In this note, I want to share about my family relations because I believe our family and the environment we have in childhood impacts our whole life. My family is a devout Hindu family. Though we lived in Christian society (which I’ll call as lukewarm or sleeping Christian society) yet my parents never separated from Hindu traditions and rituals. It was a part of our everyday life.
Coming to relations, I have a strong emotional connection with my mother. I cannot see her sad. There was a time after I was saved that my mother turned against me which I’ll share in coming notes. But it’s a truth that I really love my mother and she is my strength at home. I easily ask forgiveness from my mother when I’m wrong and gladly forgives her for the hurts that she sometimes gave. She encouraged me all my life and she is the reason why I had the strength and desire to live. I wanted to make her happy in all my ways. Well, agree with me that a believer and unbeliever cannot agree on some matters. So, we have different opinions which sometimes clashes and causes misery. Praise God that she is beginning to understand me as a Christian.
My father was a strict father when we were younger. Now, he is friendly with us. Often children are more attached to their mother than their father and so it happened with our family. As we siblings recall and discuss about our childhood we believe our childhood would be much-much better if there would be better relation between our parents. I’ve never shared with any friends but the truth is we siblings had an abusive childhood because of my father. And so we were deprived of good parental love and upbringing. There was understanding problem between parents and my father was abusive and aggressive towards my mother. This all started may be within few years after their marriage. But, because of society they never separated and lived under one roof like two distant people with different understanding. Since we children were closer to mom, we would enter between their fights and got harmed ourselves. We began to see dad as the accuser and mom as the victim. We didn’t know their problem but mom’s side was what we chose. May be due to our partiality my father became more abusive towards us too and with time that became his nature. I now realize that my father had the feeling of unloved and disrespected which was the real problem. When all these things happened it was the time I began as a lonely, unloved, uncared, fearing little child which in latter years became my strongholds of life. I really disliked my father, again I think dislike is not the correct word though it’s the synonym rather I should confess my sin that I grew up hating my father.
Though I knew that unforgiveness is a stronghold and a tool of the devil yet I was not able to forgive my father. Actually forgiveness means also forgetting, but how much I tried I could not forget the hurt he caused to my mother and me. He hurted me by abusing but greater than that I don’t know what was the problem of my father that he could not trust me and appreciate me. I was a good child being good in studies, being polite etc. and because of this my teachers always praised me and told good reports about me. My father also spoke good of me to others but when it came to me, he made me feel like someone who is deceiving, planning evil, when I’ll grow up I’ll do all wrong things and that I was a very manipulative person. It hurted me because I was not like that. This was also the point of my life were I started suffering from dual individuality, confusion, hatred for myself and others. I was so young then, I wonder how my father accused me with those grievous words. May be there was a bad spirit in my father which was trying to take hold of my life. This will be much clearer when I’ll share about my spiritual life.
There have been several instances in my life when my father declared that – on that day forward He will be not my father, neither I’ll be his daughter and I’ll have nothing to do with the family. Even after small misunderstanding between us, he ended up saying these words. In the beginning I tolerated it but as I grew I too became aggressive when he said these words. Imagine your father always saying these words to you and reconciling again. Soon it became a habit for me to listen to this and also declare myself that I too have nothing to do with them. Once it happened after I gave my high school exams that though we lived in a village were even to go to nearby town we had to walk for 3 hours if we didn’t get a transport, he asked me one late afternoon to leave the house and go. He said he won’t even allow me to take any thing and I had to leave the house that very moment. I got very angry and I banged the door behind me to leave the house and go away from them forever. My mother came between me and my father and she was crying and begging me not to leave. So I stayed back but that day I decided I will make my own niche. I will build my own future and I’ll not depend on my father.
So, it was very difficult for me to forgive my father and that pain always became fresh in me whenever little problem started. I want to forgive him but I could not so finally I poured my heart to God and asked Him to do it for me. I wanted to reconcile with my father and be a good daughter. Then God touched my hardened heart for my father and I finally forgave and forgot those hurts in 2009. I felt a burden leaving me. I shared my problem with my father here not to convict him today but to share that how God freed me from this great bondage of unforgiveness. He creates a new Spirit in me. Now we have a true relationship of father and daughter and I love my father. I have prayed ceaselessly to bring my family together. God have answered my prayers and He restored my family. In January 2010 when my father came to New Delhi to visit us where I live, our family had the best time of life till date. My father is really proud of me now and whenever we talk on phone he is so cheerful. My mother says that he boosts about me to all his colleagues and friends. My mother too always says that she is so proud to have me. God have done that beautiful thing in our life. Other good thing is that after my father visited me this year, my parent’s relationship is also restored. They are completely in love like newly married couple. This summer 2010 when my brother went to Nagaland to spent vacation with my parents, he came to happily share that this vacation had been the best for him because he was so happy to see our parents love and care for each other. My mother is also happy that after so many years of emotional turmoil that she went through God have finally done the good thing within us and among us for which we curved all those dark years.
My relationship with my elder sister is also good now. We are completely different from each other so problem always occurred. But she was always a caring sister who often saved me from many troubles for which I’m really thankful to her. She is a bit bossy type of girl and I’m serious so many misunderstanding comes. In childhood at home she was a dominant sister and made me feel that I was good for nothing which gave me fear to face the world. But when we started to study in residential school as classmates, insecurities rose in her because teachers favored me more than her and comparisons that were made between we two. Even at that time I new about this and tried to co-operate with her and ever since have been trying. I just don’t like people comparing us because we are two different individuals with two different thinking. One thing that grieved me was when she spoke things about me which I really didn’t do and convinced my parents that I was wrong. If she would be on my side the time when I was saved and God blessed me with His Spirit, I think my parents would not be so against me as they were. But, now I realize it was a part of God’s Sovereign plan. I have forgiven my sister for this. Back to that stage I saw that my parents always trusted my elder sister more than me, though many times it was clear that she was lying to get their attention. Even my parents compared between we two sisters and often held me up than her so whenever she got her chance she tried to make me look down. Now, by the grace of God I’m able to handle situations better and I am also able to understand her. I’m praying God will touch her heart too.
About my younger brother and sister, they are not much involved in anything except that since childhood I learnt to become responsible through them. I have been a responsible sister always. They listen to me and obey me and often appreciate me for caring for them. But between 2006 to 2008, there was a communication gap between me and my family as I lived in New Delhi and the rest of them in Nagaland. Those two years all my family members were against me. Well, I won’t say I was innocent because I was also responsible to some extend. Now after discussing this topic with my siblings and parents, we concluded that we had lot of misunderstanding due to distance and lack of communication. So everything is resolved and everyone is forgiven and we don’t hold anyone guilty for all those things that happened.
I am also a sinner and I have hurted my family too for which I had been really sorry and I asked forgiveness from them. Wonderful and the best outcome is we all are happy these days. Glad to be as a family. Happy to be together. If we seek the LORD, He restores us and our family and I believe me and my family declares the mercies and saving grace of the LORD. One and the most important thing that is lacking but which in faith I receive is the salvation of my whole family. I ask prayers that God will choose them and touch their hearts. I’m also trying to be a testimony of the wonderful works of the LORD to them. I believe one day I’ll see all my family members being saved and rejoicing before the Throne of God. With God nothing is impossible. May He answer me in time.