Since sometime the LORD had put in my heart to share my testimony with people so that whatever the LORD had done in my life will also encourage others. It is said that a testimony is often more powerful than sermons. Here, as the LORD leads and gives me word to correctly express myself I decide to start writing my testimony as notes. And, may this bring Glory to God as I bring before you all the joy and sorrow, strength and weakness, freedom and fear and all the wonderful things that have happened in my life of 23 years. I often say that the LORD have done great things in my life but hardly few know about my life, my struggles and yes all the things that I have conquered in the Name of the LORD. I have been a very reserved person and I don’t easily open up with others. I think some of the things that I’m going to share even my best friends don’t know. Those were my hidden secrets because I don’t want anyone to know about all those things and pity me. I never liked when people sympathized me. Within me, I thought I was a strong girl and with time I am really a strong girl. But, today I t believe God wants me to share so that my life can be an encouragement for others.
If I write my whole testimony in one note it will be so long that even I will get fate-up writing it and also people will get bored reading it. Therefore, I have planned to write in short notes with a particular topic and explain how I was without the LORD and how I am with the LORD. I have a very good memory power so I still remember much of the things that happened while I was very young.
When it comes to starting my testimony, I’m often confused where to began with. Putting my life in the Hands of the Almighty, I’ll began from the time I started to know myself and my own emotions; back to the stage when I was 5 or 6 years old.
I was a born in Nagaland (a state in North-Eastern India). Going to past to the rural village where I spend much of my early childhood was then very small with very few houses, neighboring our village which was surrounded by high mountains were few villages almost 5 km to 7 km apart from each other. The village where my family lived was also on a mountain slope so we would see all the nearby villages and far off places too. It was quite a simple place yet very beautiful too. There was greenery all around. The climate in those days was always cold and raining. You can say that due to all these things it still gives my heart a cold feeling or loneliness.
Back to that time, I didn’t know that the world was so big and there was so many nations, tribes, people, languages etc. My world was limited to that small area where we lived having just a couple of shops and a high school with two Churches – a Catholic Church and a Baptist Church. Since there was no school in other village, children from four other village came to study there and so during the first half of the day it looked lively; leaving the rest part of the day as deserted. My father is a teacher so almost everyone across these villages knew us. Well, the other part is that the people of Nagaland are Mongolian and my family is Indo-Aryan so we were easily recognizable even in crowd.
My father moved to Nagaland in early 1985 (after getting married to my mother in 1984) to get a job in Government Sector in Education Department. Eventually, I was born in Nagaland in a small town called Phek in a Hospital. Well, my other three siblings were born in our parental house in Bihar (another state in India). May be because of my birth place of cold climate, I would always get sick if we visited other warmer states until few years back when God delivered me from sickness that would overpower me when I travelled outside Nagaland. Now, I’m fine and living healthy in New Delhi which has extreme hot summer and sometimes extreme cold winter.
I am second eldest or say third youngest among four children of my parents. Elder to me is a sister, followed after me is a brother and than the youngest is a sister. My mother is a home-maker and she raised all of us alone away from our extended family in that solitary mountain where outside world was not easily accessible. Praise the LORD for my mother and father efforts in raising us.
I was a shy and introvert girl and I didn’t like talking much. From the time I have started to know my own emotions I can say that I became matured in my thoughts even at an age of 6 years. I was not care-free and did not enjoyed my childhood like other children. I didn’t go outside to be with other children to play. Only with my siblings I did whatever I wanted like playing, quarrelling, children fights etc… I became responsible sister beginning from those days itself. I loved helping my mother in her daily chores instead of going out and mingling with others. Sooner or later that brought the fear inside me to face the world. I was so much – inside the house – type of person that even after living in that small village for almost 14 years not even my father’s colleagues and our neighbor knew me.
I didn’t have any friend till my father sent me and my elder sister to a residential school in 6th Standard, actually call it 7th because I completed 6th Standard before joining that school and in the residential school my batch started late and we got to study 6th Standard for three months than 7th Standard for almost 5 months. After that there were annual year for each Standard. So, for the first time I had friends when I was in 8th Standard or say about 13 years old.
In short, you can just imagine how lonely I felt all those years before that. I even didn’t share my emotional state with my family. I was just alone, lost in myself, hating why I was born, not desiring to be alive, with a constant thought and a wish to die so that I could be set free from the situation I was. In other notes I’ll share the reason why all these thoughts came in my mind. But, here as I’m sharing about my loneliness though whatever reason be. I can say there cannot be anything difficult than the situation in which you don’t have anyone to share your happiness and your sorrows.
My life was cold, I was cold and my attitude towards others was also cold. I didn’t know to love myself and love others. There was no joy in my life, no dreams, no desires, and the only thing I wanted was to be no more in this world. It is not that I had suicidal tendencies rather it is that I wanted God (whom I didn’t actually knew that time) to take my life and make an end to my story. I was afraid to kill myself and I even didn’t want others to kill me but just that God will do it.
Now, after sharing my loneliness that haunted me before I was saved, I want to come here to this time I am living being glad to have so many friends, good family relation and most of all my joy in the LORD.
Today, I’m blessed to have good friends here where I live and also on the internet. It truly wonderful that God had taken that coldness out of my heart and have given me a heart to love myself, others and yes the best is to love Him. I have found so much joy. I am so positive about life. I thank God that I have this life by which I can glory Him in all that I do. What a blessing that I can bring a smile on the face of my LORD. This all things have been possible only because God choose me and brought me out of my own dark world to the one in which I have His everlasting light. And, yes it was also my desire to draw closer to God as I grew up.
In the coming notes I’ll share how God touch my life. Thank you for reading first part of testimony which was of my loneliness that was overcome by my Constant Companion my LORD Y’shua.