I know that this may seem like a foolish question; however, I am very serious. I was raised pentecostal by a mother who kept me and my two sisters in church twice on Sunday, prayer service on Wednesday nights and Friday night service. I feel that as long as I have been in church I should be farther than I am, yet I sit in church during praise and worship when everyone else is lifting their hands, crying, some speaking in tongues to themselves, some are bowed over literally trembling all over screaming hallelujah, some run, some jump and then theres me.
In 2007 due to a car accident I am a C5 quadriplegic in a wheelchair so the running and jumping is out. I do have use of my arms and my left hand, so I will lift my hand most times, but I’m, looking around actually jealous of the others asking God, why don’t I feel like these people feel. I wantt to be overjoyed and feel whatever makes them behave that way.
When the Pastor gets up and proclaim that the Spirit of the Lord is here, why do I feel like I missed him. Can someone tell me what am I missing that I am not feeling like God is touching me, speaking to me and just looking me over. Has anyone else ever felt this way and what did you do to get over it. I actually envy those who say they have a close, intimate relationship with God because it is what I desire. I pray, I read my bible, though I admit that I am not diligent with it, I go to church faithfully so I am left feeling confused and abandoned, especially when others are constantly professing what God has said to them or done for them. It is sooo discouraging. I just don’t know what I’m not doing or doing wrong.