I looked back over my life recently and thought if I was ever to write a
book about my journey I would call it “My Lord the refiner, My Jesus the restorer.”
I have come to learn that even when you go through trials as a result of
living your life not within the will of God, he has the amazing ability to turn
these trials into a process of refining, preparing you for the perfect plan he has
I married my first boyfriend at the tender age of 19, I was five months pregnant. I was humiliated I was a minister’s daughter, I had disgraced my family.
I endured an emotionally and physically abusive marriage for 4 years. My ex
husband, Ross, was very controlling. I was told what to wear, how to sit How to clean how to cook What I was allowed to talk about with my family, who I could talk to
What I could read, What I could watch
He refused to get a job ? He wanted to be an inventor and spent most of his
time drawing and building things. We had little money, We lived off my casual waitress job.
I had two mis-carriages. Ross was convinced that I was responsible for
killing his babies, That I had lost them to punish him. The real Kate was disappearing. I read countless marriage books, attended a myriad of courses and counseling, I prayed and cried out to God.
I wanted to end the Marriage but Ross would not allow me to take My son Josef ? so I stayed. Trapped, I become suicidal, and realized that I would be dead within twelve months if I stayed, and that Josef may be better off with a mother who was
at least alive.
I left with a suitcase, I left behind, my baby, my dignity, my dream of a
family. My hope was lost. When you are down, Satan loves to push you further and after 12 months of continual frustration in trying to see Josef, they both disappeared. Ross had decided to back-pack around Europe with a 3 year old. 2 years of waiting by the phone for them to call. No way of contacting them. I was so angry that Ross could still control my life in this way. I was angry at God. I was carrying the Guilt of not being strong enough to take Josef with me when I had the chance.
Josef and Ross finally returned home, but with the threat that if I ever
tried to gain full custody of Josef, I would never see him again. I had reached my “rock bottom”. And I believe that there is much truth in saying “when you hit rock bottom you hit Jesus”
Jesus restores. He gently restored.
Slowly taking the pain, the guilt, the humiliation, the fear, the brokeness.
From a sister who did not know me to a best friend.
From Cupboards those were bare to Cupboards full of Food.
From unloved and abused, to bringing me the most amazing Godly man who
protects me, encourages me and treats me like a princess.
He has given me strength to face any situation. In January this year when
Ross decided to return to London with Josef indefinately I cried out to God. My
faith is strong now, I wasn’t happy, but I stood firm and saying “God, I want your will and your will only ? and if this is it, – I will still serve you ? but I need your strength”. I sort comfort and he filled me.
God honors the prayers of the Faithful
He has given me peace in my heart and taken all fear. He has given
me knowledge and a reassurance deep within me that he has everything under
control. I still cry the tears of a mother who yearns for her baby, but when my son
tells me in desperation that Daddy will never let me see him again ? I just
smile. And tell him “This is just a part of God’s special plan, lets see what God
wants to do.’
He has restored me. Restored my Joy.
I am a daughter of the most high God!
I am a great Cook,
I grow beautiful roses and have an awesome vegie garden,
I love it when my home is full of friends, I love laughing really loud
I am a great wife and a wise mother.
Does God make mistakes? – Never
Would I be the woman that I am today without his Refining Fire?
Would I know how to best comfort a friend who has lost her pregnancy?
Could I understand that confused emotion of fear and but dependence a woman
on her abusive husband?
Would I truly see all I have now as gifts from God if I had not lost
that was precious to me.
The refiner – The restorer.
My Lord ? My Jesus.
“Kate Vinning” [email protected]