I grew up baptist, and was “saved” at the age of 12. However, I never made Jesus LORD of my life. That was apparent in the way I lived the next 18 years.
In July of 1999, I became reacquainted with the man who was to become the love of my life, my husband, my best friend, my soul’s mate. We were joined, by God, in a beautiful ceremony six months later. I was a self-professed “Christian”, outwardly living totally for God, but “you will know them by their fruits”. Inside, I was a jealous, vain, selfish, contentious woman; bitter, hateful and manipulative. And God allowed me to tear down my house with my own hands.
My husband left our “home” in October of 2000. Never thinking he would NOT come back, I let him “stew” for about two weeks. When I finally did get in touch with him, I was told “It’s over, I’m done, I want a divorce”. I was floored. No man had EVER turned away from me, and I couldn’t believe that THIS one would. But he meant it. Something in his voice told me those words were from a heart that had closed itself off to me.
I went back home, in the worse possible pain I could’ve ever imagined. I hurt so badly, I assumed DEATH would be a welcomed relief. When I walked back into that cold dark house, I hit my knees and cried out, REALLY cried out for God’s presence, telling Him that I knew only He could take this pain that threatened to swallow me up from the inside. I vowed that I would live my life for Him, allowing Him to make necessary changes in me, if only He would save me, deliver me, and change me.
Over the next year, I prayed daily, almost constantly, for change, for peace, joy and love, and of course, for my marriage to be healed and restored. I prayed earnestly for my husband’s heart (and mine) to be emptied of the bitterness and unforgiveness, and for revival of the deep, true love we had for each other in the beginning. I’ve begged God to USE ME to give others hope and help in their trials. I’ve asked God to continue to change me into the wife my husband needs, the gentle and quiet spirit precious in His sight, the Proverbs 31 woman. True changes, I asked My Lord, not “surface changes”.
I’m SO grateful to be able to testify today to God’s MERCIFUL faithfulness. He has answered EVERY prayer in my heart, above and beyond ALL that I have asked for or imagined. I am NOTHING like the vile woman I was a short year ago; I have been delivered of pride, vanity, selfishness and worry, PRAISE GOD! I get excited to find that I even THINK differently! My beautiful, beloved husband’s heart has been turned back, and we’re working our problems out for the Glory and Honor of our Heavenly Father. The love has been restored, our marriage is being healed, and we are in church together, praising, worshipping and praying side by side. There is still more we’ll go through for Our Lord, but it’s comforting to know that God DOES hear and DOES answer our prayers, giving us our hearts deepest desires when we delight ourselves in (and live for only) HIM! Amen!