Out Of One Wolfs Mouth And Into Another, But Jesus Saved Me
When I was about 12 I was a big fan of TV programmes like charmed and bewitched and liked the idea of magic, so I convinced myself that I wanted to be a witch. I would steal herbs and other ingredients from the kitchen and would make up potions and chant rhymes I had made up for spells in my bedroom, and sometimes spells that I made up would actually seem to work. I also had convinced myself that I was psychic from dreaming about certain things before they would happen, and so my interest in the occult was born.
Around the same time my mother (who was a single parent) asked me what I would think if she was to start seeing someone, I replied that I would be happy for her and so she went ahead. However when I met her new boyfriend I had this horrible feeling about him, something deep inside me told me this man was evil. I really wanted my mum to be happy but I couldn’t shake the bad feeling I had, so I decided to investigate further and see what I could find out about this man, I befriended his young daughter and asked her questions, I soon found out that this man had a track record for hurting women (I’m not just talking emotional hurt here, but domestic violence and rape, it was as if this man was on a mission to exploit and degrade women). After discovering this I felt a deep need to protect my mum but when I told her what I had found out she was already blinded by love and refused to believe me. I felt a deep anger rise in my heart, this man was in my home and was going to hurt my mum, it was inevitable and there was nothing I could do or say to stop it. And so I acted up, I knew that if this man were to hurt me my mum would leave him, so I tried to be as annoying as possible to anger him, one time I was sure he was about to hit me, but then my older brother walked into the house and so he backed off (he only hit women and children, and so was way too cowardly to pick a fight with a grown man present like my brother). Looking back at this I know that God was protecting me here.
Eventually my mother did leave this man but not before he had hurt her, I felt like I had failed in protecting my mother and also felt hurt that my mum hadn’t believed me when all of it could have been prevented if only she would have listened to me. And so I became quite isolated spending a lot of my time in my room casting made up spells and sinking deeper into the occult. With me unknowingly opening gateways with experimenting with the occult and with the deep anger and hurt I was holding deep inside my heart its not surprising that something dark began to manifest itself in my room.
I started suffering terrible nightmares and would regularly wake up screaming, my mum would come running into my room and the dark presence would immediately hide, I could see in my mothers eyes that she was seriously questioning my mental health, and if I’m honest so was I. I grew out of making up spells, it all seemed a little childish, however the nightmares didn’t stop. The dark presence was experimenting with different ways of torturing me in my sleep. At nighttime it seemed as if there were three different dimensions I existed in, the first I experienced when I was asleep was the nightmare itself, this part tended to vary but would usually involve me being trapped, or being hunted and then would come the torture, a lot of the time involving acid and burning but not always. An example of one of these nightmares I remember having was me running through a woodland area being chased by something, but I didn’t know what, then suddenly I was inside a bag or sack trying to kick myself free while being dragged off to somewhere, then I was in an old empty warehouse or barn tied up while this guy who looked like an insane scientist was about to drill into my skull, at this point I screamed in the dream (this for me was a big tell tale sign that this was no ordinary bad dream, I’m one of those people who in bad dreams tries to scream but no sound comes out, however in these dreams I was able to release my fear through screaming). I would then try to force myself awake, and whatever dream I was having the next place I would go would always be the same, a place I would go between dreaming and waking, it was like a dark cave, where I was laid down on a stone slab and this creature, who looked like a half dead, really tall and really strong man would be holding me down by my arms and shaking me, as though in effort to get even more fear out of me. I would then force myself to wake up even more and would wake screaming in my bedroom, still feeling the presence of something dark with me until my mum would run in, when everything would seem normal again. And this pattern would repeat whenever I went to sleep it was like a constant battle, and I was exhausted.
Once my best friend slept round my house and the next morning I woke up, at first feeling pleasantly surprised, as I realised that not once had I sunk into one of those nightmares that night. However once I turned to look at my friend and say good morning, she was sat there giving me the most bizarre look and said “Laura?” to which I replied “who else?” she then asked me if I had remembered anything from last night, at this point I felt unnerved and asked her what she was talking about, she then explained what happened that night. After we had both gone to sleep, my friend had suddenly woken feeling uneasy, she turned to face me and saw I was staring at her with a look of hatred on my face, I then sat up in the bed and stared more intently at her, she went and hid in the bathroom and said that my eyes had followed her as she went, and that she could tell that it was not me looking at her. Her words gave me chills and that morning my friend was really uneasy around me and soon went home. I felt a mixture of emotions, mostly fear, this dark presence in my room had taken control over my body and I had no recollection of it, I felt a little relieved that I now knew I wasn’t going insane, but then the realisation hit me, this thing was real, there was something evil in my room and it was trying to isolate me by frightening my friend and making my mum believe I was crazy, it wanted me to be alone.
My mum had decided that a change of environment might be good for me, as all these things were occurring in my bedroom, so we swapped rooms. That night I felt exhausted, as I had gotten into the habit of trying to resist sleep. I lay in the bed facing my mum’s ornament of an angel on her bedside table, I remembered going to church from when I was little and then I prayed. I prayed a simple prayer, something like “Jesus, please keep me safe tonight as I sleep, send some angels to watch over and protect me, Amen” I immediately felt safer and peace as I drifted off, into a peaceful sleep.
The next day I spoke to one of my friends who lived across the street from me, I hadn’t told her about the prayer (I thought at the time that it would have made me sound like a dork), but she said that she had looked out of her window that night, and saw bright lights above the roof of my house. Later on my mother told me that after we swapped rooms she saw a solid, orange sphere that floated out of my old room and go through the wall towards next door. Jesus had set me free from this torment, if I hadn’t of said that prayer I would probably would have ended up on a mental health unit.
Now you would think I would have learnt my lesson after this experience, but apparently not, I developed a curiosity for the paranormal and spiritual teachings. So it wasn’t long before I was reading up on occult related material, spirits, angels, crystals, energy healing, auras, past lives, tarot, psychic, yoga, meditation, you name it and I probably would have had some knowledge regarding the topic. About the only thing I didn’t believe in was hell; I was under the deception that all roads led to heaven or at least to the same afterlife in some kind of spirit realm. Of course I had a few problems or spirit attacks, usually at night, but I put this down to me being extra sensitive.
There was one experience I had that I couldn’t explain with all my new age theories, a dream I had, in which two large black dogs barged their way in through my front door, up the stairs and into my room, as if following a scent, they then came up to me, one at each side of me and gently grasped each of my arms in their mouths, so that their teeth were touching my skin but not hurting me, they then became still and solid like statues holding me prisoner like this, I was paralysed on the spot.
When I woke I just put this down to a bad dream, but later on that day when I was working in a care home and one of the residents that suffered dementia was terrified of me, she said that there was a black dog following me and told me to get away from her.
I decided that there must be more to this dream and so typed in ‘black dog’ into a search engine, I came across a description of a hell hound, the description was uncanny to my dream and I found myself wondering “what if hell is real?”
However I put this experience to the back of my mind and carried on with my life, and my new age practices. A year later a friend I met on a college course invited me to go to church with her, and she taught me that the devil was behind the new age deceptions to lead people astray, now I’m a stubborn person but suddenly it just clicked, this truth fitted in with everything I had experienced. I then knew Jesus was the only truth and the only way to reach eternal life. I accepted Jesus as the Lord of my life and removed all things of the occult from my home. My friend gave me a Bible and I started to learn more about the truth.
It seemed I was finally on the right path, however I soon noticed that the church I was attending didn’t feel right. There was a constant turnover of people, it was common for long term members to leave and then new people would come in and take their place, I asked my friend about this and she told me that the church seemed to change every three months. Now I didn’t know a lot about churches but from what I remembered about the one I belonged to as a young child, it felt warm and I saw the people there as family. It’s not normal for a family to lose its members every three months, with no questions asked. I also noticed that when people left no one would ask them why? This church didn’t seem to care when they lost their sheep. I even found that in the bible study groups I attended people would be gossiping and saying unfriendly things about other members of the church or about the people who had left, I found myself not fitting in with these people, and asking myself whether Jesus really wanted me.
I also found I didn’t learn a great deal about Jesus during my time attending this church, it seemed to me that Sunday services were more about getting a high from the worship rather than getting and maintaining a closer relationship with Jesus. People would shake on the floor; erupt into speaking in unknown tongues and vomit when they were in the presence of the Holy Spirit. There was one time when the pastor was shaking so violently on the floor that I thought that he was going to hurt himself, and so I said a silent prayer for Jesus to keep him safe, immediately after thinking Amen, he stopped shaking and then a moment later his wife started to shake in the exact the same way, it was as if whatever came out of him, entered the closest human being to him, which just so happened to be his wife, and I personally don’t believe it was the Holy Spirit.
One time the pastor was praying over me for me to be baptized in the Holy Spirit and absolutely nothing happened to me, he even blew air into my face! (Unknown to me, my mum was worried by the things I had been telling her and so was praying while I was at church).
I was also taught at this church that speaking in unknown tongues was a sign that you had been baptized by the Holy Spirit, everyone in the church did it and I got the impression that they didn’t believe I had the Holy spirit because I didn’t have this ‘gift’, they justified this teaching by saying it was like what happened in Acts 2, to the believers. However after reading this I have found that speaking in unknown tongues isn’t the miracle here but rather speaking in other tongues, in other languages Acts 2:
“And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them this utterance. And there were dwelling at Jerusalem Jews, devout men, out of every nation under heaven. Now when this noised abroard, the multitude came together, and were confounded, because that every man heard them speak in his own language. And they were all amazed and marvelled, saying to one another, Behold, are not all these which speak Galileans? And how hear we every man in our own tongue, wherein we were born?” Acts 2
I also decided that if this were the true Holy Spirit then why would no other miracles take place such as limbs growing back and people being raised from the dead. I came to my own conclusion that the miracle of speaking in tongues had been taken out of context and made into a ‘gift’ that every ‘true’ christian has.
Some teachings by Jesus also came to my mind about what I was seeing and how not everyone are true disciples of Jesus. Such as:
“But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!” Matthew 6:23
“Not everyone that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me ye that work iniquity. ” Matthew 7:21-23
I did leave that church and I haven’t yet joined another, I’m spending my time getting closer to Jesus, reading the Bible and praying. It seems the closer to the truth I get, the narrower the path becomes but I know if I’m holding Jesus’ hand I won’t fall. It’s been a long journey so far even though I’m only 18, I am so thankful Jesus never seems to tire of saving me from these crazy situations I keep getting myself into and I am not going to repeat these past mistakes again. I pray that all deceptions and lies like these are exposed for what they are.
I have also noticed through reading others testimonies as well as experiencing my own that the main lure of the occult appeals to people who are searching for a deeper truth and meaning in life, if it wasn’t for the occult leading so many people away I think these people would be led directly to Jesus and the word of God, the only real truth.
Thank you for reading my testimony,
(If anyone would like to contact me regarding my testimony your welcome to by either a message on here or by email at [email protected])