IT CAME DOWN TO EITHER SUICIDE OR GOD




IT CAME DOWN TO EITHER
SUICIDE – OR GOD

(My testimony of grace)

 

 By:  Edgar Guillermo Mayor 

This is my personal testimony of how as a
child, I unknowingly was slowly changed by one self-destructive negative
emotion after another.  ANGER – this one emotion … that
through the years … spawned other destructive emotions.  It started as being
a surface anger, and then slowly
began to turn into rage.  Then from rage into fury, and
fury into a death wish. 
 

How
did that all happen?  Bottled up anger will drive a person to
self-destruction, one way or another.  Not only will it kill you … one way
or another … but it can be the GREATEST hindrance inside us from discovering
God … and experiencing peace and joy with Him, and discovering our purpose for
our being created in the first place. 
 

Thus,
this is also my personal testimony of how God shed His wonderful grace upon me,
and delivered me from the many prisons I had inside me that all came from
bottling up my anger … so it is a testimony of HOPE for anyone
else who can identify with the prisons I had inside me, and may even be
contemplating killing someone they are angry with right now … or killing
themselves. 
 

God never created
us to be vessels of anger – not for very long, anyway.  Anger is a normal
emotion God gave us, but we must come to learn how deadly it can become. 
There is an unseen evil force in the world that takes great personal pleasure
in helping instill anger in everyone he can, especially those who desire to
know God the most, because if he can help get us angry and keep us angry, he
knows it will most likely keep us angry at God.  Being angry
at God will short circuit our ability to get to know God, which then enables us
to flow WITH God, instead of against God.  This evil presence is angry at
God because he will never have the opportunity to be at peace with God ever
again.  He once had peace with God – a long, long time ago, and
experienced joyous glories that we can’t imagine.  Yet he chose to rebel
against his Creator and our Creator, and was sentenced to this planet,
temporarily. 

The
Bible clearly and bluntly tells us this in
Ephesians
4:26:  Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on
your wrath, nor give place to
the devil
.  

You
may not believe right now there is a devil that delights in keeping you angry,
but I can assure you, if you remain angry for very long, you will lock yourself
up in a self-made prison, and sadly … never even realize you were IN a
prison.  If you’ll take the time to read my testimony, I’ll help you see
how God let me out of my self-imposed prisons, and by God’s grace, trust God to
use my testimony to point you to the way to get OUT of your prison
of misery. 

I
feel to start out by saying some hard but critically important words of wisdom
to fathers and mothers:

PARENTS – Don’t let these words become your child’s
heart cry:  
“I am so tired – so messed up
inside.  I want to give up – I just want to die!” 

I was one of those growing up children. 
I was so hurting inside that suicide seemed to be the only option left for
me.  But it was not.  Not at all.  God never gave any of us a
chance to live to just end our lives by trying to destroy it through suicide,
just because we are miserable in life, though I surely didn’t know it at that
time in my life.  Millions of lives have been changed over time when
people gave the mess of their life to God … and let him resurrect that mess
into one glorious message of praise to Him, such as what I am doing by writing
out my testimony. 

I feel impressed to share the mess I was …
and share the glorious message I now have to share
with others … to be used of God to give other’s hope and direction, so their
life will begin to count for something of eternal significance. 
Surely YOU want your life to count for something of eternal significance,
don’t you?  Please, then, do yourself a huge favor and read what I have to
share. 

I was born on the 8th of June, 1950, thus I
am 58 years old as of this writing (2008).  To describe it very briefly
here, my testimony is initially one of hopelessness and of being in many prison
cells — even the ones that have the most devastating effect in one’s life, but
that such cells do not easily come to the minds of most people.  But here
they will be explained.

So – I came face to face with only two options
in my mind:  Either that I would commit suicide, or surrender to God.

Some desperate people don’t see it quite that
way.  Some people deicide they are going to commit suicide, and take their
chances with God in the next life.  Not
wise.  Eternally unwise, in fact!

But let’s start from the beginning.  I
was told that I was separated from my parents at the age of two months. I was
raised by my grandparents. Thus, I did not have the benefit of being adequately
nourished by my mother’s milk. Perhaps such was the reason why as a child, I
was very, very sickly.

But God is a great balancer; He gave me a
keen mind. Even my employers had to admit that my real strength lies in my
analytical mind, so they said.  At work, I seemed to be okay, but no one
knew what I had in the inside. I was raging with anger, yet I was slowly dying
also inside.

My sport, which was Shutokan karate, was one
of my outlets for stress. On the bad side however, I became one of the most
feared fighters/instructors in all of Japan Karate Association, Philippine
Chapter, for I vented all the rage within me in that martial art and I truly
became good at it, so they say, that at one time prior to a national tournament
competition, I was told that my first match would be so easy for me that my opponent
decided to embrace shame and went home before the start of the tournament,
rather than face me in battle.  It must have been very humiliating for
him, but I could not have care less. I had no feeling of compassion at all. I
just simply liked playing tough at every twist and turn possible and no one
could reach me nor break me.

My karate, which was supposed to be a way of
perfecting character – a way of discipline and restraint and builder of respect
for others – could not even help me one bit. I was so hopelessly
one-track-minded … and so lost. I was buoyed up though my accomplishments –
like my last exposure to international goodwill competition.  I could
still win the “Best Karate Player” medal, coming from a sabbatical of
three to four years.

But see this: I did not realize then that my
medal was at the great sacrifice of my opponent – who towards the end of our
match – could hardly lift up his left arm to defend himself.  I hit him
several times at the left ribcage, which he then just resigned to be beaten and
broken. Good thing I did not break any of his ribs.

At this point you might ask, “So, where
were the truly devastating big problems in your life?”  I’d answer
you, “They were deep down inside of me.”

Now, here are some of the details.  My
mother was an only child and by our country’s standards, came from a wealthy
family. But the reverse is true with my father.  I was given to my
grandparents perhaps more as a peace offering to those who were against such
marriage between my father and mother.  And more than that, I was born
into the biggest clan in our town that almost 60% of the total population
belonged to my clan.  In time, at the death of my grandfather, I would be
their leader, by tradition. And my grandfather, sitting me in his white horse
one time, made sure that our tenants knew that I was the “heir to the
throne,” so to speak.

In a “clannish” family situation,
the first son is destined to take over the lead role in the clan. I was then
destined to take that role, thus I was trained for it. Now, what my relatives
did not know was that I was a full blown coward in contrast to the leaders of
the clan who came before me. Their bravery preceded them. I say this for you to
realize that what is expected of the leader of the clan is for him to lay down
his own life if need be, if only to protect any one member of the clan from
those who maim their lives.

Before I continue, let me trace back to where
I was still a child in the grade school, for there we would find the root cause
of the inner rage within me.

“Children
Are Individually Unique. They Must Be Treated Accordingly.”

So there I was, separated from my parents at an early
age. By God’s grace though I had an inborn gift of sensitivity to things, and
an analytical mind. On the negative side however, I had a temperament that was
later on aggravated by the things I faced in life.  But one thing that
escaped my attention to details though was that I did not see that the gap
between me and my parents was getting wider and wider as years passed. Most
especially that I never heard them say, “I love you” nor ever
experienced the affirmation of such verbal expression of love by way of a hug,
nor ever received a gift from them on account of my grades and medals in
school.

I am sure that my parents loved me in a special way and
that perhaps it was some difficult situations that prevented them to show their
love and nearness to me.   We only see from our own personal
perspective.  Often-times, if we could know the facts from our parent’s
perspective, perhaps we would think differently about matters.  But it
takes parents to be honest and open and vulnerable about it, doesn’t it?

At the age of 19, my grandfather died, and I just eased
into the role of the leader of the clan.  No fanfare – no nothing. 
Tradition just came alive. Thus, people naturally gravitated to me with their
problems, even if it were only to tell on others of their misdeeds.  It
was thrilling at first, but when it became my routine and that I was losing my
young and carefree adult life, I began to hate, resent and I eventually
rebelled against it, though there was nothing I could to stop from playing my
part.  I had to continue, and thus it fueled continually my anger,
rebellion and arrogance to the point that there was no more room to know and
express the gentle emotions like love, compassion, kindness, mercy and the like
– the very things I had always wanted to nurture and express. Consequently, the
level of fear that I had, continued to rise. There was no escaping that.

And all the more, I had to carry a shotgun to protect
members of the clan, even my family – particularly my father – for in our part
of the country, we were known to settle our disputes not in courts of law but
by the point of a knife or a gun or with a hand grenade. And on top of that, I
found myself alone fighting our battles.  There was no one to team up
with.  It was fearful and awfully lonely.  

It came to a point that I even feared the ringing of the
phone for fear that such was bringing another summon for me to pack up and go
to battle once more.  Day and night thus, I lived in fear.  Fear that
in one of the confrontations, I would get killed, or that I’d kill someone or
several people.

In essence then I was in prison.  And the prison
cell was called, “FEAR.” Fear was one of the most
destructive emotions that I kept bottled up inside me, and it burned with
growing intensity.  

As I continued to play my part in the clan, four other
prison cells came into my life. One was named, “LONELINESS,”
which at this point became more evident.  Another was called, “YOUTH
GANGS”
“EMOTIONAL BURDEN” was the calling
of the other prison cell, and the fourth one was called, “BETRAYAL”.

As with any young man, I also yearned for someone to love
and to love me in return.  Later on, I found a girlfriend in our home
town, but there were some complications.  She had problems with me. I did
not know how to relate well in a love relationship. I did not know how.
 Oh my fate!  I did not have a point of reference!

Emotion-based prison cells are more devastating and
painful than literal, physical prison cells.  Such is what I have learned
in all these experiences.

My girlfriend’s problem with me was that I did not know
how to behave in any kind of relationship in a mutual fulfilling way, much less
in a love relationship. Plus it was compounded by the fact that I was not
exactly what her family dreamt of as a son-in-law. We clung to each other in
love though, even as a long distance relationship, yet in the end, her family
succeeded in totally separating us. Thus I entered my prison cell of utter“LONELINESS”.
 I searched for things that would buoy me up and I ended up with one that
I initially thought would give me love and acceptance –“YOUTH GANG
MEMBERSHIP”
.

It did for a while, but then as I got deeper into the
activities of the gang – which was more of gang dominance and warfare – my
fears rose up to a higher level, for this time we were actually against
authorities, and the gang wars were pretty serious.  The gang I joined was
one of the most notorious university gangs.  I was in a state of great
anxiety and confusion and fear for remember – I was actually a full blown
coward.

And while all these were happening, things were also
happening back home in the province.  From the city, I went home to my
province, for I was also taking charge of the affairs of the family/clan long
distance during school months – instructing my parents to go back home to take
care of the three old ladies who were left behind to fend for themselves when
my grandfather died.  They were already old.  People – even relatives
– had started to take advantage of our grandmother with her valuables, even the
sale of some of our properties.  

Knowing that there would be some hesitance from my
parents, given that my father was not well accepted, I told them that should
they refuse to go back home, when they were old, I
would treat them the same way that they would treat the three (3) old ladies.
 And they went home. And one day
the inevitable happened. One of
their “fights” caused the death of my mother. 

During the wake, while I was sitting alone in a lonely
place, all of a sudden came my father in tears, and with a grieving voice told
me that had it not been on my account, my mother would have been still alive.

My father blamed me for the death of my mother. It was
short of telling me that I killed my own mother. And this was how my prison
cell called,“EMOTIONAL BURDEN” came into being. Though, I pushed this event in the deepest recesses of my
being, I know now that I carried this emotional burden all through my adult
life. 

Then one December 25, at about 12 midnight – while
everybody was awake and jolly and I tried to be one with them – my father came
to me discreetly to tell me of some very bad, bad news.  He had received
news that the woman that I loved so dearly and have
actually shed my blood for as a testimony of my love for her
was already
married and that she was then pregnant. WOW! A double whammy! The news sunk
slowly in, but the pain was almost unbearable. It penetrated the very core of
my being, and that is when I thought I came face-to-face for the first time,
with my prison cell called, “BETRAYAL”.

It should not amaze anyone, I am sure, that the next
prison cell that came into my life to hold me prisoner like the rest was
called,“ADDICTION”.  It seems to follow “BETRAYAL” much
of the time.  So I drowned myself with gin, beer and women.  Even at
my workplace — then a middle management executive in one of top 10-15
Advertising Agency in the country — It fueled
my addiction, for such vices were parts of the givens; parts of my work
environment.  Two big manifestations of my addiction to excessive drinking
were trembling hands when not “under the influence”, and nausea and
feeling of weakness all over.  

Then as if the prison cells that bound me prisoner were
not yet enough, the next prison cell I entered was, “DEATH
WISH.”
 I was so messed up … my mind was in a whirl.  I was
so tired of holding on … I truly wanted to die.

“All
it takes is one emotional problem unchecked in the life of a child to get him
or her to the end of his rope, or spawn a chain of emotional baggages to
eventually bring him down, if left unchecked”.

PARENTS:  Please bear with me when I share this, for
little children are so precious in the eyes and heart of God.  For He says
this in Matthew
19:14:  But Jesus said, “Let the children alone, and do not
hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as
these.”

At this time of my life, you could find me beer-joint
hopping almost every night, and my rage was getting out of control.  At
times I would be throwing beer bottles inside a beer house (and interestingly,
no law enforcer ever confronted me at those times) even when at one time I
tried to throw a bouncer of one beer joint down the stairs.  In my
deranged mind, I also had pulled the trigger twice on a man at point blank
range. 

Another time – I was about to enter a beer house. 
There were these two rival gangs throwing beer bottles at each other and I just
simply found myself joining in the fray and when all of them were gone, I was
still throwing beer bottles in the direction of the other gang.  I never
knew why I joined them. But today, I know why. I just simply wanted to die. My
death wish was at the threshold of maturity. For then, I was in great fury!

 I
Hated Myself – The World – God!

I hated myself, the world and God!  And I would seek
the darkest streets to get home … hoping that there would be robbers or muggers
lurking.  Even while all alone, I would challenge gangs to a fight. 
One time — one group of addicts of about 8 to 10 responded with their kind of
anger, and we had a beer bottle throwing incident at point blank range.

When I saw a policeman, I would get so close behind him
while saying in my mind, “If he would only touch my skin even lightly, I
would kill him in two seconds flat with my martial arts technique.”

Part of me wanted to die, but not yet to take my own
life.  I was looking for a reason, and one person or group to do it with
seemed to be the best way.

Then the Lord started to work in my life in a major
way. 

I had to leave our old apartment house for another.
 I managed to settle in one townhouse where my next door neighbor was a
single parent with two little boys: ages five and eight.  I learned later
on that the unit that I took was reserved for another, but for some reason, I
ended up taking it – which was next to their apartment.  

A few weeks passed, and on Saturdays and Sundays where
there would be no work, I would be with my gin or beer or brandy while watching
TV.  For some reason I could not explain … I simply would keep the door of
my house open, and this was never my normal habit.

One day the older boy of my next door
single-parent-neighbor was also watching the TV with me.  I was watching
cartoons, of all TV shows!  (I learned later that their TV was busted).
 So – I let him in and, and next came his five-year-old brother. 
This became our routine, until I began to want to come home early so that we
could be together and watch TV together.  

This may be hard for some to understand, but I was so
desperate for love and acceptance … I received from them love and acceptance,
and much more.  I saw myself – when I was still a child without my father
– thru them.  Had I been given the chance to marry my girlfriend, my
children would have been at their age.  

In my wounded soul, I began to behave like a father to
them and they responded well as if I were actually their father.  Their
mother went along with our fun.  Then in one of our romping days, the
older boy suddenly blurted out his question.  He asked if I was courting
their mother.  Triggered by the question – for the first time in my mind –
I saw their mother – who also was very, very pretty – in a different light. She
never existed before in my mind, for it was still set on my lost girlfriend.

I answered, “What if you would find out that your
mother wants me too?  Would you allow me to marry her?”

The boy simply answered, “Okay.”

We continued our daily routine, but I began planning my
move on their mother.

Now here it gets interesting.  The two boys would
leave Bible tracts on my bed, or Our Daily Bread journal,
and would teach me what they learned at Sunday school … and they were
relentless!  They would follow up on me, and persist in knowing if I read
the tracts and Our Daily Bread or not.  So I was forced
to read the Bible tracts and Our Daily Bread for their joy and
satisfaction.

God
Used Those Two Boys Mightily!

The Bible tracts, and what these little boys of this
single mother learned from Sunday school were teaching me were setting God’s
initial work inside me – to expose me to His Bible – to implant in me words of
life.

Up to that point in time, life made me very suspicious of
people that I was not giving myself to. But, with these innocent little boys, I
opened my heart saying, “what can little boys do to harm me
…NONE!”… and I lowered my guard and thus I became very, very vulnerable.

God says in His Bible in 1 Corinthians 1:27:  But God has
chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise and God has chosen he
weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong.”

And how true God’s Word is, for he was using two little
boys as His divine messengers, and I wasn’t even aware of it at the time! 

As time passed, I decided to have them as part of my
family, which then launched me to court their mother.  My approach fell
flat on may face though. She was controlled by the Word of God.  In 2 Corinthians
6:14 it says: “Do not be bound together with unbelievers…”.

She was a Christian believer and I was not. She then
withdrew the children to my great hurt.  When I thought I found love and
acceptance and solace – once more I got hurt.  This time … it was the last
straw.

The option to commit suicide seemed then to be so ripe to
pick … but then there was another option.  In retrospect, God’s timing had
been perfect (It Always IS!).  God had made the preparations well, and
this was the result of God’s ministering work on me through the children and
the mother.

From deep inside me, I found myself saying, “Lord –
there are obviously only two options left for me to take now.  The first
one is suicide.  The other option is to surrender my life to You.
 Now, Lord … I shall give You a chance at my life.”

I did not know from days prior that when the single
mother and the children had invited me to their worship center, God was showing
me where to go if/when – at some future time – I would decide to try Him.

I was the first one to arrive at the worship center.
Nothing was happening during the first few minutes of the worship service, but
deep down inside me there was a nagging feeling of surrender … but I did not
know to what or to whom.  I was still in a daze, like in an emotional fog
of sorts.

Then – all my senses came alive when the congregation
began singing the song:   “I surrender all… all to Jesus I
surrender…”

My
Heart Was Bleeding Badly From Being Ravaged

In my youth days, I was taught never to show weakness –
especially tears in my eyes.  This time – with a great lump in my throat –
tears were freely flowing down my cheeks, and I was allowing it.  No more
pretenses.  No more “Mr. Tough Guy.”  I was now baring all — for all
to see.  I did not care.  I was dead-tired of hiding.  I just
wanted to “live” a better life.  

As the song was being sung to its end, my whole life
flashed before my eyes.  I seemed to see the inside of my heart. It was
bleeding very, very badly, and it was full of holes of pain.  It was so
torn up – messed up – so disfigured.  

And as I was seeing my ravaged emotional heart condition,
I heard these words of comfort:  “You can cry now. You are safe here.
These are my people. You can now rest your head on my bosom.”

Later on to come, I discovered those words were part of
the essence of Jesus’ words in Matthew 11:28-30“Come to Me all who are weary
and heavy-laden and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from
Me for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls.
For My yoke is easy and my load is light.”

And so today, these are my salvation verses.  I gave
my life to Jesus Christ that day at the worship center.  Today – even as
of this writing – I confess to you that I still find difficulties in life –
even temptations. But where before I was hopeless … today … in Christ, I have
hope.  

I was in many prison cells.   Yes – even the
physical cell.  I too had the experience of being thrown into a physical
prison cell along with others who were also guilty as charged, but today, in
Christ, I am free.   I am free to admit it if I feel weak.  I am
free to cry if it seems to be the thing to do at the moment.  If God
cried, which He did the Bible says, then why should I be so embarrassed to
cry?  I am free to receive and appreciate God’s unconditional and
acceptance of me, with all of my faults and character flaws.  I am free to
ask His forgiveness when I have blown it.  I am free to receive His
forgiveness because He promises me He will, in the Bible.  I am free to
tell others that they’ll never find true and lasting peace in one’s soul, until
they have become spiritually born again in and through Christ Jesus my
Lord.  I am now free to be all that God created me for to be, even though
much of my life on this planet is now behind me.  I am free to turn the
other cheek when wronged, rather than use my martial art skills to put fear in
others, for I have leaned the secret of being truly strong.  It is to be
man enough to admit that I am weak, for when I admit that I am weak, God’s
grace begins to flow through me, and I receive HIS strength for every
occasion.  It is through the strength of GOD now that I can do whatever He
asks of me to do.  The Apostle Paul learned that secret, where he wrote in
2 Corinthians
12:10:  “For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 

It was on the 22 April of l990 that I got born again, and
officially became FREE to commune with God any time I want, without fear that I
won’t be accepted, loved, and taken care of by Him.   

We are all relational beings.  The home is God’s
ordained place where all of us must first learn how to relate with others in a
healthy manner.  And this must start at the very early stage of life.

I say the above to parents, because it is so
important.  However, I realize there will be many reading this who would LOVE
to be a parent, yet still haven’t even connected with the right person to even
be married yet, or people who have had divorce take its toll.  I also
realize there are younger people reading this who
know of families that are unstable and parents not doing their part in rearing
their children rightly.
But, it is never to late to learn, and help
others. God puts in your path parents to help have the family unit as the place
God has given humanity for a child to be raised to be loved and accepted,
disciplined when needed, and nurtured and encouraged in an atmosphere where
Jesus Christ is put above all else.  Not religion.  Not just rules
and regulations.   A personal relationship with the living God. 
If children don’t see their parents talking with God from the heart, and truly
desiring to please God, then the parents shouldn’t  be surprised that
there children won’t grow up to easily do those things either.  
Children don’t need to be told about God nearly as much as observing their
parents have a meaningful relationship with God.  When children see
parents pray and prayers get answered, children NEVER forget that. 
  

Because it is indeed in the home that children must learn
proper relationship with God and each other — especially love and acceptance,
you can be almost certain of this:  If they don’t find it at home, the
world will give it to them … like the gang that I joined in. 
Dysfunctional children tend to hang around other dysfunctional children,
because it is an atmosphere where acceptance is most easily found for
most.  Nothing much changes once a dysfunctional, emotionally scared child
becomes an adult.  They still tend to hang around other dysfunctional,
emotionally scared adults, because that seems to be the best place where they
can find acceptance for being so emotionally handicapped.  The most
wonderful thing is that whatever we never received as a child growing up, God
can not only meet those needs (and desires to meet them, in fact) … but He can
use the painful things of our past to make us a better person in Christ for it,
but we must let Him.  He never forces Himself on us.  He’s too
gentle.  He’s too kind.  He tries to win us over to His way of doing
and seeing things through His love and mercy and kindness, because He knows
that is how each of us best respond to change.

The love of grandparents differs from the love of
parents.  For example, parents might say to their children, “Do not
go to the carnival at this time for there could be wild people at this
hour”, while grandparents might say, “Oh – let them enjoy youth; let
them go; nothing will happen to them.”  Parents are the protectors of
their children that God has given them, but Grandparents reveal a glimpse of
God’s grace in allowing things parents would not.  Even as God’s children,
sometimes it is healthy for us to be allowed by God to do things that really
aren’t the best for us at the time, but because it sounds like fun, so He lets
us do it, even if pain or harm results from it afterwards.

Again, let me say to you; I am sure my parents loved me.
 Only perhaps either that they did not have the right opportunity to show
it or they did not know how best to show their love for a uniquely sensitive
boy that I was. Coming from any of those two possibilities, look at how messed
up my life had become at the onset. I did not know that I was “dying”
inside.  Then, I wanted to end my life.  My words to parents then
would be…Please…please…please… little innocent and gullible children
are little innocent and gullible children.  Remember how I was. 
Please, I beg of you on their behalf, every now and then or perhaps… most of
the time, you might want to whisper or say out loud to them the comforting and
endearing words, “I love you”.

I never heard those words. Also, every now and then, affirm
such verbal claim of love and affection with a “hug” here and there.
 I never experienced how it felt like to be hugged.  I am sure that
their path in life would not be the same path I took at first if you did these
things to them. Please don’t let them be like me when I was growing up. The
prison cells I had were worst than you can imagine.  They were worst than
physical prison cells.  I was hopeless, but now in Christ, I have hope.
 I was lost, but now in Christ, I am found.  I was in many prison cells,
but now in Christ, I am free. And for some others out there, some of you say
there is no God.  But look at my life.  I could not have changed my
life on my own for I was so deranged; so messed up and so full of blind fury,
and all I could think of was how to die. And thus, there was no room at all for
clear thinking even as I was so immersed in discipline training in my martial
arts. It was as if I was in a hopelessly drunken state that I could not find my
way towards changed direction from wrong to right.

Here is the conclusion of my testimony. I changed
direction not on my own, but only by God’s grace.  God is true and He
exists!  It was Him who pulled me out of the pit of destruction!  And
thus, please allow me now to offer to Him my humble expression of deep
gratitude and love.

Our Father, Lord Jesus Christ, thank you for your
unconditional love. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for my testimony of a
changed life. And now please accept this humble offering of gratitude and love,
Lord, God, our Father
, “THIS ONE IS
FOR YOU.”
Please take it and do as You please for Your
glory.” May Your praise be forever and ever, Amen.

Email:  [email protected]    YouTube:  http://www.youtube.com/ferdinand1177.


Editorial Note:  Edgar
has felt to share much of his personal testimony by way of karate videos
on 
YouTube to
try to enhance people’s understanding of the intensity of what he had inside
him until he could not contain it anymore.  If you would like to see his
six-part 
YouTubetestimony using karate as a different way to express himself, you can do so
by clicking on these six links:  
YouTube Part
1
   YouTube Part 2  YouTube Part
3
   YouTube Part 4   YouTube part
5
   YouTube Part 6

God’s means of freeing us from the “cancer”
of bottled up anger is forgiveness, and learning to give Jesus Christ “our
cares – our troubles.”  Here is a writing that can help you understand
better in how to deal with anger:  http://www.precious-testimonies.com/WEArchives/AngerBeware.htm

Here is
a writing that God may use to help you learn the importance of giving our cares
– our troubles to Jesus:  http://www.precious-testimonies.com/WeeklyEncouragerArchives/CareCasting.htm

 

Tangle.Com/blog/edgar123

 

 

 

 



 

 

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