Lost at the crossroads.

I am agnostic. I was born into a non-practicing Christian family, I am baptized as a Christian and I have even read some, if not much, of the bible.

I believe. I believe that there’s no smoke without fire. I believe that somewhere in the seemingly endless jumble of different faiths, teachings, prophecies and points of view, there has to be some truth. Something, some being, entity or creator, must exist. There must be some form of afterlife; something after the mortal coil has passed.

I respect the ideals and concepts of Buddhism, Islam and Hindi. I do my best to be a non hypocritical agnostic, to take no bias against any possible truth. But I suspect that I lean towards Christianity, probably because I know more about Christianity than any other religion or faith.

At one point during my life, while I was a school kid, I spent a lot of time in my local church. I think at the time I was seeking for answers, seeking for something deeper. I even considered, for a short time, becoming a priest. But as time passed, I didn’t find any answers, I got no deeper meaning. There were no reply to my questions and no direction was shown to me, so I wandered away.

That was 12 years ago; many things have changed since then. Yet I am still standing at the same crossroads. I am still, I think, looking for a direction to take, a path to follow. But I have found no argument convincing enough, no truth which strikes true enough in my mind or my heart, to make a choice.

I have been through, and am going through some strange times, my life is changing around me and more than ever I feel the need for answers, for a spiritual direction. While writing this post for this forum, while joining the website, I think have made the decision to give Christianity and god another chance to ring true in my heart.

Whether I will find my direction or not, is yet to be seen. Past experiences have taught me not to expect anything and honestly I am filled with doubt. I suppose it’s fitting that my name is Thomas, doubting Thomas.

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