From depression to abundant Life

Though, I been born and raised up in a christian family(protestant) that doesn’t meant life was pink and depression could not hit me fully.

At the age 17 – slipped into the world and looking for meaning of life, trying to find happiness and fulfillment of soul, I went through my first depression.

The life of people around me doesn’t looked attractive to me at all. Deep inside my soul I knew what I was looking for, and what was my need, but I didn’t knew how to get it.

I was looking after the „Holy Spirit Dimension „ where there are No limits, where you can fly, actually I longed after the soul freedom, what I call today” Walking in the Spirit”.

One day a christian friend of mine invited me to a prayer meeting, telling me that the leader is a special brother. Being raised up in church I have seen all kinds of preachers during the years, but no one had that „ something” what today I describe aș „ the Anointing of the Holy Ghost”- which is priceless, its a treasure.

As I entered that room, not even after an hour of listening about God, I felt there was something so special, vivid,( not just an interesting theory). When that man spoke exudes a passion and such a godly athmosphere was there like I have reached heaven.

Finally I have found what I was looking for and I have said to myself : „what this man have I want it too, No matter the price!”

From that day on, I never left the fellowship group, I have been baptized in water and I went to their church.

They told me the secret -Holy Spirit- and imidiatly I have begun to seek for it with all my being, with a fantastic hunger to be baptized with it, so that within 2 months of asking for it, reading the Bible, fasting and doing everything to have it, because only His abundant Life could quench my thirst. On the begining of january 1998 alone in my room crying desperately for receiving the baptism of the Holy Ghost, aș through a miracol He came over me and I have begun to spoke in tongues as well as many supranatural experience followed that, hard to describe in words, but simply „ heaven was there” invading my whole being with exterme happiness.

I fed my spiritual hunger now through much Bible study and reading all kinds of christian books, but that doesn’t meant the Devil was sleeping or the world system wasn’t looking after me, even if I had been born again and baptized with the Holy Ghost, that doesn’t meant I had a personal Encounter with Him „face to face” aș Job says :

I had heard of You by the hearing of the ear,

But now my eye sees you” 42:5

I was not marked by His person, of who is He, I was just happy for finding the meaning of life. Since childhood and all the time i have seek that whether i read a book or  watch a movie , I would like it to mark me somehow.

Soon, a severe depressive episod followed, and thinking I could not get over it, I asked God to sent me someone to help me because alone was „hell on earth”.

My salvation come soon, when my home has become now the place of weekly christian meetings for fellowship where God was performing there all kinds of miracols and much anointing was present aș well.

The years were passing by, and even if I use to have a honesty and a spiritual hunger I couldn’t manger to mentain myself more în the Spirit than în a flesh mentality, until one day.

Everything was normal but after the midnight I woke up with a feeling of being sick, having a strong sensation of fainting. I felt so sick like never before 90% I was more aware of the spiritual world than my own world, being so scared that I could faint and never woke up again. Something very seriously has happened making me more aware of who is God truly. I felt myself like a bit of dust în a huge universe. From far away I was seeing God and His seriousity shocked me, I was so insignificant compared to who is He, His mighty and greatness made me to ask Him „ Please, do not dispel me!” I felt that if He contiunes to watches over me I will surely die, and I plead Him for one more chance. That was the moment when I have realized how much real is God and that He’s Not a joke at all, that He’s more real than I myself am. His being, His seriousity melted me, consuming me as a wild fire.

After this alive experience my body reacted, I had chills, when it was too cold and then it was too hot, all my being was trembling of cold like never before. I hardly could warm myself with a hot tea and a lot of extra clothes, and so little by little everything went to normal.

The next day I was shocked of what had happend and I looked life from another perspective, paying much attention to any word that could get out of my mouth, giving much respect to people and to all God’s creation aș well. I treasured everything even the air I breathe, shortly „ the Fear of the Lord” engulfed me.

He used to talk to me also through night dreams, I remember that one had a great impact over me: „ I was walking through a cemetery (this world) being delighted and all of a sudden a big light appeared in front of me, and out of that light the ex-presedent of the USA Abraham Lincon stands în asking me firmly – When are you going to take my Word and my Son for real?-”

I realized then that what Abraham Lincon had done for USA, God wants to do for me too, and that means He wants to deliver me and to put His Word deep into my heart.

Pur and simple the Lord had invaded me, and my hunger for Him grew up day by day, an invizible force was pulling me to spent more and more time alone with Him, and some years I’ve spent it only seeking Him and allowing Him to mold me after His own desire. (for a human mentality isn’t easy, but love overcomes all)

When you have a personal Encounter with the Lord, the word „boredom” disappers from your vocabulary, it doesn’t exist anymore because you will feel His presence all the time 24\7 and this will satisfy your soul and you won’t be trying to fill up your time with all kinds of unimportant things.

But something was still missing in my pursue of being whole and that „something” was on the way to come. The Lord touched me in a special way, widening my understanding and my thinking revealing the Song of Songs to me, the most beautiful book from the Bible în my opinion.

He made me feel His Love for me and made me to understand „the Father’s heart” for people and how much He loves me……this is too much so that I could explain it în human words, because words are worthless.

He brought me to the banqueting house, and His banner over me was Love.

Sustain me with raisins, refresh me with apples for I am sick with Love….

My Beloved is mine and I am His, He feedeth His flock among Lilies”sSong2:4,5,16

And so I’ve become addicted upon the strongest drug ever, His love and His presence which filled my whole being and every cell of me can boldly say now : „I Love You! God”

He marked my life with His divine Peace, His Love,His joy, His wisdom and His tenderness and delicacy….He is everything I got and it is enough.

The fragrance of His being surrounds me and it is the joy of my life now.


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