kind of feeling, but a nice strange.

Suddenly I was really having a sort of peace in my life and thought this is
good, perhaps He does exist after all. Then the bottom fell out. I was
convicted for an offence I had committed a time ago and ended up back in
prison. Now this did not endure God or his existence to me, just when I felt
I had made contact and that he did exist and everything was going to be
roses from now on, he double crossed me and sent me back almost from where I
had started from. I told the Lord, in no uncertain terms what I thought of
the new arrangement that he had placed me in. I had began to believe, and my
life had straightened out to an extent that I could see some light and hope
ahead for me, but now I just couldn’t believe that He would allow this to
happen to me. My belief in God hit rock-bottom again

I wasn’t far into my sentence when a book called ‘Blueprint for living’ came
into my possession. This was a new testament and it had a section in the
front which were steps to asking Jesus to come into your life. After reading
a good portion of the gospels, I felt a glow of peace, and love, and a
longing desire to believe that these stories I had just read were truth, and
of actual events. That the sacrifice of Jesus showed the true love God had
for the world and hopefully me, and this love might be seen and accomplished
in those who believe. I knew that this was what I wanted and needed. The
yearning for the love of God became a hunger so great in my heart that I
knew that I had to ask Jesus into my life or burst.

However before I asked Jesus to come into my life I said to the Lord, ‘I
really needed to know that you live, otherwise I would not be able to
believe. I needed more than just a mind condition of belief, and so I asked
for a real sign, something tangible which would convince me beyond doubt
that what I was asking was not just a story that I had to try and accept to
believe he was real. I knew I would need his power to walk as He would want
me to walk, as I knew I would be incapable of sticking to the commitment I
wanted to make in my own strength. Oh man of little faith. The words from
Rev 3:20 was the Scripture I read out aloud, ‘Behold I stand at the door and
knock; if anyone hears my voice and opens the door I will come in and eat
with Him and him with Me.’

As I gave thought to the verse, and I earnestly cried out to the Lord that I
wanted to believe so please come in and sup with me; the thought had barely
left my mind when suddenly I felt a welling up from inside of me, it seemed
to rush to my feet and then start to flow up my body until I could feel the
hairs on the back of my head rising up. At that moment I felt very humble
and small, as I realised, that God was actually answering my invitation with
an invitation of his own. The incredibility of what was happening was
completely overwhelming to me; my mind was startled to the point of unbelief
that there was something happening beyond my control, and that what was
happening was that this God loved me more than my unworthiness and was in
some incredible way answering my request for confirmation of his existence.

Tears of repentance poured from my very being as I asked the Lord Jesus to
come into my heart. No sooner had I asked than a rushing sound filled my
ears, and suddenly I was washed over by wave after wave of what I can only
describe as pure joy. This joy just kept flowing over me in ever increasing
waves, and intensity, until I could hardly catch my breath. I was certainly
lifted up into heavenly places, and as it subsided, which appeared to me to
be after a very long period, I just sat there completely overcome with the
experience and still not hardly believing that it had happened. I was to
scared almost to breathe as I thought the whole thing would disappear in
some way and I would lose what I believed was the Lord being in touch with
me. Slowly I started to thank and praised the Lord, and the feeling of God
was still with me; then I had a vision.

What I saw was a field with a fence running across the centre. Puzzled I
wondered what this meant and suddenly my mind knew the interpretation; it
was as if someone was telling me, but there were no words; the thought of
what it represented ran through my mind as the vision of it appeared before
the eye of my mind

. The field depicted my life, the top portion, over the dividing fence, was
my former life; the near portion was where I was at that very moment.

As I looked at this field, still not fully comprehending, suddenly the top
portion of the field seemed dark and cold, while the other piece was warm
and light. I knew then that the Lord was only on one side of that fence and,
I also knew that I had, in some miraculous way, been transported from the
top portion of the field to the bottom; and I also knew that whatever might
happen in the future, I would never cross over that fence again, where my
Lord wasn’t. It also came to me that I wasn’t making a commitment to not do
anything wrong again, but simply I would never cross that fence.

The fence was a blessing in my early walk with the Lord, as many times I
became angry and disillusioned and told the Lord that I’ve had enough and I
was walking away. I have never been able to walk, because whenever I try,
the field comes into my mind and I know that I can’t cross the fence. I
never left anything behind when I crossed that fence to where my Lord is. I
brought everything with me, my grief, my sadness, my unworthiness, my low
self-esteem, my alcoholism and my anti-establishment feelings, and all my
other problems which I could not deal with; I brought them with me to him
and, over the years we have been together, he has slowly but surely dealt
with them.

After this night, which I claim as my conversion, things really started to
happen. Christian literature started to just appear, and I do mean just
appear, I would come back to my cell after work in the prison, and there on
the lock of the door would be these books. There would be Bibles of old and
new translations, and books of witness from other Christians in their walk
with the Lord; I never did find where they came from, however they feed my
thirsting for the Lord.

There were many other wonderful things that happened, a group of people, who
also were new Christians, came together in there and we formed a prayer and
bible study group. I call to mind my problem I had with the texts of loving
one another, and to love ones enemies. I have to confess that my whole life
had been devoid of love to others, I honestly did not know what love really
meant, or what was involved in loving someone. This was not because I hadn’t
had love given to me, but I was adopted and couldn’t come to terms with the
fact that my birth mother never wanted me, so my whole life was engaged in
testing peoples love towards me, and the testing would continue until the
other person had their fill and gave up. This then was a confirmation to me
that I was no good and no one, because not even my own mother, could love
me. So I had no self worth and insulated myself from others by not putting
myself in the position to be rejected, until the next time I needed to test
my unworthiness. I would again move into a relationship with someone and
then test their love for me to the breaking point, and when they eventually
rejected me because of my unacceptable behaviour, I would feel justified in
believing in my unworthiness.

Jesus broke this chain, He continued to love me no matter what. I was
sitting in the yard one day, reading my Bible, there were others playing
basketball in the yard, I came to the text again that we must love one
another as He has loved us, as I looked up in thought over this verse and
noticed a man I didn’t like playing basketball, I said to the Lord, as I
re-read the text,’how can I love someone like that’, I had no sooner bridged
the thought, than I felt someone standing in front of me, I looked up and it
was the very man I had just pointed out to the Lord. He asked me if I would
mind looking after his watch, while he was playing, as he didn’t want it to
be broken. This man had never spoken to me before this day, and because he
did, and trusted me to look after his watch, my opinion of him changed
instantly, and I said, thank you Lord.

My smoking was a habit I wanted to give up, but couldn’t, I had prayed about
it, but nothing, then I read a book called ‘Prison to praise,’and the theme
of this was, in all things give thanks, so I stood on the promise of Mark
11:24, ‘Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you
have received it, and it will be yours. I stood on this promise for about a
month, thanking the Lord for the healing, ignoring the circumstances of my
continued smoking, my smoking actually became heavier and I believe the
enemy caused this to discourage my faith in the word, however I stuck to
praising and thanking Him, and suddenly it just stopped at about 5.30 p.m.
one evening, it just stopped. No withdrawal symptoms or any other effect. I
think the time of the day was important as if it had been in the morning,
after being with-out all night, it may not have been as significant as half
way through the day, with still the night of being locked up to come.

The pills, that the Doctor had said I would have to take all my life, were
still being dispensed to me and even though I had Jesus I was reluctant to
give them away, fearing that the change may somehow disappear. So I
continued to take one in the morning and one at night, until one night the
Lord said to me, “You don’t need them any more!” So from that night on I
stopped taking them, and I never changed back into the monster I use to be.

There were several more miraculous things that the Lord accomplished while I
was in the prison. I received extra remission, even though every one thought
I was stupid for applying as my sentence was really not long enough for them
to consider extra remission, but I trusted my God, and I was released
earlier. I guess the most wonderful thing the Lord done happened about a
couple of weeks before my release. This particular night I prayed to the
Lord, with a heart full of thanksgiving for what He had done for me, I said
I was not worried about what would happened on my release as my trust was in
him to supply all of my needs. I realised that the employment situation was
not good, but I knew that nothing was too hard or impossible for Him.

The next morning I had a call to change my clothes to receive a visitor. Now
there are two things here which are miraculous. One was that visitors were
not allowed to see inmates except on Saturdays, unless they were from out of
town, so I was very puzzled as to who it could be visiting me. The second
was who my visitor was.

Marching in for my visit, imagine my surprise to see my old employer sitting
there. He said he was just passing by the prison gates and felt he should
come in, as he thought I must be close to coming out and he just wanted me
to know my old job was there waiting for me. Now this was unusual for
another reason, it was a government job and there was a lid on employing
anyone. Even if someone left they were not replacing them.

So you can see how the Lord can work in your life to bring about His
purposes, He just cuts straight across all things of man, regardless of
there plans, or wisdom, or circumstances.

Another wonderful experience the Lord allowed me to share with him happened
in Rotorua. After my discharge from the prison, and before starting work
again. My ex-wife and the family, of which there were seven children from my
ex-wife’s previous marriage and one from our own, went on a tour of the
North Island. On the way back down from Auckland heading for home, we
arrived in Rotorua in the evening after driving for most of the day in very
thick drizzle. We stayed that night in the camping ground on the lakeside.

I must explain here that my family, even though they could see that I had
changed in some way, would still look at me strangely because of my new
beliefs; so I was always, in a very zealous way, putting the Lord and his
love and goodness to me, before them. They humoured me with the thought, I
believe, that I would grow out of this nonsense.

The drizzle continued all that night and was still falling the next morning
when we woke. I had promised the children, the night before, a row on the
lake, and they were very disappointed at the continuing weather; undaunted I
told them the Lord would clear the rain at eleven o’clock in the morning and
we could go on the lake; I went, in faith, and reserved a boat for this
time, and then waited; and waited, and waited.

The rain continued to fall all morning, and so, at ten o’clock I began to
panic and decided I had better check the situation out with the Lord; I went
into the bedroom and knelt before the Lord telling him that if he wanted
these children, and my ex-wife, to ever believe in him then we must go out
on the lake. When I returned to the dining room the children were very
despondent as the rain had still not eased. I told them the Lord would clear
the weather at eleven and we would go rowing; they scoffed and jeered at my
words of conviction. Ten thirty came, thick drizzle; ten forty-five, still
thick drizzle, and again I could feel a panic attack coming on; ten
fifty-five, and then suddenly miracles of miracles, the sky just rolled back
until there wasn’t a cloud in it.

I took the children on the lake; we had the boat booked for an hour and as
soon as the hour was up as quickly as the clouds had rolled back they again
rolled in again, and the rain with it. The rain continued all the rest of
that day, all night long, and was still raining the next morning when we
drove away from Rotorua.

As we drove away my heart was so full of love and thanksgiving to the Lord
that I could scarcely believe that what had happened had truly come from the
Lord. ( this is how the enemy places doubt in our minds ) However I was not
going to allow him to take the credit from Jesus; as we drove out I thought,
how can I prove to myself that this was really the Lord who had answered my
prayer; it needed to be something that was almost impossible to do. The
radio was on in the car, tuned to the local commercial station, and so I
thought, this would be hard even for the Lord, I would ask him, if it was
really you that stopped the rain that the next tune that came over the radio
would be a Christian type song; as I thought about it I could not even
imagine what sort of song would come under the criteria. You can imagine my
soaring spirit when the next song was ” Morning has broken like the first
morning.”

The Lord has continued with the miracles as I walked with him; not because
of anything I have done, but, I believe, because I trust him in all things.
I do realise where I would be if he hadn’t placed me in his situation, back
in prison, and showed himself to me. My heart is always full of thanksgiving
to him, even for the bad things; it takes a wee bit more practice to give
thanks for these, but it is essential we do, for he is Lord of all. I never
have any doubt in my mind as to his faithfulness, and abilities, to
accomplish that which he says he will do. When I pray to him I believe and
it comes to pass; not in my time, but in his time, it comes to pass.

About twenty years ago my son David had a lump come up on the side of his
neck. After tests they found tuberculosis in his blood; we were told he
would have an operation to remove the lump, and then, it would be a slow
process of hospital care to remove the disease from his blood, he could
possibly be in hospital for up to a year or more. Well, as a Christian, I
wasn’t having a bar of this and so immediately moved into prayer to Jesus
for healing, time went by and nothing appeared to happen.

It was the week-end before David was to be admitted, and he was asleep in
his bed, and I looked at him and was filled with such love for him it was
almost uncontainable, I knew this was a different kind of love and I knew
Jesus was there with us, because I was just swept over with wave after wave
of pure joy. I started praising and thanking the Lord for his goodness and
then asked why he hadn’t healed David. The voice came to me “you touch him,
I’ll heal him.” So I touched my son with tears pouring down my face, I could
feel the power of the Holy Spirit channelling through me and entering David
as I touched him. David went into hospital within a day or two. They cut the
lump from his neck, sent for a biopsy and another blood test, and they were
confounded, no trace of the disease. Praise Jesus.

David had a second encounter with the Lord a short time later. We were at a
camping ground and David was out playing in the playground they had there.
He was on one of those round-a-bouts and some bigger boys had it going round
fast and he became scared and wanted to get off, they would not slow it down
to let him off, so he jumped. He flew off head-first into a concrete
barbecue oven.

When he got to me he was screaming his head off and the lump he had on the
top of his head was enormous. We were suppose to go to a praise and worship
meeting that night, and this was on my mind as I tried to comfort David, but
he kept on screaming with pain, so I said we had better go to the hospital,
but through the screams he said, “no Dad you pray for me.” David had just
put the Lord Jesus in the situation. I placed my hand over the lump and
prayed to the Lord; the lump went down under my hand. David stopped
screaming and we changed and went to our meeting. It was after midnight when
we returned home and David had no ill effects at all.

The following week-end amazed me even more with Gods goodness. When I picked
David up his entire face was black and blue with bruising, so with-out
Jesus, I would think David would have been admitted to hospital with a
serious concussion.

I have been involved with many of the Lord’s healings through the years but
again the ones that are special are the ones close to home. I shifted over
to the Coast because I felt the Lord leading me. Had only been here a week
and my ninety year old mother, whom I was looking after decided to have a
stroke.

I found her in the morning, when I arose from bed, she was laying on the
floor with blood everywhere from the cuts she had obtained from the fall.
She was unconscious very cold to the touch, as it was winter time.

I managed to lift her back into bed, and then rang the ambulance. I followed
in my car, as the ambulance took her to the hospital; before they put her in
the ward I was left alone with her. She was still unconscious, but again as
I looked down at her laying there on the stretcher, I felt the love of Jesus
come upon me, and once more the tears of compassion came upon me, I laid my
hands upon her and prayed for her healing. Leaving the hospital I went back
home and had no worries about her as Jesus was in charge.

At four in the afternoon the Dr.rang me from the hospital and said she was
gravely ill and I should come in to see her; he said her temperature was
down, and her heartbeat was very low,and they couldn’t bring either up, and
it might pay me to come in as there was nothing much more they could do. I
must admit a wee bit of panic, but again I just re-affirmed my belief in
Jesus.

I had my tea and went up to the hospital about 7.0.p.m. I walked into Mum’s
room and she was hooked up to a machine which was giving a digital read-out
of temperature and heart-beat. I walked over to the bed and she opened her
eyes and looked at me. I said “how are you,” and she answered, “I want to go
to the toilet.” I went and found a nurse and she was surprised that Mum had
spoken to me. From that moment on the read-outs on the monitor began to
increase, until, when I left about an hour later, they felt she was out of
danger, and two days later she was dressed and sitting in a chair beside her
bed.

The Lord has said he will provide if we are willing to follow him; I can
witness to this promise. Two or three years after my conversion the Lord
asked me to give an amount of money to the church I was attending. This was
a goodly sum, and because it was all I had saved up, to me it was enormous;
however I did not question the request and gave with a cheerful heart,
believing on the promises in Malachi 3: 6 For I [am] the LORD, I change not;
therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed. …………… Will a man rob
God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In
tithes and offerings. Ye [are] cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me,
[even] this whole nation. Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that
there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD
of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a
blessing, that [there shall] not [be room] enough [to receive it] And I will
rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of
your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the
field, saith the LORD of hosts,and also in Luke 6:38, Give, and it shall be
given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running
over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete
withal it shall be measured to you again.

I have never been disappointed from the day I obeyed the Lord and gave what
I had; my bank balance has always been very healthy, and even though I spend
quite lavishly at times, the balance is always in good heart. My wife will
vouch for that; she keeps wondering how the money doesn’t go down even when
we spend. I have been out of employment for about eight years now, as I left
my job to care for my mum, who didn’t want to go into a home. In that time I
have had four brand new cars, in which I lost about four thousand dollars on
each, as the catch up price on a trade in, but still my money grows on. I
brought my house over here, the difference between selling my house in
Canterbury and purchasing here; thirteen thousand dollars, still my bank
account is stable. We have installed a Gillies fire; cost four thousand; We
have just purchased a diesel car; the difference between the trade in and
the purchase, four thousand dollars. This totals about forty-eight thousand
dollars, with-out counting the ordinary spending, like microwaves, freezers,
washing machines, etc. I am not rich, nor do I wish to be, but I have ample;
and when the Lord asks me again to give, of what is after all his bounty, I
will give.

God is not a man that he should lie or repent, for he is not a man that he
should repent. (1 Samuel 15:29) The Lord’s promises are true and will come
to pass if we are in his rest with him. We don’t have to worry about whether
he answers our prayers or not; his promise says, “if we believe then it will
come to pass,” let us stop the enemy from snatching away our inheritance and
stand on his promises, it is far easier to leave it in his hands than to
fret ourselves to distraction. Matthew 6:34 34 Take therefore no thought for
the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.
Sufficient unto the day [is] the evil thereof.

I suppose, looking back, I have always wanted to believe in God but could
never seem to have His ear. However I do think God was showing me certain
things way back in my life, as many times when I was in trouble, and I do
mean real trouble, unlawful pursuits from which I was miraculously
delivered. Even the police, at times, couldn’t believe how certain actions
on their part were not carried through. I believe God was even then showing
me the supernatural side of Him. So I suppose it was only logical that I
could not accept the Lord in faith only. I had to see his glory.

I have learned to have patience, as to what or where the Lord is leading me,
and do wait upon Him. For only in His time, and his situations, can we be a
force to be reckoned with. Only if we are moving in His situation can we
serve Him. His plan relies on our being available to minister in what anyway
He decides. If we are moving in our own will then we have to call on Him to
be involved, but if we are moving in his will, then he is already involved
and also in charge. Don’t let us think that we can be in charge of
ourselves, for we know that man, with-out God, is evil; only Jesus Christ
can make us acceptable and only then if he has complete control of our
lives.

Waiting upon the Lord is not always easy, as I found out when waiting for
someone to share my new life with me, but he knows the right time and the
right place. After my second marriage ended, thirty years ago, I was quite
content to be on my own with the Lord, but at times I felt the loneliness
and the longing to share, not only my emotional life, but my spiritual life
with the Lord, with someone else. I knew, because of my past failures, that
the Lord had a work to do with me, to bring me to a point of acceptance of
another in my life with-out the unworthy feelings of the past surfacing once
more to spoil whatever relationship we might have. Many times I cried out to
the Lord, in short periods of longing, because I knew that he would know
when the time was right, even though my heart said wait, my flesh disagreed,
but I did not want to ruin another interval of my life filled with sadness
and regret, not only for myself, but I did not want to ruin someone else’s
life.

My eventual shifting to the Coast was something that I had felt led by the
Lord to do for a very long time, and when I felt the time was now, I placed
my home I had over in Canterbury on the market. I must explain here that I
bought the place I owned for $8,000 dollars, trusting the Lord at that time,
that the price that I offered, which was below what they were asking, would
be accepted; they took the Lord’s offer with-out a quibble. I believed, for
the sale of my home before coming to the coast, that $30,000 might be
possible, although I felt this might be a bit much, so decided to believe
the Lord for the first price the estate agent arrived at.

At first glance the estate agent said $40,000, however after a more studied
appraisal thought thirty five or offer. He also thought, because of the
location, that it would probably take a time to sell. He didn’t know the
Lord!

I had already taken an option on the place I now own and had a month to
sell. I had, even though I felt it was to high, believed the Lord that the
first appraisal of the estate agent, of $40,000, would be what we would ask
for, I then sat back to wait.

I had one young couple, who were very enthusiastic, and made an offer of
$25,000, which I rejected; he later made another offer of $30,000 and
$35,000, but again, even though I liked them and wanted them to have the
place, stuck to the Lord’s $40,000. The estate agent was amazed at the
interest shown, in the place he thought it would take a while to sell. He
became so taken, believing everyone wanted to live in this certain location
because of the interest shown, that he had a pile of flyers printed and
placed them in all the houses around my location asking if they wished to
sell and to contact him if they did wish to. With-in the month someone
accepted the price asked, with-out even an offer, and so the place sold, for
what I thought, was at least ten to fifteen thousand more than it was worth.
The young couple who had made all the other offers, now decided they wanted
to pay the full asking price, and when I told them it was sold, said they
would pay more than the asking price if I could cancel the other deal.
However, as much as I would have liked to, not because of the money but
because I liked them, there was no way I could then change the arrangements.

Evelyne, my wife, came into my life, not because I had asked for her
specifically as I had seen her at Granger House when I went to visit Mum,
but never in my wildest dreams did I expect her to be the one the Lord chose
for me. There is a great difference in our ages; she is a very beautiful
woman, attractive physically and spiritually belongs to Jesus; she is a very
caring person, again in the mould of Jesus himself, her early life is a
miraculous witness in itself of Jesus’s healing power, but that is another
story, but one worth hearing as a witness of Jesus’s power in the life of
the believer. We came together because of our interest in spiritual things,
and both of us have grown together in the Lord since then. Our relationship
is not founded on anything human, it is entirely based on the Lord Jesus. We
do not stay together because of anything either of us do, but our connection
with Jesus determines how we treat each other; 1 John 2:9-11, He who says he
is in the light and hates his brother, is in the darkness still. He who
loves his brother abides in the light, and in it there is no cause for
stumbling. But he who hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the
darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has
blinded his eyes.

Our union is entirely dependant on loving our brother; who is our brother ?
Jesus is our brother and nearest kinsman. Of course the evidence for this
comes from Matthew 25:31-46,…. Then shall the King say unto them on his
right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for
you from the foundation of the world: For I was an hungered, and ye gave me
meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me
in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in
prison, and ye came unto me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying,
Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed [thee]? or thirsty, and gave
[thee] drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took [thee] in? or naked, and
clothed [thee]? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?
And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch
as ye have done [it] unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have
done [it] unto me.

It is the way that we treat others that tells us what our relationship with
Jesus is, or contrariwise our walk with the Lord determines the sort of
treatment we deal out to others. It is not our love that gives with-out
asking; only Jesus gives love with-out condition and so we must give the
love back to him with-out condition. For to do unto to others can only be
accomplished through the work of the Holy Spirit, and to do it any other way
may give a show of love, but this is only an outward appearance of works,
and a heart condition, which we know, whether it is false or real, but the
Lord knows. We may be able to cover our lack of spiritual commitment to
others and sometimes even to ourselves, but we cannot hide our real heart
intentions from the Lord. If it is not Jesus who is in charge of our union
with others then it can, and often does, fail; however if it is Jesus who we
are relying on in our relationships, then it cannot fail.