Long Time Lesson

For a long while I have wrestled with God (not nearly as effectively as Jacob had done) regarding many things. Chief among these was” why?”
I never had (much of) a problem with predestination or election, etc. Or even with such questions as “how could a loving God do allow such and such to happen to me.” Or “why would God allow children to face such horrors as…” Fill in the blank. My question for God was this:
Regardless of how predestination works, it didn’t matter to me. What mattered was that God CREATED at all! That was my problem. Evils of this world, pains of this world and injustices all have been made unimportant in my mind in relation to the eternal ramifications of creation itself.
I was obsessed with WHY God decided to create us at all. Because He loves us? Was He so lonely he needed us?
The real problem was that if (let’s be optimistic and say) HALF of all souls will perish in Hell, why did He create at all?
Posed differently, I asked people in my life (that had children)
“If you KNEW (via fore-knowledge) that 1 of your kids would NOT come to know God but would suffer eternal punishment in Hell, would you have the child? If not, what if it also meant not having your other kids that WOULD know God and WOULD go to heaven?”
Even those disinclined to agree with my broad point, would concede to not have any children in the face of such odds.
Having heard people say what I figured they would (if honest enough) I would pat myself on the back for my clever way of pointing out a hard part of God to understand. God went ahead and did it. That made me angry and hurt to know He thought it worth the damage at all but He had made this choice.
Since these questions entered my mind long ago…
God has seen fit to humble me.
Through chains of events and much too much time, God has taught me that not only do I have NO right to ask such a question of God, IF He answered my “why” questions, my mind is no doubt far too small to comprehend the answer. My job is not to question or to answer the secret things that belong to the Lord… No, my job is to obey Him.
Today I will do my best to live out God’s love in my life, to seek His will and live for Him. I want to know the mysteries of God but maybe before some of these things are revealed, I need to first walk by faith and stop asking questions that I have no clue about. I remember Job – he was asked a few simple questions by God that I could also NEVER answer. Until I can, I will acknowledge that while Romans 9 is one of many difficult passages to deal with, I deserve nothing but punishment and have received grace instead! How good is God?
If I believe in God and have faith in Him, why are the fruits of the Spirit so hard to find in me? A more pressing question, I think.
Please forgive my arrogant heart Lord. Please give me wisdom. Please give me courage to work out my faith with fear and trembling. Please help my heart to reflect your love, and not to entertain false ideas of righteousness. You alone know the secret things of this world. I have faith today Lord in you.
“He must become greater, I must become less” John 3:30

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