please help me! anyone, please help me.

hello, everyone – God bless you all. <3 i hope and pray that all of you are staying strong and safe in the Lord, and taking care of yourselves. i just joined this website today, and i have to say that i am extremely excited to be here, and so impressed by what i have seen so far. i cannot wait to grow on here, and hopefully touch others with my writing and my heart and my posts. i am currently going through an extremely dark time. if you'd like some brief information on what i have experienced in my broken past, please feel free to visit the "about me" section of my profile. basically, i feel that i am being attacked by Satan rather viciously, and i need your help and prayers. i must admit that it is my own fault that this is happening. i have neglected prayer and the Word because the only time that i have to truly spend time with God is at night, and lately i have been falling asleep instead of spending time with Him. to say that i hate myself for this is not an exaggeration. i struggle with a lot of self-loathing right now, and i am so upset with myself for being so weak and neglectful. i truly want to pursue Him and know His Heart, and i promise all of you that i am working very hard on praying and reading the Word much more often. i know that by being weak, i opened a door to the enemy knowing my vulnerability and attacking me in the hope of defeating me through it. i know that God does not want me to hate myself, and so i ask for your prayers and advice on this subject. i don't want to disappoint or upset God - ever - and i am very upset with myself for neglecting Him, but need to find a balance between disappointment when i do wrong and forgiving myself and moving forward. basically, Satan is bringing up a lot of temptations and pain from my past. he is tempting me to listen to the satanic screamo/emo/death metal music that i was obsessed with for quite a long time. he is tempting me to linger on the pain of my past - especially the rape that i endured on february 6, 2010, while backslidden - and to dress in black again, to cut myself again, to commit suicide. dark voices fill my mind, and i am too weak and pathetic to do anything about it! i know that i am not weak and pathetic, because in Christ i am victorious. but i feel so ashamed that i need to come to other Christians about this when i should be able to overcome the temptations and attacks myself. satan is tempting me to fall back into bisexuality, to become "emo" again, to have momentary pleasure through sex and self-destruction and then eternal agony. i have never been tempted like this. this is more violent and vicious than anything i have endured during my time as a Christian. i hope this means that i am growing closer to God, and stronger in my faith, which would cause Satan to view me as a threat. but it is so hard to stay strong in the Lord when the temptations to backslide into momentary pleasure are so strong. i would truly appreciate your prayers and advice! i eagerly await all that you have to say. please, please help me. i know that i deserve to be talked to very harshly after my shameful neglect and weakness. please, don't hold back. i deserve it. as you can see, i am passionate for God, but i still have many painful issues from my past. please, if you can help me, i would truly appreciate your responses to this post. thank you so much, and God bless you all. i hope to get to know many of you soon. love always, in the peace and love of Christ, alison xx

What do YOU think?



  1. Allison, I will be as frank with you as I can. First of all, if you do not have a strong, Bible believing church that you attend on a regular basis, you need to find one immediately. If you do have one, then you need to discuss these issues with your pastor, or church leadership that your pastor has delegated.

    Be very careful that you do not attempt to make this website your "church," or any ministry for that matter that you may find through this website, unless it is a local church in your area. This is not an indictment against any minister or ministry on this site, but these CANNOT help you on a "permanent" basis, or for the "long haul," as God did not set up things to work this way. He has ordained the local church and the office of pastor for a reason (Ephesians 4:11-13, I Timothy 3:15).

    Furthermore, you can open yourself up to more trouble; to soulish (emotional) entanglements and also to those that may have other motivations for wanting to "help" you.

    This is a good site, and you can learn some good things, but please hear what I am saying, and keep it in its proper context.

    Incidentally, in your post you answered most of your own questions; you know the truth, you simply need to be strengthened and to have fellowship with other believers, those that will hold you accountable to learn and to grow.

  2. I dont know if you read the SUICIDE SPIRIT,its a book I wrote.Much of what your talking about I can relate and I can feel your pain.Please let me give you a strong warning if any one tries to encourage you please make sure they are giving you the word OF GOD.See I have been a part of spirtual warfare for 22 years and one thing I have found so sad is how many spirtual warfare web sights deal with non biblical things,infact I have even seen new age on a web sight.Heres what I mean when a christian is told to think positive,I almost started to laugh because positive thinking will not stop the enemy.The word of God clearly states the weapons of our warfare is the full armour of God,the word of God and the Blood of Christ.What is happening to you is your being severly warn down but you need intercessors to pray for you.If you chose to contact me I will get intercessors to be praying for you because in the books that I write I believe every christian needs to have an accountabilty team,so I would get my team to really pray for you.Well here is my werb sight,if you want my help or if you just have questions feel safe about contacting me because my minestry is to help people be set free from demonic powers through using the word of God. have a blessed day………..Tim ps there is allot of great information on this web sight your on right now so really investigate and be led by the Holy Spirit

  3. Blackmagicrescue says:

    I can help me at my web-site.

    Here is my latest testimonial..


    I no longer am smoking weed and have went back to church and I'm under the covering of my church home. I want to thank you!!! You lead me back to God, and my church family. I used the prayers and they worked. Thank You for your help. Thank You.
  4. Joshuagm1991 says:

    If you find a recent post here in the forums of mine you can see that I have had trouble with self-loathing at times myself.
    What helped me is giving God my Idols, as well as saying “ENOUGH!” to those idols and dwelling on my short-comings.
    If you find yourself entertaining those thoughts ask Jesus for help and just say “ENOUGH!”.
    A little word for you and me: ‘fight the good fight of faith” 1 Timothy 6:12
    Let us have faith that God will deliver us from our issues.
    It has worked thus far for me and I will be praying for you dear Allison 🙂

  5. First of all Alison, God is definitely not angry with you, nor does He have any thoughts of disdain or anything like that towards you. His thoughts towards you are of love and compassion, mercy and grace. Cause great is His faithfulness towards you, and His lovingkindness (grace) is new every morning for you (Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not.They are new every morning Great is Your faithfulness – Lamentations 3:22-23.). It must be a difficult time for you at the moment, and God understands.

    All that God really desires from you is that you seek Him with all your heart, mind, soul and strength, because He is what is best for you. When it comes to the issues you mention, I think you do need to get deliverance in those areas so that satan loses potential footholds over you. You can either seek out the help of a godly christian who you can trust, and who is walking by the Holy Spirit, and ask them to help you identify areas you need to maybe confess and renounce to Jesus (you can check out the ‘power of prayer’ online prayer thing to the top right hand side of this page), or just do this between you and Jesus, asking for the Holy Spirits help and guidance.

    Please don’t think of giving up, God loves you and is for you, and He will get you through this, you just need to take His hand, ask Him to deliver you and trust Him. Let Him walk you through this, by His Spirit.

    ‘So he answered and said to me:

    This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel:
    ‘ Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’
    Says the LORD of hosts.’ (Zechariah 4:6)

    Look to God to deliver you and rescue you.
    I’ll pray for you.
    God bless

    Edit: PS (read your profile after posting this) Wanted to encourage you for your passion and love for Jesus. God loves that.
    PSS I also love Flyleaf 😉

    You might also want to check out a teaching by Derek Prince called ‘How to Pass from Curse to Blessing’ on youtube. You can just type in the title in youtube. Should come up with it.

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