Keep falling on the Road to Christ

I deeply desire to discover God, having only recently discovered the road to Jesus.
However, I keep facing a trial of commitment and and always fall. I read the bible for a month and praying for a month or so, then I awake with a deep seated, subconscious reluctance to come to the bible or pray. I do not know whether this is pride, rebellion, Satan, etc but it is difficult to overcome. I have to fight to overcome this relucatance and invariably fail. It almost feels like a physical barrier. It is most distressing.
I do have complex personal problems (overwhelming and delibitating depression, domestic turmoil, loneliness, etc). but I seek to find joy, spiritual strength and purpose in God in spite of personal difficulties.

I know not, whether this is related. After a while, the obstacle lifts and the cycle then repeats itself. I have prayed repeatedly for God’s assistance on this matter, generally for an end to the depression and obstacle to him or even if only to discover why this is happening so I can discover an answer, but to no avail. Whilst in the grip of rebellion sin becomes a constant companion of which I find little strength to overcome.

Could anybody illustrate a pathway to overcome this

Thank you

PS. I have yet to find a regular church through previous work commitments (social care) but no longer valid. I seek to attend the New Testament Chruch of God.

What do YOU think?



  1. Paul,

    The best way I can illustrate what I am about to say is using another example, such as getting out of bed and going to work. We get up and go to work everyday regardless of how we feel because we are more focused on the paycheck and the requirement, then on how we feel at the moment. Sometimes we feel like going, and sometimes we don’t. The walk of faith is similiar to this in the sense that we persist by faith, not by how we feel. The devil is a liar, and will bring all kinds of circumstances and feelings our way to distract us (Ecclesiastes 11:4, Mark 4:14-20), and if we pay attention to these things, they can get us off course. Indeed, there are times that we need to drive the devil off of our stuff, and away from us, but there are other times when we give him too much attention. He is driven by pride, and he enjoys the attention. Our decision to simply persist in doing what we have purposed to do (such as reading the Bible), will break the “cycle” of oppression many times.

    I also agree that you need to be filled with the Holy Ghost, with the evidence of speaking in other tongues, if you are not, and also find a strong, Spirit-filled home church that teaches the Word of God. These things are very important; that you have a pastor, and a group of believers that can help you.

  2. bornagainbytheblood says:

    Brother Paul – I will pray for those spiritual strongholds to be torn down from your life. However, once we are saved, the devil will never let up. Oh, he may back off for a season, but he’ll be back. God told us to put on the whole armor of God so that we can withstand the wiles of the devil. Christians are to be strong, and through faith we can be. That’s why it’s so important to walk in the spirit, using eyes of faith. When weakness starts to come upon us, we need to rise up in faith and declare that we are strong in the Lord. Jesus gave us the authority to trample devils underfoot; this is done by faith in the blood of the Lamb. Resist the devil and he will flee — but we must use our faith to declare God’s word in the midst of the battle.

    What’s the condition to using God’s Word in faith? Living a holy, clean life.

  3. Hi Ms.paulahenderson. I just want to let you know that you’re not alone. When I began my walk with Christ, I felt the same way you felt. It seemed as if no one understood what I was going through. There were times when I didn’t know whether I should keep trying to seek God. But you must know this. The devil will try to convince you that you really didn’t get saved in the first place and will inject horrible thoughts into your mind to turn you away from God.
    I recommend these tips to help strenghten you in your walk with Christ.

    1. Repent of all your sins, yes again, and ask the Lord to fill you with His Holy Spirit. [Luke 11:13] Many people try to do everything in their own strength when they really need the Holy Spirit to work on the inside of them.
    Ask for the Gift of Tongues, [Acts 2] as a result of being baptized in the Holy Ghost. Knowing that you Speak in Tongues helps you realize that the Holy Spirit actually lives on the inside of you.
    2. Continue to pray and ask the Lord Jesus to strenghten you. Repeat Phillipians 4:13 ” I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” to yourself on a daily basis. Encourage yourself.
    3. Ask the Lord to place you in a church that He desires you to be in. You need to be in fellowship with other Christians.
    4. Always remember, to give God the glory for everything.

    I know that what you are going through is difficult mentally and emotionally but you have to put all of your cares in the Lord’s Hands. Understand that as human beings, we’re not perfect and that we are going to stumble as a part of growth and development in Christ. You need the Holy Spirit to guide you in every part of your walk with Christ. Try your very best to cooperate with the Lord and continue reading the Bible. May the Lord God be with you and bless you always in Jesus Christ’s Holy name, Amen.
    I love you in Jesus name, and will I pray for you. Remember, God loves you more than you’ll ever know!
    P.S. Let me know if you need to discuss something further. It is my desire for you to stay encouraged in following Christ.

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