constant occurrence of the number 11 more than just a coincidence!!!

I need some insight on the number 11!!!! This may sound crazy but it is something that has been following me for years all day everyday! this has been going on for atleast 4 yrs! I’ve fallen into a horrible depression,anxiety substance abuse etc…. I know this is some sort of communication from a spiritual source (god i believe but i don’t understand!! I have suffered a great deal of pain and heartache everyday waking moment! Someone Anyone HELP!!!!! I am the 11th child my father was a pastor, i used to have a close walk and relationship with God that truly surpassed all understanding! I made some stupid decisions out of fear and my faith has been on the decline! Unhappily Married and was spoken to by many people with the same message. I even went to see a psychiatrist and he led me back to the cross, i am having the most difficult time with this for my whole world has stopped for 5+ yrs! Completely lost! I know what it feels like to have the favor of God and I know how this feels and it is Horrible! Suicide would have been a very easy option but its a sin! Help with the 11 please! i have a great supportive family and no one can really understand this malady! I have kids to live for etc… but i feel numb! I keep having these spiritual dreams and battles asleep etc… Someone say something please!

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