I’m at the end of myself….

I’m at a complete end…I’m not sure where to go with this. This is probably gossip, but I have no choice, I need help.


I work at a Christian camp focused primarily on inner city youth from a local city. Every summer we bring around 200 kids to enjoy a free week of camp in which we present the Gospel to them and try to establish relationships with them. This fall we’re starting a discipleship program that is the reason for my being on staff. This is mainly an attempt to take the relationship even further and sort of ensure that they begin to grow in Christ.


Here’s the problem…spiritually speaking, our staff is dead and bone dry. Everyone here is theologically educated and so learning anything more is impossible. We’ve discussed things about Satanic attacks, miracles, and really anything the least bit miraculous or supernatural and they always bring up some theological term and either explain how/why it doesn’t happen. The only person on staff that is at least open to these things is out with a broken ankle, femur, and jaw after a tree landed on him. However, after a few weeks of the Spirit telling me to lay hands on him and so doing, he is still unchanged and without faith to believe. So far, unbelief, religion, and pride are among the list of problems, but it gets even more complicated.


Many of you are in ministry or have been before, and so you know all about community, unity, accountability, and the importance of practicing them. We have none of this. The biggest thing is accountability. I was told today by a couple of the other staff that I am accountable to them, as I’m under them, but they are not accountable to anyone, save themselves. I have no problem with this, except that much of my responsibilities revolve around what they do or don’t get accomplished.


Concerning unity and community, we are a staff of 5 with an intern and so it shouldn’t be too difficult. I’m surprised at how there could even possibly be cliques with such a small number, but there is. With this, there is a lack of communication and for the most part, I’m left out of the loop. Concerning doctrine, “Can two walk together, lest they be agreed?”


Spiritually, well Jim, the guy who was in the accident, is almost completely out
of the picture, our Executive Director is out of the picture by board
decision, and many problems are continuing to arise as things break or
fail. Everything from the events, themselves, to their sequence, to the progression of damage, even down to the timing of each event screams SATANIC ATTACK! and REPENT! Even with all this, no one else sees anything wrong, but of course
they’ve been taught not to. I’ve brought it up and I was given
the response, “That’s how things are at camp…” and so I just have to
deal with it.


The real kicker is that I get to lead Bible studies for the leadership kids this summer, however, I’ve got to run everything by them first, because they’re not sure of my beliefs and therefore what I’d teach. This means that I can’t teach anything that even borders “Pentecostalism”.As it concerns casting out devils, healing the sick, etc. I’m going to have to go around everyone and just do it.


This leads me to the biggest problem of all: How do you lead a Pharisee to be filled with the Holy Spirit? How do I do things in the proper order while at the same time, still doing them? Lastly, what do I do when those that are above me are living a superficial “Christian” life?

What do YOU think?



  1. lookinforacity says:

    Hi Jesse

    1) First, PRAISE the Lord for putting you exactly where you are.
    2) It isn’t about them, it is about you.
    3) You are being lead of the Spirit, everything is in Gods control.
    4) God is trying to (practically) teach you Discipleship, so “you” will then be able to teach it.

    You say
    “I was told today by a couple of the other staff that I am accountable to them, as I’m under them, but they are not accountable to anyone, save themselves.”

    My answer to you is ( Beat them to the Punch ).
    Before they can make demands of you, you ask them, what they want done.
    Totally submit to their Authority, for all Authority comes from God, no body has Authority except it has been given them of the Father, become a servant (slave) to them, a good slave will start to anticipate what his master wants. By doing this you will be submitting to Gods will in your life.
    Give them no occasion to speak evil against you, and you shall have Praise of your Father.

    Mat 20:25-28
    20) But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them.
    26) But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister;
    27) And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant:
    28) Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.

    The next verse is in relation to your situation as it now stands, and how it will be in the future.

    Gen 50:20
    But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.

    You say

    “I’m at the end of myself”

    At the end of “MYSELF”, is the dwelling place of God.

    2Co 12:9
    And he said unto me,(MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR THEE: FOR MY STRENGTH IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS). Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

    2Co 12:10
    Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: (FOR WHEN I AM WEAK, THEN AM I STRONG).

    you say

    “I’m left out of the loop. Concerning doctrine, “Can two walk together, lest they be agreed?”

    1Ki 19:14
    And he said, I have been very jealous for the LORD God of hosts: because the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; (AND I, EVEN I ONLY, AM LEFT); and they seek my life, to take it away.

    Psa 38:12
    (THEY ALSO THAT SEEK AFTER MY LIFE) lay snares for me: and (THEY THAT SEEK MY HURT) speak mischievous things, and imagine deceits all the day long.

    Isa 54:17
    (NO WEAPON THAT IS FORMED AGAINST THEE SHALL PROSPER); and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. (THIS IS THE HERITAGE OF THE SERVANTS OF THE LORD), and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.

    Mat 10:28
    (AND FEAR NOT THEM) which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: (BUT RATHER FEAR HIM WHICH IS ABLE TO DESTROY BOTH SOUL AND BODY IN HELL)

    you say

    “I’m going to have to go around everyone and just do it.”

    SUBMIT, SUBMIT, SUBMIT that is the position of a servant, (slave) by doing so you are not submitting to their power, you are submitting to GOD, that means you will be doing HIS WILL.
    If you are where HE wants you to be (In His Will) then He is able to use you.
    God is able to teach those kids more through your obedience to Him, than through a lesson plan.

    Eph 6:12
    12) For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
    13) Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

    Be blessed in Jesus


  2. michael says:

    Hi Jesse,

    In your current ministry situation, I would stick with subjects that your team can accept, even if its not the whole gospel. Teach on the law, sin, the cross, the resurrection, grace, mercy, forgiveness, relationships, holiness, consecration. These things are the most important. If you get a chance to go further that is fine, but the things I’ve just mentioned will be foundations for the kids you reach.

    At the same time, if you can find another ministry opportunity where you can speak freely on pentecostal issues and practice them, so much the better. Maybe you can even find some ministers you can respect and learn from more. That would be more ideal.

    We’re just not going to be able to sort everyone out. All we have to do then is follow the Great Commission and the leading of the Holy Spirit, and be helpful with what God has given us.

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