My Testimony – Part IV

In obeying the LORD to write my whole testimony of life and to put it on website is the biggest decision on my part. It’s not that I have never shared my testimony with others or on the internet but the difference is that earlier I have shared only the outline and few things that happened after I was saved. I never liked sharing the secrets of my life even with my best friend. Not one person has known my whole testimony before this. But the LORD is my witness and here I am opening up all the chapters of my life. Often I wondered that even if I share will the people understand. My life seems to be extra-ordinary and unsual than all the testimonies I have read in my life so far.

I’ll use the word “God put in my heart’ because I know that He just put it in my heart very clearly, I knew it and obeyed it. I have the discernment to know when God does and when it’s just my thought. Most people write “God spoke to me’ or ‘God told me’ but I’ll write that word only when I literally listen to the awesome and audible voice of the LORD like the prophets in the old times did. If not, I’ll never use it. Well, in faith I believe I’m surely going to listen to the voice of GOD and see His face like Moses did – if the LORD have chosen and called me out. It’s not my ambition but my zeal so that when God leads me for the plan for which He made me it will not be me but His Spirit that will move through me. It’s hard to perceive what I had written above but if the LORD had put that desire in my heart; He will accomplish it. Only then I’ll know that God have chosen me for a mighty ministry for the Kingdom of God. Actually when month back I was asking the LORD to reveal to me as to how I will know that He had called me for ministry, it was this that the LORD put in my heart. Or, else I pray to GOD that may He let me be an intercessor as I am already before the Throne of GOD. He always answers my prayers and many times it’s been confirmed that I am also called to intercede. Whatever it may be, I will be a humble servant of the LORD, bringing glory to His Name in whatever small or big things that He does through me. Amen.

 

Coming now to my testimony. Having a good memory capability that God has blessed me with, I still feel freshness in my memory of childhood as if it just happened yesterday. I clearly remember every small incidents of my life that touched my heart at that point of life. My parents say that when I was very young of which I don’t remember myself, that whenever I laughed it started to rain though whatever season or weather it may be. My parent told me and still shares this with others that whenever it would not rain in the season of farming, people from my village would come to make me laugh and than it literally rained. So imagine how rarely I laughed. Now I’m a person full of joy, laughing almost everyday.

 

I might me 5+ years when these things began to happen and I started to realize that I was different than others or more different than the children of my age. My parents were and still are Hindu, so as a child I was open to only Hinduism. I remember that I would grab spiritual things very easily and so starting from that age I began to read Hindu books, sing slokas (also called Hindu Vedic hymns) and mantras. I had the capability to memorize all those things and even at that early age I knew when my mother spoke wrong slokas and mantras. I knew to perform all poojas (Hindu rituals). She prayed to her god and goddess everyday twice and so I did that with her. I knew more stories of god and goddesses than my mother and she was often surprised that how and from where I got to know all that. I still wonder myself from where did I learn all that. Those things were written in Hindi and Sanskrit text and I didn’t knew to read Hindi until I was in 5th standard or above 9 years and I don’t know to read Sanskrit in which Hindu original text are written until this day. As we lived in Christian society there was no one else to teach me all these things and only once in few years we went to my parental place for a month vacation from where I believe I learnt few things. Now looking back to that time I realize that it was the devil doing it because I was spiritual very active and that opened the doors. In that way the devil tried to hold my faith in lies of Hinduism so that I would be lost. But, you know God never closes all doors and He is Sovereign and He does all things so that in the end His Will will be done. He gave me spiritual gifts and He did not leave me to devil alone but since that time He began to touch my life in wonderful ways.

 

I remember and now can discern that I was talking to spirits call it deceiving spirits as a child. The devil told me that this world is an illusion and nothing is real. I was just useless and going to die. I often had vision of lying on my dead bed before I got to know Christ at the age of 9. I was so burdened with the thoughts and the devil did not leave a change to hurt me physically through my father, and emotionally again through my father and with those useless thoughts that the world is ending, everything is a lie etc. I just hated everything when the devil came to deceive me. I had very frightening dreams and visions. Many times I screamed and feared because I saw the devil in the dark. My mother comforted me that nothing was around but fear would take hold of me. I can still clearly remember how evil the eyes of devil were, how mean and selfish he looked, how frightening was his appearance. I did not share about this openly with my family because they would be more frightened. Whenever I was alone at home and sometime even with my family I had a feeling that devil was watching me. I heard their voices and screams when everyone was sleeping at home. These devils or evil spirits often banged on the door of my house and even moved the things in the house. It was sometimes known by my family too and when my parents shared this with villagers they asked us to change the house and we did it. It would be normal for few days again the same story would start. I believe it was the devil that sored the relationship between my parents because of which our whole childhood was spoilt. The devil was in control of my house. But God always makes a way for escape though sometimes we see it or not.

 Now here, I’ll let you know how even in that circumstances I knew and felt I was God’s chosen when God’s Spirit covered me. Right from that age I believed I was someone special whom the LORD had made. I felt I had been blessed with great spiritual powers and God who gave a hope in one corner of my heart made known to me that He is in control and because I am someone important that’s the reason the devil was also and had been active in deceiving me so that God’s plan would not be fulfilled. I didn’t know Jesus Christ at that time but I just knew that there was someone Who made me and loves me exceedingly and I was always eager to find the One Who gave me this beautiful thought. He made me open to spiritual attacks but was also strengthening and making a way for me so that I would know Him. May be only because of those spiritual attacks I grew up as a strong person who did not fear devil once I got to know Christ. Though the devil worked by putting confusion in my heart but I did not really fear them as I was when I was a child. I want to share some instances which are just so beautiful and amazing to me till this day. There was a little slope a place which was little up from all the nearby area, it was for the most part of the year covered with green grass. The place was little far from my home, but I loved going there whenever I wanted to be happy and whenever I was sad to find comfort. I would see around if anyone was watching me than I would stand on that place facing the valleys below and high mountains that was around and cool breeze would flow as I would stretch my arms and feel like a princess. As if God have given things under my submission like often a princess of a king have. I would feel love flowing all through my veins it was just so real for me. I would feel so much blessed. I felt I was so much important to the One who created me. I felt not only me but all those who were with me or will come in contact with me will be blessed. I would feel like I had been lifted up.  As I’m writing this I’m feeling that same touch. It’s so real to me to this day. So many times even in midst of struggles I felt I’m a princess and I’m going to get over the problem like a real princess would have if she was in battle. I still love and will continue to love been called a princess. Sometimes I really did things that I wondered myself and my siblings to whom I showed marveled too. Like those days, I would see that I was able to speak things about nature and it came forth. Like if I said let it rain and it rained and when I said let there be sunshine and wow! There I would see a sunning day when it should actually be raining because it rained in all the nearby areas except in the little place where we lived. In those years it was very windy during first three months of the year and whenever I saw that my family feared that our house would also be broken in the storm I would just go out and shout to the winds to stop and was amazed to see that the winds would really stop. Once I took my younger siblings out and told them I would show to them something and when I said ‘rain’ it would rain and than I would say ‘stop’ to the rain and it stopped and they were wondering what I was doing and I loved doing it. But it once happened that it always rained and I had problem in going to school so I was furious I got out and said let it not rain until I say. Then, I was there enjoying the season. Almost two months past and it did not rain, the farmers in the village began to worry because it was their time to plant seeds but without the rain they could not plant. I almost forgot the incident in which I spoke like that. I too began to worry what was wrong then once when I went to that same slope where I loved to stand I saw the valley below which was all dried and the faces of the worried people appeared before me, I remembered what I have spoken a couple of month back. I cried and regretted that day for doing it and promised myself that I will never do it again until I feel that it is really important. So I spoke that it would rain and that same day or within a day it rained. I was relieved in my Spirit. After that, I never thought of doing that because I knew that I thought only of myself but God thinks and loves everyone so I’m not to interfere even when God gives me that gift. Today I realize that the incident above happened because it was God’s plan that I will learn to know that whatever He does though at that time we feel is bad; is infact good for us and others and sometimes He executes judgment to us to make us better. I got the Spirit of discernment of right and wrong at that point of life. He have set the heaven and all this things under His control but when I (we) would become stronger in faith and have power to speak forth the things to come, I will not use it for wrong cause, and I will not make someone suffer just because I don’t like them. I want to work in the wisdom of God not mine.

 Moving to another spiritual gift. At the same stage of life like the above, I began to realize that I was able to see through someone’s mind. Like I knew what the person in front of me was thinking. Sometimes, I even knew what was going to happen but could not do anything to stop it from happening. As if I had seen that particular day before. Even until I was in 10th Standard, I had this ability and than I could bear it no longer because due to this sometimes I was not able to love my friends because I could see what they were thinking about me and something how different they were when in front of me and away from me. Actually, I knew when someone was back-bitting me and behaved good in front of me. This was not just my thinking but I got confirmed about it from themselves or through others too. May be due to this I could not trust anyone and didn’t share my personal problems with them. I felt they will either sympathize me which I didn’t want or back-bite about my problems which was totally not tolerable. Many times the devil (I will call the devil the one who put these things in my heart) would make me feel that I was controlling the thoughts of my friends because of which they liked me and that they were not my friends. This is the truth that I was able to see what the people around me liked and I did just that. I guess it is a good thing because when you know what someone likes you should do that. May be due to this I had many-many friends in high school. But, then I was not able to handle it was I prayed and fasted that I would be like normal people who don’t know anything expect what they listen, see and perceive. I remember that due to that ability I never got in wrong company of friends, was never into wrong place at the wrong time. Though times I was accused to be a proud girl, but it was all to avoid unnecessary attention that saved me from many troubles that adolescents go through.   I was able to have many friends whom I truly loved and who made my life worth living and enjoying at that stage. Now after been saved I know how good that gift is because I’ll be able to see the problems and strongholds of others as they really feel. I’ll be able to discern between good and evil spirits, know when someone is manipulating me etc. And, as once again I’m beginning to feel and sense things in that same way but today with a better perspective. God had taught me not to misuse it. When all of sudden God lavishes His blessings and gifts we become overwhelmed and we don’t know how to use it but God have dealt with me since my young days and have taught just the right things to me.

 

I never read books on palmistry and no one taught me expect one time when one person just took my hand and spoke few things which I don’t exactly remember all before I was saved. Even at that time I knew that knowing our future is not a good thing. I didn’t wanted to do anything like that but it once so happened when I was in 10th Standard that I took one of my friends hand and spoke few things that had happened to him and few that were happening to him which he had not yet shared with anyone and also I spoke of few things that was yet to come in future. And lol! Whatever I said was right and this news spread out that I could read their hands and tell them their future. I made the greatest mistake that day. Actually I didn’t know to read hands but I spoke whatever I wanted just for fun and than I was caught in that cycle in which my classmates and juniors could come to show their hands. I knew it was a sin because that time I was already reading the Bible and knowing Christ though I was not yet saved. But, peer pressure is something difficult to handle, they thought I was proud that’s why I didn’t wanted to share. How much I tried I often found myself surrounded by people asking me about their life and future. It was more amazing that whatever I spoke almost 90 percent came to be true and that’s why avoiding this circumstances became more difficult. It was only when I moved to another place that I stopped it altogether. Now, I know that may be I was prophesying about their life but all in the wrong way. After that God had taught me to do the right thing we should do when He gifts us the Spirit of prophecy – which is to encourage.  

 

I have so many things left to share like how I came to know about Christ, how I grew up loving Him, when and how I was saved, sharing about the persecution that followed my salvation, than how I was in wilderness and backslided, my longing to be back with the LORD, and finally God delivering me out of that, blessings and healings that came along.  About visions and dreams that impacted my life.  It’s still a long way to go before I complete my testimony but I feel I should end here as this part is becoming too long. Without sharing these things my testimony is incomplete and the coming part is going to be the most important one. May the LORD give me words to write it. Amen.

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