THY GRACE = Aftermaths of addictions – Suicide Attempts

To begin with, I introduced me as a retired soldier in my profile and I lead a life sufficiently fitting to be a rough soldier. To elaborate more, I was an alcoholic and a chain smoker. When I started my career as a soldier, I had occasional chances for my drinks like thrice a week and once I got commissioned as an officer I was liberal for drinks at any time and I was the last man to loose my opportunity of enjoying my drinks. This continued till the time I was retired, and after coming home too I maintained similar status. One day, when my wife and children were away, I drank to my satisfaction blaming my family members being not there and when my wife and one of my son came home they found me in total intoxicated state for which they objected and in fury, I miss-handled my wife. She, in return left me alone and went away with my son. I shouted that “in case she leaves me, I will commit suicide”, but she never thought I shall do so since I was totally intoxicated.

When I found my wife not obeying me, but left me in despair, I closed the door, took a sharp chopper, cut my right wrist causing deep cut worth damaging 14 nerves and fracture to one of the twin bones of the palm, put my hand inside a bucket of water letting the blood to ooze out expecting a death, but I fell unconscious and after few hours I found myself on a hospital bed with attendance of neighbors. I was subjected for a micro-surgery lasted for 5 and half hrs. Although I survived, I felt ashamed of my lost status as an army officer because of my cheap behavior to my wife and son. I became partially handicapped because of the self inflicted injury.

Although I appeared normal to all the persons around, I was totally broken in my heart and in silently and secretly looked up to heaven for help and God did not forsake me. Yes! I got reply from my Savior! When I was alone at home baring one attendance for my needs, all my relatives and friends forsook me and left me. One of the Servant of God came to me and admonished and gave me strength in Jesus, and prayed for me for deliverance from addiction and told me “Jesus Loves You!” Sure, I tasted His love that I got strength to get rid of my habit of drinking!

But I argued to God’s people defending for my smoking habit, saying “how it can be a sin since I do not harm or hurt any body?” I never believed in the claims of the saints that smoking is a sin. I even told number of servants of God that I can never stop my smoking since I smoke for last 50 odd years, that too amounting 40 cigarettes per day! One of the servant of God on hearing me, laughed, and said, if you are in the designs of God, he will purify you and take you away from this earth” and hence “I have no doubt that God certainly have his plans for you!” But still I maintained that “I can not stop smoking”

One of my friend, a Chinese girl, who taught me Chinese language, used to taunt me of my smoking habit and every day she used to ask me to reduce my number of cigarettes per day, which I did to satisfy her. She kept asking “how many today”.. every day. And I used to reply the “numbers” of that particular day.

One fine day, she as usual asked me the same question, and when I replied, she challenged me “being an army man can’t you stop this silly habit of smoking?” and I curtly told her, “no more cigarettes now onwards” and we were discontinued of our talks. Although I promised her I shall stop, I thought to myself “what foolish word I uttered- promised an impossible matter?” As usual, I kept the pack of cigarette in my hand and opened to have one, took out the cigarette, suddenly the telephone rang up and I found an unknown number on the ID display, when I replied, “hello”, I found it the same God’s man who were at my rescue when I attempted to commit suicide! He was making a call to find certain facts out here and we were contacting after a gap of two years., but I told him “Pastor I want your help. I wish to stop my smoking this moment”. He told me stop it at-once, you will not love to touch even”. and he prayed for me in the handset. Also he narrated the story of Merlin Chaplain as narrated in his book “Prison to Praise”. Although I took it casually, since I tried similar episodes number of times, after a gap of 1 minutes I took one stick of cigarette, but I even found unwilling to keep it on my lips! Praise he Lord! I was in total astonished state. I rang up the said pastor and said his of the development, he told me, God wants you and he will purify you before he takes you out of your body. Yes I feel the work of Holy Spirit in me, purifying me little by little, one by one on my unwanted elements of the flesh! Praise The Lord!
Yes, brother or sister! Are you addicted to one or the other evil like me? Surrender yourselves to God The redeemer! He will care for you. Amen!

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