This is what God has done for me

I have been cancer free for one year. My Lupus has been in remission for four months. I have had depression free days for three months. I have been anxiety free for three weeks. I have been walking God’s path through reading worship and praise for twelve years. Many times during that twelve year journey I have turned back to my old ways of worrying, over spending, disrespecting and disobeying the ones I love and lying.
In 2009 I was very ill mentally, spiritually and physically. Now that I look back on it I suffered much the same as King Saul. Migraine headaches, anxiety attacks, and anger plagued me yet still I was proud and boastful. I was proud of all I had, my weight, my job, my son, my looks. Like any other self professed Christian I went to church almost every Sunday. I attend two churches a catholic and a Pentecostal church. I told everyone how much I loved and believed in the word of God and I really did believe that until the depression came. It swept me away from the security of God I thought I had. I felt lonely, rejected, ugly, pitiful, and sad. As my migraines worsened the Lupus flared and I was hospitalized 4 times with in a six month period. I took six months off of work to recover and when I returned I was an outsider. I realized everything move on ahead and I needed to catch up. I worked hard to do so and each time the Lupus and the migraines worsened. I felt hopeless and considered giving up.
One day I was so desperate for hope, love and peace of mind I searched the internet for something uplifting to read and I came across a Christian poem. It described God’s love and Jesus sacrifice for our salvation in a way I never imagined. The young woman in the poem decided to take on God as her boyfriend; however God had some pretty high demands to make of her if she were going to follow Him. She needed to give up her past, and stop worrying about her future, she needed to stop trying to find approval in people and look for it in God. She needed to accept that God made her as a beautiful creation in his image and accept how much love he had for her and all that he wanted to share with her. She fought and argued but in the end God’s promises won and she dropped everything and began to follow Him. That was my wake up call.
I began to read God’s word everyday and the scriptures spoke to me and the condition of my heart. I became happy again taking pleasure in the simple everyday routine of life, and marveling at how amazing God’s creation really was. The next month I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and needed to leave my job. My finances, family, hair and my body would undergo a dramatic change. One would think I would have slipped back in to depression but I didn’t. I stayed strong in the Lord. I was present and aware of my situation and prayed over every decision I needed to make to insure quality care and peace of mind. This constant praying was not only for me but for the medical professionals I was turning my life over to, for my care givers and for my family.
Needless to say I made it. I still have days where I want to run and hide under a rock and wait for the storms of life to pass. When this happens I run to God. I rebuke the devil out loud (I use to think this was ridiculous). I pray for deliverance and confess my sin and iniquity to God right away, asking for forgiveness peace in my mind and a happy clean heart. He has healed my body. He is healing my mind and heart, and I love Him for it.

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