Jesus the Mighty deliverer

I want to give thanks to God for His loving faithfulness in my life.

I
grew up in what people term today as a dysfunctional family. My father
was a smoker, an alcoholic, and was very abusive to my mother, and
siblings. I used to be filled with fear when he came home drunk. My
oldest brothers suffered the most at his hands. My mother tried her best
with us. Despite what we went through all except one of her eight
children have a personal relationship with Jesus, and I thank God for
his favour on our lives.

From a child I always felt
Jesus near me, and I just fell in love with Him. I used to have these
wonderful dreams about Him, that was a blessing to my mother when I
related them to her. Looking back at my childhood, I really thank God
for those dreams, because they brought me closer to Him as a child. I
grew up as a very shy child and it followed me right into my adult life.
I was raped at 15yrs of age and abuse by a male relative as a child.
Before I was raped my mother had a dream about a crocodile at the beach
(I live in the caribbean) and she warned me against going, I was
determined to go and begged and begged her to let me, I even promised
not to go into the water and she gave into me. On my way walking to
catch the bus with my friends, the Holy Spirit impressed strongly on my
heart to go back home that I will get raped, I said that it was all in
my mind, I was a born again christian at this point. The Holy Spirit
keep placing it in my thoughts to go home, but I kept saying it was all
my own thoughts and all will be well, even when I went to board the bus,
He came to me again to go home but I was intent on having a good time
with my friends. I regret leaving home that day, my mother dream came to
pass, and the warning from God also came to pass. And what happen to me
that day impacted my life in a very negative way I would be in church
for a season and then backslide for a season and that happen to me until
the year 2008.

  I could not relate to people, I was totally afraid of people
especially strangers. The abuse and insults from my father scared me
emotionally, and it followed me right into my marriage. I never felt
love by my husband because I place my husband in the same bracket as my
father. My christain husband did not allow me to make choices for
myself, he also insulted me hit me more than once and continue to press
me down. He also needs deliverance I tried to break free from the
shyness and lowself esteem, but it kept holding onto me. I try to make
the correct choices in life but I kept failing God.

My
husband and I move into a little one bedroom house he buillt onto his
parents home for us to have some place to live with our two young
children, and I suffered emotionally from them as well, it was awful
living there, I used to sit and cry when I listen to the things they
used to say about me. I eventually leaved with my two children and moved
in with my brother. I met an old friend and we used to chat on the
phone, needing someone to unburden too and this guy force himself on me,
when I told my husband what happened, he embarrassed me by taking me
before two elders from our church, and daily would pressure me into
telling him every detail of what took placed, only to find out later
that year when he got into some problems, the truth came out that he
slept with someone else also, and that before we married he had sexual
relation with a married woman too. I ask him why he did not show me
compassion, and had to carry me before the elders, he said he forgot.
Over the years that bothered me why, why why, did he confused and
ill-treated me over what happened with the guy, when he knew full well
what he did, I could not let it go.

I thought I really knew Jesus
but in 2001 I had a real encountered with Jesus, and it changed my
life, I was a new person, but what I did not know was that I still had
strong holds in my life from my past that needed to be destroyed by
Jesus. I needed deliverance. I was asked to preached at a Women’s
crusade and I attended the night before I was to preached and this lady
that was ministering said that they are women here that needs
deliverance from their past, past filled with abuse, rape, hurt, etc.
and I was so compelled to go but I did not, I said to myself, I have to
preached the following night what would people say if they see me go to
the alter now. Pride is a dangerous thing, and the devil want to keep
God’s people in bondage especially though pride. I did not go that
night, but I knew the Holy Spirit was really dealing with me to go. I
regret not going. I thought I was growing in God, and I was, until some
triggers started going off again in my life, another season of
backsliding began in my life, 5 yrs after growing steadfastly, preaching
and being used by God. The Holy Spirit warned me about this guy I was
getting close to, but I kept telling myself he is just a friend, it was
impressed on me to run for my life, but I refused to hear from God. I
thought this guy cared for me, and he showed me he cared even more than
my husband did, the devil blinded me. I began an affair with him, I
could not go to church because of guilt, and would look in the mirror at
myself and cry daily, saying this is not who God created me to be, this is not me God, help me. I began swearing when I got really angry with my husband, these are things I never ever, ever did as a child, as a teenager nor as a young adult. I cried out for help every day for God to take me out of that
relationship and those spirits that was passed from the man to me. My husband found out and is filing for divorce. I went to a deliverance service in 2008, and my life has never been the same since. I don’t use any bad words now, I love myself, I don’t need to look for love from any man now. I now
have a self esteem. I am not shy any more I can form a conversation with
others now, something that was very difficult to do. Even after my husband found out he continued to have relations with me and I became pregnant he walk out on me and our three children when I was three months pregnant, but God held us together, I have a beautiful 11 months old baby now, and God is daily sustaining us. I thank God for deliverance, I thank God that those strong holds came down, I thank God that I am free to serve Him and others. I am not worthy of His love, but still He loves me. I cannot measure His love and it is a wonderful feeling being love by a mighty and great God. I prayer daily for full restoration of my marriage, and the relationship between my two eldest children with their father to be restored. God is a deliverer and a healer, as I prayer I am asking Him that His divine will be done in my
broken family. A lady call our home in the wee hours of the morning before my husband moved out and said that she was praying and God give her our phone number and said that whosoever answer the phone tell them He is going to work things out. My husband answered the phone, and related it to me, he thinks that God way of working things out is for him to start a new life. But I put my entire trust and hope in God because He has the final say.

I encourage any of you out there that were hurt in the past, ask of God for deliverance and learn to forgive others for hurting you. You will avoid making the horrible mistakes like me. Be bless

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