I did not choose God, but God had chosen me for Him. I was brought up in a pagan surrounding, but God has destined my life to come to Him in a way that I did not even realize it.
After the war, Singapore went back under British rule. The British brought with them Christianity. Following the trend wave of modernization, my mom became an active Christian.
When we were small, my mom sent me and my sister to Sunday school in Guillemard Road in Geylang – Singapore. We lived in a rented room and my dad rode a motor cycle. The Sunday school was in Mandarin and at that age I could hardly read or write. My sister would turn the pages for me as we worshiped. I remembered Ye-He-Hwa (Jehova), and Ai (Love). These were the only words I could recognize because Yahwe appeared many times and Ai was part of my Chinese name. I may not have realized this, but the seeds that the Sunday school teacher, my mum and sister had planted in me, made me a child of God.
My father received a windfall from a lottery, and we moved house from our rented room. We finally had our own house and my father bought a car. Mom became really busy with more kids and with the change of residence and location wise, we stopped going to Sunday school. One tragic day, my mom, in a car accident, drove us into a lamp post. We were all hurt but mom and my sister were very badly injured. My sister later fell into coma after an erroneous operation. Desperate for help, my mom searched all human doctors from Singapore to China. She also searched all deities from Christianity to Buddhism, Hinduism and Islam. Finally, she was accused and blamed for not praying my father’s ancestor. Desperate to make it right, she took off to China to bring back the ancestral information to be honored at our residence. Seven and a half years later, my sister died, despite all the deities and ancestors praying. This was how we left Christianity and fell into Buddhism to.
My life was no bed of roses. I did not do well in school, flunked my classes, I did not finish my degree, I had many relationship problems, marital discords, and losing jobs and never had enough financially for my needs. I knew my life was never meant to be defeated, I believed in a greater force that can lift me out of these cycles of disappointments.
Around year 2000, I heard from a friend about the gods in Thailand. I thought what I could lose to try; it may be what I needed so I brought my husband with me to Bangkok. On our 1st night in Bangkok hotel, my husband had a dream. He had a revelation and dreamt that God told me that I will have a daughter and she will save us, and my husband should listen to me. It was unaccepted to me. By then I already have 5 children then and I did not intend to have anymore. I managed to keep my figure at size 10 and I intended to keep it at size ten.
After I came back to Singapore I became pregnant. I aborted it. I dreamt I met this little girl in a hot humid car park. She was sad, and shivering. I told her I could not have her then as I had a job and that I will come back for her when I was not tied down with a job anymore. I covered her with a pearl -blanket and I left. After that dream, I lost my job.
I found another job, I even got promoted. Then I got pregnant again and I aborted it again, and I lost my job again.
This time I became very disappointed and I blamed all that happened to me, to my husband because we always fought. I gave up looking for another job and went hiding in Batam where my husband worked. To run away from reality, we took drugs and enjoyed our sinful lives. Then, I got pregnant again. I had a dream; I saw a beautiful scene of a me at a pool side reading and my husband sipping wine. I saw the little girl, her hair was curly and light brown and shimmers under the sun. Her face resembles my sister’s. The rest of my children were playing around the pool. Still with a hardened heart I decided to abort it. But we did not have much money for expensive abortion so I got my husband to buy abortion pill from a pharmacy. I took it and few minutes later I bled. I bled so badly that I suffered from hemorrhage. I turned pale and I became weak, I knew I could die. Suddenly, something told me to put pressure on my womb which I did and the bleeding stopped.
After this event we moved back to Singapore. My life by now is in terrible shape, John, my husband, lost his job and our strife became worst day by day. We were not going anywhere with the way things were going, finally I decided that the only way was to have the baby God wants me to have. We went to a Catholic church and I threw the praying idols at home away because they did not do me any good.
I got pregnant again. This time I wanted to keep the baby and I believed that my life would turnaround with the birth of this child. I faced many objections from my children, my husband and even my maid. Because our lives were in desolate, both of us were jobless and merely counting on the donations and compassionate food supply from various charity organizations. But still I was determined to go through no matter what, believing that God wanted me to carry this baby.
However, during the pregnancy terms, things did not turn out well, in fact things even got worse, my husband was very much disturbed mentally and spiritually, and later he was caught by Singapore customs for drug consumption & trafficking from Batam to Singapore. One of his drug friends tipped the Singapore custom. Drugs will turn people against each other. He was jailed with impending sentence of minimum 7 years and awaiting the court trial.
Life was tough during my pregnancy. We became bankrupt and had to rely on hand outs and social support. My children went to school with the help of Straits Times Pocket Money Fund; St. Vincent De Paul gave us some money that is enough to pay for electricity and water bills. Fei Ye Counseling Centre had counselors to help us with our marriage and gave us food like oil, rice, and biscuits and can food. When I was finally ready to give birth, I could not afford to pay for medical fee and had to deliver the baby from a 3rd class facility for free.
I had a dream, in the dream I saw the Heavenliness and I saw Archangel Michael and his angelic hosts discussing battle plan. They were dressed in long robe with sword tied to their waists and draped with red capes. We were in a castle like structure, but it looked like the outer area of the heavenliness. I could see clouds and blue skies just beyond the large windows. There was some sort of screen on the wall behind me with changing screen. The angels knew I could see them but they did not talk to me. But somehow I knew that “this battle is won!” The hindrance to have this baby was removed. Then the scene in the dream changed. A pitch black background, I saw a sword. The handle of the sword was crusted with multicolored jewels and in the middle of the handle was a large pearl. The scene changed a again. Still a pitch dark background, I saw a little girl in white. She looks a bit bigger than the last time I saw her. I stood alone in the dark, dressed in white with both her hands placed in front of her, one over the other, in relaxed position. I moved near to her because I wanted to see her face. i thought she might be scared or shivering but no, I saw a confident face smiling in victory.
Barely 2 months after I gave birth had I found a job. One of my friend brought my husband and I to a Christian church, we received Jesus into our lives. From then on, my life began to be transformed and restored. Today, 4 years after receiving Jesus, I am fully restored. Although a size 14 now, I am ever so happy. God has blessed me abundantly not only financially but a total shalom. 40 years in wilderness and God fill my life and lift me up in just 4 years time.
Looking back, I am starting to understand my Father’s love for me. I met my Father even before I could read, even though I forgot about Him, He never forgot me. He has been with me throughout the journey of my life. Even though I ignored Him, He saw me through the mistakes I made in my life, He prevented me from death; He even proposed a life line for me which I ignored. You see, when Father wanted me to have a daughter so she could save me, He meant that by my obedience & faith, He shall have the reason to save and restore me. It’s about spiritual warfare. What we do on earth have impact on the spiritual world, what we bind on earth will be bound in heaven. The scene of the angelic hosts fighting our battles for us tells me that our Father is always ordering His angels to fight our battles for us – although most of us do not know that. Whenever we turn away from God, this sin will raise another battle for the angels to fight, whenever we turn towards God it is another battle won. It’s always about us; Jesus was about us, this is how much our Father loves us.
I want to thank my mom for bringing me to Sunday School, my pastor in that Sunday school who led me to know my Father Yahwe, my sister who turned the pages of the Bible for me because I was always lost. I am saved today because of the seed of relationship with God planted in me when I was small in that Sunday school. I want to thank God, my Father, for His love and for being so very faithful and merciful.
“I am sorry Father that I left you; I missed You and thank You for not Giving up on me, remembering me; I thank you for saving me and pouring me with your blessings and love. I love you Father because You love me first”.
Last but not least , my advice to all readers here, that from my life experience I do realize the wisdom of God, that:
Do not cheat, for you are going to cheat yourself, Do not lie as you are lying to yourself, Do not steal for somehow and somewhat your are going to pay for what you steal, Do not murder as you are murdering yourself; all the do & do-not laws that God had given us in the Bible, turned out to be for our own good, and not for His good (as God is already super good), He wants us not to sin, for sins will ultimately crouch on your own door. The Father God wants you to experience the fullness of life on earth before you join Him in eternity after life, the freedom to live a life on earth can only be achieved when you obey Him and His commandments.