Sex before marriage?

My girlfriend and I are Godly people. I truly believe that we are trying the best we can to please God. We go to church on Wednesday and Sundays as well as bible studies on Monday and college group on Thursdays. I pray and sing praises all the time and so does she. We stay up at night a few times doing deep bible studies.
We love each other so much and fit perfectly together. We never fight and are constantly inspiring and building one another. However we have had pre marital sex a few times where we let our emotions get the best of us. But were both mature and the relationship is not based on sex what so ever. We ask for forgiveness and try to stop but sometimes it will happen again. We both decided that we want to get married and we both have only had sex with each other. Problem is we don’t have the money to afford marriage yet so we would like to wait a year or two. My question is what exactly defines what a marriage is? Is it the priest or pastors confirmation? Is it the tuxedo and dress? I figure marriage is the commitment promise and devotion to another person for the rest of your life where the relationship becomes one under God and lead by God. Isn’t that heart based like Jeses preached? What does it matter if there is a ring or a ceremony. I don’t know what to believe any thoughts?

What do YOU think?



  1. dikeledi says:


  2. samuel85nb says:

    WOW! To begin with, i think that some of you guys are taking this a little harshly. I would say that this guy fully understands the whole situation but just needs a little help. he knows it is wrong inside, but its good to express your feelings through Christian forums, i believe.
    Well, to begin with, i completely understand what you are going through coz im like 26 years old this year and im taking my relationship very seriously with my GF. There are time when we just feel like making love to each other but Thank God we have not done it.

    I fully understand that sex is the expression of love, not the satisfaction of lust. However, i also understand that premarital sex will lead to other sins. Once you try it, you are actually opening the doors for other sins to creep into your life. All the devil need is a little small hole in your life and he will bring along lots of other sins along with him. I have abstain from any sort of sexual relationship so far with my GF and i praise God for that. I really hope that i could keep it that way.

    Im not perfect as i still have issues to work on. I have issues with masturbation to sometimes keep my hormones in control, but i know that is still a lie. I hope i can work on all this issues soon as well. I just want to put God first in my life. Take Joy that you are still have breath in us. And when we still have breath in us, we still have a fighting chance to win this battle. Everyone has theirs wars to fight. Just know that there are many others out there in similar situations as yours. Be strong, and pray that you will have the power to resist,

  3. Redbuck40 says:

    Why are you on a christian web site asking for christian advise, when you have no intention of obeying God law?

    So she is the one? Then put your faith into action and marry her!

    For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.
    (Jas 2:26)

    You do know that sex before marriage is fornication.

    Do you not know that unrighteous men will not inherit God’s Kingdom? Cherish no delusion here. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor any who are guilty of unnatural crime,
    (1Co 6:9)

    …and remembers that a law is not enacted to control a righteous man, but for the lawless and rebellious, the irreligious and sinful, the godless and profane–for those who strike their fathers or their mothers, for murderers, fornicators, sodomites, slave-dealers, liars and false witnesses; and for whatever else is opposed to wholesome teaching and is not in accordance with the Good News of the blessed God with which I have been entrusted.
    (1Tim 1:9-11)

    Let marriage be held in honour among all, and let the marriage bed be unpolluted; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
    (Heb 13:4)

    But as for cowards and the unfaithful, and the polluted, and murderers, fornicators, and those who practise magic or worship idols, and all liars–the portion allotted to them shall be in the Lake which burns with fire and sulphur. This is the Second Death.”
    (Rev 21:8)

    The unclean are shut out, and so are all who practise magic, all fornicators, all murderers, and those who worship idols, and every one who loves falsehood and tells lies.
    (Rev 22:15)

    Oh, and on a after thought, here is Australia we can be married by a celebrant anywhere we choose, and it doesn’t have to be expensive, but you do have to wait 30 days. 16 years ago it was $86, it may have gone up but not to thousands. We are just as married as my brother who 9 months earlier married in a church.

  4. 1CO 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

    1CO 7:1 Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. 2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

    1CO 7:8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

    1CO 7:36 If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married.

    Paul made it clear. You need to marry not just have sex.

  5. Friend, one think only will save you and your lady: if you both Repent NOW , you still in time, Do NOT be decive, God is Holy and pure, he will not compromise in any way with sin, please marry or stay away from each other, your eternal destiny is FAR more important then this passing like a vapor life.
    I hope you understand.

  6. Huck Finn says:

    Sounds to me that you want Justification for what you know in your heart is wrong.

    It’s a tough spot… Been there seen it done it, and don’t for a second believe that your special (not a cut) and can get away with it. I and my ex-fiance felt the same way.

    Which is more important – Your relationship with Your Lord Jesus Christ or your relationship with the lady? Seems to me you got a lot of knee time ahead of you before you should consider marriage to anybody.

    For words of comfort? It is tough and I have to give you credit that your allowing yourself to agonize over this. But don’t justify it. Use the right words and phrases and speak the truth….

    You don’t need to have sex – you want to have sex.
    You don’t need to wait to get married – you want to wait to get married.

    You need to have a personal relationship with Jesus – But this is getting in your way and He is a Jealous God who is thankfully and gracefully allowing you an opportunity to make up your own mind. What you do about this matter could set the rest of your life.

    Do you need to be a man of God, or not! Here is where you make that decision I think.

    “If you abide in Me and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples. As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.
    These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.”
    John 15:7-11

    Be strong Brother and Be Different! – Be a “Man of God!”

  7. warrior daughter says:

    The woman in the relationship usually is the one who will put the brakes on when it comes to a sexual relationship….She is the one who will consent or reject…..If the sexual relationship continues on resentment will build up in the woman….Even if you marry, she will resent the pre-marital sexual union…Put the brakes on this relationship, consent not to your desires….Repent & abstain from a sin that will destroy both of you…The sin is fortification…Do not continue to buy into the lie, that it is ok to have sex because we will be getting married ….To obey God is to disobey yourself…

  8. Timothy Luke says:

    Marriage is the commitment before God and man of our faithfulness to one another. What is 'we don't have the money to afford marriage?' Is money your God? You are living somewhere, she is living somewhere. Are you both living with your parents? If so, will either set of parents let you marry and have both of you live with them?

    Don't get caught up in the lies of Satan that you have to have a big wedding or everything "just right" to get married to the one you love. Marriage is a commitment to work through those things TOGETHER. Much like our relationship to Christ… we do not have to have it all together before we come together. Perhaps much of what you feel needs to happen before you marry are things you can work through as you are married.

    Because you have not made the commitment before God in the presence of witnesses, God is not present in your encounters. This means, being outside of God's covering you have opened the door for Satan to destroy the very thing you love.

    Sex before then is like taking your paycheck from an employer when you have not committed to work for him. It is fraud and we deceive ourselves and the other. Someone will get hurt because you are giving place to the devil to hurt them.

    • Well just the timing of the whole situation makes it super hard. I currently attend a junior college and am planning on attending the university of southern California in the fall. A lot of my family was counting on me to do that. It’s hard enough paying to go to a private university. Plus the fact that all my cousins and family members would look at me so differently. People would think I was crazy to get married at such a young age. I know I could stop having sex with her especially if I knew we would be getting married soon. But I don’t think I can go years til we get married. There would be too much temptation and I already know shes the one so what’s the point in waiting. If u could give me some verses that would help this cause it would really help

      • Timothy Luke says:

        If the timing of the whole situation is too hard, then it is time to get rid of the situatioin. Break off the relationship, and keep up with the timing, or get married and let the timing fend for itself. This is not complicated. It is simple. Simple is not easy… but it is right and God can only bless righteousness.

        "Know you not to whom you yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants you are to whom you obey, whether of sin unto death, or obedience unto righteousness." Romans 6:15-17.

        To continue in sin in this will be the death of everything good you both want out of this union.

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