I need help

I am a 26 year old living in my Dad’s house as I left my ex of 4 years and moved back in here until I get on my feet.

My dad is an HIV + homosexual who is also an apparent alcoholic. Tonight I had to call 911 because he was too drunk to get into the house from the SUV. Him and his partner were in the driveway both covered in vomit yelling at each other. if that isn’t humiliating I don’t know what is.

I don’t know how else to express the pain I’m feeling. My Dad is a shell of the man he once was when he was married to my Mom. I cry everyday. My heart is completely broken. I’ve been suicidal for most of this month. I’m numb. People ask me “what’s wrong” “are you ok” all the time. I feel like the walking dead because I’m just.so.sad. I just want to go to sleep and never wake.

At one time I went to church 6 days a week, as of right now I haven’t been in years. I often question if God exists because my life has been nothing but heartache and pain. I’m considering moving back North where I’m from. My mother lives in Ohio with her 5th husband. I thought of going to Indiana to be around friends who I know genuinely love me. I don’t have anyone here other than my Dad.

is my post making sense? I’m so sad I can’t think straight. I’ve cried so hard tonight my head hurts. I just want my Dad to be healed, I want my mother to be nice to me and love me, I want to be able to function and feel happy and normal for once in my life. Is God there? Does he ever hear me? the more I pray the more things get worse it seems. My Dad is dying before my eyes and it’s killing me inside. I don’t even know what to do.

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