He taught me who I am…
The story of a woman’s fight from Fear and the New Age Deception
Before you read through this book, I want you to be aware. Aware that there is a God, aware that he has a son called Jesus Christ who died on the cross for our sins and know that I believe that Jesus Christ is Lord – my Lord and the Lord of all creation.
It sounds pretty serious and exactly what a religious person may say but most of what i’m about to write in this book is supernatural, based on all of the above beliefs. It is a book about my personal experiences and what happened to me. It is all true, it happened exactly as I am going to explain it and it was very hard to walk through at times. At other times it was joyful and exciting.
The experiences I have had as a Christian have been amazing. Both good and bad but still, through it all I grew and became the person I am today. I’m still a ‘work in progress’ and have so many more experiences to walk through.
It was the awareness that I had about God and Jesus that got me through all that I went through over the past 7 years. If it wasn’t for my faith I would have perished spiritually, and who knows maybe mentally to.
My experience is unique but definitely not unusual. Many people get deeply involved in situations that are beyond their control, like I did, and have no earthly way to get out of it – that is where God and his almighty power comes in.
I want you to believe, I want you to be warned about certain dangers, I want you to come away from this book more secure in the knowledge of God and what he can do in a person’s life – what he did in my life.
Feel free to search your heart and mind, your spirit and your beliefs as you read through my story.
In my late teens and early 20’s I had quite a few Christians cross my path. I liked what they had to say but I didn’t believe that it was for me. I never really considered becoming a Christian but believed that Jesus was real. As an example, there was the time when I was about 19. I had just changed bedrooms in the house and on the first night, my boyfriend and I both had an attack in our sleep and we couldn’t move or speak to ask each other for help. Out of my subconscious I said “In the name of Jesus I command you to be gone” and the attack stopped. We both woke up at the same time only to tell the same story. Over the years there were a few weeks where I would really seek some kind of spiritual fulfillment, something that might even fill the void that I felt in my life. I enjoyed reading the psalms on the very rare occasion but it rarely made sense to me. The only one that I could relate to was found in the book of Proverbs “every heart knows it’s own joy but only it can know it’s own pain”. I found that every time I picked up a bible I’d feel overwhelmed by the formal, old school language. So I gave up. I recall telling a good friend of mine that I had decided to read the bible as though it was a novel. We were in a pub at the time and he looked at me as though I’d gone batty. But I’d always believed in Jesus. When I was 18-19 I was working with a great group of people at a large telecommunications company. Five out of the group were born again Christians and they were not shy in telling me about the Gospel – I still didn’t get it but was always full of questions, cynical questions but I was interested nonetheless.
One afternoon, my friend had leant me her walkman to listen to while I was working and there was Christian music playing. After about ten minutes of listening to the soothing, gentle music I felt a jolt on my right shoulder, like an electric shock. I knew that it was spiritual and believed that I had just been ‘touched by God’. I was so excited and immediately told my Christian workmates. They were all really excited for me and after work I even went to a Christian bookshop with a friend but as soon as we walked in the door I lost the excitement and said ‘lets go’. It’s amazing how quickly the enemy gets his foot in eh. Well, that was the start of a long walk for me. I believe that as that jolt touched my body, it was God’s seal upon me. I believe it was the Lord finally touching my life with his Holy Spirit. Enabling me to believe in him just a little bit more each time I needed to. He was ever so gentle to me throughout those years and I was really grateful to those
Christians who were not shy to share about their faith and their love for the Lord. They were true witnesses to the love of God and put up with my endless questioning the whole time, without getting too frustrated with me.
For a long time I had been silently crying out for Him. For a spiritual fulfillment and feeling of something more than what I had in my life, something of Heaven. All along, without knowing it I was calling out for my Father… My Father who art in heaven… hallowed be his name….and his kingdom did come, his will was done, on earth as it was in heaven –
For my life that is.
Over a space of about 3 years, I was being told by Christians that Jesus was real and I believed them. A friend from work, Josie, was a wonderful Evangelist and always asked me to her church. After many weeks of putting her off, I finally went. It was awesome! That night there was a concert and the music was loud and wonderful and the singing amazing. I had a great night. At the end, the pastor gave an altar call and my heart started thumping, my palms sweating. I knew that I had to go to the altar and say the sinners prayer, give my heart to Jesus and that my life would improve from then on. I obeyed and that night God completed the seal that He had placed upon my life that afternoon at work and I invited Jesus Christ into my heart to be my Lord and Savior. It was 1999 and I was 21 years old.
Then I went to the pub to feed my gambling addiction.
Sad but true, I had just made the most important decision of my whole life and went straight back to my old ways. No, I didn’t really realise what a huge decision giving your heart to the Lord was, but nonetheless, I went back to my old life without even hesitating.
The previous years had been hard for me because I was in a negative relationship, I fell pregnant with my beautiful daughter, who was born in 1998, and my finances were messy because of my gambling addiction. I was suffering from depression because of the emotional damage of my past and my current relationship. I was also smoking too much and my self worth and self esteem was nil. In the first few months of my conversion I tried to pray, tried to find that spirituality I so desired but to no avail.
Shortly after giving my heart to Jesus, I started to move away from the Christian message and more into the New Age Philosophy. My flatmate had just visited a psychic and had brought home a lovely little crystal which was wrapped in a velvet bag. I thought it was sweet so decided to go to her psychic.
All during this time I wanted something more out of life and started to write poetry as an outlet for my frustration which I found really fulfilling. I hadn’t realised that I had a gift for poetry until this time. I wonder if this gift was given to me at conversion? I’m not sure but I kept a notebook full of poems that expressed the way I was feeling, the questions I had about why I was going through all that I was and many poems about who I wanted to become and where I felt I was heading.
All the while, my addiction was ruling my life. I was ready for something else to rule my life. I didn’t realise it at the time but I was hungry for Jesus. By this stage, I knew that Jesus was real and I had already asked him into my heart and life but it seemed that the more I delved into the New Age, the less I was told about Jesus. I didn’t understand that part of it because I was under the impression that the New Age philosophy and visiting Psychic’s were all a part of Christianity – I had absolutely no idea that I was on a very dangerous road.
Because of my gambling addiction and the emotionally unstable relationship I was in, I wanted a hope that my future was going to be better than my present life and believed that a psychic had a hotline to God and could foresee my future. I visited about 4 in total but they were all vague about my future. They said things that were interesting but it just didn’t fit who I was so I couldn’t imagine the future they were describing. Not one of them said that my future was going to be bad, and to my relief none of them saw me with the partner I was with at the time. Some of the things they said were valid and encouraging. One psychic in particular had a real knack for pointing out my strengths and gave me hope. She said that I had real potential and that I will be a great psychic if I wanted to develop that gift. I told her that I’d love to so she proceeded to introduce me to two of my ‘spirit guides’ and gave me their names, complete with where they lived in their past lives etc. It was fascinating and I felt comforted to know that I was ‘being looked after’ by two male ‘spirit guides’. She also offered me a cassette tape which had ‘subliminal messages’ built into the soothing, calming music. I thought this was great and left very happy. She also told me that the ‘spirit guides’ wanted me to go straight to a bookshop and buy a journal so that I could write down what they told me about the secrets of the universe every night when I spent time with them.
I didn’t hear anything about Jesus during this time, not that I remember anyway. It was all about the New Age and things that made me feel good. I was out drinking every weekend with my flatmate while my parents looked after my daughter. I was gambling every spare cent. I would get paid, buy nappies, smokes and petrol and the rest would go into the pokie machines. It was great when I won hundreds of dollars but inevitably most of it went right back where it came from – minus a few nice toys and outfits for my baby.
My relationship was getting worse and we were going through a real rough patch so we ‘had a break’. It was during this time that I met a beautiful man that I absolutely adored. He was tall, dark and owned his own business – he also had a girlfriend. I was smitten by him so would go out every weekend hoping to ‘catch up’ with him. We got on really well so it kept my mind off of the man I’d left. It didn’t last long but gave me confidence to feel pretty again. I was happy and enjoying things in my life. I had lost a lot of weight and had started to receive a lot of male attention. I felt as though I had my ‘spiritual walk’ underway and had finally moved out of my parents house! I felt like I was accomplishing some good things in my life. The new house where I stayed was a bit scary as my flatmate had a stalker who would bang on the pipes and empty out the contents of the outdoor rubbish bin on our back doorsteps. We called the Police but they didn’t catch the culprit. After about 2 months or so of this happening and out of concern for my daughter’s safety, I advised my flatmate that I was moving out. I knew that it wasn’t a very nice thing for me to do – to leave her all alone in a house that made us both feel unsafe but I had to put my daughter first so moved back into my parent’s house.
One sweet memory I do have during this time was with my daughter. It happened not long after moving back to my parent’s home. She was just a baby in my arms at the time. She was just falling asleep it was dusk and we were in my parents lounge on a rocking chair. As far as I can remember, no one was home. We had the house to ourselves. I was looking down at my daughter, falling in love all over again and all of a sudden I started singing “Amazing Grace”. During the second line of the song, I had a strong sense that Jesus was standing behind us, listening to me sing. I felt that He was just loving us. Just enjoying the moment along with us. Since that moment, “Amazing Grace” has had a significant part in our life. Whenever my daughter falls over or is really sad, I sing that song to her and by the second or third line, I feel a tangible warmth flow over us and she will settle. It still works to this day. This was my first special moment with Jesus.
By this time, I was listening to my meditation/subliminal tape 2-3 times a day and had added Native American chant tapes to my arsenal of ‘mind altering’ meditation music. By this time, I’d totally opened myself up to the two ‘spirit guides’ that I had allowed into my life and had also invited in more. There was one spirit that had asked me to allow it into my life who kept me cleaning. It was the weirdest thing but I HAD to clean and keep my parent’s normally less than tidy house absolutely spotless. My parents were loving it and I was feeling very spiritual that it was a ‘spirit guide’ helping me better myself.
The ‘spirit guides’ were getting me to write in my journal every night and the stuff I was writing seemed so profound at the time I’d sit there writing this stuff down, totally fascinated! These spiritual beings were enhancing my life, or so I thought, and teaching me the secrets of the universe.
I felt so free and ‘spiritually mature’ that I didn’t really notice that I was doing unusual things. One day, in the middle of the week I had the desire to drink beer, so I went down to the supermarket and brought some. I started to drink it and offered some to my dad but he said no. I did this again a few times after that and thought nothing of having a beer during the week. Now, this may be normal for some people, but for me, it was very unusual. When someone asked how I was, I’d be quick to tell them all about the joys of visiting psychics and meditating upon subliminal tapes – I even think I copied it and gave people copies. I didn’t find out until later but my Christian friends were very concerned for me during this time.
After a few weeks, my flatmate had enough of the flat I had left so I asked my parents if she could live in the vacant room downstairs. They reluctantly agreed. I’m not sure that they ever liked her but they let her stay nonetheless. They knew that I was always bringing home what they called ‘strays’ and my ex-flatmate was no different. She was also my closest friend at the time and was there at the time of my daughter’s birth. I’m not sure I’d have survived the first 2 years of motherhood without her. She had a very strong maternal instinct and absolutely adored my baby. She became the person who looked after her while I went to work for a few months and my closest confidant. She knew absolutely everything about me and I trusted her.
One night at my parent’s house, she came into my bedroom upstairs and we were having a nice time, talking about things and enjoying general chit chat when all of a sudden I began to feel very weird. The only way I could describe it was that I was taking the backseat in my mind. I felt very pushed aside as the ‘spirit guides’ took control. They told my flatmate that they had a visitor for her, someone who she had known but had died years earlier. This person was a very close friend of my flatmate and she started to cry. The ‘spirit guide’ and my flatmate spoke for about 30 minutes, all the while I was just letting it all happen, feeling very spiritually mature and important that I’d been used to bring a word from the other side.
After this, my flatmate left my room and I went to bed. I closed my eyes and asked that the voices and spirits leave me. I still felt as though I was being controlled by something from the spirit world and was tired. I’d had enough and wanted it all to stop so I could go to sleep because I had to work in the morning. It didn’t stop. It got worse, the very noticeable voices in my head were not stopping and I froze when I felt hands moving over my body, not one pair of hands, but many. This was becoming very scary and I felt very out of control. I told these things to stop but it only got worse. My skin started moving as though someone was rubbing their hands along my back, legs and other, more personal parts of my body. This was freaky and I was very quickly being filled with a terrifying feeling that I had just done something very dangerous. Something extremely stupid. This may sound funny, but I was so terrified that I jumped into bed with my parents – at the age of 22 to find comfort because I was so scared. I didn’t sleep a wink that whole night and when I got up to go to work, the feeling of fear was beginning to get stronger. I had a strong feeling as I lay there, that I would never be the same again. It was Thursday, I was 22 and the year was 2000.
During work on Thursday I was telling my Christian friend everything. I told her all about what had happened the night before and she was worried for me. Not only did I feel terrifying fear, I also looked scared. My eyes were wide and fearful looking and I couldn’t sit still because the spirits that I’d opened my body up to were harassing me. It sound’s like something out of a horror movie but it was very, very real. She was worried for me but felt that there wasn’t much she could do so I phoned the phychic that had given me the meditation/subliminal tape – once I told her what had happened she sounded perplexed and told me to tell those spirits harassing me to go towards the light. Other than that, she was no help and didn’t sound concerned about the damage she’d caused me at all. I have never spoken to her again.
That day after work, I didn’t want to be alone due to the fear I was feeling so I left my baby at my parent’s house and went to visit my ex-partner. I told him what had happened and he looked confused. He didn’t get it but was so happy to see me again that he tried to understand. I lay down on his bed and pulled up my top so that he could see my stomach. I told him to feel my tummy (I have no idea why I did this, maybe to prove to him that something was causing my skin to crawl?) and he placed his hands, which filled the whole area, on my tummy. We both freaked out when my stomach started to move, like something out of the movie Aliens. After that, he suggested I have a bath to relax because he could see how tense and afraid I was. The bath lasted 2 minutes because the towel fell from the towel rack for no reason and I thought that a ghost had moved it.
Keep in mind that apart from giving my heart to Jesus a year before, I didn’t know much about demons and angels, God and the power available to his Children and had no idea what was going on – I was soon to learn exactly what I had done but had to go through some terrifying days and nights first.
The first night after those things had taken control of my body was spent at my ex-boyfriends house. He was quickly becoming my rock during this time. He was so kind and considerate, caring and concerned. Even though we still had issues it was him that I needed to be with. So, I stayed at his house with my daughter and tried to sleep. I think I averaged about 2 hours sleep that following week. I smoked a lot and didn’t eat a thing. I was living on fear and had no idea what to do to stop it. He had to leave at 1am to work his night shift job so I asked my brother to get out of bed and come over to look after me. He was so sweet about it and dutifully came to stay with me – we watched silly talk shows and he tried to make me laugh but it just wasn’t going to happen. I was too scared to be happy but I am so grateful to him for that night. He was such a warrior in my eyes, protecting me from the hidden, unseen dangers I’d opened my life up to.
On the second day, both my father and my boyfriend had a thought planted into their mind to visit a church. My father hadn’t acted upon that thought but my boyfriend did. He visited a church close to his work and told them what was happening. They were really concerned for me and told him that they would come around to pray for me that evening.
During that day, a good friend who had been told what was going on prayed with me and told me that I had to submit myself to Jesus. She also told me not to be alone until I felt stronger. After we had prayed together, I went outside on the lawn. It was a beautiful day and I sat down, cross legged. My hair was really long at the time and I vividly remember the heat of the summer sun beating down on me, my hair flowing over my face. It was a nice feeling and I felt peaceful for a moment. I clasped my hands together and over and over again said “I submit myself to you Jesus”. It was a life defining moment which I will never, ever forget.
From there things started become clearer. The magnitude of the mess I was in was starting to dawn on me, but a new hope was growing. I was beginning to hope that maybe Jesus who I had just submitted myself fully to (and sincerely meaning every word) would help me. That night, the Christian people from the Church my boyfriend had visited came over. I was still under the impression that I had picked up a ‘spirit’ that was once a person who wouldn’t leave because it still had issues. I had no idea that I had opened my life up to many, many demons and they were on a mission to ruin me and get me to forfeit the commitment I’d made to Jesus a year before. The Christian ministers informed me of this fact and funnily enough it made sense. It was a relief to think that if it was a demon or two that maybe, just maybe these people could help me get rid of it so that I could be happy again and not scared. They prayed over me and told these demons to leave but for some reason, these demons just manifested and caused me to screech like an angry witch and make grotesque faces at everyone in the room. It was quite embarrassing – not that I had any right to that emotion!
My dear father sat through about 20 minutes of this but could take no more. He had to leave the room and I heard later that he was crying. My father was my hero and could help me out of any mess I got myself into up until now. It scared him and made him feel helpless that he couldn’t help me this time – this time it was only my Heavenly Father who could help. It hurt me to see my dad so concerned and scared but I had absolutely no control over what was happening. I’d given my control over to these horrific demons and they were taking full advantage of it.
After about 2 hours of trying to get these demons out of me, the ministers were pretty tired and said that there was nothing more they could do. They left, promising that they would pray for me and to this day I am very grateful for them. The best thing they did was leave me a card with the name of a local minister Paul Simpson. Little did Paul know that I would soon be introducing myself to him – at 1am the next morning.
That night, when everyone had left and my daughter was safely tucked up in her cot I asked my boyfriend to scratch my back. I noticed that he only had one hand free at the time so he used that to start scratching. Imagine how loud my scream was when I felt two hands on my back scratching! It woke up my baby. That night, my boyfriend had the scariest nightmare he’d ever had. He dreamt that he was being dragged through the hallways of hell by a bat-like demon. He woke up sweating and just as scared as me. This was becoming all too real for him and he wasn’t sure he liked what he was experiencing. Nonetheless, he stayed with me through it all and gave his heart to Jesus not long after.
On the third morning I took my friends advice and made sure that I wasn’t alone. I was beginning to understand that this had nothing to do with ‘dead people’ who you talked to – this was demonic and evil and the only person who could help me out of this mess was Jesus Christ. I had received this knowledge shortly after my time on the lawn the day before, and from what the Christian ministers had told me. I was a fast learner. I had to be. The third morning was a Saturday and my workmate, out of concern for the change she’d seen in me, had arranged that I meet with her Pastor. I had to be at his house at 8.30am but was out of my house by 7am. I hadn’t slept much at all the night before, maybe I’d been blessed with 20-30 minutes of deep sleep just before dawn. I drove around a bit, trying to waste time before 8.30. I brought a newspaper hoping that would take my interest but to no avail. I couldn’t contain my impatience and knocked on their door at 7.45am, getting them out of bed. They were very gracious and once the grogginess of sleep left them were lovely. They must have prayed before I got there because, even though I have no recollection of them helping me with the demons, from that day I had an intense desire to read the Bible, and to top it off – I could understand it! It was a miracle. From that day on, I consumed the Word of God and couldn’t get enough of it!
That night and the next were much the same. I could sense and feel demonic activity everywhere. I could see shadows when my eyes were opened and also when they were closed. I must have opened myself up to hundreds of them! During this time I had a very scary experience. My boyfriend had reluctantly gone to work at 1am. He’d just finished having 2 days off and was looking after me with loving concern, being the strong angel I needed at the time. I heard his car leave and sat there, trying to focus on the TV and not think of anything that could happen to me. I then sat up in total fear as I heard three very loud knocks on the window behind me. This was too much for me! I was scared out of my wits and knew that what had banged on the window was not of human origin – it was one o’clock in the morning! As my boyfriend was living with his mother at the time, I was comforted to know that I wasn’t totally alone in the house but she was fast asleep and didn’t really understand what was happening to me. She was protected from it which was great for her but I didn’t know what to do… I prayed. I asked God to help me. It was then that I had the thought to grab the card of Paul Simpson and phone him. I usually wouldn’t think of ringing anyone at this time of the night but I didn’t know what else to do. So I phoned him. I introduced myself, told him that I was really sorry for phoning him and waking him up and to my surprise he said it was OK. I had once phoned a dentist at that time and I didn’t get the same reaction as you can imagine! Paul was just amazing. He listened to me. Really listened and all the time, made sympathetic noises as though to say that he understood exactly what I was going through. This was so encouraging and I was starting to feel hope that maybe there was someone out there that could help with what I’d done to myself. At the end of our 10 minute conversation, Paul asked if he could pray for me. Of course, I said and sat in respectful silence as he prayed the most authoritive yet gentle prayer I’d ever heard… mind you I didn’t have much experience in this area. He spoke of ‘binding’ the demons that were harassing me and ‘loosing’ angels from Heaven to protect me. He also prayed that the Lord would help me get some sleep, as I had mentioned that I hadn’t slept for a few days. It all sounded very spiritual but it made me feel safe. I sat there, clinging to the phone very grateful that this man, this total stranger had been kind enough to care and pray for this messed up girl at one thirty in the morning! Miraculously, about 10 minutes after I’d hung up the phone, I slept deeply until the morning. God must have known that i’d need the sleep for the hard nights to come. This all happened in the early hours of Sunday morning – coincidence? I don’t think so.
Paul had told me to phone him back during the day and when I phoned him and told him that I’d got to sleep he was very happy for me and thanked the Lord. He then asked if I would like to go to visit him and his wife, Alison the next day after 3pm as she worked until then. I said that I definitely wanted that and told my boyfriend. He was really happy for me because this was all just freaking him out and he was so worried about me when he left me alone at night that he was exhausted. That night, when he’d left for work was to be one of the scariest out of that whole week. I was lying there, very tired. It was all catching up on me and I’d been living on cigarettes and hot tea for 4 days. I needed some sleep and was so tired. I decided then and there to trust in God and get some sleep. I said a prayer asking God to help me get to sleep – maybe I should have asked him to protect me during that sleep. I fell asleep to the smell of sulphur. This smell was something I’d never smelt before but instinctively knew that it was evil. I knew that there was a demon standing over me but I was so desperate for sleep I decided to just trust in God and close my eyes – determined to sleep. This proved to be a foolish thing to do. While I was asleep, that demon had left my side and climbed on top of me. When I woke up, I could smell it inches from my face and I could feel the pressure upon my whole body. I could not move… I was terrified but remembered that when I was 19, I’d told something to “go in Jesus name” and it went so even though I couldn’t actually speak from fear I mentally said “In the name of Jesus Christ, I command you to be gone” and it left… it was the most graphic experience of the power of the name of Jesus I had ever had. The smell had left along with the cold atmosphere it had brought with it. I was scared and promised myself to get to Paul’s house the next day. For some reason, I knew that he would help me.
Help me he did. I sat there in his beautiful sunny lounge, sitting on a chair that was suspended from the ceiling, therefore swinging side to side and told them what I had done. They UNDERSTOOD! They were the first people I had met who were actually calmly sitting there, listening to my story – watching me with concern and understanding. By this time I was looking like a person strung out on too much caffeine and far to many cigarettes. They knew exactly what I was going through and began to tell me their story. They had gone through much the same thing, only scarier.
They spent the rest of the afternoon telling me all about the weapons that were available to me. They told me that the name of Jesus Christ was more powerful in the spiritual realm than anything. They said that if I used the Blood of Jesus by verbally saying “I plead the blood of Jesus over…” that thing will automatically be protected by the spiritual power of Jesus Christ. They also taught me how to pray and ask Jesus to assign legions of heavenly angels to protect me, my daughter and my boyfriend. They told me that the demons harassing me needed to be ‘delivered’ and cast out of me and that could happen by prayer and asking Jesus to forgive me for opening myself up to these things. They also told me that demons hate the name of Jesus and when I talked about the blood of Jesus, the demons would be in pain. This was all really interesting to me and God had opened the eyes of my spirit to hear it, understand it and soak it up. I was loving every moment with these wonderful, understanding people. They prayed for me and asked me to repeat prayers asking God to forgive me for the many different things that I had partaken in while I was under the influence of the New Age philosophy. One of the most important things Paul said when I was leaving was “God has big plans for you. You have a very big future in him and He is going to use you to help many other people”. Those words touched me to my very inner most being. No one had EVER said anything so encouraging to me! Me, touch peoples lives and help them? No one had ever seen that kind of potential in me and I soaked up his words like someone who hadn’t had water for many years… words of encouragement – more precious than gold. God used much wisdom in imparting those words to his precious servant Paul because it instilled hope in me that I will come out of this mess a stronger person. I was beginning to love this beautiful couple with a godly love and I thanked God for them. That afternoon, before I left, Paul asked whether I had been baptized. I told him about my conversion the year before but said that I’d never been baptized, even as a child, so we all decided that I’d get baptized that Sunday at their church. I left there much happier – still extremely scared but at least I had some weapons to use!
That day I had a chat with Jesus in my own immature way and asked him to watch over and care for my daughter, who was two, during this time. I didn’t feel emotionally able to do this adequately and I believe he answered this prayer because she wasn’t affected by any of the scary manifestations, nor was she unsettled at the change in her Mother, which she surely must have sensed. Not long after, I had a very vivid dream that she was being looked after by Jesus. This was the first thing I’d ever trusted Jesus with. And the most precious.
The days before my Baptism were hard. I still had to go to work and I also hadn’t slept much. The day I’d met up with Paul and Alison was a Monday. I had been on this scary roller coaster for only four days but it felt like I had been like this for far too long. I had a feeling that it wasn’t going to go away overnight though. I had done too much damage for this to be a quick fix and looking back I am glad there wasn’t an easy way out because I wouldn’t have learnt all that I did. He knew that I had to learn how to fight and fight I did. Many a night and day was spent following my meeting with Paul that I’d have to fight demons. Which at the best of times, is never a nice experience..
One blessing in the midst of this horrible curse-like existence happened during the week before my baptism was to take place. I vividly remember standing in the doorway of my boyfriends bedroom and the strong thought came to me “why don’t I go and play pokies to help me forget about all of this”, it was mid-afternoon but when I considered this, all I could think of were the demons that stood over my shoulder at the pub while I was playing pokies, encouraging me to gamble and that thought caused me to say no. I only had to say no once and I never again played pokies or bet on the horses. I was instantly delivered of 5 years of being addicted to gambling! I have always been grateful to the Lord for this gift. He didn’t have to deliver me of gambling but I will always be thankful that he did. The only gambling I have partaken in since then was to buy the odd lotto ticket. This didn’t last long either. One day the Lord had me think to myself, “if I don’t win lotto tonight I will never again buy a lotto ticket”. I didn’t win that night and have never brought another lotto ticket. God is powerful to deliver.
I was getting pretty excited about my baptism which was only a few days away and was spending these long sleepless, fearful nights (the fear was there for a full year) reading the bible, with the television as my company. Smoking a lot and drinking a lot of tea. My boyfriend was my hero during this time. I now believe that he was being used by the Lord to help and protect me. I couldn’t have done it without him.
On the day of my baptism, I got out of bed – not having slept much even though the amount of sleep I was getting was improving – feeling pretty excited. I had never stepped foot in that church so my first introduction to what was to become my foundational Christian home and family was by being baptized by my new friend and Pastor, Paul Simpson in the church baptism pool. It was an awesome time and there were a whole room full of total strangers enjoying the moment, happy for me! The band sang “Amazing Grace” and all of them sang along with the band – it was so beautiful I cried.
The Lord gave some of the people in the congregation encouraging words about my future which I held onto in my heart like precious silver. This was a long way from sitting in the sun-room of that psychic lady all those months ago inviting spirit guides (demons!) into my life – this day I was making an outward commitment of the inward change that was occurring in my life. I was giving my life over to God now and forever more. I was so happy that day and felt a beautiful peace and new knowledge of God that has never left me. It has in fact, intensified as the years have progressed.
My family were less than pleased about this new, bible reading, can’t sleep without the light on me. I had always been happy and up beat and hid my sorrows well from my family but now I was scared of my own shadow, weak and talking of demons! My mum hated all this talk of God and Jesus. We had been gambling pals and she had always said as I was growing up “don’t ever become one of those born again Christians”. She had a real aversion towards these outspoken religious people. Little did she know I’d become one of them at the age of 22. It seemed to me that I could do anything with my life and my mum wouldn’t judge – anything except becoming a Christian. Nothing could be worse than that in her eyes. I don’t think our relationship has ever been the same although we love each other very much. I think she just misses me and the time we spent together sneaking off to the TAB together, playing pokies and going to Bingo. I understand. God bless my mum. I love her so much and she loves me and my daughter deeply. This I will always need from her. The love of my mother means much to me. She and my father have taught me what unconditional love really is.
My dad, as I said earlier, was scared for me. He was worried for me and didn’t quite know what to make of this new, passionately in love with Jesus me. He tried to understand and to this day he has a beautiful faith seed in his heart. He helped me emotionally along the way and even though I haven’t lived up to his financial expectations (yet), I know that he loves me and that I am his number two girl. His number one is my daughter and I love him for that. I give him full permission to love my daughter as staunchly as he does. I don’t mind coming second to her. They have such an amazing bond and they brighten up each others day. As soon as we get to my parents (I have since moved out I am proud to say), they seek each other out to say hello.
I think my brothers secretly admire what I have made of my life. They both have the same addiction Jesus delivered me from so they understand the significance of having that taken from my life. They sometimes scoff at me talking about my Jesus but they love me still and I love them right back.
Ok, back to my baptism. I believe that was the day that God gave me a beautiful gift of worship. From that day on, I had a pretty singing voice. I had grown up with a group of very talented people with very good singing voices (one has since made a CD) and felt as though I was always the one singing flat. Not that we cared, we sang because we loved music. From the 27th February 2000 (my baptism day) I was able to sing well. He also put in me a hunger to sing His songs. Songs that I had learnt at church were always on my heart. Thank God for a group called Hillsongs – they helped me through a lot of scary times. Praise brought power into my spiritual fight. Demons hate it when we sing songs to God because it heralds in His presence. I even sang in my sleep. I once heard an angel sing to me in my sleep and it was the most pure, clear sound I have ever heard and perhaps will ever hear until I get to heaven.
Also, during this time I would often have a beautiful vision of a guard of angels standing over me just as I was about to try to fall asleep. They were like a guard of honour and I had a feeling that there were many angels assigned to protect me at night. Occasionally the Lord would allow me to ‘see’ with my spiritual eyes an angel posted at every door (the physical and the spiritual doors that were still open in my life). I also ‘saw’ about 6-8 angels standing over my bed with swords of protection locked together, complete with the light of Christ shining down upon me… It was pretty special and even though I still slept with the light on (for the first year) and hugging the bible, I felt the presence of the Lord’s protection upon me.
This all happened towards the end of February. I wasn’t strong enough to be alone yet so every morning before the house would empty, I would load my daughter into her car seat, put the pram in my boot and drive. Anywhere. I would go into the city – the lifts were the scariest, oh, and toilets – boy did the demons have a ball with me then! Slamming doors and making the lifts stop mid floor. Very scary stuff. I still had a demon (or many, I’m still unsure) that were feeding the fear in me. This intense fear, as I mentioned earlier, went on for a year. It took a 33 day fast to break the power of that terror.
Once, during March on a beautiful Saturday afternoon my daughter and my boyfriend were in the bedroom. She was in her cot having a sleep and he was watching TV. I was outside, praying to God that this fear leave me and that it all be over soon and reading my bible. After about 30 minutes, I went to go back inside. The door slammed shut just before I got there and it scared me. The door was locked. I lay my head on the door and simply said “Jesus, please help me”. I was getting to know him by this time – slowly but surely beginning to trust in Him. I had the thought to go around to the other door because my knocking wasn’t getting anyone to the door. My precious daughter was in there! I went to the other door which was constructed of mottled glass and knocked. This door was locked too which was hugely unusual. As I knocked for the second time, my boyfriend approached the door, wearing his white shorts and tee shirt and unlocked the door. The lock was always hard to deactivate and required two hands and a lot of effort, but this time the door unlocked and opened effortlessly. I went to say thank you to my boyfriend for opening the door and was about to ask him why he had locked both doors, but to my total amazement there was no one there! I looked around but whoever had opened the door for me had gone… in a split second! I ran to the bedroom to find my boyfriend and baby both in a deep sleep. He hadn’t opened the door for me at all. I now believe that the door was opened by an angel, wearing his white robe of righteousness. It was the first and only time I have been allowed by God to see the supernatural in a tangible way, even though I have sensed these things many times since.
Jesus knew that I had to gain strength in being alone so he arranged for me to get a full time job. I had always promised myself that when my daughter turned two (5th April) I would get full time work. I start working on the 8th April, just after Easter and the job was at a reception desk where I would have to spend a lot of time alone. The Lord slowly let me be alone, it was scary but he’d let me be alone for maybe 20 minutes then someone would come and chat to me or ask me to do some work for them. It worked well and after a few months, I was more confident in being alone. I thank him for the way he integrated this basic confidence into my life. As mentioned earlier, the fear remained for a year but the Lord helped me along the way with little things like this. He also gave me the ability to walk in integrity in many things. I was so sensitive to the words that people spoke around me and it was then that he showed me the gift of encouragement he had given me. That was why it was hard for me to hear or partake in gossip or swearing, anything negative to do with the spoken word. It was like pollution to my ears. My conscience had been zapped and I was like a new person. People knew not to talk about other people when I was in the room. I am sure they found it hard but I was in that job for 5 years and on the night of my farewell drinks, I found out that mostly everyone there had come to care about me and even respect me for my values. That meant a lot to me. During the first year with Jesus, he had me do a lot of reading and spending time in his Word. He introduced me to many wonderful Christian people who are still my friends today. I learnt a lot from them. There were a couple of Christians along the way that I found it hard to be around. They would talk about other people they knew and gossip and I didn’t like it so didn’t spend much time with them. I am grateful for all that they taught me though and pray that the Lord will show them how much it hurts him to hear them speak this way.
I read a lot of encouraging books, I know now that this was the process of ‘the renewal of the mind’. Growing up I had a really low opinion of myself and was always surprised when people/boys liked me. I had a lot of friends but never actually felt worthy of them. I always wondered what they saw in me. It was nice to have so many friends though. The Lord spent a good 2-3 years renewing my mind and of course he hasn’t finished with me yet!
In 2004 I had the idea to publish all of my Christian poetry. It was a great experience and the Lord led me through it. He educated me on how to get a book published and how to go about selling them. I only ever printed 20 of these precious books and the very first copy was a hard bound full colour book that I had gifted to my boyfriend on his 34th birthday. He still treasures it today even though we are not together as a couple anymore, we are just very good friends now.
After the initial book of poetry, which was based on our identity as Christians and called “Identity in Poetry”, I had the idea to write a series of age appropriate activity books teaching about our identity. The base subject was self esteem so over the next year I wrote “Identity for Children”, “Identity for Youth”, Identity for Adults”, Identity – ideas for Christian Living”, “Identity – Ideas for Goal Setting”, ‘Your Identity in Relationships”. The Lord started to show me how to market these so I contacted Church Camps, Churches and Schools. The initial marketing drive was successful and I sold hundreds of books.
I had always wanted to be an author and since becoming a Christian had changed my goal to becoming AN INTERNATIONAL BEST SELLING CHRISTIAN AUTHOR. God knows our dreams and inner desires.
The years from 2000 – 2005 were growth years, years where I had to find out who I was. My old perception of my identity had to go and Jesus showed me who I really was. I am a very important person who was created for a purpose. God’s purpose. I learnt a lot about deliverance, the power of deception and how dangerous it was to delve in things that I knew nothing about. I now know that I have authority over the things of the devil in Jesus name.
Since my first group of “Identity Books” I have become a guitar teacher so wrote a book teaching about the guitar, then I wrote a book called “God’s precious Children” which is a kids bible study. Following closely was a journal called “Faith Beginnings”.
I am half way through a Diploma in Life Coaching, have gained a certificate in Journalism and as mentioned, teach the guitar. I am happy and continue to learn about the things of God and all that comes with being his Child.
Because of the demonic activity I have witnessed, I am passionate about setting people free and love nothing more than to lead people in praying the sinners prayer like I did all those years ago.
Even though these pages talk about demons and curses and scary things, threaded all through this story is the love of a very amazing person. His name is Jesus Christ. I have been a real Christian since the day I sat in the sun on the Lawn, submitting myself to Jesus . It was the defining moment in my life. I have come to know him very well but of course am always asking Him to show me more of who he is. I have had some beautiful encounters with him. Like the time he took smoking from me (yay), and the time he told me that I was like a basket of fruit, full of good things to share with other people. He has told me that I am a teacher, a description that fits well with me as I like nothing more than to teach people what I have learned. I have a special softness with children, probably because my own daughter is such an amazing kid and hope to help many children in my lifetime. I am single now but am enjoying the way the Lord is establishing me. He is putting my life in order and I love him for it.
So, here’s me. No smoking, no sex until I am married, no drinking, no gambling, no swearing, no drugs, no stealing, no bitterness, no rage filled anger, no depression, no low self image, no hatred, no resentment… none of these things remain in me. What else is there to do you may ask? Well, there was the time when I led a good friend to Jesus who had just tried to take her own life, then there was the time I held my other good friends hand while she gave her heart to Jesus. She is now serving powerfully for the Lord. There’s that time when Jesus had me up in the middle of the night praying for someone who needed protection… oh and there’s the time I spend playing my guitar, singing and laughing at the total joy I feel in my life. Also, the time when my good friend gave her heart to Jesus, and an hour later her 8 year old daughter asked “How can I become a Christian too”?
I am 31 now and since coming through that first, very frightening year, leading people to know Jesus has been my number one passion. Most people just don’t understand why I love Him so much but then again, most people haven’t smelt the smell of a demon that smells like it had come straight from hell looming over them while they try to get some precious sleep… most people haven’t opened up their mind and soul to things that can actually make their skin move. I thank God that most people haven’t been through these things. I wouldn’t wish these things on anybody…
What I do pray as you read through this is that you get to know the ‘thread’ that held this whole story together. The ‘thread’ that holds your life together. The ‘thread’ that holds my life together and the life of those that I love who are fighting so hard to prove that He doesn’t exist. The ‘thread’ has a name and He is very real, very loving, very powerful and very close to you even now. If you can imagine that there is a door in front of you… can you hear that gentle, patient knocking? That is the King of the Universe. He is quietly knocking at the door of your heart, waiting, hoping, praying for you to get to know him, to ask him into your life.
Jesus loves you with an intense passion. He died on a cross – for you. So that you can know him eternally. The cross is very real. He did die on it. He did get taken off of it to be put in a cold tomb BUT he was raised from death by the power of God 3 days later so that you and I wouldn’t have to experience eternal death. Hell is real. Heaven is real. I know it may sound far fetched but if you were to die tomorrow without asking Jesus into your life, you wont even have a chance to get to know him or to walk on the gold streets of his home. There is only one rule in the universe – one eternal rule that no one can change and that rule is “No one goes to the Father unless they go through Jesus”. As a wise man once said. You can walk through the door of a church anytime but unless you walk through the door that Jesus’ death provided, you will never get to Heaven – never get to live with Jesus. There is a mansion in Heaven with your name on it, if only you believe in the Son of God. The alternative is unthinkable and I don’t want that to happen to anyone reading these words.
Some people think that they can wait until their latter years before asking Jesus to be a part of their lives, fearing that they may miss out on all of the fun the world has to offer. What they don’t realise is that by knowing him during our living years, rather than at the lip of Eternity – they can have deep and awesome contentment and fulfillment. You are born for a reason, you may think you were a mistake but that just isn’t true. You are pre-ordered by a very clever God. He created your nose, mouth, eyes – he knit you together in your mothers womb – you are fearfully and wonderfully made… now how is that for a self esteem boost! Take this chance. What have you got to lose?
Dear God in Heaven,
I come to you in the name of Jesus Christ.
I confess that I am a sinner, and I am very sorry for my sins.
I need your help and ask for your forgiveness God.
I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross and shed
His precious blood for my sins.
I confess that Jesus is Lord.
I believe that God raised Jesus from the dead.
This very moment I accept
Jesus Christ as my own personal Savior and
I ask Him to come into my life and heart.
According to His Word, right now I am saved.
Thank you Jesus for dying for me and giving me eternal life.
If you have any questions about this testimony or
The Identity Series© of books, please email me on
I’d love to hear from you, especially if you have just made the most important decision of your life… giving your heart to Jesus.
Kylie Welch 2007