I am free

Hello everyone,
My name is Jessica. I am a mother of 4. I am a recovering addict and a Born Again Christian. I can to know God this past year. In 2011 I had thee worst events that took place in my life. Had I of known that it was Gods will I would not have the knowledge that I have this day. Growing up during my adolecent years I have undergone sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. I was homeless at the age of 12 living under a bridge in my city and eating once a week. I was dirty and didnt smell to good. The one thing that I felt kept me warm was drugs and booze. As I aged I led my own life with evil. I still had this warmth with in me that allowed me to love others. Very strange to me. How could that be and I was not a believer of Christ. Through my growing years I indulged in sexual immoralites, using profound languege, usage of drugs and alcohol, adultry, lies, deciept, harm to my self. I even tried commiting suicide at one point in my life after I had been raped. I have been in and out of mental institutes, in and out of jail, on probation etc. Through all that I had faced death a numerous occasions. I have studied witch craft as I believed that I seen things that were to not be seen. I felt as if I had thee ability to see things before they happened. I have seen many terrible evil things in my life. I was in my last abusive relationship when I called and cried out Jesus name. I thought I had no other choice, I heard him for the first time as I laid naked beaten and raped by the father to my first child. I was paralyzed. I could not move only tears came down. I cried out in Jesus name and instantly I heard his voice say GET UP!!!! And I got up. I ran and God saved me. Even through that I had fallen into the devils trap again and became additced to cocaine and soon became crack. I gave my child away because I knew I was not a good mother. I sought God again, but fell down everytime. During my trials and tribulations I always asked, why on earth do I have to fear God? What is “the fear of God” as people would say. It wasnt until last year after having 4 children that HE came to me and allowed me to see. I have been sober since 2007. I became pregnant with my second child but was unmarried and with an addict. He was abusive and always in and out of jail/ prison. I would read the word and try to change him but that was not Gods will. I ate but never got full. So then as time went by I forgot to eat. After my last child was born, my second child was the victim of sexual abuse by a state employed worker/ daycare. My life broke and I blamed my self because I felt I was the fault for me past. The father to my 3 youngest children had gotten locked up again and I was left alone. I had so much anger then towards God. I asked him why? I love people. I have a natural ability to heal others through my pain. Dont take that the wring way. I am a firm believer that God had allowed me to go thru such traumatic times to be able to testify to others and bring them closer to HIm. But at that timeI actually said, there is no God. I used his name in vien every chance I could get. That week I have never felt so empty in all my life. Not even when as a baby my own mother sold me for drugs to men that took my innosence. Not even when my father beat me my whole child hood in fear I would end up like my mother, not even when I was raped and beaten and no one to talk to. I had God then, but now I had all that pain and I felt no God. I relapsed last year. I was promiscuous. I was addicted to worldy ways. It took a week for to realize that God was defining The Fear…..!!!! Amen? I was so hard headed that he had to show me the meaning. I almost lost my children, my home, my job and my life. And I got scared. I fell to my knees and prayed. God brought a woman in my life from the church I was attending and as scared as she was to step foot in my home God gave her strength through faith in him. Amen? She never let go. God had his spirit in her so deep that I could see him. I can and always have been able to hear his voice. He said trust in me. I said God I trust in you. And I went to church asked for forgiveness and got saved. When I went home, the following weeks I was being asked to get baptized. But I always disregarded the requests for I still felt empty inside. I started to eat again and found myslef being thirsty. Amen? Praise God. He told me its not to be scared of Him!!! Its fear in the fact of not having him. When he told me this I no longer felt empty for I had recieved knowledge. I sat in my bed and a song came on like any other night and my body got hot from toes to head and my heart raced rappidly and goosebumps consumed my body. I couldnt hear a things but feel tears just pouring out of my eyes and my arms lifted up as if they were being held, and I heard a voice say, trust in me. My head fell to my chest my arms still exalted and I praised God in words I have never heard before. Scripture came out of my mouth that I have nver read before. Only praise and worship were on my toungue. As soon as I said I trust you Lord, my tears stopped, my body laid down and I was asleep. As I slept I had a dream that I still remember. It was dark and I was riding a bike. I seen people in my dream that I havent seen since passed. But there eyes were red and faces were dark and they only spoke mean things. Insisted on telling me I was worthless, I am nothing, I will never be nothing. As I looked at them I had no fear!!!! I knew then I was face to face with the devil. I then closed my eyes in my dream and cried I seek you Lord, you are my God! I SEEK YOU!!!! Then everything in my dream disappeared. I woke up and my heart was racing and I was hot and I knew at that very moment I was just face to face with Satan and now was in the presence of God. Last weekend I was baptized. After Baptism the Pastor held a seperate service for those who became Baptized and wished to be prayed upon to recieve to Holy Ghost. As the oil was printed on my forhead, I could not hear nothing but scripture, I prayed aloud, as hands were praying over me and I began to realize I was speaking in tongue, with the Pastor and Prayer Warrior. He not need to give me any instruction on how to do so, I have had this gift all along. Amen? After service there was a dinner being held for me in Gods Honor anf I asked, how could a sinner such as my self have a Gift of God? Is that right? Can I a sinner really heal people in the name of Jesus? They said yes, you are saved and a seal is over you. We all fall short of the Glory of God. A sin is a sin is a sin is a sin. No matter how big or how small, we are all sinners. As Christians we repent and ask for forgiveness in Jesus name. That is what he shed his blood for. Amen? So here I am today, writing you as I stumbled upon this brilliant idea of a website and giving testimony. I hope what I shared gives insight to Gods will, and praise be said in his name. I am not a woman of anger anymore. There is not one person unforgiven for what had happened to me. I believe that God gave me those experiences to have knowledge for his purpose. So I am greatful for my life my whole life. I thank God for bringing me where I am at today. Praise be to him. Amen.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Leave a Reply (Choose Facebook or Standard)

Facebook Iconfacebook like buttonYouTube Icon