my first blog…

I have been battling an addiction to chewing tobacco. It has had a very big stronghold in my life even after the appearance of health issues more than likely caused from it.
I believe this was about more than nicotine. I had recently decided to rededicate my life to the Lord Jesus. I was having feelings that the Holy Spirit wanted me to give up the nicotine, but I held on. I told myself it wasn’t as important as other things like faith, forgiveness, etc. And I would quote the scripture in Matt. 15:11:

“Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth this defileth a man.”

But, God wouldn’t let it go away, I wasn’t getting peace or satisfaction from the nicotine anymore. I wanted to quit, but didn’t want to quit. Yesterday I made up my mind to try harder. I went nearly a whole day without any tobacco. I was a tore up, agitated, and a nervous wreck. I just kept pacing the floor as if I was outrunning the cravings, but I couldn’t get away from the torment of them.
Finally I caved in. I had one. I only kept it in my mouth a few minutes, it felt aggravating to my mouth. It did “seem” to comfort me for a little while afterwords, but soon a sense of extreme anxiety and unrest came over me.
I have battled these spirits of anxiety, fear and doubt before, but this was like a feeling of disapproval from God as well. Like he was giving me a spiritual spanking or something. It was not fun at all, let me tell you. Not a good place to be, or atleast it didn’t feel good at the time.
So following the advice of a good friend and accountability partner of mine, that I met on this site, I went to a quiet alone spot (the bathroom) to praise Jesus and pray.
Immediately I hit the floor on my knees and cried. I couldn’t quit. I rocked further to the floor sobbing, all I could say was Lord Jesus, Lord Jesus. I didn’t know what to say. It seemed it would come in waves, i would compose myself enough to get the tears and snot wiped away and here it would come again. When it would come over me I just had to succumb to it, and it felt like a gentle something was holding me there. Like I couldn’t move, but I could if really wanted to.
I realized though that I didn’t want to stop it, it wasn’t bad anymore like when i entered the bathroom. Now it was a good thing. It’s very hard to explain but it felt like something was being extracted that didn’t need to be there, and I was liking the feeling. So I kept crying out to God and weeping. This went on for I don’t know how long, but I found myself in between the “waves” wanting the next wave to come faster.
At some point I had moved to the bedside and was still on my knees, with my body laying across the bed. I felt like I was being “gently pressed down” on the bed. I do not know how much time passed like this. I could ask some that were online before and after this all happened, but I’m guessing an hour or so. I turned my head towards the Bible laying open on the bed. I know that God gave me this scripture at the time, I didnt turn to that page or anything, nor was I expecting anything. It was just there looking at me waiting for me to read it. I felt led to read outloud so I did.

It was Isaiah 43: 18-19
Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.

Now came joy. Same thing with the sobbing and crying out to God, but happier. Peace. Love. It felt very good to have Him speak to me this way. It was a first for me. I want more. I’m not sure what all is going to happen, but I’m trusting Him and obeying and believing what He said in that scripture to me.

That is why I made this blog post. I felt lead by Him to tell this. So there it is, I pray God uses it to help you somehow.

And I would like to add that I still crave tobacco some, it is better now though. And I haven’t had any today again. I know many here have been praying for me and I thank you for your prayers. Something new has”sprung forth”! I now feel confident that I will beat this. I also believe that there is more of a spiritual connection to the addiction than I realized. Much more is hinging on me quitting than just treating this temple better.

I think that is all God wants me to say this time so may He bless all who reads this. Until next time…have faith.

What do YOU think?



  1. dresserandkeeper says:

    i’m still hanging in there, cold turkey. there have been moments that I really wanted some, still no freaking out like I used to though. Now it seems to be in my head, as long as I keep my thoughts on Jesus I manage to sidestep the cravings. I keep telling myself I’m not quitting for me, but for Him.

    Praise Jesus for what He is doing now, even that we cannot see.

    • Joshuagm1991 says:

      Congrats man! Keep it up!

    • Timothy Luke says:

      Praise the Lord!

      I love how you are ding this for HIM and not yourself! Often when we are seeking, even healing, we do it for ourselves and not for Him. When we yield these things as an act of obedience, I believe we are in a better place to receive.

      Keep on in His strength.


  2. Dear Kel,
    God can use your situation,and receive glory.Through your testimony of His faithfulness. You WILL have one!!
    ” Who comforts us in all our tribulation,that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort we ourselves were given by God.”
    2 Corinthians1:4

    As for practical advise, I suggest using the time you are alone in worship.Put on a favorite worship CD,and sing to the Lord. Sometimes it’s the last thing we feel like doing. But, I promise you will feel better! Stronger too. Then you are better equipped to be around your family.Be assured of this Kel, God is not mad at you! You are his precious daughter,who made a mistake,and are sorry for it.Think about it like this,how would you feel if this situation involved your child?Would you be ready to give up on them? No way! God’s love is sometimes hard to comprehend, it is measureless! Nothing can separate you from His love.He delights in you,Kel. He will give you the strength you need to face this.He will receive glory from this! Because you will be able to help someone else.

    • I scanned the board after writing this, and dresserandkeeper and I are giving you the same advise in our post.I believe He also talks about your choosing and confessing the positive!( which I also agree with)
      Anyway you should just take that as confirmation!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Timothy Luke says:

    This is a great thread to read and see how the body of Christ is to encourage one another! Praise the Lord, Richard! Our God is called "Jehovah Nissi," which means "The Lord our (Victory) Banner."

    God doesn't enter a war to lose it. He has begun a good work in all of you…. Richard, Joshua, Kel, Beloved, and in me too!

    From what I know of addictions, they are a substitute for not having received true love. Now that we know God, who is True, and who is Love, we have a foundation for moving forward into the promises of deliverance and victory.

    (Side note: Some confuse the suffering for Christ as being bound in sin and the fruit of it. We are called to be victorious over the flesh… many times in overcoming the flesh, we will be overcoming spiritual roots that produce physical fruits of sickness – physical, emotional, mental. In our life of victory, we will be bold witnesses to a world that does not like us, nor what we stand for. They will hate us as we stand up for our faith and not just share our faith with those it is 'safe' to share with. Example – Lazarus was resurrected by Jesus and rejected by man, who sought to kill him to kill his testimony.)

    The point being, there IS a place of OVERCOMING and VICTORY… find it!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • dresserandkeeper says:

      I know, it’s great isn’t it, lol. what an awesome God!

      Thank you Jesus for what your are doing today!

  4. dresserandkeeper says:

    And going on the third day with only one in my mouth for a few minutes. The first day was real tough like I wrote above, yesterday however I was totally without nicotine and hardly any cravings. Just small ones that weren’t much of a bother.

    Yes God is moving in my life and many more ways than just chewing tobacco.

    Maybe I should have put this in testimonies, but I thought it might be cool to keep writing as He continues to work….

    Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest. Joshua 1:9

    • I have smoked pretty much since I was 15 (years ago!) stopping for a while
      only to start again. It’s like if I try on will-power alone, in my own strength,I always fall into temptation. All this trying is after I was super-naturally delivered from cigarettes.I had no cravings at all- believe me, impossible !!!! This from someone who would smoke her butts(cigarette) if she was out! Then something happened and I got really worried and fearful over my brother. I thought- I’ll just have a puff,which eventually led to another, then another,only to find myself smoking again! I have spent a lot of time trying to remember my exact prayer that led to that miracle ๐Ÿ™‚ I know,that isn’t what did it,maybe I can’t get my faith to the same level or something? Anyway,looking back,I see what caused me to lose that deliverance. I should have given that worry to the Lord and prayed for strength!
      Praise God for moving in your Life!! He IS more than enough for every problem. Your testimony has made me want to start praying about quitting again!!! Anyone reading this, I would appreciate your prayers on this matter!!
      Keep us posted:)

      • dresserandkeeper says:

        I to feel a “super-natural” help in this. I’ve tried so many times to quit I know the cravings are just not the same now as they have been in the past.

        All I know is you CAN do this. Force yourself to wage war against the cravings for one day. Do your best to keep your thoughts on Jesus. When you get hit with the desires to get a nicotine fix picture yourself dying to your desires for Jesus. You are doing this for Him, and any withdrawal pains you endure is for Him. He will honor your heart and give you freedom!

        I also found this to be helpful…(again thank you Micheal for posting this, I forget where i found it now, lol) I copied this much into my notebook.

        “I declare the Perfect Will of God over my life today. I declare the life of Jesus over my day. I declare today tht as for me and my household we will serve the Lord. MY DESIRES AND PASSIONS ARE ALIGNED WITH HIS DESIRES AND PASSIONS FOR ME. AND I DECLARE THAT NOTHING APPEALS TO ME THAT WOULD NOT APPEAL TO JESUS.

        I believe this is also a mental and spiritual bondage for us who are or have been addicted to nicotine. It is so many things at once that should not be in our life.
        Deception–it feels so good this is comforting to me-no it isn’t! the reason it feels this way is I am are addicted! it’s not really relief and the long term affects will betray us! we will not feel relief when the devil doesn’t back up his lies and leaves us sick and suffering!
        Idolatry–your body is Gods temple, if we are addicted we know we are actually putting something in front of Gods will for our life.

        Not to mention the money! Think of how much better stewards we could be with our cash. I figured that at one point I was spending $4 a day, sometimes more. Multiply that by 365 days in a year! that comes to $1460 a year!

        I am praying for you Beloved, I know what your going through. You just need to believe the war is already won!

        You can do ALL things through Christ!

        Pick you out some key scriptures that you like to stand on, pray, give that nicotine to the Lord, ask him to give you an overwhelming desire to quit! and then believe! do it for Him….He died for you…..

        • Thank-you! I am going to put those declarations up by my computer and say them every day when I pray!! Just the thought of being in bondage to the smoke of a plant makes me cringe!!! Everything you said is so true;deception,idolatry,the money.Gosh,to think of what I could do with money besides slowly kill myself! And my family,they all Hate my smoking ๐Ÿ™
          I will keep you in my prayers!

  5. and that is the best thing of all!

  6. Wow that’s amazing, I pray God helps you to give this addiction up. In Jesus Name! Also thought it might help cause you said that the Holy Spirit was leading you to give it up, and then you tried harder to quit. One of the amazing things about God that brings a smile to my face, is that when He leads you to give something up or do something, He always provides the ability to do that, even if it takes time sometimes. Except sometimes we try on our own instead of relying on Him (lesson I’m still learning ๐Ÿ˜‰ ). What I’m saying is that God led you to give it up, so you can rely on Him now in actually giving it up, by a looking to the Holy Spirit by faith, rather than trying to do it by your own strength/abilities.

    God bless you

  7. dresserandkeeper says:

    Thank you for the kind replies. I am so thankful to be among the salt of the earth. I am praying for you all as well.

    P.S. I misspelled wilderness on purpose, the verse like 1 letter fitting in there hehe, it looked better than “deser”.

  8. Joshuagm1991 says:

    I’ve noticed for a while that we have a lot of the same spiritual issues and strongholds. It’s going to be interesting to watch Jesus break down those strongholds!
    I’m so glad to witness a breakthrough for you and I believe you will receive MANY more.
    May God bless us more and more!
    I am praising with you buddy!

  9. I will continue to pray for your faith and peace during this time. God does work in ways we will never understand. I too am trying to turn my life back around. I have been a long time christian, but somehow aloud satan in. Because of this I not only sinned against god but also man. I know god forgives me, but I will have to face the law of man and his punishment. I go between feeling peace to utter loss. I know god is with me and will help me through, but hope I can withstand and overcome. At times I pray god would just take me home, but know he wants me to face my earthly punishment and fulfill the plan he has for me. We can’t see the final picture so its hard to believe any good could come from the suffering I’ve caused. We just have to believe and have faith. You are doing a great job and I will keep you in my daily prayers.


    • Joshuagm1991 says:

      I pray that you stay faithful during your long-suffering. May you come closer to the Lord and rely more on God during your trials.

      God bless you too Kel,
      Don’t forget to keep praising in the midst.

      • Thank you for taking the time to keep building me up. I am trying to stay strong, but admit there are days that I want to just give up the fight. I keep praying god will continue to give me faith and courage to face the future. I couldn’t do it without him. But I admit I can tell when satan tries to creep back in…… I can feel it, I start doubting, I get anxious, sick and start to withdraw again. Its hardest during the day when I am home alone, yet in the evening when my husband and kids are here its also hard because I am so ashamed that I tend to withdraw. Thanks for the prayers and friendship. With all of us on this site praying for one another surley we can beat satan! God Bless and you are in my prayers.


        • dresserandkeeper says:

          i can totally relate to the feelings you describe. What I am learning is that it is a choice we make whether or not to give in to those feelings.

          Try this…even though you really don’t feel like it or can’t see it..say God thank you for what you are doing in my life OUT LOUD! Speak it! And say OUT LOUD even when you are alone, I am going to choose to be happy and praise the Lord! You may not feel this way at first and it might seem so dry to you but do it anyway! It really works, Kel. It takes some time, but it works, God will restore you, but you need to make the choice to voice your belief! I feel for you, I have been where you are just a few days ago, and the Lord is raising me up! HE WILL YOU TO KEL, JUST VOICE IT AND YOUR FAITH WILL BEGIN TO BE RELEASED! find the things to be thankful for and voice your thankfulness out loud always.

          Also Kel, try listening to praise and worship music, lift your hands and sing along! I have a feeling your family will come home to greet a different person!
          You are beautiful and Jesus loves you!

          Try imagining Jesus…(thx Josh for this one:) His legs are big you know…so sit close your eyes, and imagine you are playing with him in a big field, huggin His legs while He runs with you like a child. Let Him swing you in circles, laugh with Him, and when you get tired just curl up in His arms and rest on Him.

          Jesus loves you so much Kel, rebuke the doubt, claim your victory, the war is already won! Use the power of your voice to speak forth positive changes in your life. I’m praying for you….I will be looking for praise reports in the very near future from you! Claim your victory in Jesus!

Speak Your Mind


My first blog

Today I decided to begin to make time for journaling. I thought what better way than to do it on the web. I can write more quickly and be able to add more content that way. Plus, I made particular connections between technology and the future. Writing on here is a good way to have an easy access location to do writing all in the same place. I had a hard time grasping the concept of electronic organizing and writing. I always had to have concrete things like books or paper that I could see and hold. This will be a way to relflect and organize my thoughts and what I learn, which will transition into the stage of implimentation in my life and business. I read my bible tonight for the second time in like a month. That is just terrible. No wonder things are messed up in my life! Anyways, I prayed to have God show me and teach me and prayed for my understanding of the teaching and I kept running across things regarding spiritual gifts and ones fulfillment of the church (body of christ); particularly to finding what my purpose is. Praise God I say. He never seices to amaze me. Does this thing have spell check. Can others read this blog? It doesn’t really matter to me. If it can help somebody, great. Also, writing or blogging is a great way to battle the onset of Alzemeihers, because it helps to retain information and learn.

What do YOU think?


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