questions left unanswered

I started getting into pills really bad. i was using those as an escape from my problems. and i didnt want to be alive anymore. I tried commiting suicide on several occasions. and i was completely depressed. and i didnt want to be alive anymore. and my cutting didnt get better. at this point when i was doing the pills and stuff, the cuts got deeper. and i started cutting alot more often. i was just spirling out of control and i couldnt stop. i was also partying really hard and drinking and just trying to forget everything. Well my mom didnt like this so she filed a beyond control charge on me. and i was placed on probation for 6 months. (it will be actually a year ago on the 15th i believe.) well it was about a week before i got off probation (march 25th, at 4:15pm on a weds. to be exact) i was arrested. on probation violations charges. and i had to stay the night in the dentention center. I hated it. Alot. Its no joke. The next morning they woke all the new arestees up at like 6:45 or 7 and told us to pull the sheets off and fold it. and get dressed and wait for breakfast to come. After all that happened. The new arestees (my friend jerri was in the same detention center i was..) were put in shackles and brought to the van. (And my friend jerri asked me why i was in there. so i explained it to him.) And i went inside the court room when it was my turn.. and it turned out my mother didnt want me back at the house. and the state worker/social worker suggested to the judge i be placed in foster care. So.. thats where i am now. And when the judge said that i be placed in foster care.. i was so mad at my mother. But i came to find out for myself later that my mother was only doing whats best for me. And i let my anger and my frustration i had against her go. Now my biggest struggle is my faith, and resisting the urge to cut again. I havent been cutting for about 3 weeks or 4 weeks now. and pretty much falling back into the way i use to be.
Tony, Im so close to falling back to the way i use to be, Im ready to let the “devil” win this battle that im fighting against. im ready to just let myself fall back into the old ways that i use be in. all the drugs and drinking and cutting and what not. I know that there is a God out there. But im starting to think.. is He really out there? If so why do i feel so distant from Him? and im also starting to think that i cant “get right” with God.
I just cant do it anymore… I dont know what to do.

What do YOU think?

comments

Comments

  1. faithishearing says:

    You mentioned your mother, but not your father.
    So you have a relationship with him? Did he leave? Is he deceased? Did you know him well?
    I am asking you this because how we view our parents can have an impact on how we view God.
    For example,
    For years I was mostly agnostic. I believe God was there, except when He was not, and that He couldn’t be bothered with my problems. Or maybe He didn’t exist at all.

    With my father, he lived at home with us, but he constantly cheated on my mother, always left the house, drank a lot, and could never be bothered with my problems/questions. Sometimes he would be gone for weeks.

    I had a difficult time believing God as our Father, or that He cared.
    God will never stop loving you, even if you don’t love yourself. He is always there waiting for you to come to Him with your problems. All you have to do is believe.

    Isaiah 53:5 (This text talks about Jesus. I encourage you to read the entire chapter.)
    But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

    I’m sorry. I don’t mean to pry. I find in the case of many people will addictive behaviors, like cutting or anything else, sometimes the only way to stop is to figure out why you are doing what you are doing in the first place. Ask God what He wants you to do and pray that He comes into your heart and help you heal from your pain.
    Peace and Blessings to You.

  2. Fight.for.whats.right says:

    Thanks for the help seriously. But now…

  3. Fight.for.whats.right says:

    Thanks for the help seriously. But now…

  4. warrior daughter says:

    Stop cutting yourself…You must stop giving in to these impulses and they stem from you thinking you are not good enough and no one loves or cares for you…These are not thoughts from God but from the very destroyer of you, the devil….If he can keep you cutting yourself or doing anything else that will destroy your very life, then he has a hold on your life…

    You are a young lady with much future and this future is a future of life and not death, of truimph and not defeat, joy and not sorrow, companionship and not lonliness, love and not hatred, acceptance and not rejection, healing and not festering wounds, kindness and not heartlessness, gentleness and not roughness, peacefulness and not calamity, patience and not irritation, goodness and not evilness, faithfulness and not deception, self-control and not self destruction

    You must make the first step toward God and He will meet you there…..Tell Him all your problems for He will not toss you aside …. His love for you is not a fleeting type of love that is here today and gone tomorrow but His love for you is ever lasting and He wants you to give up all these hurts and the life that is destroying you and come to Him and say I need you more than my next breath and I am sorry for my sins and I believe on the Lord Jesus Christ …Stop saying and thinking I can’t get right with God for God is the God of impossibilities and with man this may be impossible but with God all things are possible…

  5. Fight.for.whats.right says:
    • courage07 says:

      Jesica
      I want you to know that JESUS loves very much inspite of anything that you have done in the past. He loves you even though at the moment you feel that he is so distant from you. You might not understand this right now but that is why the bible tells us that the love of God is beyond human understanding. Don’t believe the lie that God does not care, Jesus is easily touched by the feeling of our weaknesses.

      Cry out to the Lord for mercy and i am sure that he would not only forgive you but also give you a brand new life. He has the power to enable you to overcome these urges and i am sure he will if you cry out to him. The reason that he is called Jesus is that he saves his people from their sins.

      I shall be praying earnestly that God gives you a complete deliverance, just do not give up or harden your heart. Your body and your life is very precious to God, continue to resist the devil and the Lord Jesus will surely give you the victory. Just a question do you have any christian friends? I think you need the love and care of fellow christian brothers and sisters. If you don’t i hope someone on this website have it in their heart to make contact with you. Please keep us updated on how you are faring and remember that Jesus cares.

      David

    • Timothy Luke says:

      There is hope. God is real and he knows how to deliver you. He has moved heaven and earth in my life, and He would love to do the same for you. I know this.

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