I just dont know anymore

Ok this post goes along with i am struggling one i posted like 2 weeks ago and i have been feeling really weird. I know there is a god. I know he is there but i feel like if i was in a life or death and i was about to die then i could really ask god for forgiveness but right now i think about it and i cant laugh at it and i cant take it seriously. I think it is because it is hard for me to pray and listen to god. i am reading the book 1 John everyday and i am going to read before i go to bed but i dont know. I feel like if i died right now i wouldnt go to heaven. I am really struggling. But if i was about to get my head blown off then i could be able to. I dont know anymore. I am resisting satan. I dont think that he has a hold on me. I think it started on September 30 2008. So i have been not depressed but i am not happy. I feel like God just put me on this Earth because he got bored. I dont know. I dont want to just give up and stop trying i want to figure out what is wrong with me. Please help me.

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