When I was just three years old, the war began; the spiritual war. I woke up one morning, and I could hear my family in the other room laughing and talking. I turned to look out the window, and there was a monster- a mud monster! I jumped out of bed and ran out to the livingroom screaming ,”Mud monster! Mud Monster!” My mom, dad, older brother, and sister all started laughing at me. But this was no joke. It was real. I SAW IT!!. My window was about 12 ft off the ground, and I saw the shoulders, and head of a man covered in thick mud (there was no neck) just leering eyes, and dark filth. That story became the running joke in my family for years to come.
Right after that, I came to the realization that I was a sodomitess. It was a thought life that I liked girls, being a boy was better, God made me that way, so its ok, don’t tell mom and dad because they won’t understand, bide your time until you are an adult.
I was a tomboy. I wanted to do everything my older brother did. We were best friends, and I wanted to be just like him. In kindergarten, there were closets full of grown-up clothes- dresses and suits, and hats. I always put on the suits and ties. We played “Lost in Space” out on the playground, and I was always a male character. Back then girls still wore dresses to school. They changed that rule in second grade, and I was so thankful. One day, all my pants were in the wash, and mom made me wear the shortest dress ever, and I was mortified that the girl I liked would see me. When she did, I tried to retract attention from the dress by saying “These are my Sunday shoes” Mom and I would eventually clash in the realm of fashion, as well as Dad and I. To my “luck” Diane Keaton spurred a fashion in the 80’s that was called the “masculine look”. Women’s clothing was dominated by suits with over padded shoulders, vests, ties, and manly looking shoes. All that was right up my alley for trying to attract women.
For the younger people who are reading this, I should interject, there was no internet, cell phones, and cable tv back then. I didn’t see cable until I was 18. The reason I’m including this is because my “attraction” was all something in my mind. There was no where I could get any material, books or otherwise, to learn about the “gay lifestyle” It was all in my head. I did find one book at the library where I took a night class my senior year. Ironically, it was letters to Pat Boone by a fourty-something lady trying to leave the lifestyle. I tried to glean something from that on how to get INTO the lifestyle.
Now, I had attended church in the womb of my Christian mother, and until I was thirteen. We had a hell-fire, and brimstone preacher and I knew right from wrong. But, I believed God had made special provision for me, that I was not an abomination. I said a penny-ante prayer, and was baptized, and thought I was eternally secure- safe from the lake of fire. I had no idea what repentance was.
At eighteen, I decided I better try out guys, just to be sure I was a sodomitess. I got pregnant. the father was “just a friend” and we discussed marraige. His father said to get rid of it- that it was no big deal, and “poof” it would be gone. So, I had an abortion when my parents went out of town, and the father’s father paid for it. I justified it in my mind by thinking, no woman would want me if I had a child.
I went off to college, and started making friends in the sodomite community. We would get all dressed up in our Diane Keaton clothes, and go out to the gay bars. I drank a lot, smoked pot, and wound up in a relationship with my female band director. She was 35, and I was 19. I had decided to join the army prior to our involvement, and lamented that decision when I shipped out to Fort Dix, NJ, one cold January day in 1984. I was an excellent soldier. All those years of shooting b.b. guns made me an expert marksman. BUT, my “lover” wanted me to quit, and come home, so I went into the “Trainee Discharge Program” and told them I was gay, They had to discharge me. That was before Don’t ask, Don’t Tell. It was “You’re outta here.” Part of the whole process was to see a pyschiatrist, and then I had to go to Battalion Command, and stand before a room of non-commisioned officers,and tell them how I had sex. It was humiliating. But I would do anything for this “life” I had. The day after I got back to Tennessee, she dumped me.
Without going into any great detail, I will just say, that was the beginning of a series of relationships, until I was 28, and met the woman I would stay with for 18 years. Before we got together, I had a roommate that had been in the the first Gulf War back in 1991. She read tarot cards. I had never dabbled in the occult before, and she read my cards. The first thing she said, when she laid them out was ” Your mom is going to die” then she recanted and stuttered, and said “uh..no, she will get real sick, but she will live” Later, I found out that card readers aren’t supposed to say someone is going to die. Also, in the reading, she said I would be with a blonde-haired woman. That was the one I stayed with 18 years. The three of us decided to start an all girl rock band. We called it Virgo Rising. We moved to Clarksville,TN into a house with the drummer’s girlfriend, eight cats, and two dogs…AND my mom got cancer.
I believed those stupid cards. My mom wasn’t going to die. So, I barely visited her in her last eight months. I was too busy becoming a rock star now. The last time I saw my mother alive was a cold rainy day in February 1994. My dad said I caused them a world of misery. I told mom I loved her. She was way out of it, on the morphine drip. Then I turned to dad and said “Aname Sache” which was supposed to mean “There is no religion higher than truth”. Since being with that woman, I had picked up all kinds of Eastern Religion, and new age junk. I left with her and we drove down to the Florida Keys for two weeks. When I got home, the drummer girl yelled “Your mom Died!!” I had a dream when I was down in Florida that there was a funeral. There was one that day too, and I was in a tent, on the beach, with my sodomitess lover.
A darkness came over my family after mom died. Love for each other waxed cold: division, back-biting. estrangement. My mother was the light, and the light had gone out. I think, at that time, she was the only one that was saved. The Holy Spirit had drawn away….for a season.
The next year, we bought a house in Nashville, and I got my CDL and started driving trucks over- the-road. I can’t tell you the wickedness that I saw, and partook of, at home, and on the road. I still drank a lot, and eventually took anti-depressants. By 2002 I was considering suicide on a daily basis, several times a day. The only happiness I could find was in my dogs. I didn’t feel loved. I hated my relationship, and myself. I had two failed businesses and was filing for Chapter 7 Bankruptcy protection. In 2005, my family had grown weary of my debased life, and I was shunned. Things weren’t going like my youthful fantasies.
In 2007 I had gotten back on my feet financially, and bought my “dream house” out in the country.The first thing that happened when we moved in was *she broke her leg, by falling down the deck stairs. I was still driving a truck over-the-road, and it added a new dimension of stress. We had separate bedrooms on opposite ends of the house by then. The next two years were just grinding the axe for a living. I started noticing how mean this woman was that I lived with. She hated our neighbors, and ran them off the property. She answered the door with a machete over her shoulder. The house was always a wreck when I came home every other weekend. At one point, I checked myself in to the mental hospital for a week, for depression.
I remember crying out to God, in my truck a few years earlier, to take the pain away. That night, I felt like I was going to come out of my skin. I was so lonely, and depressed- nothing seemed to make sense to me. I hated my life. But, I just kept on doing the same old things.
Then one night in August of 2009, I was driving across I-12 in Louisiana. I was scanning the radio stations for a talk show, or something good to keep me awake. It landed on something religious sounding. I tried to change it real quick, but I hit a bump, and a man said ” I’m an ex-gay”. Now that sounded interesting, so I listened. it was a Christian talk show. This man had called in to give his testimony. The hosts asked him how he got saved, and the ex-gay said ” God told me, I didn’t have to be that way” and WHAMMO!!! The Holy Spirit came down into my truck in power and conviction. I knew at that very moment that I had chosen my lifestyle, and I was headed for hell. God hadn’t made me that way. I did it. There was a fear that came over me. It was like the one I got growing up, when I had done something bad, and I knew my father was going to come home and whoop me. It was a burning heat that started from the base of my spine, and travelled up through the top of my head: intense fear. I KNEW I was going to hell, and I needed to repent, and be saved right then. I got saved right there in my seat, driving that old truck down the road. Immediately, all my desires for women were gone. I could see with full clarity for the first time in my life. It was like waking up from a lifetime-long nightmare. I prayed “Oh God, how did this happen to me?” I went home and bought a King James bible, and He began to show me. I was 45 years old.
I didn’t go home and say “Honey, I’m saved” It was nothing like that. I would just sit down in my room and read the bible. Occasionally, I would go show her something. She got mad. She didn’t want to hear anything about the bible. It wasn’t until October that I told her it was over. She had to ask me. The next day was my birthday, and my phone didn’t ring all day.
I was taking a crash course in doctrine. God was showing me things, and I couldn’t get enough, fast enough. Because of my work, and lack of knowledge I wasn’t attending a church. I was a closet Christian for quite a while. It was harder to come out as a Christian to my sodomite friends, than it was to come out as a sodomitess to my Christian friends.
Satan was not happy. I knew that I had to get out of my living situation, but couldn’t seem to figure that out. I prayed a LOT. Finally, I said “God, I can’t do this. You are going to have to get me out of here” My life seemed so immeshed with hers, I couldn’t conceive of the logistics of untangling our finances, the house, the stuff, and the pets. But, God could, and He did.
One Friday, I was coming in from a two week tour. It was raining to beat the band too. My house was built on what the locals called “Divided Ridge”. Its called that because the ridge “divides” the weather. It is a phenomenon you can see on the radar on the tv news. Bad cells just break apart there- Not this day. As I drove up, a giant lightning bolt stuck right next to the house. I said ” Oh no Lord, not that!” So He went to plan B, and *she came home, and we got into it. She had this cockamammie idea to grow some pot out back on the property. I was not having it, and raised my voice in opposition. But, I really wanted her to get saved too, and she wasn’t having that. I went up to her room later to apologize for my tone, and she attacked me, yelling, and shoving. I grabbed her and held her, but she just kept struggling. Long story short, she called the cops, and told them I had awakened her, trying to strangle her. That was all lies. I spent the night in jail, and would never spend another night in my house. I had to simply walk away. I do miss my pets, and the judge allowed for me to take the things from my bedroom, everythiing else was left behind. It cost about $3,500.00 to have the domestic assault charge espunged. Money well spent. I haven’t spoken to her since that night.
I want to share with you what God has shown me about how this happened.
Ephesians 6:12 We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Mud Monster!! Mud Monster!!
Satan goes after children….(abortion ) He wants to take you to hell. He is a liar, and the father of lies.
There were things in my life that reinforced satan’s lies. My father favored my brothers. I wanted his attention so much, that I thought if I was more like a boy, he would love me more. “Wrestle” that means to fight in a twisted, contorted manner. Satan twisted my mind. I had a distorted view of God, because our first veiw of God comes from our relationship with our earthly fathers. My father beat us , and my mother. I didn’t want to get beaten all my life. I thought girls got beaten, and were unloved. Boys were better. There is a whole lot more on fathers, I may edit this at a later date to include what I have learned. But, honestly, its getting late right now.
Satan’s devices haven’t changed a bit since Genesis.
I) He will cast doubt on the word of God -“ye shall not surely die” I was born this way. Evolution.
2) He will circumvent authority.- Where was Adam? Don’t tell your mom and dad. Public Schools
3) He will make you think you can get away with your sin.- Fig leaf aprons, Penny-ante prayers, and false conversions, and no repentance. Laws framing mischief. Abortion rights, gay marraige.
Hebrews 9:22 …without shedding of blood is no remission
Jesus shed His blood so our sins can be forgiven. God is a holy God. He cannot stand sin in His sight. When you ask for mercy,and repent of your sins, God is gracious to save you by putting you under the blood of Jesus Christ. JESUS ascended into heaven and sprinkled His blood on the mercy seat of the true tabernacle in heaven. God doesn’t see your sin any more. He sees the blood. Without the blood of Christ we are guilty. Jesus IS God.
I could write all day on salvation. It is of the Lord. God will save you. But I want to share one last thing for the people who are trapped in Sodomy. Please read this verse.
Revelation 4:1 After this I looked, and behold, a door was opened in heaven: and the first voice which I heard was as it were of a trumpet talking with me: which said, Come up hither, and I will shew the things which must be hereafter.2 And immediately I was in the spirit: and behold a throne was set in heaven, and one sat on the throne.3 And he that sat was to look upon like jasper and a sardine stone: and there was a rainbow round about the throne.
Notice that there is a rainbow round about the throne. The throne of God.
The rainbow is the sodomite symbol. This is how dangerous and satanic sodomy is. Satan said he would be like the most high…that’s why he was thrown out of heaven. Satan is trying to usurp the throne of God, and he is using the sodomites to try to do this. In the book of Daniel, satan is prophesized to be a sodomite. I believe sodomy and the “agenda” is more dangerous than communism. Please if you are in the bondage of this sin, cry out to Jesus, and be saved right now. Satan is deceiving you, and will laugh at you when you fall off into hell.
The verse says “I looked, and behold, a door was opened in heaven” Jesus is coming for those who are looking for Him.
Please invite Him into your heart right now. Repent from your sins.. Unless ye repent, you will all likewise perish. That is non-negotiable. Make Jesus the Lord of your life. He is your shield, and will clear the path before you. Trust and obey.. It going to be just fine if you are in the arms of Jesus.
“a trumpet talking with me” A trumpet sounds an alarm. The priests in the Old testament were told to make two trumpets of silver (redemption) and blow them both (the old and the new testament), to sound an alarm (repent and flee the wrath to come).
I am trumpeting the alarm to you right now. Will you be saved?
I know I had a lot of people praying for me to get saved. Abraham prayed to God and interceded for his nephew Lot to be saved from Sodom, and the impending destruction. Lot really didn’t want to leave. But the angels grabbed Lot by the hand and set him out of Sodom. I wasn’t looking for God that night, He just came and got me, and I was set out of Sodom. thanks for reading.