Even if I will forget myself and this world I cannot forget my LORD. He and His love are as real to me as the blood that flows in my veins and the air that I breathe. When my mother was asking me to take vows to forget the LORD of my life this was what I thought. If I live – it will be for Him and if I die – I will be with Him. No power on heaven and earth can separate me with Whom I was and is deeply in love. I was so much lost in Christ my LORD that I felt like an alien to this world. I was filled with joy within so the things of the flesh did not matter to me. If I would feel and hear the words of anger and hatred for my faith that my family spoke without the Holy Spirit, I think I could not bear it. But, God put me on the better side and as a Believer I have known that a follower of Christ does not feel persecution because the love of God is so much in them that the hatred of this world is nothing compared to it. The joy of the LORD is far greater than the hurts this world gives.
In morning hours of 8th August 2006 which was Tuesday (most of the devote Hindus fast on Tuesday) my mother was on fasting too and she was praying to her gods. I was sitting on my bed and when I opened the Bible and the LORD lead me to Luke 5:34-35 and very clearly in my heart I knew that the LORD will lead me to a fast on the day which He had chosen according to His time, the day will be holy to the LORD and many other Christian will fast on that day in confirmation to the word of the LORD. Just after this my mother came and took away my Bible. My Bible was so dear to me, I loved it and ever since I bought it, it used be beside my pillow. In normal circumstances I could have cried like mad after someone would forcefully take away my most beloved thing. But the peace of the LORD was upon me and not a tear fell from my eyes neither I was hurted. This is what happens when you are filled with the Spirit of God, you began to see things through His eyes, His understanding come to you, you know that God is in control and whatever happens is according to His will, you trust in Him and your heart is just eager to spend everything single moment of your life with Him and for Him. My family also took away my cell phone so I could not speak to any Christian friends. I was not allowed to meet my friend who was also my neighbor. I will be obliged to her all my life for forgiving my parents who accused her for taking me away from their faith. She would say that if I was able to be in peace with my family who continuously persecuted me in every possible way than she was happy that she was my friend and had the opportunity to be used by God to touch my life. Since we were classmates too we tried to spend sometimes together while we were preparing our final project in the institute. I shared with her what the LORD had revealed to me just before my mother took away my Bible, she trusted me and said that we should wait for the LORD to lead us.
My mother often forced me to eat foods sacrificed (given before) to the idols; as I would partake of it my heart would cry out to God that I eat not that food as the food of the idols but as the food He had blessed Himself. When I was forced to bow down before idols, I said to the LORD that though wherever I stand but in my heart I see Him only and I bow down to Him alone because He was the only One whom I worship. My parents thought it was best to send me somewhere where I could be kept under strict rules to follow Hindu rituals away from all Christian ties. So, it was planned to send me to New Delhi to my uncle’s house. On 26th August 2006 I left Nagaland where I was born.
When I came to New Delhi, I was so sad because everything was different than the environment where I lived, apart from that everywhere my eyes would see there were only unbelievers and their temples etc. My father instructed my grandmother (not my own grandmother) to see that I would pray and do their rituals as they did. I was strictly told not to contact any of my friends. Well, neither did I remember their contact numbers. I was totally cut off from all Christian ties even before I was prepared for it. I was miserable and silently cried when no one was around and there was not a single night when my tears would not have fallen. I was feeling so lonely and even that covering that I earlier felt from the LORD left me.
Our God is a God of wonders. In my institute we had to go for one month entrepreneurship training in fifth Semester but somehow it was cancelled. There was no chance for this training to be held and only after much enquiry I was sent to New Delhi. But all of sudden there was a notice that it was very important to go for training without which we would not be given any certificates. The training was in Guwahati, Assam (another state in India) and all my classmates (my elder sister was also my classmate) along with a trainer had to be there. God opened this door for me and I was in Guwahati on 16th September 2006, so excited to see my friend and also because I would have the opportunity to read Bible and get mentally prepared to face my life back in New Delhi. My friend had seen how I longed to read the Bible after my mother took it from me and how I cherished when I secretly came to read Bible in her house. I have always felt God speaking to me through the Bible and that was my source of encouragement. That night when I took the Bible in my hand, I was crying with joy and I once again felt the covering of the LORD around me. I opened it to find the verse where it was written that Christ was in wilderness for forty days and I counted my own time without Bible as forty day too. Me and my friends prayed together after it used to be late at night after my sister went to sleep in her room. My elder sister was like my detective who reported everything that I did to my parents. My friends did not want any trouble to come upon me so we did everything without her knowledge. On 17th night God made me to know in Spirit that He want me to fast on the 7th day from that day which would be 24th September 2006, Sunday. I shared this with my friend and she said that she wanted to fast along with me. As the days preceded God confirmed in many ways that it was the day. So on 24th from midnight to another midnight we were on fast and when I was praying in my room I felt so much anointed and blessed. When I opened the Bible; God pointed me to Haggai 2:18-23. Thus confirming through His own words that it was a holy day to the LORD and what delight when God promises you to make His signet ring! (the 24th day in 9th month is according to lunar calendar of the Jews but since I didn’t know about this that time, it was just the right word to confirm that I had done according to the will of the LORD). Even after hiding about our fasting to my elder sister, she got to know it and informed my parents. On the other side my friend was asking me that I had told her many Christians will fast with us but there was no news as such. I too wondered about it and asked the LORD to confirm.
When my parents heard that I was not obeying them and was seeking after the LORD alone, they came to visit me. When my mother saw me she was crying and saying that I had become a shame to our family. They had enquired about my situation to their Christian friends and they told my parents that obeying parents in whatever they say is the greatest commandment and one cannot be blessed by God if they did not obey their parents even when they are wrong. O!! what blasphemy to the First Commandment of the LORD. Being called a Christian does not mean they are Believer of Christ. Christian is a word people like to say and write when they are asked about what their religion, but is Christianity a religion or a relationship with Christ? As my mother was cursing me and saying all these things, she also said that she knew I had fasted on the day when many other Christians were also fasting in the town where we lived. God had just used my mother to confirm that indeed many have fasted, thus it brought tears of joy in my heart. I was crying praising the LORD that indeed He hears my every prayers and answers all request of my heart, sends me words of encouragement through ways I cannot know and for always making me feel blessed and chosen. After that my parents took me to their temples because those were the days of Hindu festivals.
Next month before leaving for New Delhi, my friend took me to a Christian missionary and he prayed and gave me a Bible and another two Christian books. I was so glad to have a Bible again. That one month stay with my friends was such a blessing to me. The training ended and because I had to return to New Delhi I stayed one extra night in the hostel after all my friends left me to return to Nagaland. Next early morning my father came, I had packed my bag and between the clothes I had hidden my Bible and the other Christian books. I didn’t expect my father but since my mother had given him direction to unpack my bags and take away any thing that I had which they didn’t wanted me to take. They knew it would not be easy for me to get Christian books and Bible in New Delhi. When I saw my father doing this, I could not hold myself and started to cry like people cry with so much noise when they lose someone dear. I locked myself in the washroom and was not able to bear my own pain. I started to feel like everything was leaving me, even the presence of God. I had not cried in front of my parents until that day after they began persecuting me but I didn’t know what happened to me that moment. My father was saying that he is doing it for my good and one day I’ll thank him for that. As we were on our way to airport, I felt like a dead person in my Spirit, I had cried so much that I was not even able to speak. I started to feel that I was lost and broken, a woman of sorrows. I didn’t know what was going to happen after I reach New Delhi. There I was and my time in wilderness began.
Today, I look back to all those days and see that whatever happened was for good indeed. My father was right, today after having been matured as a Christian in faith I thank him for taking away all the things that limited my vision and faith in Christ. I have gone through my share of tribulation when people say that we would not have our Christian books and fellowship. If that could not have happened today I would not be a person whose strength is in the LORD Himself, I learned to have faith in God even when I could not feel His Spirit, I began to trusted Him even when I didn’t see things happening, I truly began to love Him in Spirit. He tested me for His love in fire and today I have become pure gold and He knows His love shines in my spirit. The way of the LORD is perfect. He works in ways we do not know but something He requires from us is our Faith and our Love which should be unshakeable.