My name is Jennifer and I have a sad, yet beautiful testimony to share with
you. In May of 1994, I had a very horrilbe Motor Vehicle Accident where I could
have easily died, but it wasn’t my time. I was hit by a car carrying 2000 lbs
of cement mix. The car accident left me with pain for the rest of my life and
I was only 24 at the time of my accident.
The years to follow I was in pain almost every day, severe, severe pain which
required multiple surgeries. During my extensive treatment, I was living in
a very abusive marriage, more verbally then physically, although occasionally
I was choked. The worst pain to me is emotional pain when your husband calls
you every vile name you can think of, when he takes your heart out of your body
and stomps all over it. I lived that way on and off for nine years.
Having my accident and going through the abuse was more then I could handle.
I felt like no one loved me or understood me, so I turned to gambling. Michael,
I cannot tell you what kind of “hold” gambling had on me. It was all I thought
about, all I dreamed about. I made the SLOT MACHINE my IDOL. During my gambling
tenure, and at the end of my 4 year medical/legal battle I was awarded a very
large settlement for pain and suffering. Although I helped my family and friends
with the money, I gambled the majority of it away and lost my credit which was
once rated “A” so you can see how gambling destroyed every aspect of my life.
I would come home at night and all I could see were the numbers 7 7 7 lining
up in my head on a great big screen and the ringing of the slot machines. I
thought i was going to have a nervous breakdown..
I saw christians, people dying with cancer on an oxygen tank pulling the handle
of the slot machine waiting for that BIG FINANCIAL MIRACLE. I saw poor people,
widowed people, the sick, the abused the lost, all walks of life in the Casino.
It was an escape for all of us. A terrible waste of time yet it put a bandaide
over our lost and hurting souls. I wanted so desperately for someone to love
me and cherish me and the money I had from my accident empowered me to buy attention,
something I never really had. Although each day I lost more of my life and more
of my spirit and my health, I couldn’t STOP gambling. I could identify with
the alcholic and drug user needing that HIGH feeling to get them through the
day. It was no different for me.
I started really disliking myself, not that I had much self esteem to begin
with. But gambling made it even worse I felt like ONE GREAT BIG LOSER, searching
for something that I couldnt’ find in the Casino, and that something was “GOD.”
I always thought what would such a powerful,powerful GOD want with little ole
me? What did I have to offer? All I had to offer was my pathetic sin and all
my problems that I didn’t know how to LET GO of. I thought if my own husband
doens’t love and cherish me as a human why would GOD? These feelings of insecurity
and low confidence was driving me over the edge and just around that time my
mother was diagnosed with an aggresive form of breast cancer and my grandmother
had terminal colon/liver cancer and that sent me over the edge even further
right back into the ever-accepting arms of the casino, so I gambled another
good six months until all the credit was gone and all the settlement money and
then I wanted to DIE. I felt I had ruined my life.
I felt in my heart GOD blessed me with the money to test me or to bring me
to my knees and find him.. I think back on all that I could have done, I could
have moved out of this awful City but I couldn’t leave my mother behind with
her chemotreatments while she was fighting for her life. I didn’t have any possible
means of moving, I felt so in BONDAGE. I didn’t know what to do. I thought GOD
was so ashamed of me, and that he wanted nothing to do with me. And how do you
speak to someone so almighty, a GOD that can figuratively speaking hold the
universe on the palm of his hands? Not Me.. Not Jenny.. So I thought.
Oh my dear, the coversion was a slow, slow process and I was one of those who
really believed that once I feel to my knees and accepted the LORD as my SAVIOR
that I would have a cakewalk and it was the furthest from the truth. The tests
intensified, the verbal abuse at home became so bad I wanted to die, each night
I prayed GOD would take me home take me away from this monster who tortured
me so badly that I felt like I was worthless. My mother became sicker and I
couldn’t hold a job. I was laid off or ran away from a job because I had no
confidence in my abilities. I thought the whole world was out to destroy me
that I could trust No one. A struggle indeed it was. When I look back the last
few years on my turtle move towards the LORD, I feel very honored, blessed and
I cannot believe that I have been accepted, I thought I had to work my way
into heaven. I have seen JESUS three times and if you knew me in person you
would know my heart and know that I would never utter those words unless it
really happened and I Feel even more honored that the LORD would reveal himself
to me in such a glorious way. The most beautiful testimony of my life is that
I have discovered that GOD allowed all these things to come to fruition in my
life because he is molding me, building character and using my testimony to
help other women and men that have been addicted to something sinful, that have
been abused, that have lost loved ones, all of it has happened to me and I am
only 31 but GOD blessed me with a gift of compassion and a gift of giving. I
would do any thing to help my brother or sister in need, absolutely any thing.
Jesus gave me the gift to Write.
I wrote a book about my life called Knock With All Your Heart: From Rags To
Riches To Jesus and just a month ago I got a letter in the mail from Writers
Edge (They service 48 Christian Publishers) that my book proposal was accepted
for their January newsletter that goes out to all the christian publishers.
I was so elated, so thankful that GOD would think enough of me to get me one
step closer to sharing my life testimony with the world.
I am still going to Healing For Damaged Emotions counseling every week. I pray
every day several times a day and many of my friends say I have a gift of intercessory
prayer because I pray from my heart and soul.. I may not be able to quote certain
scriptures but when a prayer need comes to me I cry out to GOD for that prayer
and they are so sad, so many people are sick, needy and poor with little to
no hope for salvation. I pray for them always too. I pray my book will touch
and heal so many lives and give the tools that they need to draw them closer
to GOD. God also showed me that I don’t have to live in an abusive relationship.
I am FREE of that forever. I will never ever let a man hurt me ever again, because
when he hurts me he hurts his father in heaven as well and I pray that MEN and
WOMEN every where will take heed to that.
God bless you and I pray I can help someone with my testimony.. My prayers
to your ministry as well.. In Christ, I will forever remain until He calls me