God, Who am I?
Kirk Quesnel’s Testimony
It is no accident that you have received this tract today this is your day to receive your miracle, just as I received mine. God is not a respecter of one person over another, we are all His favourites (Acts 10:34).
I was born in a small town in Manitoba, Canada, in 1961, one of 5 boys. The early years of my life were much like any other young boys –school, friends, church, some minor mischief. But when I was about 10 years old things began to change for the worst very quickly.
I got involved with the wrong crowd and by age 11, I was already involved in drugs, alcohol, pornography, and car theft, wilful damage, break and enters, and much more. By the age 15, I was dealing drugs, as well as using, and had become my next oldest brothers partner in crime, in and out of court, and deported from the United States for illegal entry and mischief, faced with possible jail time. Things just continued to get worst as I became an adult.
Years of drug abuse and alcohol use had left me broke, continually depressed, suicidal and at one point living on the streets in some of the worst areas of Vancouver, BC. To add to all this misery I had developed a chronic disease to which the Doctors said there was no help or cure. It was a rare form of migraine headaches, which lasted 30-35 minutes on average of 5 – 7 times per day which caused pain 4-5 times more intense that a regular migraine, often causing blindness in my left eye, vomiting, super sensitivity to noise and light, it was literally a living hell. After going for brain scans and other tests, as well as several trips to specialists, and even a neurologist, the answer was always the same – no help, no cure.
Here I was a young man, married with one small son, sick, depressed, suicidal, trapped in this prison of my own making, unable even to hold down a decent job, or properly care for a family.
For the next 4 years my life continued to worsen and I felt like such a failure and so hopeless that my only choice, I thought, was to end it all. I decided that, one night when my wife and son were sleeping, I was going to go out of the house and shoot myself. During the week, however, something was happening, that would change my whole life forever. My two other brothers, one younger and the other oldest had several years earlier, given their lives to God, the younger one while in jail, and the other one while in a life of drugs himself and had been radically changed and were now involved in church and praying for me and my family. The middle of the week, in which I had decided to end my life, they had spoken to my wife and I and invited us to a tent meeting which their church was holding at the community fair grounds. I resisted them and told them I did not want anything to do with their religion or God. (I even cursed God, blaming Him for my problems & sickness). My brothers were so persistent that I felt the only way to get them off my back was to agree to go to this tent meeting. I thought “what harm can it do, after all God is nothing big anyways and after the meetings I could go home and carry out my plan of suicide.” I had a 12 gauge shot gun hidden away ready for later that night.
At 7:00 pm that July evening in 1989, I arrived at the tent meeting with my wife and 5 year old son to find my father and mother and brother (partner in crime) all sitting together and so I sat down next to my brother, thinking that at least we could sit together and have a good laugh at the whole thing. Soon after the service started – I could tell you this was not like any other service I had ever been to (and I had been to plenty in my youth). As I looked around I saw people with their hands raised in the air worshipping God, some with tears in their eyes, all with a look of joy, it made me feel strange, not in a bad way. After worship a man came to the front to speak, I thought “Oh great now I have to sit through a dead boring message”. I looked over at my brother next to me and could tell he was thinking the same thing. But then, as the man spoke, I realized that this message was different. This man spoke about a God who loved me and cared about me, one who came to forgive and not to judge, and to heal not to make sick, to save me not to condemn me. For the first time in my life I felt something other than hatred, bitterness, rejection, shame and despair. Then the man looked directly at me and said that “God wanted me to know that He knew what I planned to do and that if I did that – Hell was a real place and that would be where I would spend eternity, but if I would just accept His free gift of salvation –He would change my life.”
I tried to resist but God’s love was so great that I couldn’t resist. I remember saying quietly “Okay God, I’ll give you my life but if you don’t change me completely and set me free from all my sickness and addictions, I am going to tell everyone you are a fake, and a scam.” ( I was so full of anger that I did not have respect for God). The next moment I found myself standing at the alter next to my brother and my father. My brother who I had never seen cry before or my father, were both standing there with me tears in their eyes and they both had there hands raised in the air as they thanked Jesus for dying on the cross for them. As I stood there asking Jesus to forgive me & save me, I felt something wonderful happen. All my heaviness and guilt and shame left me. I was weeping tears of joy. I felt free and loved. As I stood there I remember looking at my hands and saying “God who am I?” I didn’t recognize myself the same way hardly as I did in the past, then He spoke to me and said “Tonight you are a brand new man, with no past, a clean slate, a new start”. In that moment He set me free totally from all my hurts, addictions, and He healed my disease and depression.
That was 20 years ago and I am still free today, praise God forever.
I just want you to know that God knows your heart today and has seen your life. He knows everything you’re going through and everything you have been through. He wants to give you a second chance. He wants to give you that abundant life that He said in His word that He came to give you, through salvation in His son Jesus. I want to encourage you that if you would just open up your heart to Him right now and ask Jesus Christ to come into your heart and into your life and be your Lord and saviour – He will save you and He will deliver you and heal you. Just like He did for me and just like He said in His Word. So if you will just say this prayer, and believe in your heart, Jesus will come into your heart today and he will become your Lord and Saviour, your closest friend. He can change your life forever, if you will let him. Will you pray this prayer today and begin your new life – totally forgiven, totally clean from all guilt and shame, made new. Just say this out loud:
Heavenly Father, I come before today, right here, right now, right where I am, just as I am, and I confess that I need my life to be changed. I have sinned but I want to be forgiven. I want that new life in Christ. I ask you Lord Jesus, right now, come into my heart and be my Lord and be my saviour. I believe you died for me and that you rose again. I ask you to come and set me free and give me a whole new chance at life. I receive you now as my Saviour and my Lord. I ask you to fill me with your ability – with your Spirit, change me forever Father. I thank you for it now. In Jesus name. Amen.
If you just said this prayer and meant it from your heart, then you have become a new creation, all your past is forgiven and forgotten. God has given you a second chance at life – and an eternal life with Him. I would encourage you to read your Bible daily. Believe what the Bible says. Read the New Testament and the gospels. Let God speak to you through His Word. God has great things in store for you. God loves you no matter where you are or what you do. Even if you make a mistake in the future that causes you to sin, you can still come to God and ask for forgiveness, and the Bible says that God will forgive us and cleanse us from all sins and help us to live for Him.
Find a good church where they preach and believe the whole Bible and get ready; be excited, because your best years are ahead of you.
If you have said this prayer then I want to encourage you to write to me today at Box 452 , McCreary, MB. R0J 1B0 or email me at [email protected] (or my wife Carol at [email protected]) and just let me know that you have given your heart to the Lord – just share with me – I would be encouraged to hear from you. I can help you to find some teaching and resources that would help you to come to know more about your new life in Christ and all the wonderful things God has in store for you. God has a good plan for your life.
kdquesnel @ gmail.com