Questions left unanswered.

Im going to explain … maybe some one can help
I started getting into pills really bad. i was using those as an escape from my problems. and i didnt want to be alive anymore. I tried commiting suicide on several occasions. and i was completely depressed. and i didnt want to be alive anymore. and my cutting didnt get better. at this point when i was doing the pills and stuff, the cuts got deeper. and i started cutting alot more often. i was just spirling out of control and i couldnt stop. i was also partying really hard and drinking and just trying to forget everything. Well my mom didnt like this so she filed a beyond control charge on me. and i was placed on probation for 6 months. (it will be actually a year ago on the 15th i believe.) well it was about a week before i got off probation (march 25th, at 4:15pm on a weds. to be exact) i was arrested. on probation violations charges. and i had to stay the night in the dentention center. I hated it. Alot. Its no joke. The next morning they woke all the new arestees up at like 6:45 or 7 and told us to pull the sheets off and fold it. and get dressed and wait for breakfast to come. After all that happened. The new arestees (my friend jerri was in the same detention center i was..) were put in shackles and brought to the van. (And my friend jerri asked me why i was in there. so i explained it to him.) And i went inside the court room when it was my turn.. and it turned out my mother didnt want me back at the house. and the state worker/social worker suggested to the judge i be placed in foster care. So.. thats where i am now. And when the judge said that i be placed in foster care.. i was so mad at my mother. But i came to find out for myself later that my mother was only doing whats best for me. And i let my anger and my frustration i had against her go. Now my biggest struggle is my faith, and resisting the urge to cut again. I havent been cutting for about 3 weeks or 4 weeks now. and pretty much falling back into the way i use to be.
Im so close to falling back to the way i use to be, Im ready to let the “devil” win this battle that im fighting against. im ready to just let myself fall back into the old ways that i use be in. all the drugs and drinking and cutting and what not. I know that there is a God out there. But im starting to think.. is He really out there? If so why do i feel so distant from Him? and im also starting to think that i cant “get right” with God.
I just cant do it anymore… I dont know what to do.
and i have been dealing with this battle with God for 2 years now. and im 16 about to turn 17.

my email is
email me if you can help/.

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