My Testimony of the work of God in my heart

I was raised in Michigan, USA, in the ’50’s in a secular home. There was never any talk of God in my home and when I asked my mother what religion we were she said “just protestant”. My parents both had bad experiences with church. My mother was a poor little girl who loved to go to sunday school, but one day a man came to her and told her she couldn’t sit up front in church because her dress was not nice enough. She was very hurt and saw church in an altogether different light after that. My father, who lost his dad in his teenage years, was pressured by the church they belonged to, to give more money, even though he worked to support his mother and 5 siblings and had a hard time of it. He grew bitter also with this experience. I attended church once in a while with friends when I was in grade school, with no memory of learning anything. I can remember lying on the ground outside our home and looking up at the sky and knowing in my heart that there was a god and I wanted to know more about Him.
But no one I knew was truly a christian or at least never witnessed to me. When I was a teenager I started looking for a church, joining one finally. I couldn’t stop sinning and didn’t know why I had to go to church to confess my sins, why couldn’t I just do it at home ? I became discouraged because I was sinning so much so I just gave myself over to my sins and stopped going to church. I was married young, had two babies, then divorced. My lifestyle became more and more selfish and sinful as time went on. Then I met a friend who I hadn’t seen in years. She witnessed to me in a very sweet and deliberate way that just shocked me. We were best friends in high school and this didn’t sound like her at all. I knew she was a totally different person. She invited me to church and I went, but didn’t like it at all. I didn’t understand anything the preacher said, although I thought the people were very nice. After leaving the service I told my sons that we would not be going back there. But the Holy Spirit would not let me go. Over and over I went, said I wouldn’t go back, then was wooed back again and again. One of the pastors offered to counsel me and I accepted. He started to explain the Bible to me, but it didn’t make much of an impression, although I felt like I was learning. It wasn’t until another pastor in this church offered a book for me to read, “The Ten Commandments” by Thomas Watson, that my eyes were finally beginning to be opened to the fact of my lost condition before a Holy God ! I was lost and there was NOTHING I could do about it. It sank in and I finally started to understand. I was visited with nightmares, saw so much sin in myself every second it seemed. I finally begged God to have mercy on me and save me and began to believe in His Word and trust in His promises. Then He gave me peace and a clear conscience. I gave my life to Him and turned from my sins with all of my heart. I had such a hunger to know Him and His Word and pray and be with other believers….I was truly BORN AGAIN ! Everything became new….I had joy in my heart and loved walking with the Lord and told everyone I knew.
That was 38 years ago, and He has been with me all the way. It has not always been easy and I’m ashamed to say that at times I certainly didn’t act like a Christian as far as my testimony goes. There were times that I was discouraged or just plain rebellious toward Him. When I would grow cold toward the Lord it was my own fault, I had gotten careless with my prayer life and Bible reading, and this is when I was most miserable. But He was so gracious to me, drawing me back to Himself over and over and over again, drawing me to Himself, putting a new song in my heart, renewing my spirit and giving me confidence of His love and mercy and forgiveness. It has been many years now that the Lord has given me grace to wait upon Him and patiently look for His coming. Glory be to HIS NAME !

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