Welcome,
Delivered from Homosexuality
Hello I an 18 year old man. I play the keyboard and always grew up in the Church. I say I dont have a gay personality, but I believe that if a man asked me to have sex with him I would. I have never had sex with anyone. I know that have a evil spirit because I dream about men. I like women but I
never think about them like I do men. I know that this lifetime is wrong.
I used to pray everynight, know i dont pray at all, and I know better.
Things I used to do, I just dont do them anymore. I dont want to be like this. Sometimes I say this is over, I'm not going to do this anymore, but I still doing. By listing to this testimony gave me a little bit of encourage. PRAY!
That's all god wants me to do right now. Not another minute will go by without calling out his name. Lord(Save me save me save me save me).
I know that I am delivered because he said he would, so I am going to trust in him.(right now)! This is my testimony.( Never could have made it, Never could have made it with out you, I would have lost it all, but now I see how
you was there for me and I can say, I'm stronger, and wiser, I'm better, so much better, When I look, back over my life, I can see what he brought me through!
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sick mind
ive struggled with lust since i was a boy and even after being a christian 17 years never found it any easier to deal with. 24/7 my mind is in conflict and like a cesspit.
i mess on the internet and all through the day my mind has learned what to look at and how to best utilise fantasy and how i long to be delivered.
i trust no one enough at my church as business with work and meetings (its community based and i dont live in community) have diluted what love and trust there should be
i never got love as a child, my father is gay and im so mixed up.
i long with all my heart to keep my thoughts under control and at 42, still wifeless and childless, i wonder if theres any hope for me.
i tried to hide what i am through 30 years of drink and drugs and although i dont use hard drugs anymore (delivered off a 15 year heroin habit and 8 years crack) i still smoke dope for comfort and feel very isolated and lonely.
rejection has always been an issue and to be honest ive learned not to trust anyone although it does not stop me loving others for ministry purposes. the Lord has used me to save others and i liove the fact lives have been changed for the better because God has allowed me in service.
i long with all my being to think "normal" and hope to give testimony to Gods healing one day
I would like to say that you
I would like to say that you more than probably have various evil spirits dwelling in you , and that is likely that you had some abuse as a small child. I would urge you to seek deliverance. If you do not know anyone that you could trust, maybe you could fast and ask the Lord to show you the areas of bondage. If you need help pleas contac me.There is a Pastor I know who does telephone deliverance, I was set free this way.
As for not being normal, no one is. Pastor John Kerns Navarre BeachSide Church
Senior Pastor · May 1995 to present · Navarre, Florida
Pastor of Navarre BeachSide Church Deliverance Minister Worship Leader
Blessings. I refer this to all who are in bondage to satan.
he can do it!
he will deliver you....you need to pray prayers against soul ties.
Hear my humble cry
I have struggled with homosexuality since I can remember. And I never understood why God would do this to me as a child, I can remember thinking this when I was like 9. In elementary school and jr. High kids use to tease me and call me gay and fag, but I thought I was a very " straight" acting gay ( I never wanted to call myself gay). I was a football player and couldve had just about any girl I wanted but I couldn't because my mind was focused on men. I went to church and gave my life to Christ and figured that he would deliver me from my desires.. And I thought if he didn't then he just made me this way. I've had sex with girls and also had some encounters with men but neither seem to just satisfy me. I am now a sophmore in college and it seems like now the true me is coming out becuase while all of my friends are out finding girls and having sex imstuck trying to convince myself of who I am. I've prayed so many times that God would just tale me in my sleep, and get so frustrated when I wake up... I can't do this anymore, I want to just give up... I feel like no one knows my struggle... I'm so insecure right now that I can't even go out to social events fearing that my secret will be exposed... Lord please help me, hear my hearts cry lord... I need you more now than ever
To meangreen from Sunrise
I don't know if you received this or not. I couldn't find it anywhere. So, am sending it again.
First of all, God loves you unconditionally, and he wants the best for you. His love never changes regardless of what is happening in your life. When you think about yielding to this particular temptation ask yourself this question: How will this make me feel afterwards, if I give into this sin? If you’re not going to feel good about it, then ask yourself this question also: Is it worth giving into? If the answer is no, don’t do it. You have already stated that you don’t feel good about it. Be glad, because that’s God convicting you. That means you are his child.
This problem you have is a stronghold, or an addiction. Satan knows our weaknesses and he tempts us in the areas that we are weakest. My oldest daughter started smoking when she was a teenager. When she got older she got a job working at a hospital. She observed people first hand that was suffering physically from the effects of smoking. She decided then and there to quit. The first two weeks was the hardest, but she did manage to quit. She has never gone back to smoking again.
What I want you to know is that you CAN quit the thing you are struggling with. Other people have done it. If one person can do this that means you are capable of doing this. You might need some help, but there is nothing wrong with that. Make a bet with yourself that you can overcome this. Once you overcome it, then you can help other people to overcome the same thing. You might want to make this your goal.
Find yourself a special spot to talk to the Lord Jesus. When you are having a problem, go there. You can tell Him everything without fear. He is your very best friend.
Pick verses from the Bible that will encourage you like: I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Philippians 4:13. Read your Bible. This is your spiritual food. You would not go without feeding your physical body every day, would you? So, feed your soul. I recommend that you read Psalms, Proverbs, and the four gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.
Pray. Prayer is to the soul like breathing is to the body. You would not go without breathing every day.
You will need to fellowship with other believers. Find someone who is strong in the faith to mentor you, to be an encourager to you.
Practice being a man, because that is what you are. Practice walking and talking like a man. Be a gentleman. Women love a gentleman. Pretty soon it will come naturally.
You made this statement: “I am now a sophmore in college and it seems like now the true me is coming out because while all of my friends are out finding girls and having sex imstuck trying to convince myself of who I am.” I would like to say that it matters who your friends are, because they can influence you for the good or for the bad. I think you need to find some friends who don’t go out there and do that sort of thing.
I read a true story about a gay man and a gay woman who got saved and gave up their gay lifestyle. They met down the road of life somewhere, fell in love and got married. So, there is hope for you.
Just know that God wants you to be well and whole. He did not make you that way. That would be cruel. Something has happened to you that has caused this. You need to get to the root of the problem. You may need some professional help from a Christian counselor. But, that is your choice. If you want to get married and have a family, then do whatever it takes to resolve this problem. I say, Go for it.
P.S. I had this as an afterthought. Be careful what your eyes see. Stay away from TV shows, movies, books and Internet sites that have lewdness on, or in them. These could aggravate the struggle you are having. You can go to Christian book stores and find books and movies that are wholesome.
God delivers
Reading your story breaks my heart. Let me first say sorry that you have gone through such struggles in your life. As I read your cry I could only think of the women in the Bible named Hannah in 1 Samuel. So I created an account on this site with the name Hannah, because I believe that you will soon birth a new vision in your life, in Jesus Name! She went to God broken and at the end of her rope for a need that only God could understand. People thought she was crazy even drunk but God saw the desperation in her and answered her prayers. God does not place heaver burdens than we can carry actually he carries our burdens Isaiah 53:11(MSG). You are not alone- Matthew 11:28(TNIV) Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Jesus burden is light so put yours down you have been carrying around weights since childhood it’s time to run to Jesus. I don’t know all you beliefs but if I could give you any advice from a person who has been delivered its (1) seek the Holy Spirit Mark 1:8 says “I baptize you with water, but he (Jesus) will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.”(TNIV)He gives us the power to overcome get the fire of God in you. (2) Study scripture read, memorize and do daily devotionals. (3) Don’t just say the usual prayer- Set apart special time with God and pray the word of God in to your life. He has freedom for you in Jesus name. (3) GO TO CHURCH you need to grasp the word of God and I would suggest going to a church that has a men group and a mission department. Church once a week won’t give you all you need so pray worship listen to pod casts of “the ramp” or even go to their website the ramp.com and listen to the messages and engage in there worship.
Jesus, I pray right know for deliverance but even more than that I pray for your Glory to abide in this man in Jesus name. I declare freedom, freedom, freedom in this life. Lord don’t let the devil steal any more time form your child. Jesus I pray for the wisdom of salvation 2 Timothy 3:15 Jesus fill this person with the fullness of God.
Ephesians 3:14:21
14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled with the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.
I will continue to intercede to the father for you…
It seems very cruel that you
It seems very cruel that you are in this situation, and have struggled in this way for so long. However, you cannot help the way you feel, any more than anybody else trapped in a seeming impossible downward spiral. But you must not condem yourself, because you are desperate to put yourself right. However, God does not wave magic wands.
I think you need to give yourself a break, and really beleive that God truly loves you as you are, the same way he loved tax collectors, prostitutes and all of us other types of sinners.
You are not condemmed by being this way, God wants to free you but it will take some work,because we need to grow and cast off the flesh and all its bondages, and firstly that requires you to have real faith and a real relationship with Him. That is what you must seek.
You cannot get into fornication with men as I cannot either as a single person. Your sexual preference is tied up with many things and cannot be resolved just like that. If you do, you must repent and avoid situations of temptation, even if it means staying home.
what I am trying to say is that in whatever situation you are, you must keep trying to kill the flesh and become Holy. And you can, because God has said it must be so, and He will make a way for you. Do not look at the others, you are a child of God, flawed, but His all the same. Seek Him and no one else, and He will do a work in you. It is His presence you need in your heart and spirit. Then you will find all the rest will take care of itself. you are very young, and God will do a great thing in you for HIS GLORY. Seek His face, have faith and trust. When you fall get up, start again, one day you will be so tired of it you will just give it all over. But remember, do not listen to satan telling you to take your life, or listen to his condemnation. you are in Christ. He intercedes and covers our sin and our corrupt nature. You are no different to anyone else. I am ashamed to confess what I really had in my heart. I am reminded when I feel too saintly. Blessings.
Hear my humble cry
Hi meangreen
i totally feel what you are going through.this is not a pyhsicial battle but a spiritual one. its a battle for your body [which is supposed to be a temple of the Lord] a battle for your Mind [ which is supposed to think whats pure holy acceptable before God philipn 4.8 , its abattle for your Soul [ which is supposed to rest in God AND BE Resurrected with Christ oneday. ITS A SPIRITUAL BATTLE CALLING FOR SPIRITUAL CONTERACTION.
1st - its not in your power or might to fight spiritual battles -so trust in Gods deliverance and guidance. if possible ,get sometime in prayer and fasting with a Friend/ a someone who can pray with you. renew your mind in reading and speaking out scripture .Begin to trian your spiritual man in resisting the Devil - through speaking directly and aloud to negative thoughts that the devil will continuely want to make you believe. aLWAYS STRIVE TO KNOW WHAT YOUR TRUE IDENTITY IS AS ACHILD OF AGOD -through the scripture so the Devil wont wisper to you otherwise. renounce any involvement -any attachments-any soul times[the two shall become one] - discard the gifts . ask the Lord to fill you with his Holyspirit.Surround yourself with True believers who understand you and are willing to stand with you in a time like this -to love-to protect-to pray with you - to encourage you.
dont be discouraged - know that despite this you are still A child of God.Christ still loves you and wants to help you so that you dont miss the mark- just totally surrender. dont let the Devil tell you otherwise . romans 8.1
he can do it!
i know what u mean and jesus can heal you. what you need to do is change the way you pray.....you need to pray the prayer of soul ties. and then get rid of everything that youve recieved as gift of bought that has came from a gay person or has something to do with homo ssexuality.
How many times must we all
How many times must we all hear this , the suffering, hoping you wouldn`t wake up . . .so many people, so many lives. I`m not going to say wasted lives, there`s more to it than that. In my church the pastor spoke of this clergyman, a homosexual who had abstained from sexual relationships for years. An upstanding fine Christian man, said our pastor whi was his friend. A credit to Christ.
I wasn`t happy to hear all this, sounded like hard work when Christ died to free us. Few weeks later came the news this guy, in his 50`s, had fallen, unable to hold out any longer. Don`t you feel like weeping? Not because he`d fallen, but that his perception of Jesus had brought him misery. Total misery, maybe he shoud have done this sooner, let the Lord deal with the ongoing problem (call it sin if you like) and come through the other side.
I heard a few years ago the most tortured sound of an animal in pain whilst in the Scottish Highlands. Thought it was a wolf or something, caught in a trap. Turned out to be stags rutting. They were in torment over sexual desire.
Don`t know what else to say except talk this through with the Lord. You`ll get all sorts of advice from this site, you need His. If you restrain or abstain, you`re putting yourself under a pressure cooker, the Lord cannot do what you`re trying to do yourself.
Look at it another way, if you were born a cripple, or got made one by an act of violence, would that stop the Lord accepting you? AS YOU WERE?
God loves you
The fact that God loves you does not mean that He accepts your wrongdoings.the devil is a liar.homosexuality is a spirit,it's a bad spirit that the devil installs within you to control you,for you to act upon what is forbidden by God.1 corrithians 6:9. so you have to fight it with all your power and strength,do not be mistaken,it isn't God who is doing this to you,but the devil-God sometimes allows the devil to test us so that God sees how great your faith is.you must conquer this.the greater the fight,the greater the reward! its the same thing with muderers,rapists etc.they have this urge to murder or rape-it's because they let the devil's spirit within them control them.
God has given you so much strength to fight this-utilize it.
goodluck
you're in my prayers
what about verse 11 in that same passage???
you should have directed to the whole passage because you are missing something very important here....verse 11 reads "And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."
So there is hope. The Holy Spirit will purge and purify all of us from unrighteousness
Step further than this...
I just wanted to point out what the text of this verse says and a greater hope that goes with it.
You WERE washed, you WERE sanctified, you WERE justified...in other words, God said its already done...will you believe Him?
I guess to better phrase your thought...The Holy Spirit will purge and purify all of us from unrighteousness (once we believe what God has written).
Kudo's
you are exactly right. there is hope and he needed to know. just quoting part of a scripture is missleading. it leads the person to feel bad about themselves. thats why i posted the rest of the passage.
Did God make people homosexuals?
"Look at it another way, if you were born a cripple, or got made one by an act of violence, would that stop the Lord accepting you? AS YOU WERE?"
Your analogy is very misleading. It is not morally wrong to be born a cripple or to be made one. It is morally wrong to practice homosexuality, according to the Bible anyway. It is also morally wrong to steal, to lie, to fornicate, to commit adultery. But people are born with tendencies to do these things! Does that mean that God will accept the thief, liar, fornicator, adulterer or murderer AS THEY ARE because they say they were made that way? If that is the case, then obviously God will judge no one, because when people sin, they are basically following what they want to do without regard for God's law. They are just being "true to themselves" as God haters, unbelievers, transgressors - whatever. The same for homosexual offences.
People may have defects in their moral nature from birth. We all do, and partly this is due to the demons we inherit from the sins of our ancestors. Christ came to set people free from this.
We are dealing also with unbelief here, folks. People either want to say that God accepts homosexual practices if done in the "right way", or that God cannot and will not deliver us from the things which He hates - which is practically a denial of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
We need to accept people who have struggles with sinful tendencies and bring God's power, love and healing to them so that they can change. But if we can't do that, or won't, let us just confess that we don't believe that Christ's cross and Christ's blood will really cut it.
Hey Michael, Thanks for
Hey Michael, Thanks for getting to this one quickly. I haven`t explained very well, I don`t condone hohsexual practice, but some of these guys here are virtually suicidal, a common ocurrance amonst gays particularly years ago, NOT much signs of fealing as the heading would suggest.
What d`ya tell a new Christian whose in a relationship c/w kids, but not married? What would Jesus say? What DID he say to the woman at the well, the Samaritan, who`d had 5 husbands "you told me the truth there . . the man you`re living with is not your husband" Did she go away chastened? Well, she changed the subject (women!) asked Jesus about the Messiah, and Jesus amazingly told her he was the Messiah, I who am talking to you now" My favourite passage, no condemnation . . .How many people did Jesus tell this to? Directly? NOONE except his disciples many of who didn`t believe he would be resurrected!
There are issues here. Different churches have different viewpoints, Jesus is not always as central as he should be, many don`t believe in the gifts of the Holy Spirit, saying they are not for our time. Strewth, we need them more than ever, never have these tormented people needed deliverance so badly. When somebody says life is so awful he wishes he were dead, it`s not on to quote the Official Party Line, something more is required. Condemnation is of Satan, and Scriptures/Christians are instruments in his weaponry.
When I got born again in `81 Satan made his presence felt, the Lord felt so far away because I perceived sin in my life, courtesy of Satan. I had a rare moment with Jesus one afternoon after I`d had a bad back strain for a few days. I had THANKED God for this in line with a book I`d been reading and was praising him for the pain as best I could. The praise gave way to worship, the Lord spoke simply to me (then as now) and said "It`s not me condemning you"
He was weeping. . . . And my back pain went.
We hurt Jesus by our attitudes so much more than we can ever realise..Anybody reading this in pain physically, mentally or sexually, He knows . . .If you`re looking for change, you may be putting God second to your central issue . . .He can show you a way out and as a result PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE!!! He did this for me (I`ve been there, pal) . . .He is able to do so much more than we can ever imagine!!
Michael, if you`ve issues about this, you might like to contact my email address to keep your site free, best regards, Peter
Amen Michael! And God
Amen Michael!
And God bless!
Corey
reply to post
Hi Meangreen. I read your post and I praise God that you know who to call upon to deliver you. My advice to you is to keep praying. although things may not be changing at the rate that you'd want it to, trust and believe that God is working it out. We also have to remember to do our part. Yes, we have stuff to do to. :-) It seems that you are doing that by staying away from the places and people that may tempt you. The bible states that some things only come but by fasting and praying. Matthew 17:21
Whatever you do, don't give up or give in. Also, I want you to know that I will be praying with you and for you. Proverbs 24:16 For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief. God is a God of forgiveness.
My life of homosexuality that led me to freedom...
At a young age I was molested by a man. During the years of me growing up I knew that my desire was not natural and that it leaned more towards loving a man than it did a woman. This was an inordinate desire. Upon coming into the knowledge of Christ it was then made "my decision" to act upon what I knew was wrong. Seeking deliverance is not always the easiest thing to us because its something that we are use to doing. When seeking deliverance there are steps that have to be taken. Steps to freedom are getting saved, admitting and accepting that homosexuality is a sin, and having a made up mind that you no long want to have the homosexuality. We want God to do everything and we do nothing..which shows us to be lazy. The thing that we don't understand is that God is a perfect gentleman. He will not take anything that you are not willing to give. Once deliverance has been done...YOU FOR YOURSELF WILL KNOW THE CHANGE. Understand...deliverance is a spiritual purging. The body(flesh) has gotten used to getting what its liked, so yes even though you received your deliverance your body will still react to what was. The Bible tells us to "be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind". The only way to become renewed is to study and meditate on God's word. The only way to do this is to make sure that you have an understanding on his Word. What I usually do in my studying is I take a major part of my life for example: lust, and I use my bible concordance or the internet to look up all scriptures to fight against it. I then meditate and study them..and when you notice the changes..you will see that the Word will become you. Understand that you can't hold on to homosexual friends either...because until you are strengthened...you can't help them. Its just like the blind leading the blind..and both of you will fall into a ditch. You have to separate, get delivered, get strong...and wait until God releases you. All of this comes with relationship with God. You must be filled with the HOLY SPIRIT in order to fight against the homosexuality, because without it...you would then be fighting alone. Surround yourself with REAL people. People that won't entertain the lifestyle, but also won't judge you. People that are saved and will love you through. I know the struggle and the fight won't be the prettiest thing you face...but the testimony will be greater. The thoughts may come to visit every now and then..but they serve a purpose to keep you humble. IF you remain humble you will be open for God to use you..and also it will keep you humble enough to pray...thats only if you love the Lord enough!!! I love you all dearly, if you would like to get in touch with me you can email me at denziel01@yahoo.com
Truly blessed,
Min. Denziel D
Follow me as Follow Christ
For anyone who has anything they would like to discuss or would like to keep in touch, I am creating my own website and you may follow me to the link:
http://walkinfreedom.webs.com/
Thanks and God bless,
Elder Denziel
I couldn't have said that
I couldn't have said that better myself. God Bless you.
Victory only through trials and with Jesus
I was sexually abused when I was 5 and then 9 years old by a teenager. Only thought of men, nothing else came to me after that. But I Believed in christ and was actively involved in ministries at church.I Never had sex with anyone till I was 25.Till then I only masturbated and kept the desires within me. I was very straight acting. My urges took over me and started meeting men for sex. I liked it very much and was slowly drifting away from God. Though I felt on top of the world.
I prayed though continually that God will not leave me. I got married at 29. With the lord's help I was able to consummate my marriage.But i had no children. This was the biggest trial in my life because I loved children. I started looking at God and reading his word and praying. The Lord spoke to through his book of Job and Malachi, especially Malachi.
We were seeing a doctor, who after spending much money and time over two years told usthat we had no hopes of becoming parents. By then I had already confessed and submitted myself to the Lord. Though i had homosexual desires , I abstained from it and was only with my wife.But I know that I should never question God for not giving me a child. I Prayed, " Lord, even if you don't bless me with what I ask for and everything is down, You are still my God and I shall only serve you. I will never turn back and entertain my homosexual desires. Amen"
That night was difficult. I couldn't sleep. I cried and uttered to the Lord to forgive me for all that I had done and bless me with a child. The Lord blessed me with sleep.
The next day , the doctor called and said that my wife was actually pregnent then as he had overlooked the blood test. God had blessed us with a miracle.He did it for me and I had a healthy son 9 months later.
Thank you Jesus, for using trials and temptations to draw me closer to you and save me from eternal Hell. Now my desires for men are slowly fading away.I believe the Lord is changing me.He will if you submit to him too. Amen
What a testimony Brother.
What a testimony Brother. Maybe I should get married too. I love children. Even though I am not married, the LORD has done so much in changing me. Though I still look at the odd guy here and there but it's basically seeing him as good looking not attractive or sexual. The beginning of your testimony is so much like mine, I just had to respond. I am 42, what a waste of life. But the desires are waning. The fear of God keeps me in check and the wages of sin is death, so it's not worth going there when you start weighing things. God bless your little boy, may the hand of God protect him and that his life be free from the grief that we had to endure with sexual confusion, your will be done.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 do not let go of this passage, claim it and own it, take it as your possession and never let it out of your heart and soul:
7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
don't let go! you will fail at some point. not on this maybe but on something. you will sin. you will sin and not know it. you will fall short. therefore you must never give up this verse! tell God you will not let go of this verse, that it is yours! i fail. i may never get those thoughts out of my head. i can't do i. and god hasn't purified me yet. i have learned that we will never be "perfectly perfect" here. but that doesn't mean you can't try. it is much better to fail at perfection than succeed at merely being good. and then you will fail enough times that you will "give up" and give in to God.
i am losing my faith as i write this. i am losing my grip, and i am falling. it won't be the first time. sometimes the Lord catches me and prevents me from going SPLAT on the pavement and sometimes He comes in and picks me up and carries me. right now, i can't do it! i can't do it! i don't know how i believe in God! i don't know how to believe in God! but deep down inside, it's not that i don't believe in God, it's that i am a wretched, imperfect, miserable human. my faith and my hope rests on God allowing me to believe Him. not just believe 'in' Him like the demons, but to believe that He is God and that He loves me. it is the most difficult thing to be a Christian and have these thoughts / impulses / proclivities (however you wish to phrase it) and feel like you are loved. right now i feel like nobody loves me. and i am nearly correct. my gay friends have abandoned me. my christian friends have abandoned me. my parents, they never really were there for me anyways. i have given up asking my mom to call me to check up on me or just to say hi. she never has and she never will.
my only hope is that God will take me, because i don't have anywhere else to go. and i hope that He will take me 'just as i am' and at some point, maybe in this life, but unfortunately it appears at the resurrection, he will make me perfect and clean and blameless and able to stand before him, and even able to look at myself in the mirror. i read how we are designed to reflect the glory of God. i cannot tell you how i long to no longer see myself in the mirror but to see Christ. i don't want to see me anymore!
so hold on to that verse. it is all i have to hope for, is that God will take me as the flawed being i am, ever flawed every day of this life, no matter how far i go, i miss the mark and fail to measure up. my only hope is that when i stand in front of God, that Christ will step in there, and He will say 'this one is Mine, this one belongs to Me' because nobody else will take me.
it hurts so bad to be so crushed every time, every day, every moment. sometimes i get mad at God. but i tell Him, yes i am mad at You but it is not Your fault, i have no right, i am sinning and i confess and agree that i have no right to be angry at you -- but i still am, so please help me not be angry with you! so then i get angry with myself. and then i have to turn back to this passage and try beyond all trying to believe that it's not those few time when i am strong and can resist, it's those times when i try and fail that Christ is there to pick me up.
you're going to get knocked down. you can't hold a candle to Satan. you can only hide in His robes, you can only run for cover in the shadow of your Heavenly Father's cloak. you can only cry out to your "Abba, Father" "DADDY HELP ME!" and you can't even hold on to Him but He can hold onto you. But you have to try. all you have to do is try to stand up. all you have to do is take that one step. Elijah never knew the second step until after he took the first one. Job never even knew in this life "why?" i don't know why and right now i want to die, i cannot tell you how many times i go to bed and ask for Him to take me in my sleep and how many times i wake up hurting because He didn't take me.
i can only try my best and fail and let Him take the slack, let Him pay the price, and stay at the Cross until He calls me home.
so don't let go of that verse -- don't go having sex with men. even if you are gay, if your mere state of being is gay. if the face you see in the grocery store or the post office or the crowd, even if your eyes make contact with this one man, instead of a pretty girl. keep your eyes on the cross. i've done every thing, i've taken every drug, i've been a whore, and i've been in love with a man. it's not worth it. you might still be miserable from resisting the temptation. but i have been on the other side, and it's pretty miserable here too. yet i don't have the ability to say "i persevered" and i am miserable because i succummbed to temptation, not because i resisted it. and i will tell you, resisting temptation can be the loneliest most painful thing you will ever experience. the only thing worse is not resisting temptation.
we are on a battlefield. this life is not paradise. this world is a hell. all we can do is cry out to Christ to come rescue us. sometimes that's all you can do. i'm trying not to lose my faith tonight. everyone abandoned me. and now i can't feel God.
but i KNOW, I KNOW GOD IS THERE. i know God exists. i know, i know, i know. how can i know so much and fail so utterly? i can't do it. i give up, God, do you hear me, i'm falling, i'm slipping, i am losing my ability to hold onto you. please Father remember all my prayers that when i fall you don't let me go! i am counting on you to keep your promises even though i have broken all mine! i don't understand how i could be worth anything to You, but for some reason You say in your Word that i am worth very much to you. i feel worthless right now. so please don't let me go -- please, don't let us go!
I am your brother in the Lord
My friend,
All I can say is that you WILL be rewarded for your suffering, you chose life not death! You chose to be free for eternity by suffering a very limited time here on earth, remember what Jesus did for you on the Cross when you think it is just to much. Seek the Kingdom of God and all other things will be added on to you, keep your faith and Jesus will bring happiness and joy into your life!
Be strong my friend, it is satan who do not want to lose one of his trophies and will do anything to take you away from the Lord.
I have a lot of respect for you and wish you the best!
Sincerely,
Hawk
Hello friend. I do hope you
Hello friend. I do hope you are continuing to grow in the Lord. I pray that His Holy Spirit may strengthen you in your battle. I pray that you will become and over comer through Christ Jesus the Lord. I, too, had thoughts like yours when I was young. I tried to make them go away but I eventually gave in to them. When I was 17 I decided to turn my back on God and follow my lusty desires. I was a homosexual for 3 years. It seemed like fun at the time but inside I knew I was in utter darkness. Finally, in a desperate attempt I broke up with the girl I was with at that time, bought a Bible, went to church, and started praying. I felt terrible about the things I had done. However, the thoughts and desires came back. They would usually come in times when I was lonely and with out much connection to the people around me. I fell again and again back into homosexuality. I felt like God must have hated me for my waywardness. However, even in my sin God reached out to me. I realized that while I was still a sinner Christ died for me. In Him there was forgiveness for sin and hope out of this life of darkness. By giving into the thoughts and homosexual desires I had fell into a miry clay. The kind that the more you move the deeper you sink. However, God took me out of the miry clay and set my feet upon the Rock who is Christ Jesus our Lord. Yet in this time I had not truly repented from my sexual sins. A short time later I fell into sin again but this time it was with a man, a "Christian" none the less. Finally, after a short period of time I listened to the conviction of the Holy Spirit. He showed me that if I continued to put this before Him I would be separated from Him forever. I needed to make a choice. Was I going to worship a human being through sexual lust or worship God out of a pure heart? I desperately longed for a pure heart. When I had repented of all my sexual sin and putting man/woman before God's commands Jesus came into my life cleansed me of my sins and gave me a new heart. Wow, I can hardly explain how awesome it is to be touched by the love of God. He didn't give up on me. As the word says He wishes that none should perish but that all might come to repentance. Praise our Lord for His unfailing Love, His amazing work on the cross, and the new life He has given us in Christ Jesus. We are over comers by the blood of the Lamb of God and the word of our testimony. I am now a happily married woman to a wonderful man who loves Jesus. It is a picture of my new life in Christ and all He has done for me. Sex outside of marriage with a man or woman is sin that leads to death. However, if we repent and trust in the Lord Jesus to cleanse us He will give us life and life more abundant. He already finished the work on the cross by paying the punishment for our sins. It is now our part to commit ourselves to Him, repent of our sins, follow Him by faith, and share the Good News with others. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.
help with grace
a message my pastor preached was a great help to me in what you dill with, you may email me if you like rickyfortson@hotmail.com