Story of Damian Spaulding
This is a Non fiction account of spiritual warfare. A story of the battle that exists between good and evil within our lives. It contains true experiences of exorcisms, near death experiences, witchcraft, sorcery and many other new age events. This true-life story is presently being reviewed to be made into a movie format for all to enjoy and you now have the privilege of getting a sneak peak.
*Names were changed to protect individuals’ identities
Part 1: Birth to death
My story must start when I was a baby. It seems the spirit world always had a strong desire for me. I was a fairly difficult child to conceive, but was born in Kingston Jamaica June 25 1976. I also had grand-mal seizures when I was still a baby (that will play a part in my story later).
Shortly after I was born one of my many uncles fell deeply in love with me. He was at that point unable to conceive of a child himself and in a way I became like his own son. He spent hours with me day after day. Rocking me, talking to me, or just observing my movements as I learned how to operate in this strange world. Others at that time would also see a unique calling on me and mention it my parents I still don’t really know why. As I said before, Glen (my uncle) was a man who desperately wanted a son and could not have one. He was also deathly afraid of planes, and rightfully so. Within only a few months of my birth he was killed on impact when one of his planes Collided into the side of the Blue Mountain. Death was instantaneous. My immediate family and I knew he was dead long before dental records identified his body because his “Spirit” would knock on the front door and ask my mother if he could see me one last time. My mother diligently argued with him every night and refused to let him in the house for weeks, but eventually she gave in and let him in once to observe me in my sleep. (If this seems far fetched wait until you hear the rest of my story. This is just the beginning). After a period that night, my mom encouraged him to leave and would not let him in again. He still showed up every night until my mother and a few friends resolved the situation by encouraging him to “move into the light” and not listen to his fears surrounding it. Glen was not Christian and he was never seen again after that day. – 1976
As I grew up, strange things continued to happen. I had a familiar spirit that I would share my toys with. I remember she was a little girl who always wore the same dress every day. She was pretty quiet and easy to get along with. When the house was quiet I would also consistently hear voices calling my name. I remember my mother bathing me one day in the tub when shivers and deep fear permeated my body as I heard a cast of familiar voices saying slowly, ominously, and persistently. Damian…… Damian……… Damian……….. It was almost like a demonic horror flick. I was only two years old, and deathly afraid of what stood around the corner. My mother comforted me.
We soon moved to Canada (for political reasons) and as I grew a little older I began honing my clairvoyant giftings by doing exercises like having my younger brother Chad flip a coin and predicting what face would show. Within a short time my accuracy grew to about 78 – 95%. For the first 30 flips I was 95% accurate then as I fatigued it reduced to about 78%. I always won at poker. I knew when to risk, but could not fully read the cards. I never played the odds. I played intuition. When I flipped dice, I could manipulate which side faced up. I could read half a deck of cards by the time I was in college. The list goes on but I will stop there.
As I grew up I also felt the strong protection of Gods hand on my life. For instance when I was about seven years old I was breaking rules by scaling a rock cliff over 100 ft tall. At the base of the cliff was treacherous swift running water. About half way trough my trip I found myself standing on a thin ledge and falling back with nothing to grab on to. When I reached the point of balance where I knew I was going to fall and there was no hope, I felt a strong gust of wind and was pushed safely back onto the rock face. The people I was with were astonished. I felt the hand of God holding me there. Protecting me. Because of this experience, I quickly Became an “adrenaline junkie” and have the scars to prove it. I should be dead many times over from some of the stunts I have pulled, but deep down I knew that God would protect me; and he always has. I entered into two fights in grade school. I had a fairly wimpy build so some kids assumed they could pick on me and I let them to a certain extent. In the two occasions I retaliated, the kids just pushed too far. The first fight I won fairly easily. The second was two on one. Both kids were older than me and I was cornered within the crowd of onlookers. In this fight (Never taken martial arts before) I somehow used martial arts to defeat them both. The fight ended with me flipping one over my shoulder onto the ground in front of me. At that moment “seeing red” I had to stop my self from delivering a killing blow to his neck. I was going to put my fist through his ribs when I felt my “Aura” Broken from behind. I spiritually timed my turn, and with my eyes completely closed, fisted my opponent in the temple with a spinning hook punch. Destroyed his glasses, bloodied his face, and he ran. When I turned, my other opponent fled in tears. The reason why I mention it is that part of my heritage is Chinese. I believe that because of this lineage there have been inter-generational spiritual effects transferred into my life. I am sure somewhere in my ancestry there were many martial artists. I sometimes had to fight spirits in my dreams (in a martial arts sense. In college I believe some of them were life threatening). Also often when I went to bed as a young child. I would feel spirits staring down at me as I lay there and enter my room when I tried to sleep. It greatly intimidated me. I learned to erect energy shields around myself to protect myself from them. I was becoming a Jedi Night in many ways. Although I was brought up in a God fearing home and I knew of Jesus, as of yet I didn’t “know” Jesus. I didn’t know how to have an intimate relationship with him where he would protect and answer my questions. To me Christ was just an obligation and religion. On a couple of occasions I used Ouija with a friend (where I believe I picked up a familiar spirit) and I wrote a book of reflections on my thoughts of the universe and questions that only God could answer. I still amaze myself when I see the wisdom of the words I wrote from that time. I was going to enclose one in my story, but I would rather e-mail some to you if you are interested. All you have to do is ask [email protected].
Here is where my story really begins. It was my final years in high school. I was facing many difficult decisions in my life. Mainly what to do with it. I was entertaining either doing new age healing (shiatsu, caranial sacral, therapeutic touch etc.), professional music, or computer programming-taking after my father. I was busy organizing and running major events on organizational counsel, and my grades were as they always were. Frustratingly low. My “Reflections” book of poetry, thoughts and questions had left me my head spinning in circles and I so desperately wanted answers to my questions, one night I did the unthinkable. In an attempt to get some answers, I used my honed mind control skills; I stopped my heart from beating. At that time my self-esteem was fairly low and frustrating memories plagued me (not unlike many nights at that time). Through the yearning desperation I decided it was time. I listened to my heart beating, slow and relaxed. I heard my blood rushing through my body and there was droning noise in my ears that grew louder and louder. The noise was almost like a mechanical clock spinning and whirling inside my ears. It was deafeningly persistent, and extremely distracting and aggravating. I became disgusted with my inefficient and noisy physical body and craved peace in the silence of my spirit. For a time the droning noise continued to drive me batty. A part of me cried for it to stop and stop it did. In an instant there was silence. For the first time in my life I heard true silence. It was exhilarating! Blissful. No blood, no nothing. I could hear a pin drop in a room next to me. I could hear a mouse squeak in the basement. In fact, I did hear the furnace running two stories under me. A sound that normally only could be heard from the basement when beside it. It felt wonderful. My body was dead but my mind was alive. Then dizziness hit me. Severe dizziness. I felt that if my eyes could open, everything would be spinning so rapidly that all I would see was a blur. Picture severe drunkenness and multiply it by about 10. I knew I was falling into the next stage. I saw a vision of a stiff, manikin like body falling down a dark endless shaft. Slowly turning as it descended. In the silence I began to hear rushing noises all around me as I increased speed. I was passing through a doorway not knowing where it led. Then I landed. The dizziness stopped and I was standing in an unknown land. I did not know what to think. I just knew this was the real thing. I was dead. It was nothing like a fluffy “embraced by the light story”. It was real. Too real. Within moments after I got my bearing, I noticed a countdown in my mind. In a way I saw the numbers of a digital clock in the sky counting down from twenty seconds. I intuitively knew this was the time I had left before it became impossible to return. It was then that I realized the true severity of what I had just done. Only twenty seconds did not seem like enough time and I knew the longer I waited the harder it became to go back. I looked around and saw just open night sky. All other spirits seemed to ignore me as they went about their business. I still heard the white noise of the tunnel that I entered through. It was still there in the sky.
“Where was God?” “Why does this feel vaguely familiar?” “I must have been reincarnated! This is too familiar” I navigated around for a second or two at the speed of thought and realized in the distance there was an open library. A library in the sky without walls. The countdown continued. 18,17. In a blink of an eye I was within the confines of this learning area and I came to the understanding that this area contained all of the answers of the universe. I was so elated. 16… I opened myself to the knowledge gate and answers began to play through my mind like the pictures in the movie “The Lawnmower Man”. I saw pictures and diagrams of our entire universe being created and all the fabrics within it. I began to see all wisdom and knowledge of man and spirit. I even saw Einstein’s Theory of relativity and understood holes in the theory as true spirituality had the real answers (they were big.). I began to truly understand everything and it was bliss. I wanted to take all of the knowledge I could back with me, but I knew that this knowledge was knowledge of the spirit and could not be taken back into my little material brain. I would have to be dead and one with God to keep it forever and I wanted that. I was enjoying myself so greatly. I wanted to stay for a long time. But then another knowledge hit me. I stepped back from the books (The clock read 12.. ) and immediately realized I had three choices. The voice of (what I thought to be) God spoke directly to my heart. It said “You can stay here for a time and then be judged like all the rest; you can go back and return to your life, or you will come now and be judged and begin your true eternal life.” I now had t decide. 11… time was running out. The thought of being immediately judged partly appealed to me because I would love to be in heaven, but also absolutely horrified me because my spirit had a knowledge of where I would probably end up— hell — I wasn’t ready (I hadn’t given my life to Jesus to save me). Even though I was a really good guy. I definitely wanted to change my destination first. I needed to repent on earth and accept God somehow even though I did not as of yet know how. The second option also sounded appealing, but if I chose to stay here it would be nice for a while (Maybe 100 years or so) child’s play compared to true heaven, and then I know where I would end up. The third option, as unappealing as it was seemed to be the wisest.
I believed this reality was where my uncle was when he spoke to me. I believed that it was in this world I could somehow go back to earth in spirit form and become what some called an ‘Earthbound spirit’ or ghost. But I did not have the time to explore that option, I would just be judged anyway. For some reason the illusion of reincarnation didn’t seem too viable at that point in time. It took me years to find out why. I will explain it later. I will also explain why it was so familiar Read on.
Going back to my options. It is interesting that even though I was not a Christian at that time, the choices that were given to me reflected the teachings of the Christian bible. I rethought my three options again. Trying my chances at being judged seemed somewhat appealing because I knew about God, and after all I was a pretty nice guy. I did know my judgement will be fair and just, I would be able to argue my case if needed and the decision made would make complete sense to me afterward. But my wisdom still kicked in and showed me that no matter how nice of a guy I was, there was still not much of a foundation to stand on. As the truth says, I needed to truly accept Christ (Even though I didn’t fully know what that meant at the time). You may completely disagree with that last sentence, but it is true and the truth will be known to everyone upon our deaths. No matter what you believe there is one truth and Jesus Christ becomes our mediator when we face the one and only God that created us. If we do not let him into our lives and receive his love for us, than we have for fitted our gift of using him as our “lawyer in the courts of heaven.” He already feels and knows everything you do and wants to protect, defend, and love you, but we all must choose to accept him as he is a gentleman and will never force himself upon you. He does not and will not condemn you, he only wants to love and protect. There is no one else I would rather share my life with how about you? You know it in your heart that what I have just said is true because you feel him right now tugging at your soul. He is saying in his words “I want to love you and give you eternal life in ecstasy. I want to wash away your pain. The pain that only you and I know about. Why won’t you jut let me bless you? Why do you hold back? Don’t wait. I am here.” If I am wrong, then you are unlucky. If you are wrong and you don’t listen to your heart……… well… Please don’t find out the hard way. You have a chance now to say just one simple sentence. Knowing Jesus is much better than living without him. And he doesn’t really expect much from you. He just want’s you to accept him. Many can show you what I mean. Just say the words “Jesus I accept you into my life to save me. Wash me clean”. The hardest sentence you will ever say out loud. Say it slowly with your heart behind it and you will see what I mean. Anyway, back to my story.
I needed to make a choice. I did not want to be judged. I wanted to go to heaven. I did not now how to go to heaven at that time, but I knew that answer could be found on earth and that is where I needed to go. In hindsight it did not seem like I had much of a choice, but I had a choice none the less. God always lets us choose our path until judgement day. We are judged (fairly I might add) then we are free to choose again. Some of us within the confines of heaven and unfortunately some of us within the confines of hell. Plain an simple. Sometimes the truth hurts.
Time was running out and at that decision moment pictures of my life hit me. I saw faces in my life that would be severely hurt if I died at this time. Maybe even some vulnerable friends would have taken their own lives out of their pain. It was those pictures that helped me to finally make up my mind. I decided to return to my body. The clock now read 8 and I was getting dangerously close to no return. I was positive I wasn’t ready to be judged. I knew I could come back later and I could not have the death of my close friends on my selfishness. I looked back to the sky where the cylinder channel to my life was deteriorating and made a beeline for it. Going back to earth was like swimming against rapids. It was extremely difficult. If only I hadn’t waited so long it would have been easier. I fought and fought and tirelessly fought. Exhaustion came quickly and I a few times I wanted to give up but I knew I was getting close when I saw the stiff manikin rotating backward and ascending to contiguousness. By the time I reached the top of the tube I was so spent that I almost quit to get sucked back in. I knew death was still close. I was still extremely dizzy but I could hear again and I could tell I was lying in bed. I grasped tightly for my life. The first sound I heard was the furnace in the basement. It was a strange comfort but I knew I was far from done the fight. My heart soon started. The deafening blood rushed through my ears and body. My heart beat strongly but slowly. I then felt a severe headache (probably from the lack of oxygen to my brain) and my body was paralyzed. I paused for a moment thinking I could relax and gain strength. Almost immediately the dizziness grew stronger. No!!!! I said loudly in my mind. As I grasped for my life again. I had to keep fighting or else that was it. I was extremely tired and uncertain how I was going to make it.
As I came closer to consciousness, the noise in my ears faded off and I tried to feel the rest of my body. I was still paralyzed and couldn’t move. My strength could only take me so far. At this point I began to panic. I couldn’t stop here because death was still so close! I didn’t want to die!!! I was so exhausted I knew that I could not make the trip back again if I fell. I tried to force my eyes open out of the dizziness, and succeeded. I peered at the ceiling trying to stabilize myself and succeeded. The next step was to roll out of my bed. I tried to move my legs and failed. Couldn’t even move my big toe. Oh the panic… It was then that I heard the TV in my parent’s room down the hall. I knew my mother would hear me if I yelled. If only I could call her with my voice. The dizziness hit me again, I fought it, and then it subsided. Frustrated and frightened, I tried calling her name. Nothing came out. I wanted to cry. I concentrated on waking my lungs and voice from death. I attempted to take a deep breath and barely moved my rib cage. I felt like a baby rediscovering its body. I attempted another breath and managed to fill the very top of my lungs. When I used it to speak, only a faint squeak emanated from my throat. With every breath I took I became more in this world. I relearned my diaphragm and took a larger breath (Still tiny compared to normal respiration). The second attempt revealed just a little hint of my normal voice. I decided it was taking too long and I would give it one more chance. I would muster all that I had for one short “Mom” If she didn’t hear then I would have to give up and die. I took a final breath and out came the word (At a good noise level I may add) I suppressed my self. “What is it?” was her reply. Not the answer I wanted. I wanted to hear her footsteps approaching me. I did not have the strength to replay again. I held in for a little while longer. I was still paralyzed so I concentrated awakening my fingers and toes. Thankfully my mother got up out of her room and approached my bedside “What is it?” she repeated.
After a pregnant pause I managed to utter the words ” I stopped my heart from beating” upon speaking that short sentence I felt her genuine concern in the air. She fell immediately to her knees almost in tears and uttered a quick prayer under her breath that I could not hear. My strength was slowly returning. It helped greatly knowing she was just there to be beside me to fight with me if I needed. I moved my hand for the first time.
“Damian… there are people that can do that by choice. I have even read some of their books. You must promise me that you will never do that again.” I uttered the word “Yes” I kinda wanted to explore some more when I had more strength. Then realized how reckless of an idea that really was. Because of that experience the spirit of death plagued me every night for weeks, and on and off for years. My mom prayed, waited, and understood. I asked her to stay for a while (while I regained my strength) and she did. When I regained my body enough, I chose to try to get up move to the light of my parents’ bedroom. It seemed safer and more “real” than my room. I eventually got out of bed and documented the entire experience in my book of reflections to keep me awake. For the remainder of that night I was deathly afraid to sleep. In fact that fear remained for many nights to come. I tried my best to stay awake as long as I could for the remainder of the night, then realized I was so fatigued I had no choice but to rest. When I attempted sleep that night, The spirit of death tried to kill me outside of my will. I fought it for a period and eventually managed to sleep without death. I figured it was better to do sleep when I had a little strength in me than to wait till after three days of insomnia to then fight the battle. I am glad I was successful. As mentioned before, for many days to come I would be tired at school or at home and when I tried to sleep the dizziness would return (by the way, this dizziness felt different than other natural forms. It was very easy to distinguish). In fact I feared sleep with a passion for about a month and a half after that night. There also were spirits of death that plagued my thought life for a time. I will explain that all later in my story. There is much more. Death was not an easy battle, but eventually with God I gained victory. I told no one of this experience for years. Near death – May 29 1994 11:37 PM.
The next day was strange. A little like the twilight zone. When I woke up the first thing that came to mind was the night before. I witnessed the sun cascading across my room and thought that today the sun would have risen without me. How long would it have taken before my whole world knew. What would be the reaction from my parents of this mysterious death? What would doctors say? Would there be a moment of silence at my school? How would my friends react? What shock would they feel? I made a point that day to touch base with as many friends as possible to see how they were doing, thinking all the time I could be dead. I gained a new understanding and appreciation of the brevity of life. My parents and I never spoke openly about the events that transpired the night before. We mainly communicated through eye contact, facial expressions, and the occasional “Are you ok?” “How are you doing?” “Are you ready to go to school?” We somehow understood and accepted what had happened. I partly think my parents weren’t too surprised that something like this happened to me. After all, they were aware of my spiritual walk from birth and it didn’t take long before everything fell back to normal. My account of the experience stayed filed (hand written) in my Reflections book and still is there today. I refused to read of that page for many years for fear it would reopen the door to death. It was an experience that still left me curious but wisely not seeking answers in the same manner. I probably would have tried it again if the spirit of death had not continuously plagued me when I was weak. It was not worth the risk of experimenting with control one night, to then find myself out of control the next and ending up dead. That strange night I broke a basic new age rule “never open a door that you do not know how to close”. I ignored that rule and reaped the benefits of my stupidity. In truth however, any door you open in new age is impossible to close afterwards, to think you can is a misconception. My story explains more of that later.
Finally, as powerful as stooping my heart from beating was, I now consider it a cheap parlor trick compared to what I know my Lord can do and has done. I have learned the hard way that although parlor tricks, wizardry, and new age can be fun, gifts like those are like a burning candle. The candle creates an enjoyable and tangible light that can be seen by many, but you being the candle creating the light are continually consumed until your wick is no more. The light fades… You had a good time… now you are nothing. God’s light is never ending and accessed through praise and prayer. It does not consume you, but makes you stronger. God power does far greater things. It took me over 20 years to come to that understanding, and it takes a lot of people longer. Some their whole lives. But it does catch up to you weather in life or in death. It will get you. It is not worth it. Plug yourself into a higher power. I will show you how to even more later. I promise. Oh yeah, and some of the questions about reincarnation and death will be explained in the next chapter. I can always be reached at [email protected]
Part 2: The demonic world & the powers that be – “Possession”
Within a month and a half after my near death experience (still plagued by spirits) a high school friend introduced me to a church where I gave my life to the Lord. From that day forward my destination was decided. I was going to heaven but I still had a lot of confusion in my spiritual walk and bondages that plagued me. It is because of these bondages that I still searched for a closer relationship with my Lord within the practices of new age. In truth, being a Christian did not instantaneously fix all of my problems and pains. I have learned that sometimes healing occurs miraculously and while other times God heals through a loving process. Either way God is faithful and restores our souls.
The decision I came to regarding the rest of my life at that time was to peruse a career as a massage therapist. I figured through bending the rules a little, I was able to practice new age healing on the masses and do great things for God. Doing great things for God is still my greatest desire. I was given the gift of healing as a child and I had a great hunger to use it to its fullest potential. By this time I had already studied a fair amount in new age healing and was practicing it on an almost daily basis. Shortly after starting college, in fact in the middle of my first mid term exams, a few friends and I got together to watch The Ultimate Fighting Challenge (a competition where on average one fighter dies every year). The UFC strongly appealed to the trained martial arts side of me. I was either a green or blue belt at the time. After the Video was finished, being guys we decided to wrestle in the living room. I was one of the first people to start. In all of my days I had always been a distance fighter and never a wrestler. My opponent was definitely a wrestler. In our duel I got tangled up and skipping the details, I fractured my arm clean through in two places. My left arm was completely toast. When my bone broke it cracked so loudly that it sounded like a healthy tree branch broke off of a large tree outside. I remember looking out the window to see if that was what truly happened and lay down in shock immediately after finding out that my wrist was lying on the floor when it should have been by my face. Either I grew a second elbow or my arm was broken. Using my mental distancing skills I bore the pain so well that even the motcho men were impressed. In fact I studied for my next days exam in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. After being casted, my prognosis was not favorable. My orthopedic surgeon told me I would have to be in a cast for at least 8 weeks. Unacceptable in a hands-on school. Within a couple days, loaded with Demerol my parents took me home. The drive hurt. I felt every bump of that two our drive.
It just happened that our next door neighbor that time was a second level caranial sacral practitioner. He had treated me in the past and was very good at what he did. He inadvertently taught me a lot when we conversed. That week when he worked on my arm I almost couldn’t believe what I felt. The sensations and results fascinated me. As he worked I could feel my bones literally gyrating within my arm and knitting together in an accelerated fashion. Even through the cast my bones lined up and began to heal. It confirmed to me everything I knew I had to do. I must learn to do this myself. When I moved back up to Sutton (School) again I taught my new friend Jeff Goldie the art of energy work. Even though he had never done it before, almost immediately he could feel my bones moving without even touching my skin. The sensations for the two of us were rather radical! We learned a lot together and from each other. Jeff could be best described as a six-foot tall, skinny loving teddy bear. He had a true servant’s heart, and I loved him for it. Because of our close spiritual walk together, our relationship deepened quickly. Deeper than any other I had ever known. We soon trusted each other with our lives. He learned quickly as I taught him the therapies of Creanial sacral, Shiatsu and Therapeutic touch. Often his energetic strength and powers would surprise me as I felt the heat of his hands while working on me. As I expected, my arm healed two times faster than any other person my age. My doctor was thoroughly impressed. I even cockily cut off my own cast at four weeks and started doing push ups almost right away. I wanted to rehab my arm as quickly as possible. It is within this season of our lives that the uncontrollable spiritual manifestations began. Because my arm was doing so well we decided to begin work with somato-emotional releases (ridding negative and hurtful memories left in our bodies and souls). We relived “past lives”, honed skills that allowed us to see and speak to spirits that inhabited rooms with us, and protected ourselves from them with our energy. We also learned how to strengthen our aura, project and direct energy, see living creatures through walls, project spiritual sight into great distances (and accurately observe what was happening in real time), seemingly cast out demons with our energetic forces we even eventually channeled spirits upon occasion. I am sure there was more but presently I do not recall. Before long, members within our school would call us in a panic when they felt spiritual attacks in their homes and ask us to come and take care of it. We became like the “Ghost Busters” J fighting on the spiritual plane. It was exhilarating, awe inspiring, and at times terrifying. To give you an example: I would be walking home alone and feel the presence of a spirit walking within one foot behind me. It towered over me. The spirit also had the face of an angry decaying laughing skull from the pit of hell. Burning with hatred, anger, and inflicting fear upon me. It wore a black cloak that covered its head and it projected into my mind a voice that sounded like the screams of many tormented lost souls. This was just one of tree spirits I truly feared. Often I would have to run to my destination and barricade myself in my room to protect myself from it. Another was the spirit of murder that effected my life. The same spirit that almost gave that child the killing blow while in a fight in grade one. I became afraid of expressing true anger because I was trained through martial arts how to kill and destroy and I didn’t know how far I would actually go if I lost control. Often I would also fight spirits in my sleep. Martial arts style. Almost like Bruce lee.
The third spirit was a spirit that was also unlike the others. This one I named “Nasty lips” to try to deaden my fear of it. I believed I picked up this spirit while playing ouigi as a child with a friend. However I did not see its true colors until I was an adult. I remember once I was sitting in the living room with Jeff having a conversation about spirituality and time. When I noticed him enter through the wall. Upon entering he looked through the room and then immediately at me sitting down with a broken arm in a physically and emotionally weakened state. I knew he wanted me. Fear struck me in almost a paralyzing way, but I could not show it on the outside without bringing risk to myself. I told Jeff he was here with us and he agreed with me. Jeff said when the spirit entered he felt something change in the air but he did not know what. The spirit began to make a move for me, and I began to cower in fear. I did not know what he wanted (there is no such thing as a good spirit. Some spirits actually dress in false light to gain your trust but eventually they show their colors). I whimpered “Jeff, he is coming!!!” Jeff quickly moved between it and me and asked, “What do I do?” My reply was either “I don’t know” or “you already know”. Immediately Jeff raised his arm out toward it and spoke with great authority. Declaring that he was protecting me and that the spirit had no right to touch me. Despite that, the spirit still drew closer. I closed my eyes and tried to shield myself. I feared that if the spirit got to me he could easily re-fracture my arm. Needless to say that was the last thing I wanted. Jeff now observing our dynamic began to shout at it! Commanding it to leave his house and leave us alone. He rose to his feet in authoritarian anger. Immediately it stopped its approach. I raised out my hand in agreement with his, and Nasty Lips left. I knew he would be back at another time when I was week. Jeff and I both felt him leave at the same time and momentarily we were safe. For protection we slept in the same room that night and through the many experiences like these we became even closer than brothers. Our lives continued like this for months. There were many great times, and there were some horrifying times just for balance it seamed. We adapted quickly and got used to seeing spirits everywhere we went, observing objects fall out of nowhere with no one near them and waging spiritual warfare on a tangible level. Others around us knew it, and they knew I could read their minds. Many feared us. Hopefully now you are getting a picture. I also began to play with telekinesis, bending the fabrics of time, creative visualization and work with deep energy spiritual healing.
Through Jeff I was introduced to a young woman whom had her own struggles with depression among many other things. She had a truly genuine and gentle spirit. I saw her as a blooming rose tormented by the rain. Her name was Carol and became another true friend. She wore shoes that were too heavy for me to bear. She had been through so much. Multiple medications, hospitals, even shock therapy. My heart broke out of empathy (not pity) for her. Carol also had a “snotty” cat named Shakti (Named after the new age leader Shakti Gwein). Her cat and I spoke often to each other in our silent language. To this day I am glad that the three of us were brought together. Carol was also a gifted individual. She excelled in many areas and I learned a fair amount from her (from trust to aromatherapies and shakras). It wasn’t long before Jeff Carol and I became almost inseparable. We shared everything with each other (Except our bodies) and experienced a level of trust that could not be compared anywhere else outside of a marriage. With the three of us working as a team we performed regression therapies and uncovered more (of what I thought to be) “past lives” and spiritual bondages like never before. I can recall one night when we all slept in her king-size bed (clothes on) I woke them both up speaking what sounded to be fluent Japanese in a shouting voice. That particular night I was fighting a spiritual fight Bruce lee style. That night I also discovered that I was a world war one vet that died of bleeding on the battlefield. Another life I recalled was myself as a peasant girl dead broke in some town. The list can go on but before I do I must share that through my experience I have obtained an interesting stance on past lives. I am sure you will want to hear it.
Have you ever been attacked by the spirit world? Have you ever had graphic pictures play through your mind without your consent? Have you ever had a nightmare and woke up thinking it was too real? Have you dreamt something and thought it was too real to be true? If you answered yes to any of those questions then we have some common ground. I believe Just as the spirit world can torment you or give you nightmares and dreams that seem incredibly “too real”. The spirit world (If you open yourself to it in the right way) could influence you by playing movies in your mind in first person. It seems “so real” that it must have been you in another life. I believed in past lives with all my heart at the time but now my eyes have been opened.
Where exactly the movies played in our minds originate is speculative. No one can know for sure. I do know it is from the invisible realm around us and not from within ourselves. Another example: Have you ever had a thought run through your mind starting with the word or words “I” or “I wonder” or “I should” and the thought was completely not of you or your normal personality but sounded like your thought and your voice? It is the same concept. It is the spirit world influencing you. I will be the first to admit that it can convincingly appear like a past life, or like your own thought. But you can be freed from it and find better. I have. It honestly takes a certain amount of faith to believe that the visions you see are actually a past lives and not something else. As a Christian that has experienced and been freed from that activity I can safely tell you that there is far more freedom and joy in knowing that there is a loving God waiting for me with open arms to usher me into heaven, than just another life around the bend to bring me new experiences and spiritual knowledge. An old soul is nothing but a person blessed with a given degree of wisdom. I used to consider myself one and people to this day call me by that terminology. But now I know better. Look at Solomon in the Old Testament. He was one of the “oldest souls” out there. His wisdom was greater than any other person that ever was. But in his wisdom he also spoke of one god above all else. Jehovah. I am sure you have more questions and I don’t want to bore or overwhelm you. E-mail me at [email protected]. Oh and as I promised. When I flat lined back in high school things felt familiar because I was freed of my body and living through my eternal Spirit. Biblically speaking, we are born as eternal beings. Even while on earth we are living the start of our eternal life. Our spirit already has full knowledge of the spirit world and to a certain extent, the afterlife. Our spirit was created to commune and communicate directly with our creator. But before it can do so, we must decide to be reborn on a spiritual level (our spirit glasses must be washed before we can use it properly). You see because of the way we have chosen our world to work, we are automatically born spiritually blind and dammed to hell. All we have to do is choose to be reborn to be taken into heaven and have an intimate relationship with the true creator then and now. Until we are reborn and have that direct communication with the creator we will always be searching to fill that void and navigating blindly through the world. To keep it short, we have a choice. We often get in our own way of true enlightenment. Because the above truth for some is hard to grasp intellectually we chose to look elsewhere and continue to fall short of Gods full glory. Ask yourself honestly, if you have really found everything you wanted, why do you still search for that one experience that could be better, or bring you to a higher level? And yet why do you consistently reject the only one that can fill all of your needs and lift you to the highest level? The answer is in warfare. Satan does not want you to find true freedom, joy, and everlasting life. You don’t need to understand to accept the truth. Do you need to fully intellectually understand the laws of gravity before you accept that you are bound by them? New age energy, sex, alcohol, drugs, meditative light, all counterfeits for the real macoy. Accept it or not it is truth. That is why you are probably angry with me and not wanting to read any more. Move on with your life and accept the truth; that is the hard part. The rest will come. Come spend eternity in ecstasy with me.
Back to our story. We are going to get to some really juicy stuff soon.
Unlike myself, Carol had three angels that she prayed to constantly. She believed them to be her guardian angels. They always seemed to protect her. She actually prayed to them more than god (or the universe at that time). About one year after we met, she finally saw her angels as what they truly were. Angels of darkness dressed as light. Their real faces were hideous, but because of their loving “light” masks, she trusted them with all her being most of the days of her life. It took a rather traumatic experience for her to learn that the only thing worth praying to is God. Give it long enough and you will eventually find the same. Jeff prayed more to god (The higher power) and I prayed to god (a bit of everything including a little Christianity, I was confused because the Christian God seemed so much smaller than the stuff we were doing). I don’t think I need to say it but I will say it anyway. It was an exciting time full of new and great experiences. “The never ending battle between good and evil.”
One of our most climactic moments occurred at Carol’s friend’s cottage. In all of my years, I had learned to communicate to animals telepathically (I spoke to Shakti a lot) however every wild animal I knew automatically feared me. I think it was the aggressive murderous spirit that they saw me battling inside. It scared them even though that bondage played a fairly passive role. I remember there was once I let it out for it to be seen and I destroyed a snow bank half made of ice in a matter of minutes. That was the day Jeff and Carol learned a fear for what I had inside. Since then God has healed me from everything and I am very thankful. That will come later.
Ok… The juicy part. The cottage story. Here we go. I am sure you will enjoy this. It starts with me in the basement of the house I was living in. My massage table was set up there and Carol was beginning to work on me. Sometimes we found that somato-emotional releases could become fairly extreme. Our bodies would go into seizure like convulsions, and type of sounds our voices made would raise curiosity to any onlooker. My landlords were in the house at that time and my body felt as though I was about to encounter something big. After expressing my discomfort to Carol about the situation, she spontaneously suggested that we go up to her/her friends cottage. Great idea that it was, we called Jeff, packed our stuff and within an hour we were on the road to our healing retreat. It was also a good idea because for spiritual reasons, some things you don’t want to do in your home.
The drive up to the cottage was incredible. The weather was gorgeous, spring was just breaking and we all anticipated another incredible weekend. We were free!!! I remember it clearly. Harry Connick and Holly Cole were the musicians of choice. And I could see clearly now was our theme song for the weekend (Holly Cole). We reached the cottage and took a nature break for the remainder of the afternoon. We went for walks and just enjoyed our surroundings. We began our healing journey after we had finished dinner. I set up the massage table in the living room beside the wood furnace and Jeff was first. His “releases” followed the direction they had been going for the past few weeks. He came out feeling better than ever. Carol went second and battled her depression and came out victorious that night. She felt better than she had in a long time. Then it was my turn… I hesitated at first, but after some coaxing decided to go ahead. Jeff was positioned at my head and Carol at my side. We always lay on our backs. I began shaking and releasing and the process began. It was a truly beautiful moment. The love and trust that we shared openly with each other was so pure and beautiful. Again I felt great heat radiating from Jeff’s hands. I openly accepted and embraced the “loving light”. I felt multiple little releases leave my flesh in waves. It felt like I was being touched with healing water repeatedly. I was about to call it quits and relax when all of a sudden a traumatic sight and voice penetrated my mind. It horrified me. The words it spoke to me were simple yet profound “You are nothing”. Instantaneously I felt like a little helpless pea about to be consumed. Graphic pictures of death uncontrollably ran through my mind and I immediately let out a cry of desperation that quickly got Jeff and Carol’s attention. They asked me what was wrong while I cowered. I told them what I heard and they urged me to continue. A part of me didn’t want to go through with it and another part really wanted to rid it from my body. I eventually chose to continue. The voices that spoke through my mind were deep and ominous. They reminded me of one of the lions in the eighty’s Ghost Buster movies. I violently shook as I tried to shake the influence of this spirit from me and after much struggle I was victorious. The spirit was gone. The shaking immediately stopped and I felt crystal clear. Everything felt so clean and pure. All three of us looked at each other with joy in our eyes. We momentarily all embraced.
While we shared the joy in our embrace Carol’s body all of a sudden flinched. Jeff and I immediately took her and sat her on the table. I knew what was happening and I did not want it to happen. Carol kept on shaking as she questioningly called my name. Before I had a chance to utter a reply, Carol’s eyes rolled to the back of her head and her grunting voice changed pitch and tambre. When her eyes returned the Carol I knew was no longer there. My familiar spirit took her place and Carol was definitely possessed. I figured the spirit must have left me and found Carol to be a weaker vessel and took her. His eyes were dark and ominous. There was a cocky half smile that took her/his face and he seemed to look right through me. As Carol stared through me I could tell there was only one thing on her mind. How much damage a baseball bat or axe could do to the side of my skull if she swung it. Even the way she talked and the words that were chosen changed from the normal her.
I showed no fear. It was like the Carol I knew was swept away to the side and put in a prison cell in her own mind. The beautiful rose of a woman was replaced by this hideous, angry, ugly, cocky, arrogant, aggressive, spirit. A part of me just died inside to see what I have done to her. I knew what she was going through. I had t live with it for years and she did not deserve it. The spirit wanted to deeply hurt both me and Jeff but knew for some reason it couldn’t. I began to speak with it to stall for time until I could devise a plan to get rid of it. Jeff was looking expectantly at me and I had yet to figure what to do. The look and mannerisms of Carol had become so different I was almost tempted to remove her shirt to see if any new scars or tattoos were on her body. That however was inappropriate. The spirit and I exchanged wits for only a minute or two until I understood what to do. I believe Jeff remained calm through the whole incident. He always impressed me. In a short time I grew to recognize this spirit as the type who probably was part of a surfer gang who raped and killed many in his time, or a skate boarder from long ago who probably died from doing something stupid while causing an incredible adrenaline rush. At any rate I was dealing with a murderer and there were stake knives within 10 feet of us in the kitchen drawers. It knew it. I knew it. Jeff knew it. In an instant when I noticed it was preoccupied fighting Carol from within I threw out my arm and shot it with energy. I then proceeded to move toward Carol’s head and I instructed Jeff toward her feet. Together we worked to set her free.
Let me digress for a moment. I remember a few months before I had an experience with this spirit in the form of double mindedness. I was watching a special on the 10 most vicious criminals in America and one stuck in my mind. This criminal was a 30-year-old man that kidnapped small children. Mainly boys aged 10 to 13. He raped them, abused them, then killed them and stored the bodies in his basement. He committed this act so many times that his basement got too full and he had to start burying the bodies in the back yard. The day the police entered his house to discuss a fairly trivial matter, a strong smell of decay on top of the air freshener gave him away. They found too many bodies to count rotting everywhere.
This story repulsed me. I made me want to vomit inside. Immediately I wanted to turn off the TV. Then in an instant I heard said in first person “hhhmmm I wonder what it would be like to do that. That man showed courage, I respect him” I immediately hated myself for even thinking such thoughts. Then I realized that even though the thoughts were first person, it was not originating from me. I knew that all this spirit had to do was tell Carol to walk off of a cliff, and because of Carol’s suicidal tendencies, she would without hesitation. I genuinely feared for Carol’s life.
Jeff and I began to plow Carol’s body full of energy. I channeled and channeled light and energy into her like I had never before. She was at this point lying on her back and shaking like a leaf. All three of us fought with all of our might. It screamed as it lost ground. Jeff was praying the entire time. I felt as though so much energy was traveling through me I could power a small plant. The fight ensued for what seemed to be a very long time. In real time probably about ten or twenty minutes. One moment he would be there yelling, shouting curses and trying to intimidate us with evil glances. And the other minute Carol would return crying in pain as she was victimized by this being. The small glimpses I saw of her was enough to keep me trying until we found victory. Carol’s body violently flailed pounding the table multiple times with her arms and legs until finally with a great flex of her body (which almost threw her off the table for the third time) she came back. In one peace. (Praise the lord) She was really back. I watched with my spiritual eyes as the spirit flew from Carol, looked at me, and realized I was impenetrable at the moment. Jeff was still in prayer, so it flew out of the cottage and began to travel around the entire area up as far as the highway in anger, trying to find it’s next victim. I even watched as it moved toward a major city. I did not know which one though. I looked deep into Carol’s eyes and saw it was really her. I was almost moved to tears, but in too much shock to express it. I had to get my bearing. It was obvious she was absolutely exhausted. She had no recollection of what happened at the time so we filled her in. For the moment we felt safe.
Once again the bond between us had grown to an even higher level. We sat for a few minutes in awe until we realized how hungry and exhausted we all were from the battle. When we all stood to go to the kitchen and eat, it happened again. Carol stopped in her tracks Her eyes began to roll and she began to fall back. Jeff and I both called her name out of desperation to try to stop it from happing again but it was too late. She was taken. Again. Immediately we reluctantly took our places and began. After a short period of time I realized that we were not getting ahead. My flesh was willing but weak and tired. My energy strong as it was wasn’t shaking Carol free and I could see deep inside Carol was loosing as well. We could not give up. We couldn’t afford to. We would stay up all night if we had to. In his divine wisdom Jeff noticed that I was frustrated and swaying. He decided to ask me to pray. At first I thought it was ludicrous and redundant because I thought what we were doing was already a form of a prayer. But since my way wasn’t working it was time to try anything. “What should we pray?” I asked. “Lets pray the way God taught us to pray” (after all he taught us to pray like that for a reason). So we began. “Our father.. Who art in heaven…..” The spirit instantly screamed with fear. Carol’s shaking and flailing had become very severe. We knew we were on a roll. “Hallowed be thy name….. Thy kingdom come… They will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.” This prayer was not new to any of us, but we chose to not really use it in the past because it seemed inferior to the tangible forces that we learned to tap into. We were wrong. “Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses. As we forgive those who trespassed against us. And lead us not into temptation, for thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, forever and ever, Amen…. Our father… who art in heaven….” We started the prayer over again because we did not know what else to do. Carol was still releasing and she still needed to be set free. Over the next hour we did nothing but pray that prayer over an over again. Repeatedly….. In fact we did it so much that the order began to scramble in our minds.
With every prayer the spirit lost more ground. We realized this was a lot easier than channeling energy and God really heard each part of the prayer. Every time we prayed words like thy “kingdom come, thy will be done” the ghost screamed in frustration as it lost ground. And “Give us this day our daily bread” brought us more and more strength to do it again. At the end of the hour Jeff and I with great determination were shouting the words and forgetting how they went. Carol had almost won, but we became so confused that it was hard to continue. In desperation, I decided to make a long distance call to my girlfriend at the time. She was already aware of some of the things I had been up to in the past, and we needed another prayer warier. The time was about 12:30 and I pulled her out of bed. Thankfully she understood and relayed the prayer words across the phone to me successfully and Carol was almost free. By the third time of repeating the prayer, the spirit of confusion came over even her. She could not remember the words. So I thanked her for her efforts and asked her just to pray for us in the mean time. Inside I could feel her prayers helping our situation. Jeff and I exchanged looks at each other then looked at Carol, soaked with sweat, completely exhausted and almost free. Jeff began to command the spirit to leave in Jesus name and I agreed (he always carried authority with him). “In Jesus name I command you to leave!!!” “Be Gone in Jesus name! The Lamb of God” We both began to peak with great authority and power. And our words were powerful and answered. Within just a few more minutes the spirit was gone. Carol quickly sat up and led us in a beautiful prayer to God thanking him and praising him. We all agreed and added our own words to it. There was a pregnant moment of silence and peace, a peace that could only have been of God. A piece that was greater than and peace found in meditation, or embracing light or anything I had ever known. In this peace I felt so overwhelmed that I eventually collapsed into a flurry of emotions. It was so good to see Carol again! I thought for a while we never would. I felt so guilty for allowing all of this to happen. I was so week and traumatized. I did not know how to deal with it all. I wept deeply, Carol and Jeff supported me. I was so relieved that the Christian God; Jesus Christ was all He said He was. I was so glad I could finally rest after a 3 or 4 hour stint of strait warfare. I rejoiced in the peace, and was concerned about sleeping that night.
I became concerned because I new Satan could and probably would come in the night and try to posses Carol again. It was just the kind of way he was. He stole in the night. He fought 24 hours a day 7 days a week and waited until you were weak and down to kick you. He has no honor. We all knew this, but just praised in the moment any way. I just want to spend a moment and say, thank you Lord, for being stronger than new age. Stronger than fear and death itself. You really do love us with all your hearts and will set us free from the anything that harms or has harmed us. You can and will set us free from anything we need no matter how strong. All we have to do is ask. Thank you for being so faithful. So forgiving, So loving. And so kind. Thank you.
The rest of the night was really rich. So rich I can’t find a way to give it justice by using words. The time was just anointed. I called Leah (my girlfriend) again and told her everything was under control. Somehow she already knew. When it came time to sleep, Jeff suggested that one of us should keep watch over the others at all times. Just in case Satan tried to sneak in while we slept. He assumed first watch and woke me up at I don’t know what time. I think I lasted no more than five seconds before I hit my pillow again. I was completely wiped.
This story has more drama to come. The next morning I still remember with great clarity and fondness. As after any sort of true spiritual healing, the Sun seamed extra bright that day. The bird’s singing was extra sweet. The air was refreshingly pure, and we soaked in every moment and ray of light we could get. That morning I had my first wild chipmunk eat from the palm of my hand. I brought such joy to my soul. (Previously animals were too afraid of me remember) It was a real conformation that I was healed. Words can not fully express. We began to return home late that morning. I had never felt so free in my entire life. During the drive home we rejoiced and sang loudly at the song “I can see clearly now” Multiple times, and reveled in the glory that surrounded us. This moment could not have been compared to any other. I was free like a child in an adult’s world. Everything seemed new.
About half way home (still with great smiles of acceptance of each other on our faces) Jeff bowed his head for a moment. I thought he was just praying and giving God glory until I saw his hand position. He was purging!! I called his name quickly to try to warn him not to do that but it was too late. Jeff flinched as he released and took a sigh of relief. Almost immediately Carol lost control of the car. We were doing over 80 km/h when the car started leaving the road. Jeff quickly grabbed the wheel and commanded Carol to get her foot off of the accelerator. Carol was under attack again. We did not know at the time that the bible instructs that when you cast out a spirit you must fill yourself with the Holy Spirit. If you didn’t the evil spirit will come back, see you all cleaned up and invite seven of his friends to cause more trouble than he did in the first place. That is exactly what happened. By the way the Holy Spirit moving in your life is one of the many gifts from God when you accept Him.
Carol’s foot was still pushing the accelerator and I did not know what was going to happen. In a way I had to expect anything. I quickly tightened my seatbelt as Jeff fought with Carol for control of the car. With a bit of swerving and a lot of yelling we managed to pull over with no injuries. I ran out from the back seat and opened the driver door. We put Carol in the back and momentarily argued who would drive the car. I did not know where we were and Jeff didn’t want to drive standard. I think I drove the rest of the way and Jeff sat with Carol praying. Miraculously Carol returned to consciousness/regained control by the time we got home. Be we all knew there was a battle still going on. We now knew we were in over our heads. The day was a Friday and the weekend was upon us. Jeff recalled that he had a friend that previously had an exorcism performed on her by a priest a few months back. All three of us agreed that he should go back to his hometown to contact her and try to see if there is something that can be done. Against my best wisdom I reluctantly went along with the plan of sending me home to my hometown to get some needed rest before we declared war again. Carol was confident that she could deal with this problem by herself for the two days it would take. I gazed deeply into her eyes to see how she was doing and confirmed she was mostly in control. She did express however that she could not understand how I put up with this my entire life. I was deeply concerned for her well being. After all remember she was suicidal before and could be again. Thought the weekend I maintained a close spiritual communication with her as I recharged my batteries. I told no one of what happened except my girlfriend. When it came time to return after the weekend, my spiritual powers became so strong that I could knock out any grown adult with just my energy. I was at my peak. I demonstrated my strength to Leah by putting my hands on either sides of her head and becoming a “power plant”. Instantaneously her eyes rolled as she began to fall to the ground. I stopped before she lost control of her body. She marveled in amazement for a moment but I knew that I couldn’t kid myself. I was not going to be enough. It would take God. Even through this was a dark time in our lives, I could still feel us being protected by some unknown force.
When I returned to Sutton, I remember being amazed at how well Carol was coping. Jeff had managed to get a photocopy of a 14th century exorcism. All we had to do was pray it. It seemed almost too easy. None of our homes were suitable for this kind of work so we went splits on a cheap motel room (being students we did not have much money). Carol remained pretty agreeable until we began driving to the motel. As we got closer to the motel her battle got more and more exaggerated. By the time we parked in the parking lot she was raising her voice and arguing with us in the car “it won’t work” “We don’t have the money” “I have a really bad feeling about this”. Jeff and I both knew who was speaking in first person to us. In fact we had to verbally fight with her and physically carry her into the room after we booked it.
When we opened the door a strong waft of air hit our noses. The room absolutely reeked of pot. So much so that it almost gave a gag reflex. Jeff in his wisdom identified it immediately at warfare. Allow me to draw a parallel for a moment. Do you ever notice that you tend to make excuses when it comes to the really good things like exploring Christianity, going to church, reading even a small book in the bible, or just praying to the Christian God (even saying the name Jesus)? Why do you think you do that? Why did you argue against Christians and no one else when it came to spirituality? Why is it so easy to embrace and accept every other religion other than Christianity until you accept the truth? I am sure you can quote many excuses but I think those questions say a lot just on their own. If in seeking the true God you find opposition (especially within yourself) than you are on the right road. The narrow road. Take it or what it is worth, there is an enemy of your spirit that does not want you to find deliverance and true joy and peace. He likes having control over you.
Carol really didn’t want to be in that hotel room. Or I should say the spirit influencing her did not want her to be in that hotel room because it knew the end was near and true freedom was approaching. The first thing the exorcism called us to do was to light incense and burn it around the room while praying a prayer of purification. Then it called us to make holy water and told us how. We lay Carol on the bed and placed the holy water by her side. There was fear in the eyes of her tormentor as Jeff and I knelt to pray. The power that filled the room was unfathomable. The exorcism was seven pages long and took about 15 minutes to pray trough. It was incredible every time we put holy /anointed water on Carol’s body, the spirit would panic and loose control. Her healing was far less violent than when we had expected it to be. It was as if God just took control and hindered the power of Satan before he even started to remove him from the room. It was much less painful to do this when God was allowed to be in total control. Carol’s voice still changed to a deep male voice and returned to her own on a few occasions, but this time there was no screaming and no pain. Only peace. She shook for a period and then it was gone. For the first time I felt the work of the Holy Spirit in a spectacular way. Within minutes, the smell of pot had completely left the room and had been replaced with fresh air. There was a clean protection that filled the room. It was like we were standing on holy ground. We began reading the excorcism for a second time and then realized that it was not needed. All it took was 20 minutes! It was amaizing. Carol sat up from bed and held my hand while I was praying for her to indicate that it was ok. When I looked into her eyes I saw only love. The spirit was gone. Permanently. Never to return. Praise the lord. After that day the spirit never did return. It was as if God with his own two hands had stripped away all of its power and authority and place it in detention somewhere. I believe God did something very special for all three of us that day as we learned that prayer did work. And all we needed was Jesus. No crystals… No Reiki… no powers… No shields… No energy…. Nothing but him. And through him we could do anything. A true miracle of grace.
We left the motel room within one hour of entering it with smiles, embraces and love. It must have looked curious to the hotel owner when he saw the two of us struggling to bring Carol into a hotel room, and minutes later come out embracing and smiling. I am sure he had witnesed stranger J . Merciful are you oh lord. I pray with all my being that you will choose to walk the path of true enlightenment and not the road of deception. I have received so much more from jesus than shakti gwein, Depak chopra, Carlos Castanada can give put together. I just want the same true and deep joy for you aswell. I know you probobly have a lot of questions. Hopefully I can answer some of them for you but don’t let questions get in your way any longer. You don’t need to know how exactly how a plane flies before you feel safe to buy a ticket. Just do what you know to be right. Listen to that tug on your heart and fly with me. It is much easier with the lord than without. And if you have accepted the lord as your savior, isn’t it awesome!!!! J .
Lastly, some of you new agers may say to me that I just got into some bad energy. But I tell you this it isn’t so. I did almost everything by the book. There have been many other new age believers turn to Christ aswell. God showed them, like myself, the true identity and spirit behind new age. It is an extremely powerful and believable deception when you are exposed to it. But it is counterfit light and love. It is all a mask that the darkness wears to decieve you. See through it I urge you. I personally pray that God (yahwhey) reveals to you the truth when you are open to it because there is a life that is far better life than that of one in new age. I have experienced the good as well as the bad. And there is better. One last thing, Rmember the veil of innocence you once had when you were a child. The world seemed so harmless and loving. Somewhere in your childhood or youth that veil was removed from you and you now as an adult see things for what they really are. Take of your veil and see the real light.
Part 3: Sorcery and archangels
By this point I knew that God was real. I knew that there was a dark army that opposed him run by Satan. And that the two forces battled it out for centuries with us caught in the middle. I knew that we could use our will to either accept God’s help or decline it. I also knew that one day all of us will die and be judged and God allows us to choose which team to be playing for on this earth. I knew we chose this earth to be broken when we chose to seek the knowledge of good an evil, and now we all have that knowledge. Some unfortunately choose evil. It hadn’t however fully clicked in what was needed to truly repent and become really one with the creator. I was still searching. I was still confused because I still believed in past lives and that God truly lived within energy. Therefore you could not find him by reading his outdated bible and words from his son. It was this incongruentcy that brought me to yet another eventful time in my life.
For many years I had been working at a summer camp. It was a camp that changed my life on many occasions. God had always done great work there. In fact the spiritual presence at this camp was so strong that many of the staff was afraid to walk around at night alone. Actually even the campers felt the same way. There were certain areas that the presence was extra strong. For instance, most counselors purposely refused to walk down “The tractor path” even though it on the most part was better lit and easier to navigate than other paths. Many counselors preferred to go down an alternate path that was a little more treacherous. After finishing my first year at college I went to work there as I always did and met a young man by the name of Matt. I learned a lot from him and he learned a fair amount from me. He was what I would classify as a wizard or sorcerer. He mastered and taught the art of creating energy balls in his hands that could even be tangibly felt in the natural world, and throwing them like balls of flames. He Practiced an exorcise that he called “Control dreaming” also known as “lucid dreaming” where you put your self in a middle dream state in order to bring your conscious will with you into your dreams. In this state he controlled his dreams and did things in the spiritual realm that you couldn’t easily perform in the natural. He would speak with spirits, travel around the world, and have wizard battles with others in the spiritual realm. (Elephant fights a dragon – dragon turns to a mouse – elephant gets frightened and turns into snake to eat the mouse – mouse turns into human to step on snake. Etc.) He even developed what he called his atom bomb. On the rare occasion he used this weapon he was able to wipe out an entire dream state that may have gotten out of hand. He did many things that effected the entire camp on a spiritual level that I ended up rectifying. Eventually it was me that took the fall and because of these events was not re-hired (Mat still works there to this day). One example is (in a control dream) Mat made a doorway to the spiritual world beside his bed. This particular door was one where if you stepped into it (on a spiritual level) you would be able to tele-port into other areas of the world. Kind of a neat idea, but definitely not something you would want beside your bed, or especially in the same room as 10 young children. I remember sitting with him in his room talking about nothing in particular, when all of a sudden a spirit would appear beside his bed. We would both at the same time acknowledge it and make sure it was not hostile and carry on. The idea of control dreaming and spiritual portholes raised red flags in my mind. Mat taught me how to do it but I never chose to. On many occasions I instructed Mat to close the doorway to his bedroom. You and I both know the trouble that it could have caused. For days he refused to remove his proud achievement, until one night in a dream state, a spirit entered the room that was hostile and too strong to control. In a panic he closed the gate and came immediately to me to ask me what to do. I don’t remember how, but somehow we rectified the problem. Mat even showed me how to create energy balls that could somehow capture the essence of spirits that annoyed you or threatened you, and then shatter the ball into many pieces to make the spirit go away. I quickly became fairly proficient at that skill. As you know I already had lots of energy ball/energy experience in the context of healing. That summer I learned what it was like to utilize energy for means other than healing. He was a very bad influence on me. We spent hours together sharing our experiences, casting away spirits together and doing many other questionable things. He had a fairly mischievous personality that kept me on my toes. There was one night I remember we stayed up past curfew talking about our lives. I walked him back to his cabin, as we normally walked in pairs remember. Oh yes, I also learned to never run away from spiritual fear. It is like an attacking dog. The fear will automatically run after you but this time with intention. Just walk in the authority God has given you. It does say in the bible that there is what is called the armor of God. It is much more complete than any armor that can be created with new age energy, but I did not know of it as of yet. Anyway…. I was standing with mat in front of his cabin, and I remember him looking up into the sky as I saw a quick bright flash of light. Mat smiled with a mischievous devilish smile and looked down at me. I knew that smile well by this point and new he was up to mischief. I asked him “What… What did you do?” and he said nothing. “I saw a flash of light. It looked like you spat something or something. What did you do?” When I looked up I saw it. A beacon in the nights sky. Somehow Mat managed to launch an energetic flair that burned bright to the spirit world in the sky. Mat was very proud. I was concerned. I knew that this beacon would attract the spirit realm in a detrimental way but at three in the morning I just wanted to go to bed. I expressed to him my concerns about his actions but he didn’t seem to care. He was curious and proud. I think he wanted to find out really what it would do, and how long to would stay up there on its own because he begged and pleaded for me not to tear it down right away and wait a couple of days. By the next morning when I got up at 8:30 am with a cabin of rowdy campers I forgot the night before ever happened. I was far too tired. I believe the beacon stayed up in the sky for almost a full weak. The only thing that reminded me of it was when I was canoeing on the other side of the lake I saw a ball of energetic light hovering in the sky over where the guy’s cabins would be standing (Mats cabin). It held my attention and curiosity for about five minutes as I paddled my boat toward it. Then it hit me. I remembered what mat did that night a week before. With anger toward Mat I took the canoe back to the dock and immediately tore the chamber down. I felt little pinpricks of energy on my shoulders as it fell on top of me. During lunch that day Mat approached my table in a huff. Looking rather stern and cross he asked me “Did you tear down my flare?” I paused for a moment before answering. He was obviously upset. I fessed up and expressed my frustration at the danger he just put all of us in. I also expressed my disappointment with him that he went against his word and left it up as long as he did. He and I were at an impasse for a couple of the days that followed. Next two weeks tangibly showed the repercussions of Mats actions. Arguments between staff and campers became more regular. Nightmares within the camp increased in intensity. Even staff members that had always been proud of the fact that they could walk alone at night began to humbly ask friends to walk with them (I am talking big motcho men here J ).
Nearing the end of those two weeks I would be sitting in the dining hall with a camp full of campers and looking out the window to see the spiritual darkness that crowded outside. Other new age people outside of mat and myself began to notice it as well. It was becoming out of hand. Satan’s army was crowding the camp ground in waves. Even his generals (stronger demons) joined in on the party. It felt like we were living in a continual Halloween night and it was far from an enjoyable experience. Matt began seeking me with concern for what was happening around us. I was at a complete loss. I had done an exorcism in the past, but I had never dealt with cleaning an entire campground before. And I didn’t even have the photocopy of Jeff’s prayer to base mine from. Jeff had it at home and I did not have his contact number. I decided just to take each night as it came. I did not know what else to do. The camp eventually became so crowded with darkness that I decided to turn of my spiritual vision for a period of time. I got tired to seeing the crowded hideousness that surrounded me day in and day out. It made me feel extremely claustrophobic. Many times I felt like I needed to walk around an open field like I was at a bustling party. It eventually became useless to fight against my surroundings because as I would rid one spirit, two would immediately take its place. I became numb to avoid my pain. The whole ordeal ended when individual staff members out of fear banned together to pray for safety. It was the desperate unified prayers of Gods children that broke the strong holds of the camp. To be quite honest I did not notice any changes in the camp until Mat pointed it out to me in a unique way.
If you recall, I had turned off a lot of my senses because I did not want to feel the pain of what was happening to me and around me. The way Mat pointed out the changes he observed on the campgrounds was very congruent with his personality. It was one of my nights off and he met me at my cabin. He said he wanted to show something to me. I chose to follow him; I knew Matt would not have done something else stupid because he learned his lesson from the last stunt he pulled. He took me to “The field” where the camp held its games and instructed me to look. I looked with my natural eyes and saw nothing. He instructed me to look again. Again I saw nothing. I said, “I don’t see anything Matt”. Again he said look. I chose to use my spiritual vision (as that is what he expected me to use). Strangely enough I didn’t see anything at all, and that was his point. He said to me “The Field is empty”. And that it was! A smile immediately broke my face as I realized that the bondage was gone and I could finally lower my guard. It was another moment of true bliss. We both stared in silence for a moment or two and rejoiced together at the sight of nothing. “How did this happen? Did you do this?” I asked. Mat humbly replied no. It took me a few weeks to fully understand spiritually what had happened, but that night we both tracked an entity dancing across the field. It was one that Mat had known from his past. My relationship with Matt confirmed to me many things about the spiritual world. One example was that we always saw the same things at the same time all of the time. While watching the entity dancing through the field, Mat identified it as Michael the archangel. Only he could have done such a great work. I personally believe that we saw the work of Michael the archangel, and I am not sure if it was Michael himself. But that is just my opinion. What is important was that God was faithful and consistently answered prayer. There were many other events that transpired that summer, like one occasion I almost accidentally summoned a demon. Other times I tried to fold time, and yet another time I found success with telekinesis. But those are other stories and I don’t want to mention them all at this time.
Part 4: True salvation
We all yearn for salvation. We all crave an intimate relationship with the creator. We were created with that need embedded in us. Some fill it with energy, others with alcohol, others anger, and others sex. There are many square pegs to fit into this round hole we have all tried some of them. Then there is the day we find that round peg.
My final year at college was fairly toned down compared to my first. Jeff had to move away to another city in the second year so I only met with him intermittently. Carol and I shared an apartment and drifted apart because of the pressures of living together. Mainly my second year I spent getting close to a woman whom would soon become my wife. Her name is Lisa and she is a joy that makes my days glow brighter. That being said, we have just come out of a very dark season together. But that is yet another story. My second year did not have any exorcisms or severe life and death warfare. It was filled with personal growth and answers to my overwhelming amount of questions to God. I truly met God for the first time this year. My desire to get deeper in new age on the most part had been quenched because I realized that no matter what I can do myself, the creator directly can do better and stronger. I also knew that the creator was different than I originally thought he was. My entire reality had been blown so many times that I didn’t know what to think. So I searched without the deep dangerous activities I had done before. By this point most people feared me, some people hated me, and some were awed by me and some had a mixture of the above. I also got to closely know two other new agers who were deep into healing and witchcraft. Allow me to say one more thing about my wife. We share a deep and divine love for each other. In our last year in school together she and I both grew a lot. We quickly learned more about each other in one month than most people learn in over a year. Sometimes it felt like our hearts beat in sink. I never had the pleasure of feeling that way with about woman before. We trusted each other explicitly and then once again in my life warfare struck. That is again another story, but we are doing very well now.
About six months into my second year a trusted friend sent in the mail a book that gave me some of the answers I sought and greatly changed my life. Neil T. Anderson’s “The Bondage Breaker” A definite must read. She (Diana my friend – I met her at camp the past summer) labored with me over the phone for weeks to try to get me to read The bondage Breaker and I (of course) found every excuse not to do it. That is why she had to mail it. Through that book I learned things about spiritual warfare and the workings of the mind I had never known before. When I started reading it I found it hard to put it down.
I kind of touched on this a little earlier in my testimony but I will say again. It will always be natural to avoid getting closer to Jesus Christ and accept him as your savior. A lot of excuses will easily come to your mind. Satan does not want you to be truly free. He knows if he can keep you from God, you will never learn your true identity and you will never be able to truly stand against him. He does not want to see you blessed, happy, or prosperous because your were created by God to be above him and he craves power above everything else. He can bless you with false healing and a lot of riches of this earth, but he can never give you true freedom. The truth is, a life lived in Satan is far inferior to a life lived with Yahweh (not easier, but inferior). You will never experience the full extent of joy, love and peace until you really learn it from the one who created it. Before we are reborn we always find it easier to accept any religion or faith that stands contrary to Christianity. I believe that is why new agers find it so easy to accept each other and persecute Christians. Rome is the perfect example. Everyone accepted each other’s beliefs as long as it was not Christian. Relatively shortly after Christianity came along, the Christians were greatly persecuted but in the end Rome fell. The true God has to be different than any other belief because any other belief is shares the same root. Satan. God can only be rooted to himself. It just happens that Christians and Jews are persecuted by every other faith in the world, and the world will always embrace its own doctrines. I believe this principal is of spiritual origin.
Not only was I reading The Bondage Breaker, but I was also reading the gospel of John (the third book in the New Testament). It as an easy read and had never before read it with an open heart, it was truly beautiful and yet another book I found hard to put down. Getting myself to start reading it was the hard part. I found many excuses not to. In reading john for the first time I felt bursts of the Holy Spirit working in my life and healing me without pain or flailing, or even asking. The healing was free and I gave God permission to do almost anything he needed to do in my life, and he began a miraculous journey with me that I will always be grateful for. He began to walk with me. I began to know and understand him. I even began to hear his voice and live in his eternal protection and peace. I did not have to concern myself any longer with energy shields, casting out spirits and ignoring voices in my mind. All I had to do was reach out my arm in authority and say in Jesus name be gone. And I would be redeemed. The multiple voices in my head would subside and I had victory like I never had before. I also had healing like I had never experienced. As God promised in his word, living waters flowed through me and I was constantly refreshed on a daily basis. I can not begin to express the extreme amounts of joy that I felt. It was at least 5 to 10 times greater than anything I had ever experienced up to that point (and I had experienced great healing in the past). All I did was take the effort I was spending to heal myself and others through new age and used it to praise God, seek His truth and find real healing in my life. God in his omnipotent power and grace sent in turn overwhelming floods of healing water bursting forth in my life. I felt the coolness of a spiritual release all throughout my body for hours at a time every day. It was incredible! It was pure! It was stronger than any release I had felt in new age and if you can believe it, even more joyful and pure.
The days were always clear in my eyes. I had a well of joy flow up in my soul. My spirit was being renewed. I could do far better than throw energy balls and heal the sick. I had prayer; and through it I prayed for cancer to be healed and it was (without me even being in direct contact with the person). I prayed for certain people to accept Jesus as I knew him in order for them to feel the vast amounts of blessings and true healing and deliverance that I felt. And they did. I prayed for negative forces in my city to diminish and stop working in people’s lives. And they did. For once I truly had victory over all that afflicted me. It was incredible!!!! And this is what I want for you too. I had spiritual awareness and knowledge that I never had before. I new things about people that only God would know and prayed for them to be healed and they were! This is the way spirituality should be. I learned that all that I had known, all that I had done was child’s play compared to the true creator of the earth when I tapped into him through prayer. Because of the bursting healing occurring in my life I praised god every day. I talked to him every day. He even spoke to me every day through prayer! It was wonderful J . Better than orgasmic! But it gets better. My mind was becoming clear. The torment and nightmares I never saw or again. I look foreword to talking to God at my bedside every night. I would tell him everything and he would hear! Sometimes I would get on my knees with a specific prayer request and forty-five minutes later I would be filled with the Holy Spirit. Bursting with joy and authority and still on my knees forgetting the original prayer request all together. While I prayed, many things were brought to my mind directly from God. Things He wanted me to pray for and I found so much joy doing so! I would even pray for people I did not know around the world. I could almost see their faces. This was the real thing! Larger and better than anything else I had ever known. Every step I took towards God he took at least two steps towards me. I enjoyed repenting because it brought me such peace.
I remember I was lying in my bed one night and God gave me a vision of a cloud in the sky. Within this cloud there were thousands… no hundreds of thousands of faces. Some seamed reasonably happy while others were clearly tormented. Within an instant I realized this cloud was representative of the spirit of new age (a powerful general in Satan’s army). All of the faces within the gray cloud were completely deceived by its false light and stuck within its confines. My heart just broke. I saw the hole where my face once was placed and I was so glad that I was now out of it!! It killed me to see that some of the faces I recognized. Immediately I prayed for them and now they all live happily and victoriously with the Lord!!! They are all going to the same place as me and I still want the same for you. I am sure most of you already know you are going there. But if there is any doubt in your mind. Any at all then lets fix that now. You have nothing to loose other than living in victory in life and then spending eternity with the creator of the universe. In heaven, God has a room laid out for you. It has your name on it. And heaven was made to bring pure pleasure to you for an uncountable amount of time. As strange as it may sound, Jesus died for you on the cross as God clothed in our flesh, in order to bare the pain and damnation of our race. All we have to do is accept His love to begin some of the things I had mentioned earlier. It is quite simple and painless to do, but everything of this world will try to stop you from doing it (even your own mind can betray you). If it has been hard for you to read the last paragraph and you have been day dreaming a lot while you read, that is just the first example. When I say the name Jesus Christ, it should bring joy to your heart and not damnation. If you find the name Jesus Christ difficult to read (outside of a curse), that is yet another example. If you are feeling angry or frustrated out of no where, that is another example. Let’s live in victory over all the garbage in life starting now. It is an easy decision to be reborn and share in a living relationship with the creator of everything. All you have to do is read these simple words out loud.
“Lord. I want to know you. I want to see you. I want your victory over the darkness around me. I want your grace. Your joy. Your holiness. Father come to me as I have come to you. I accept your love, Your joy, and Your peace. I accept you Jesus as my personal savior. I realized I have sinned in your eyes and I pray you forgive me and set me free. Set me free Oh Lord. Rain down upon me Holy Spirit and fill me up. Let me receive your joy. I humbly ask you this in Jesus name. The Lamb of God. The Messiah. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness.”
If this was your first time reading a prayer like this, congratulations!J You just did a beautiful thing and may be feeling some strange sensations at this moment in time. Maybe a cool breeze, cleansing water, bursting heat or just a strange sense of peace and belonging. That is the Holy Spirit touching you and you have only just begunJ . If you don’t feel anything in particular, that is ok as well. Just don’t be alarmed if you feel tingles here or there. It may seem strange to you but just by saying the words “Jesus I accept you as my personal savior” places your name in the book of eternal life and guarantees you a room in heaven. I have great joy for all of you that had the courage to read that prayer aloud. If you skipped reading it aloud, I bet part of you still wants to and hesitates. You don’t have to miss out! Christian or not. Fight the inclination to skip it. Just take the leap and do it. You can find a new joy in life. You too can be recreated. Listen to that tug on your heart before it is too late. There might not be a tomorrow.
By now you are most likely feeling very relieved or very aggravated with me. At any rate if you would like to read on I will finish my story. As you already know by the time I was in college for my last year I had been a “Christian” for over two years, but I still struggled in many big ways. I was beginning to feel a rebirth and renewing, but didn’t know what the next step was. I searched many different churches to find one that knew how to direct me in my life and eventually found a church that changed my life forever. What I learned from cornerstone was that not only is God a God that will wait for you to let him into your life, but He is also a God that will wait for you to let Him heal you. You see as much as I desired to be healed, some of my pains and strongholds became such a major part of my life I was afraid to let them go. The things that troubled me and held me back had became a major part of my personality (all I knew was struggle and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that to change). For instance if you have lived your life with an anger problem that consumed most of your days, and one day in a miraculous way it vanished, wouldn’t you wonder what would replace it? Wouldn’t it scare you that a major part of your personality had left in an instant? That is how I felt. I was afraid of the unknown. I didn’t like my demons/bondages and wanted true freedom from them but at the same time I feared the unknown. I didn’t know what it was like to be healed from all my pain; would I even like myself after it was all gone? It took me a few weeks until I truly understood that God was the God that made me. Every part of me. God was a God that knew what I deeply wanted more than I knew (because He made me) and God was a God that wanted nothing more than to give me freedom from my pain and torment and help me to achieve what my deep hearts desire was. He wanted me to be truly happy and free and not worry about anything (not even sin and pain in my life). God is an awesome God that I can actually trust with all of my being J . It was a big lesson, and difficult yet soothing to swallow. Besides, if I don’t trust in him who was I going to trust? I cant lye on just myself, I can’t even wake up in the morning on my own strength. It is God that already sustained me. He had been patiently waiting for this moment my whole time, calling my name as He felt all of my pain. Setting me free from the times I worshiped the universe and light.
My path had been set. I was going to heaven when I died. That is what I chose. But I still had to choose how my life would be lived. A) In rebellion pulling away and not trusting God to then wonder why He doesn’t do things for me that He does for other people (or wonder why He doesn’t fulfill His promises for me found in His Bible) or, B) Trusting God fully. Giving him rein in every area of my life. My thought life as well as my actions (he knew my thoughts already anyway). Turning away from the sins that I always fell into and trusting that He would replace them with a glory and peace that was larger than anything any of us could ever understand. In other words just trusting that He wanted to give me my heart’s desire. He wanted to give me a new life that was better than the one I was living without him. He wanted an active, intimate (non-sexual but spiritual) relationship with me on earth, as well as in heaven and all I had to do allow Him permission to walk with me in my life. To bless me like He wanted to and not stop Him half way.
It was an extremely difficult decision. Face my fear of the unknown and trust God in every area of my life. Turn to Him and away from some things I enjoyed or felt I had no control over. Or live like I had always known, comfortable, knowing who I was including my pains. Living in a stability that I now knew held me from the full glory and awe of God.
My decision was to walk the walk and not wait for heaven (we always have a choice in Gods world). It was the best decision I had ever made. The day I decided that, God delivered me. Unquenchable tears of relief and joy swelled up within my soul. Without exaggeration I felt exactly like I was standing under the bottom of Niagara Falls. There was so much healing power falling from heaven into my life I could barely stand. It was New Age times one hundred thousand. It was uncontrollable (and of course that was part of my decision). The amount of love that instantaneously permeated my flesh was unmeasurable. God’s love and acceptance led me to even more tears. I was one flesh with the God that created the universe and He loved me. Me, the one who betrayed Him on many occasions and gave him a bad name. I was being filled to over flowing. And overflow I did. The power of the things that I felt that day I still can not put into words. There is no comparison between it and anything else. The Holy Spirit pumped me with so much energy and joy that I became drunk in His spirit. It was larger than life. I remember as I felt what was like my spirit being pulled from my flesh to hover over the church, the Holy Spirit than healed me of all of my pain and torment. He washed me pure then placed my in my body again. I was freed! It was so great that it made any other healing I had experienced in the past seem like absolutely nothing! Nothing compared to the power and grace of my Lord Jesus Christ. Nothing. And you know I had been through “great” healing before. I rejoice every day at the work He completed in my life. And He still is working on me and bringing me to higher levels of understanding every day. I can not help but be joyful and smile J J J J J J J J .
This is where my story must end for the moment. This is also how I stand now three years later. Redeemed. Healed. Healthy. Made new. And wanting the same for you. Accept it. I know you can. Thank you for reading. [email protected].
Exceptional Books to read:
Neil T Anderson: The Bondage Breaker – I believe by harvest house
Tommy Tenney: The God Chasers
Charles Kraft: I give you authority
Cindy Jacobs: Possessing the gates of the enemy
Philip Yancey: What’s so amazing about grace?
Incredible courses to undergo
Cleansing stream: Part of the Pentecostal Assemblies of Canada
Alpha: Can be found in almost any denomination
Any questions or comments feel free to write: [email protected]
One final word of wisdom. I strongly suggest that you find a church body of believers like yourself. It is much more difficult to walk the walk alone. In fact satan can eat you alive if you let it happen. I also can not express how important it is to be accountable to close christian friends. We all need to be encouraged, supported and helped up after we fall down and that is what a good church should do for you. Satan is an incredobly sneaky and crafty individual he has had over 5000 years to perfect his craft and he can bring you back down before you even realise what is happening.
Know that a good church is measured by the quality of the people found within it. Not by denomination. If after you enter the door you almost immediately feel at home, the people are great, and doctrine shared reflects that of truth, then you are well on your way. If any one of those three arent there, keep looking. You can trust me when I say hard work up front pays off with great peace in the end.
May God guide you in your search and may the Lord always be with you in great strength and favor. And if you still have not yet given your life to Jesus, it is still not too late. Don’t miss out, you have nothing to loose but pain and damnation. Or maybe it is time to take that next step and completely trust God as your deliverer. I can sincerely say is worth much more than the risk. And until we speak in person, Shalom (peace be with you). [email protected]. God Bless you J