When I was 9 years old and got admission in a Catholic School in 5th Standard, we had a subject called Moral Science. I never read a book like that before and it got me captivated so I finished reading without having food in approx. five hours. I felt my spiritual hunger was getting quenched as I read it. Actually it was a book with Bible stories and good Scripture verses at the end of every chapter. I was totally drawn by it. But I could not understand it though they were simple stories and so before the classes started I read it several times. Unfortunately when the classes started I got ill and could not go to school for 15 days. Finally when I started attending classes, I still remember all that our teacher taught us. He was talking about God, Jesus Christ, Heaven and Hell etc. Those stories touched my heart and I knew this God was the One for whom my soul was longing and searching for so long. He was the One who made me feel so good and important, Who had sown the seed to love Him much before I really knew Him. It was something like falling in love at the first sight. I was completely drawn to Jesus there.
Before knowing Christ I often had the same terrifying dream in which I saw that devil were all around me on the main road of our village which was considered as haunted because of a tree from where screams of Satan came at night. In my dream I was exactly under that tree and devils were in my front and back and loaded me with long bamboo trees on my head and they were tormenting me in the dark. I used to feel so burden in my dreams and often woke up feeling like someone was suffocating me to death. I wanted to get ride of it and wondered who would save me from that horrible dreams.
Praise God that from the first day of my class in Moral Science I began to believe in Jesus Christ. Light had risen in my life. Teacher taught us that God forgives our sins, so we are not destined to hell if we believe in Him. I was the favorite student of the teachers and especially Catholic sisters who were my teachers too. After class I would run back to their house because they loved spending time and teaching me and my parents had no objection with that. So, two years of my life when I studied in that school became the most important years of building my faith and spiritual life. Sisters loved me and often would ask me if I wanted to live for Christ and I would reply “Yes, I want to give my live for Him” though I didn’t knew the full implication of that word. In our school it was compulsory to have a Bible so my parents purchased the first Bible (only New Testament) of my life when I was 10 years old. Sisters also gave me Christian books to read and one book that touched my heart was the book of martyrs for Christ and I knew suffering for the sake of our faith and Christ is a part of a believer’s life. Sisters would quite often hold my hands and say that I was going to do great things in my life. God had chosen me and He will use me mightily and my whole life will be dedicated to Him. As a child I did not understand it properly but loved the thought that God loved me and from there I began to see His favors and blessing in my life. Back to my dreams, those frightening dreams left me when I believed in Christ and never came again. Other deceiving spirits also left me and I had the best time with those Sisters. They did not teach me doctrines but love for Christ and there I was secreting having a crush on Him like adolescent have. I knew He was Almighty God, Powerful, Creator of Heaven and Earth but I could not hold my heart loving Him and I could feel He was mine and I’m made for Him.
I did not have any friends at that time and once when Sister was speaking in morning assembly that Jesus Christ is our Savior, Lord, Father, Brother, Friend and more but only one word struck me there – that He is our Friend. So, since that time I thought of Him as a Friend and Companion. From those days He became my secret friend with whom I silently shared in my heart my every feelings and thoughts. I knew He knows all that but still I loved sharing to Him as a friend. I’ll tell you my problem here that I did not know Him as a Savior and the only God until the day I was saved in 2006. I prayed to Christ and often have said my Lord and Savior but since I didn’t know its meaning so it did no good to my spiritual life.
I loved the LORD wholly and I had a deep desire in my heart to know Him but sadly even after living in Christian society I did not have a single soul around me who would teach me that He was the Only God and LORD and what Salvation really meant. No one answered my question that why are so many religions, how could I know Christ for real, how one should live for Christ etc. But may be God wanted me to know Him by myself because He had planned that one day He will reveal Himself to me in a wonderful way after which I will have no questions because He Presence itself will answer all unanswered questions of my heart. May be because He want me to learn to love Him first so that even years and years after my Salvation the love He planted in my heart for Him will not grow cold like it often happens; and my love for Him will become my greatest strength someday.
I often fasted and prayed while I was in residential school. Almost all my friends knew my love for Christ since those days. I didn’t have both Old and New Testament in my Bible so I would take my friends Bible and read it every free time I got but sadly they were not more than stories and advices to me because Holy Spirit was not in me to give me deeper understanding to the Words of the LORD. Anyway, Bible could be found around me most of the time in the hostel and when I was alone anywhere. I wanted to know Christ more and more and that zeal began to burn in me like fire.
Here, I want to share that God had really blessed me because I always had favor, attention and admired by friends and teachers around me. I often got compliments from junior girls that they wanted to be like me. My prayers were always answered and when ever I prayed I would see with my eyes closed that a light would go out from me around the hostel where I was. There was power in my prayers. The residential school where we students lived was far from any other village and it was considered to be little haunted. We often heard the sounds like ancient army marching and sound of spears and other weapons hitting the ground. Everyone would go to sleep by ten at night but I had a habit of studying till late almost 12:30 a.m or so and these sounds were more clear to me but praise God after I knew Christ I did not have any fear of devils. I even didn’t fear going out at about 12 midnight which I often did before going to sleep. I always felt a covering around me like a shield which protected me and so I didn’t fear been alone or going to all those places claimed as haunted. Just above our residential school there was a high school which was surrounded by tall eucalyptus tree and after 3:00 in the afternoon if became a lonely place and that place was my best hideout to read the Bible because I didn’t like people disturbing me when I was reading Bible. People could suggest me not to go there but since I was very confident about God’s wings sheltering me I had no fear and never came under any problem because of the devil. God was with me; who had the strength to come against me.
I had a vision or dream I cannot distinguish which since then is repeated probably thrice in my life. In my dream I saw I was on the top of a mountain which was extra-ordinarily beautiful and I also saw many people along with my classmates were struggling in the jungle which was on the same mountain but around the base. These people were lost in the thick dark jungle and they were trying to find me. After that I didn’t see them and didn’t know what happened to them. But at the top of the mountain (which actually looked liked a small valley in itself) was a beautiful palace and I saw myself standing at the window of the upper floor of the palace. From there I saw there were many elders clothed in extremely bright white clothes and they were preparing for something near a water tank. They all looked so joyful; and I was so happy to see them. Then I felt in my Spirit that I was called to be there with the elders. And still I feel so glad to remember how swiftly and like a princess I was running down the stairs of the palace where no one else was. It is just too wonderful to express. When I with the elders (old age people with white bread and hair) they told me that I had to take a dip in the tank after that they will give a white gown for me to wear. It was not a designer gown but a full sleeve gown neither was it tight fitting but a full flowing long gown. I was so happy to see that. Then as I stepped my feet in water they all began to praise or pray to God I cannot differentiate and one of the elders put his hand on my hand and helped me immerse in water and as soon as I was up from it I saw a dove flying down to me but before it would reach me my dream was over and I could hear that God will protect me from every evil thing and will make me holy so that one day I can have that dress. After few days I saw a picture of my friend and asked her was it was and she said that it was taken when she was getting baptized. I was surprised and may be shared my dream with her. This dream had been my encouragement when ever I felt God had taken away His covering from me.
One more incident when I was in 9th Standard. Someone had learnt to call spirits who they thought would reveal to them their future. These girls would sit together on a bed after everyone was sleep and as I myself was one who slept late found one day that they had written all alphabets and numbers on a paper in a pattern than they were saying “spirit come, spirit come” together and the one girl under whose finger was a coin would say that the spirit have come when the coin started moving under her fingers by itself and then they began asking to the spirit question about their future. It was hidden with most of the girls for few days but suddenly everyone knew about it and I in eagerness to check whether they were lying or really spirit would move the coin started doing it and found that indeed they were spirits because I was not moving the coin. So, we girls opened the door of my life and hostel to devils. Things began to go wrong in the hostel. We had terrifying dreams. But praise God, He delivered us from that sin very soon before real problems would come and we all renounced and asked forgiveness for our sins. Things got right after that. I have shared this because I know that spirits are for real and they torment us once we come under their influence and control. So we should be careful and should not think of testing these spirits. One good thing that happened after this incident was we girls became more serious in going to Church and having evening prayer meetings.
After completing high school, I studied in an institute and lived in a town with my elder sister and my mother who would move around between where we lived and where my father was working. So, I became lukewarm once I was out of high school. I had desire to know and spent time with people who were Believers in Christ and who would share Bible with me to read. I didn’t have any Bible at that time because my younger brother and sister got hold of the Bible that I had. I had one dear friend as my classmate and whenever I visited her house, I would read Bible and she knew I believed in Christ so couple of times she took me to the Church where she went. But, apart from that I had no other place from where I would quench my spiritual thirst. I had a problem that I loved Christ but it was difficult for me to understand why He would love a person like me and whenever I felt He was drawing me much closer which made me feel extra special and supernatural, I would start drifting away from Him. Honestly confessing that sometimes I thought I want to live like everyone else like normal person doing nothing important in life that means a desire to live in the flesh.
How much my flesh will try but my spirit is of the LORD and so I knew I could not be without Him. I was incomplete even if I was someone who lives a perfect Christian life because may be my soul and the LORD desires a greater relationship with Him. Finally around the last semester in my institute I was back curving for Him like never before. In my spirit I began to feel I had to find Him once again, I had know Him more because simply I could not live without feeling His presence around me. Once again back in love with God but that time was different from others because God had finally decided that He will open His doors for me and make a way for me that I may know Him that He is real and He is my LORD and Savior.
The rest in next Part of my Testimony. Thank you for reading.